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Reggae Party

Conquest 11/14-11/21 by "Reggae Party"

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Hi Everyone,

I was a "single" cabin user,(#7205 handicapped room w/window and as front & center as you can get) late booker (Nov.8th) passenger on the Conquest. I'm not handicapped, but, this late in the game, that's where they put me. I didn't know what cabin I was in until I got to the pier. I was prepared for a "bottom of the boat/inside room", but, really lucked out! The handicapped rooms are quite roomy. The bathroom was really spacious in order to accomodate wheelchairs. I didn't have any docs, obviously, booking 6 days before the sailing date, but it wasn't a problem.


I've sailed on Carnival 3 times before (Imagination-Halloween '96, Victory-inaugrual cruise '98? & Spirit 10/27/02 inaugrual cruise) and have always had an awesome time. Went on Royal Carribean, in between, but will stick with Carnival. I'm a late nighter, who loves the disco and Carnival's disco's always rock into the wee hours. (Followed by the "3:00am Stagger Parade" to the pizza place.)


Sunday, Nov. 14-Cleve. to New Orleans. 2:17pm. Grabbed luggage, caught cab to pier (23 minute ride, $23.00.) No hassle from baggage handlers begging for tips, like in Miami. No traffic, no waiting, went straight into terminal. Sat for 15 min., then had to stand in line for 25 minutes, while Carnival begins the endless amount of "photo opportunities". If only we could have by-passed the Carnival Photographers, it would have been a quick walk-on.


It was my first time having a cabin to myself and I loved it. (I did pay as much as 2 passengers, but, I expected that. Carnival doesn't give any breaks on that.) I wasn't really "alone" on the cruise. My "body guards," John & Larry, came in the night before, to party in NO and chase the women. You're never really "alone", if you like to meet new people. (OK, I was only alone when J&L were hunting "wild Bikinis", which was from sunrise 6:26am to sunset 5:05pm. But, it was their vacation,too.) Between the 3 of us, we all met a bunch of new friends, that we introduced to each other and in return, added to the fun.


Found cabin #7205, dropped off carry-on, incredibly ran into John & Larry in hall (we ended up on the same floor) and headed to the back of the ship's pool bar to begin the destruction of our livers! (My bar bill +$500.00. My recollection of some events-"0". Buying the pictures of the unrecollected events-BIG BUCKS & still paying for it. The fun I had on this vacation-Priceless.


Lunch was available to everyone who boarded early (1:30pm-3?). Life Boat Drill-approx. 5:15pm. Atlantic Deck 4. Don't try & hide from going to this mandatory event. It makes everyone else have to wait for you to get your butt out there, and it's hot in the life jackets. Also...DON'T think you're the first person to put your lips on the whistle that is attached to your life jacket. (Unless, you're the loud, obnoxious type. Please, toot away!) Drinks are not allowed to be brought to the drill. It went rather quickly, and we could get back to getting acquainted with the bar staff.


6:00pm-The ship leaves New Orleans, by going down the "muddy Mississip" and out to the ocean. The casino opens shortly, once we're in International waters. There are 2 restaurants for dining and 4 dining times. Main seating is 6:00 & late seating is 8:00-Monet dining room. 6:30 & 8:30 for the Renoir dining room. Look on your Sign & Sail card for your dining room,seating time & table #. 1st night was casual, no shorts or tank tops.


Formal Nights were Monday & Thursday. Attire was from "The Queen must be coming!" to tennis shoes with a suit. Some guy had a screen-printed "tux t-shirt" on in the casino. I don't know if he actually wore it at dinner. Mostly, suit jackets & ties for the guys and a "well-accessorized" dress or pantsuit for the women. (Yes, husbands, new jewelry IS requirred for the wives.) Remember, it IS vacation. If you aren't "into" formal, the pizza place is open 24 hours and it really is good! Heck, we all changed out of our fancy clothes as soon as dinner was over, anyways.


My routine, so you'll know what kind of cruise passenger you are dealing with, goes something like this...9am-breakfast on pool deck, tan, drink, read, drink, Oops...apply sun block, drink, shake head in disbelief on how some overweight, middle-aged men think wearing Speedo's makes them look sexy, take BIG drink, watch pool games, drink, listen to calypso band, drink, spot John & Larry looking like stalkers with cameras,drink, question self "why are so many older women are sporting tattoos??" eat lunch(repeat the list, starting at "drink").


6:00pm shower, dress for dinner, head to casino, drink, lose quarters in slots, drink,go to lobby to listen to piano music, meet new bartender, drink,

8:00pm dinner. Quit drinking during dinner. Laugh so much with J&L, I almost have my drink come out my nose. Check out Vladimir's, (our waiter's) butt. Nice.

9:30 head to casino bar. Disco opens at 10:00pm.

10:30-Head to disco at w/ J&L. John talks us into trying sushi at the sushi bar. Umm...yuck? Wasabi is NOT the sweet sauce!! Look at moronic friends laughing/crying and make note to self "take J&L off Christmas card list".

11:00pm-Go to disco. Dance in chair. Loser friends won't dance with me. Decide, "It is too OK for women to ask men to dance." Choose victim. Dance, drink, dance, dance, dance, drink. Switch dance victims. (Repeat.) "Angela" is MY waitress for the rest of the cruise, since she's really nice and humored my friends, while we secretly made fun of them.

3:30ish am???-Close disco. Go to poolside pizza and pool bar. Eat, drink shots of "Sex on the Beach." Drink more shots of whatever the heck Larry ordered. Black out. Memory erased the walk from bar to cabin.

10:00am-Wake up, clothed AND with 2 pairs of socks on? Larry said I kept spilling my drink on him on the walk back. Larry lies. John said, Larry had tried to fix my bathroom door, but he couldn't fix it. John's a Neandrathal and wears women's granny panties! John escorts me back to my cabin to show me my "broken" door. (Yeah, right!) And.....uh, I end up apologizing to John and thank him for fixing my freakin' door. Pick up cabin phone, call "Betty Ford Clinic" and make reservations for next week,ask for the corner room. (The one that looks out at the fountain.)


OK, this is getting too long and this was just the 1st day of the cruise. I may or may not continue on with this story. But, bottom line...we had a great time. We had fun in every port and met a lot of wonderful people. The crew on this ship was awesome. 2 thumbs up!


Reggae Party

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Episode 2 "Theory of the Mysterious Sleep Attire"


When we last left off, I had awoke, fully clothed and wearing 2 pairs of socks. "What's up with that?" you ask.

Hey, don't think I wasn't wondering the same thing to myself. Of which, I've come up with several theories...


Positive Theory- "I have really good friends that dump my sorry self into my cabin, and leave me clothed. And add the socks on my feet, because they know I'm a freeze baby. Chivalry Lives!"




Negative Theory-"John and Larry took advantage of a "money-making/photo opportunity" that would cover the cost of their trip, bar tabs, and future vacations & bar tabs. (Kinda like the Carnival Photographers.) Only, these weren't in the picture gallery. No. They were put on a website. And sold to guys in prison. And made into gross greeting cards (sold exclusively at Spencers Gifts-you know the type.)


Even after all their hard work and creative marketing skills, they were still not the sharpest tools in the shed!


They slipped up, when it came time to conceal their "Larry (&John) Flynt Photo Shoot." Men know how to get the clothes OFF women, but,to put the clothes back ON is as foreign to them as putting a toilet seat down.

Fashion Faux Paux (sp?).

In an effort to make everything look "perfectly natural", John told Larry "Throw an extra pair of socks on her for good measure!" Another sign of men trying to "overcompensate?" Perhaps.(Leaving it up to Larry to pick the sock color all by himself.)

Big mistake.

Any woman knows....You don't wear brown socks with a black pantsuit!"

(Note to self..."Begin rumor at local watering hole, questioning John & Larry's sexual preferences.")




Most Likely Theory

"Alcohol, when consumed in large quantities, causes really, really, really cold feet and bad fashion sense." That's the theory I'm sticking with! Yep!

(unless.....uh.......some of you have actually SEEN some rude, lewd and "socially unacceptable" photos floating around the ship, last week?)


I'm feeling a little ill...


Reggae Party

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May I please get some input on that cabin? Was there much motion? Is this an oceanview cabin? How many beds? What wathe catagory? thanks. :)

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As you can see...I've been playing with my "fonts." (And I like it.)

Hmmmm, July? I'll have to wait & see on that one. If I'm not in "Betty's House of Souse" (detox), I may be getting my 5th series of Botoxx. It's a crazy life. But, I'll pencil you in. How's that?


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My cabin was directly under the bridge. I had a good sized window to look out of. There was a balcony outside my window, but the window is reflective, so people can't see me watching them. (Which could be pretty funny.)


I didn't have a problem with movement of the ship. But, swaying is a natural state of being when I'm on vacation.


There were 2 twin beds, both pushed against the length of the left side of the room. A night table with a light separated the beds. There was plenty of closet space (3) and drawers. The bathroom was to the right. It was huge. The shower area has a pull down seat, which can be interesting in itself.


Imagine the size of a wheelchair, and then, imagine sitting in it with your legs stretched straight out. Now, picture someone behind it, spinning you around. The bathroom area is larger than most regular cabins. I don't know what category it's considered, since I never saw any paperwork relating to my room. I was supposed to get a "1A" bottom of the boat dungeon, as far as I knew. But, I guess they felt bad for me shelling out so much for a "single."


It had a TV, refridgerator(I think. It was locked the whole time, though.) And a little bar area (unstocked by Carnival, but, "restocked" by American Tourister"carry on.")


Unless you're handicapped, I doubt that you can ask for it. There were quite a lot of folks in wheelchairs on this cruise. It was a really nice room, the little time that I was in it.


(I don't like this font. I'll have to try another! I'm new to all the bells & whistles.)

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Or, as Bob Hope would say "Thanks for the memories..." not to be confused with Hugh Hefner "Thanks for your "mammaries!"(.)(.)


Now, how old are all the people on these message boards, SGriff17? Because, I'm not a "role model" for healthy livers....er..living. As I like to say "If you can't be a "good example", be a dire warning."


I will tell you about our "port parodies" but, it'll be at the "Midnight Adult Comedy" show, whenever that may be. I'm heading out to celebrate my birthday at the local watering hole, tonight. I'll be hooking up with "Laurel & Hardy", my "traveling/drinking companions" to relive the previous week.


My memory may actually be refreshed. (I still doubt I'll learn how my bathroom door got broken.)


Thanks for the kind words of encouragement regarding my "creative writing skills." It's basically, me talking to myself, and, like swaying, that, too is a natural state of being for me.


Have a great turkey day!



I miss Erma. :(

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Other than 2 or 6, I think we have ALL ages covered. As for me, I'm 24 :)


Looking to get crazy in T MINUS (Whatever the clock says below...)

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I am really looking forward to reading more episodes from you....yours is one of the funniest reviews (not to mention creative and interesting) that I've read in ages.

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In the meantime.......I have to go chop celery & onions for the stuffing. It'll be a lot like last week, on my cruise. Drink (family is coming in), chop, drink (you don't know my mother), sautee, sip, (gotta slow down a little. Safety first.) Bake, clean, drink (makes cleaning more fun) vaccumm cat, drink, watch some of the parade, set timer, sit on couch, rest, drink,eat, nap, drink, yadda, yadda, yadda... Wake up fat.



Episode 3 is being saved for "sweeps week." We'll be running "*re-runs", until then. (*Re-read Episode 2.)


Have a Happy Thanksgiving! :)

Reggae Party

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Fun Day at Sea..........This is out of the Carnival Capers daily paper. I don't travel with children and I don't work out, so I didn't include those activities into this list. I hope this gives you a little insight into the many activities and "feeding times" that are available in one day.


Monday, Nov. 14, 2004


Today's Drink Special "Island Delight"

$2.95 or $6.25 in Souvenir (plastic)glass

Taste of Nations-Nation of the day is Japanese

Tonight is Formal Night

Bacardi & diet coke $4.89 (tax & tip included)


6:00am-Gym opens

6:30am-Continental Breakfast, Coffee & Danish (Restaurant Cezanne Deck 9)

7:30am-10:30am Breakfast On Lido, Buffet Style

(Breakfast Buffet is served until 12pm from the forward service lines, near the Main Pool.)

8:00am-10:30am Open seating Breakfast (Monet Dining Room, Deck 3 Aft)


Bloody Mary's at Pool Bar for $2.95


Tour of the Conquest Lounges (Meets at Spa Carnival, Deck 11)

Tahiti Casino Slots Open


Gaming Lessons-Poker,Black Jack, Roulette, Craps (Casino)

Casino Tables Open 10:30am-12noon Bonus Point Slots

(Casino remains open until the early hours)

10:00am-Music Trivia (Toulouse Lautrec Lounge)

Bridge & Card Players meet (Alfred's bar, Deck4 Aft)

10-11:00am or 3-4:00pm The Painter's Library Opens (Atlantic Deck 4)

10:30 am Jackpot Bingo Time-$1,000 to be Won! (Toulouse Latrec Lounge)

11:00am-Port of Call Talk with Cruise Director (Toulouse Lautrec Lounge)


12:00 noon-2:30 Sun Lover's Lunch, Restaurant Cezanne, (Deck 9)

P.C.'s Wok-Oriental Fare

Paul's Deli-Fresh Sandwiches (Serves from 11:00am-11:00pm)

The Grille-Steaks,Burgers & Fries (Serves lunch until 6:00pm)

Sur Mer Seafood Delights (Upper level of Lido Restaurant)

The Rotisserie-Hot dogs

12:00noon-2:00pm Open seating Lunch Monet Dining Room (Deck 3 Aft)


12:00 Golf Putting Contest (Deck 3 Lobby)

1:30pm-Free Full Swing Clinic (Golf Cage, Deck 11 Aft)

Private Lessons available 2:00pm-4:00pm


Ice Carving & Hairy Chest Competition (Lido Deck 9)

$500 Slot Tournament Begins

Jazz Music & Bloody Mary's (Alfred's Bar, Deck 4 Under Disco)

Champagne Art Auction Preview (Degas Lounge, Deck 5 Aft)

1:30 Art Auction begins

2:00pm-3:00pm Wine Testing Seminar (Point Supper Club, Deck 10)

3:00 Horse Racing at Carnival Conquest Downs (Toulouse Lautrec Lounge)

3:30 Austin Powers Dance Class (Toulouse Lautrec Lounge)

3:30-4:30pm Tea Time (Alfred's Bar, Deck 4)

4:00 Bingo, 4 Games for $20 -Cash prize starts at $100 & goes up

(Toulouse Lautrec Lounge)


5:00pm-6:00pm Captain's Formal Night Cocktail Party for Early Seating

7:15pm-8:15pm Captain's Formal Night Cocktail Party for Late Seating

*****COMPLIMENTARY Cocktails & hors d'oeuvres******

(Degas, Vincent's, Henri's & Blue lounges) Deck 5 Aft

5:45pm Early Seating & 8:00pm Late-Monet Dining Room (Deck 3 & 4 Aft)

6:15pm Early Seating & 8:30pm Late-Renoir Dining Room (Deck 3 & 4 Forward)

6:00pm-9:30pm-Casual Dining Restaurant Cezanne

Varied selections from the grille & salad bar

6:00pm-9:30pm "The Point" Supper Club, Deck 10 ($25.00? per person)

(reservations needed & jackets required for men)

*****Complimentary 8"x10" Photo for Point dining guests*****

24 hour Pizzeria (Lido Deck 9 Aft)

24 hour Room Service (Tip at time of service)



8:30pm & 10:30pm Formidable, Las Vegas-style Dance Show

(Toulouse Lautrec Lounge)

9:30pm-12:30am Karaoke Fun in Vincent's Lounge (Deck 5)

12:00am Midnight Adult Comedy Show (Toulouse Lautrec Lounge)

11:00am-4:00am-Cocktails at Aft Pool Bar (Lido Deck 9)

Set watches FORWARD 1 hour


The activities of my bachelor friends & myself will have to wait another day. But, I really wish I had a camera for one incident that happened on the pool deck. Or better yet, a video camera for America's Funniest Home Videos. Larry could have won us $10,000.00!

Reggae Party

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I am also interested in what Larry did! Also, could you find it in your heart to list the capers for the youth 2-5 group for that day? Thanks for the funny review!

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...but, it didn't! It happened to Larry. I don't know where I was when this incident occured. Probably had my head buried in a book or having lunch. Remember, these guys are on the prowl most of the day, and I try to steer clear. (So, no one would get the wrong idea and think one of them was actually with me! Egad, perish the thought!)


As John told me....He and Larry found a great spot on the pool deck, next to some "hot babes" in bikinis. They got situated on their lounge chairs. John, taking off his shirt, since he was already wearing his suit. And, Larry, got out of his jogging shorts, because he had his suit on underneath it. Nothing unusual, there.


Larry decides to go have a cigarette in the smoking section of the deck. John continues to take in the sun and sunbathers. Larry comes back and sits down on his chair. John's not paying attention to him, since his eyes are closed. Again, nothing out of the ordinary.


Now, John said, they were sitting there a good hour or so. And right next to a couple of gorgeous women. After awhile, John sits up in his lounger and notices a new bikini on deck. He says to Larry, "Check this one out." So, Larry sits up and admires the scenery. Out of his peripheral (sp?) vision, he thinks to himself "Why am I seeing white, when my bathing suit is dark blue?"


John said he never saw Larry move so fast, as he grabbed his bathing suit off the arm of the lounger and jumped into it. I guess, Larry wasn't paying attention and removed his swimsuit when he got back from his smoke, thinking he was wearing his shorts over his suit. Poor Larry was so embarrassed. He had been sitting there, for over an hour without his suit on and neither he nor John noticed. Luckily, the white he saw wasn't his pasty white body. PHEW! He had his underwear on.


Larry said, at that point he didn't want to get up and walk away, fearing he would see too many people laughing at his "fashion faux pas". He decided to roll over on his stomach, close his eyes and pray no one noticed. Unfortunately for Larry, John's not a "quiet laugher", so a few may have turned his way.


Yes, he's still getting teased about it, back home. The "Vegas-style pact" Larry & John made, regarding "what goes on, on the ship-stays on the ship"....well, I never agreed to any of that. I guess, from now on, we'll have to "brief" Larry on appropriate pool attire. It could have been worse. He could have been in his birthday suit!


If only John had caught it on video! :eek:

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Alrighty, I am big hearted. (No snide jokes from the Peanut Gallery, please.)


Copied from the Capers paper:

"The orientation meeting is where you'll find all the information you need about our award-winning children's program. All parents please attend!"

*Sunrise & Sunset times based on Nov. 14-21, 2004. They'll differ, depending when you go on your cruise.


Camp Carnival

Day 1, Sunday

Ship begins loading-1:30pm


Ship Sets Sail-6:00pm


1:30pm Children's Playroom Open for Viewing-Children's World, Deck 12 Fwd

Strollers available for rent. First come, first serve, fees apply.


7:30pm Orientation Meeting (For kids aged 2-11 with their parents) Degas Lounge, Deck 5 Aft


8:00pm-8:45pm Camp Carnival Family Welcome Aboard Party-Henri's Disco, Deck 5


8:45pm-9:15pm Camp Carnival Family Icecream Sundae Making-Restaurant Cezanne, Upstairs, Deck 10 Aft


9:15pm Family Ship Tour, Meets at Restaurant Cezanne, upstairs, deck 10, Aft.



Day 2, Monday-Fun Day at Sea



9:00am-11:00am Late Registration-Children's World Playroom, Deck 12 Fwd


12:00noon-2:00pm Under 2 time*

*Families can come in and play or drop kids off for $6.00 an hour.


6:15pm Camp Carnival "Coke"tail Party at Henri's Disco, Deck 5

Move clocks forward 1 hr.


Day 3, Tuesday-Fun Day at Sea



12:00noon-2:00pm Under 2 year old Playtime, Playroom


2:00pm-2:30pm Family Scavenger Hunt & Karaoke, Vincent's Lounge, Deck 5


Day 4, Wednesday-Jamaica

(arrival approx. 8:00am/reboard, no later than 5:00pm. Ship sails at 5:30pm)



8:00am-2:00pm Free Play (11 & under) Playroom


5:45pm Kid's Dinner-Restaurant Cezanne, Deck 10


Day 5, Thursday-Grand Cayman

(arrival approx. 7:00am, Last tender to ship at 3:00pm)


Formal Night


6:45am-2:00pm Free Play-Playroom


5:45pm Kid's Dinner-Cezanne, Deck 10


Day 6, Friday-Cozumel

(approx. arrival-9:30am, reboard no later than 5:30pm)


Ship sets sail at 6:00pm

Mardi Gras night


9:00am-2:00pm Free Play-Playroom


8:00pm-Movie Night-Playroom


Day 7, Saturday-Fun Day at Sea



9:45am-10:30am Talent Show Sign-up & rehearsals (Ages 2-5) Playroom


3:30pm Cookie Decorating/Ice Cream eating contest-Cezanne, Deck 10


4:15pm Camp Carnival Talent Show-Degas Lounge, Deck 5, Aft


Day 8, Sunday-Debarkation[/font :(


I hope this builds the excitement for your family's vacation!



Have a great time!

Reggae Party :)

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Poor Larry - although he deserves it for polluting the scenery and wearing SPEEDOS anyway :)

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:eek: Poor Larry, for his "Underpants Parade."

But, as far as men in Speedos, in general, are concerned.....


Here's a few questions....

(Feel free to respond if you know any of the answers.)


1.) Why is it always the overweight men in their late 50's, (that are also,so hairy, it looks as if they're wearing a sweater knitted by their mothers) who insist on parading around with.....well.......how do I put this?......uh....Well, you know? Some "things" should just be left up to the imagination and Speedos don't do it.


2.) Are these men "single or divorced" and just don't have any women in their lives to prevent them from nauseating the entire female population on the ship?!


3.) And, what's up with the women who escort the men, wearing that "get up?" (I always think, "He must be rich & she's gotta be his mistress.")


4.) Does it gross-out the other men on the ship?


5.) Is there any women who find this type of man in that type of swimming suit attractive?


6.) Am I alone in thinking that the thin strip of spandex, stretched to its "breaking point" (no pun intended) should be "outlawed" by the Pool Police?



I have nothing against older, hairy men with "well-defined" bellies. Really! I actually appreciate them. They have more life experience.They're warm in winter AND strong enough to toss my butt over their shoulder and carry me out of the bar when I've had too much to drink. They're the "manly men" of this world. (Instead of this new breed they're calling "metrosexuals"... Men with manicures? I don't think so, "Bennifer." Next thing I know, my eyeliner would come up missing.)


I just wish they'd take my advice, when I say...

"Large men, like elephants, look much more attractive with "trunks." But, that's just my opinion.




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Well, I can name it whatever I want. Larry's in the hospital & John only READS my "articles." He's too chicken to reply/rebuttal or refute any & all incidents that have been reported on this thread.


He did, however, warn me that, "his" story (of which I haven't written about, yet) may make a small category of people "miffed." But, hey-I'm NOT politically correct. I think all this "PC." business is out of control! So, for John's sake ONLY, I will put some thought (and a pinch of tact) into how I will word his Episode, titled "Careful How You Swish & Sway" on a Sunshiney Day, John-Boy!"


But, first, I'll go take my "Sensitivity Training Class!"

Note to self "Do not say h o m o-genized milk,.....phew! That was a close one!"


R.P. :eek:

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