Jump to content

*** Lets Smile ***


kalos
 Share

Recommended Posts

On 1/16/2021 at 4:49 AM, kalos said:

 @HostBonjour :classic_biggrin:

 

I thought we could give you a helping hand by cleaning up this page :classic_smile::classic_unsure:

 

FB_IMG_1610736046761.jpg.0ff81f71a4569861df76e99ad6bb7360.jpg

 

Puns on Cruise Critic...I have to check in the community guidelines about this.... 😂

 

(What would we have done without laughter all these months?? Thanks for this one, and for keeping everyone's spirits up with great humor all year. 🤗😍)

 

 

 

 

  • Thanks 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

The Pope was once  handing out miracles to kids in Liverpool.
Billy walks up and asks him, ''Can you you help me with my hearing?'' 
The Pope says. ''Yes'' and puts his hands over Billy's ears and prays.

He then removes his hands and says, '' How is your hearing now?''
Billy says, '' I don't know it's not until next Wednesday'' :classic_biggrin:

  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

                                         

                                     :classic_unsure: Virus Reminder Alert :classic_ohmy:

 

 

Whilst we are talking about the horrible things like no haircuts due to this lockdown 
we need to be mindful of the other dangers out there . Ok the figures have really fallen 
due to the closure of pubs and football grounds but we need to remind ourselves 
that this other devastating and little understood virus  is waiting out there to get 
us as soon as we step out again ... 

Man Flu – The Facts…

1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact*.
*(Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.)

 

2. Man-Flu is not ‘just a cold’. It is a condition so severe that the germs from a single

Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the rainforest. And

probably loads of monkeys too.

 

3. Women do not contract Man-Flu. At worst they suffer from what is medically recognised

as a ‘Mild Girly Sniffle’ – which, if a man caught, he would still be able to run, throw a ball,

tear the phone book in half and compete in all other kinds of manly activities.


4. Men do not ‘moan’ when they have Man-Flu. They emit involuntary groans of agony that

are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain they are in.

 

5. Full recovery from Man-Flu will take place much quicker if their simple requests for care,

sympathy and regular cups of tea are met. Is that really so much to ask?

Florence Nightingale would have done it :classic_unsure:

 

6. More men die each year from MFN (Man-Flu Neglect) than lots and lots of other things.

(Like rabbit attacks or choking on toast).

 

7. Men suffering from Man-Flu want nothing more than to get out of bed and come to work,

but they are too selfless to risk spreading this awful condition amongst their friends and

colleagues. In this sense, they are the greatest heroes this country has ever known.

 

8. In 1982 scientists managed to simulate the agonising symptoms of full blown Man-Flu in

a female chimp. She became so ill that her head literally fell off.

 

9. Man-Flu germs are more powerful than He-Man, The Thundercats and The A-Team combined. They are too strong for weak, nasty tasting ‘lady medicines’ like Lemsip, so don’t bother trying to force them on a victim of Man-Flu.

 

10. While it may seem like a Man-Flu sufferer is just lying around enjoying "Scrap Heap Challenge" it is a commonly recognised medical fact that the exact pitch and frequency of Dick Strawbridge's voice has remarkable soothing powers.

 

Every minute in this country one man is struck down by Man-Flu. Women, all we ask is that each of you offers them a cup of tea, some kind words and your undivided attention and care. Then maybe, just maybe, we’ll beat this monstrous disease together…   Thank you :classic_smile:
 

                                 Stay safe lads it's still out there! :classic_ohmy:

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

                    A quick look at the  news :classic_unsure:

 

596750987_papernews3.jpg.112aea94d7f7bb83438ab3d6f3a51ba6.jpg

 

                                              1911521392_papernews2.jpg.48be751dd4fb5e62a5b0ebadba95a3b0.jpg

 

1747311584_papernews1.thumb.jpg.c9c5105a67e80f95e46a604d4a0b26cf.jpg

 

More news to follow  :classic_wink: ....

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Two cruise passengers are lounging on sun beds reading. One notices that the other is reading a Che Guervara book.

He turns to her and asks “Have you read Marx?”

“Yes” she replies. “I think it’s from sitting on these deck chairs so long.”

 

A magician was working on a cruise ship. He performed the same tricks each week for new passengers.

The captain’s pet parrot came to all the shows and eventually figured out how all the tricks worked. He started to shout out during the shows. “It’s up his sleeve” and suchlike spoiling the tricks.

The magician was really annoyed but couldn’t do anything as the parrot belonged to the captain.

One night, the ship sank. The magician found himself stranded on a desert island along with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred for days never uttering a word.

Finally after five days the parrot couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Okay, I give up” he said “What did you do with the ship?”

 

 

The old ones are the best, sorry if you have heard them before.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 3/27/2021 at 10:03 PM, dwhe said:

Two cruise passengers are lounging on sun beds reading. One notices that the other is reading a Che Guervara book.

He turns to her and asks “Have you read Marx?”

“Yes” she replies. “I think it’s from sitting on these deck chairs so long.”

 

A magician was working on a cruise ship. He performed the same tricks each week for new passengers.

The captain’s pet parrot came to all the shows and eventually figured out how all the tricks worked. He started to shout out during the shows. “It’s up his sleeve” and suchlike spoiling the tricks.

The magician was really annoyed but couldn’t do anything as the parrot belonged to the captain.

One night, the ship sank. The magician found himself stranded on a desert island along with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred for days never uttering a word.

Finally after five days the parrot couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Okay, I give up” he said “What did you do with the ship?”

 

 

The old ones are the best, sorry if you have heard them before.

Apology excepted.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was bored and housebound with all the Covid rules, and found "the Pub" while browsing through Cruise Critic.   I started on page one and went through to the end over a few days, and was never disappointed.  Although I'm in Canada, I'm originally Welsh, so get a lot of the British humour.  I read the jokes aloud to my husband and he laughs so hard at some that he gets tears in his eyes.  I just wanted to thank all the Pub contributers, and especially the regulars for helping us all get through this difficult time.  Bless you all. Nicole and Dave

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lol, after 18 months lockdown we're quite good at cutting each others hair. However she won't let me dye her hair because last time I missed a few bits around the ears. I reminded her she was 65 and therefore quite normal to have the odd patch of grey 😏

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 4/9/2021 at 3:10 PM, John Bull said:

(Yes, I'm pretty bored today)

 

Not long now pubs will soon be open :classic_smile:

 

This service could be handy   .........

 

FB_IMG_1616859444721.jpg.9f852972375ab07bb31dd873651f2d4a.jpg

  • Like 3
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

  • Forum Jump
    • Categories
      • Thank You for 25 Years - Click for Fun Stuff!
      • Forum Assistance
      • New Cruisers
      • Cruise Lines “A – O”
      • Cruise Lines “P – Z”
      • River Cruising
      • ROLL CALLS
      • Digital Photography & Cruise Technology
      • Special Interest Cruising
      • Cruise Discussion Topics
      • UK Cruising
      • Australia & New Zealand Cruisers
      • Canadian Cruisers
      • North American Homeports
      • Ports of Call
      • Cruise Conversations
×
×
  • Create New...