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kalos

*** Lets Smile ***

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My wife complained  'You never take me anywhere expensive anymore'.

I told her "Right get your coat on". She says Why? Where we going?'  

"The petrol station." I told her, which seemed to upset her even more.  

I gave her a hug and said " Look once this lockdown is over, I will order a table one evening and take you out "

She seems happy now but I don't know why really, as last time I booked a table,she only managed to pot one ball.:classic_wacko:
 

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                            🎶🎤🎸    IT'S THE TEN WEEKS OF LOCKDOWN SHOWTIME  🎶🎤🎸

 

                 As we come out of this just remember to wash your hands,just like Tom does :classic_smile:

 

 

   

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A Big Thank You From Me :classic_smile:

 

Ten weeks of lockdown and thanking the NHS and other workers .
I have posted everyday to keep peoples spirits up and also with the help of a few others,thanks to them,

it has been fun but I think now's the time to move it from daily to me just dropping into the pub every now and then ,

which I will do .

I thought It best to post something just in case you thought something had happened to me .
Please keep posting . Thank you .
As the shops begin to open ,remember to take care,some things will be more expensive out there .:classic_unsure:
Hope you enjoyed the jokes  ,stay in if you need to  ,stay safe and take care .
              Catch you later ,thank you  and remember   , keep on smiling  !   

 

Kalos:classic_biggrin::classic_biggrin::classic_biggrin:
 

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                                          684674438_nhsthanks.png.7a91e7fbf94c7143480dd757186e130c.png

                   Thankyou3-300x168.png.031d2f08c32ae3f8719601169ab62f81.pngThankyou3-300x168.png.031d2f08c32ae3f8719601169ab62f81.png

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3 hours ago, kalos said:

A Big Thank You From Me :classic_smile:

 

Ten weeks of lockdown and thanking the NHS and other workers .
I have posted everyday to keep peoples spirits up and also with the help of a few others,thanks to them,

it has been fun but I think now's the time to move it from daily to me just dropping into the pub every now and then ,

which I will do .

I thought It best to post something just in case you thought something had happened to me .
Please keep posting . Thank you .
As the shops begin to open ,remember to take care,some things will be more expensive out there .:classic_unsure:
Hope you enjoyed the jokes  ,stay in if you need to  ,stay safe and take care .
              Catch you later ,thank you  and remember   , keep on smiling  !   

 

Kalos:classic_biggrin::classic_biggrin::classic_biggrin:
 


Thanks Kalos. I haven’t posted anything but I have enjoyed reading.

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Kalos, thank you so much for making us laugh! 

Sorry I haven't contributed as been busy with over 100 ladies from my town sewing face masks for key workers, but I have checked in now and again when I needed a smile! 

We may meet on a cruise sometime - hopefully you will be the comedian!

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On 5/28/2020 at 10:52 AM, kalos said:

A Big Thank You From Me :classic_smile:

And a big thank you from me 😘

You've kept me smiling  through a lot kalos. I know you have you're own worries but you've managed to keep us all laughing with your jokes and the entertainment bought back some good memories. You can let Des O'connor have his joke book back now. See you on the forum. 

Avril x

 

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So thanks to Kalos and all the other's that have contributed to the thread but especially to the Health workers all around the world. They are always working hard but have stepped up when the going got worse.

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Perhaps it is Covid-19 related but this is the sort of reporting that has some country's death rates due to Covid being discounted as false or even undercounted.😝

 

 

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Yes, Mic, that was a sly dig at over-reporting. :classic_wink:

But for every instance of over-reporting there's another for under-reporting.:classic_rolleyes:

Three types of lies, as Winnie Churchill said - "lies, damned lies, and statistics"

 

 

On to a lighter matter.

UK's lock-down has started to relax - folk can now meet up in groups of up to six.:classic_smile:

But that has caused a problem :classic_biggrin: ..............................

 

Image may contain: text that says "The Seven Dwarves have been told that from Monday, they can meet in groups of six. One of them isn't Happy."

 

JB :classic_smile:

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95085874_589688751649855_3190007450669416448_n.jpg?_nc_cat=108&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_oc=AQlbrNjnmRR3y3MgpBotyHtIExF4qU_h3j3LI-1zwbWSVGE-euS3G-WKMBY75AD-AIE&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&oh=63c87036f5a2f3e8e7311e97adc99d74&oe=5EFA80BB

 

JB ...............................50cm.................................100cm..............................150cm.............................:classic_smile:

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JB ...............................50cm.................................100cm..............................150cm.............................:classic_smile:

 

I really appreciate the lengths you go to JB :classic_wink::classic_smile:

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1 hour ago, kalos said:

JB ...............................50cm.................................100cm..............................150cm.............................:classic_smile:

 

I really appreciate the lengths you go to JB :classic_wink::classic_smile:

 

 

 

50cm

 

 

 

100cm

 

 

 

150cm

 

 

 

200cm  Please socially distance your response, kalos                                                                                      :classic_rolleyes: :classic_biggrin:

 

 

JB                                                                                                                                                                                 :classic_smile:

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A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before".

So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "mmm... that was some good lion meat!".

The lion abruptly stops and says "woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can".

Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily "get on my back, we'll get him together".

So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts "where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago..."

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An Englishmen, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are watching a street magician perform his routine from a good distance away. Half way through, the magician looks around and notices how far away the men are and asks, "Can you see me ok?"

"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sí"
"Ja"

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This test is specially designed to confirm thought reaction for fast drivers with high IQ

 

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your left side is a 'drop off' , (The ground is 18-24 inches below the level you are travelling on),
And on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you ...
In front of you is a galloping horse , which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it .
Behind you is a galloping zebra . Both the horse and zebra are also travelling at the same speed as you .
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation ?

 

For the answer, click and drag your mouse from star to star.

 

 

     * Get off the merry-go-round you fool, you're drunk:classic_smile:
 

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4 hours ago, kalos said:

 

 

For the answer, click and drag your mouse from star to star.

 

 

     * Get off the merry-go-round you fool, you're drunk:classic_smile:
 

 

Fancy trick, techno-nerd. :classic_smile:

Can you please tell a techno-dummy how you did that? :classic_huh:

And can it be done on other inter-web sites like Faceache?

(asking for a friend)

 

JB :classic_smile:

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18 minutes ago, John Bull said:

 

Fancy trick, techno-nerd. :classic_smile:

Can you please tell a techno-dummy how you did that? :classic_huh:

And can it be done on other inter-web sites like Faceache?

(asking for a friend)

 

JB :classic_smile:

Hi JB

Tell your mate to alter text by highlighting  the words and the change colour to white .

Providing you can change the colour using any site it should work.  :classic_wink:

 

MESSAGE FOR JB  *      Hope that helps ,have a nice day *:classic_smile:

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Posted (edited)
46 minutes ago, kalos said:

Hi JB

Tell your mate to alter text by highlighting  the words and the change colour to white .

Providing you can change the colour using any site it should work.  :classic_wink:

 

MESSAGE FOR JB  *      Hope that helps ,have a nice day *:classic_smile:

 

Got it !! Many thanks kalos :classic_smile:

 

Next I'll try it on Faceache

 

JB :classic_smile:

Edited by John Bull

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Posted (edited)

We won't be sailing Regent Seven Seas Explorer  this year, because of COVID-19

 

For more detail,  click and drag your mouse from star to star................

 

* Previously we haven't sailed Regent Seven Seas Explorer because we can't afford it

 

JB :classic_smile:

Edited by John Bull

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7 hours ago, John Bull said:

We won't be sailing Regent Seven Seas Explorer

 

It must be catching as we will not be booking for the same reason.:classic_unsure:

 

I see you have mastered the missing text ... Magic or what ? :classic_smile:

 

Talking of magic..............     How do you make the number one disappear? .

 

Highlight the stars below to make "one" disappear  ! :classic_ohmy:

 

 

                     🌠 ** Add the letter G and then hey presto—it's Gone !  **🌠
 

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Another lock-down parody. Neatly written & performed

 

 

 

JB :classic_smile:

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Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.

"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.  
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".  
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet". :classic_wacko:
 

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