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kalos

*** Lets Smile ***

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My wife said: "Can my mother come visit us for the weekend"

 

So I said: "Why?' 

 

 she said: "Just that she's camped in our  garden for two weeks already"
 

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Two drunks sat on a bench 

 

1st  Drunk  ..." Have you heard the prince of wales has corona virus ! "

 

2nd  Drunk ....  " (Hic) That's OK as I'm barred from that Pub anyway":classic_wacko::classic_wacko:

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    I once saw a man trick a vegan into eating real cheese. .......How dairy .:classic_ohmy:

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Computer handy tips 

 

I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say......

 

...."Your password is incorrect".:classic_wink:

Edited by kalos

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Did you know that the Scots invented hypnosis, chloroform and the hypodermic syringe.

 

Wouldn't it just be easier to talk to their wives ? :classic_smile:
 

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                                    I love the way the Earth rotates. It really makes my day .:classic_cool:

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     I was wondering what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet and TV.

 

    So I asked my 14 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either. :classic_unsure:

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From my local newspaper.......

 

SOUTHAMPTON WOMAN HOSPITALISED FOLLOWING FALL FROM HORSE

 

I find it unbelieveable that the stupid woman would go horse-riding when folk have been implored not to do anything which might risk injury and put pressure on our over-worked National Health Service. 

 

The woman explained that the horse started at a gentle canter, then went faster & faster & she couldn't stop it.

Eventually she tried to jump off, but a foot got caught in a stirrup.

Fortunately an eagle-eyed security officer at Sainsbury's Southampton store saw the accident, and stopped the horse. He then wisely confiscated all her loose change so that she couldn't then go on the store's elephant ride.

 

JB :classic_smile:

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I once walked past a homeless man with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you."

 

I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he was right.:classic_unsure:
 

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That's the last time I'm using Farm Foods delivery service.

 

I Bought a fresh chicken earlier to make some sandwiches.. biggest waste of time !

 

It Just runs around the kitchen clucking and crapping  all over the place.:classic_ohmy:

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Advice in these worrying times 

 

 

                   For all of you out there worried about putting food on the table.......   

 

                        ....use a plate :classic_smile:

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33 minutes ago, kalos said:

Advice in these worrying times 

 

 

                   For all of you out there worried about putting food on the table.......   

 

                        ....use a plate :classic_smile:

or clean the table before and after'.

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There are 3 types of people in this world - those that can count and those that can't.

 

"So many cats, too few recipes" atrib to Sandy Toksvig.

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