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Reggae Party

Conquest 11/14-11/21 by "Reggae Party"

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.........and no hard, cold evidence to substantiate the accusations. :(

Only the testimony of a witness who drinks alot. But, it's true! All true, I tell ya!

Regarding the "Swish & Sway" Episode.....John really, really feels that it wouldn't be a good idea to put that one "on the air."

 

But ..... here'a an idea for a "Will & Grace" Episode....

Will and Jack are sitting at a table on the pool deck of a cruise ship. They're drinking "Pink Squirrels" (the drink special of the day) and "enjoying the scenery."

Out of the corner of his Ray Bans, Will sees a gorgeous, bronzed god (who looks Mexican, but he isn't) lumbering down the steps of the upper deck.

"Jack, will you look at the hunk, coming our way!" says Will, sitting up in his chair and removing his sunglasses.

"Oohhh, Jack likey! He's definitely a "Jack boy"!" Jack squeals and claps his hands together like a seal, begging for a fish.

"Hey, he looks familiar! Wasn't he a "tight end" for the Pittsburgh Steeler's, back in the 70's?" asks Will.

"Yow-w-w-w, a "tight end"! You slay me, Girlfriend!" Jack giggles, and slaps Will's hand.

"Ow" yipes Will like a little girl, "Not so hard!"

"That's what Enrico, my room steward said, last night!" retorted Jack, throwing his head back and filing his nails.

 

Just then, Jack's new interest,(the macho, mustached, man of muscle) pauses on the landing, before heading down the 2nd flight of stairs.

To the rhythem of the Carribean music being played behind him, the brick sh*thouse does a quick, little hula-like dance, swaying his hips to the music and then continues down the stairs to the deck.

"Oh, dear Lord, my prayers are answered. He's our kind of man!" the Queens gush.

"Ain't no hetro' can swish like that!" gasped Jack with a snap of his head, while covering his gleeful smile.

"Are you sure?" Will presses, "...because if he isn't, he could really hurt us."

"Of course, I'm sure, Miss Worrywart! But, we'll ask him, just to be sure."

"He's mine!!" Jack & Will chorused in unison. "Jinx, coke. You owe me a coke!" they spat, again, at the same time.

"OK! Let's settle this like men!" commands Will.

"Fine!" huffs Jack.

"Rock, paper, scissors. 1, 2, 3!" chants Will.

Will shouts "Hah! Rock covers Paper! I win! I get to go talk to him."

"Only if you can get to him first!" sneers Jack, as he pushes past Will in his rainbow colored Speedos.

"Oh, no you don't, you bit*h!" Will says, grabbing Jack's elbow, trying to keep pace in his Versace flip flops.

 

The squabbling friends practically run right into their obsession, as he finishes the last step. John....err....I mean some guy, that is definitely not named "John".....I think, his name was "Bob". Or, "Chico!" Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was named "Chico........Sanchez!"

 

Anyways, they almost run right into this guy, but, are able to stop themselves by grabbing hold of the handles of an elderly passengers wheel chair.

"Hello!" sing-songs Jack. "My friend and I would like to ask you a question."

"OK" replies the deep voiced man.

"Well, we don't want to offend you....." hedges Will.

"Like, you won't beat us up or anything,will you?" Jack asks, batting his eyelashes.

"I'm not going to beat anyone up." states the man, raising his eyebrow and wondering what the men with the matching puka shell necklaces want.

"Oh, goody!" Jack clasps his hands together, looking deeply into the dark brown eyes of his (hopefully),next boyfriend.

"We're gay." Will, sheepishly explains, looking to the beefcake, and then to Jack.

"Ahemmm" the big brute clears his throat and takes several steps back, "I guess, that's too bad for you!"

Head hanging down in disappointment, Jack sighs "Ohhhh. I guess that answers our question."

Will grabs his dejected buddy's elbow, spins around, ever so gracefully, but with attitude and they exit the pool deck. Jack can be heard, hissing at Will..."Tightend, my as*, Will! You said "Tightend!""

As they head down the hall, Will begins the torturous task of explaining football to an athletically-challenged Jack.

 

Puzzled by the strange exchange that just occurred, Chico walks over to his gorgeous, but, paternal, woman friend, shaking his head.

"What? Too much cleavage?" she snaps, adjusting her bathingsuit.

"No, Baby Doll. There's no such thing as that!" replies her male chauvenist friend. "But, I think I just got hit on" he says, in an unsure voice.

"Oh-I'm-So-Surprised, you Big Giggalo,you." she yawns. "Who was it "pink hat girl" or "blue bikini girl"?"

"Neither." he says. "But, I need to ask you something.....do I look gay to you?"

Without looking up from her Cosmo, she replies "You?! Ohhhhh, you mean, like when you looked at me from the stairs and did that goofy little "hula-thing" a few minutes ago? Yeah. You definitely could be accused of being a flamer, for that move. "Out-of-the-closet-and-heading-for-your-mothers-Judy Garland-L.P.s" gay! After all....they were playing a "caribbean rendition" of a Boy George song! But, only then, Chico." she assured him, "only then."

As the credits begin to roll, an evil cackle can be heard, followed by a woman's off-key voice singing "Do you really want to hur-r-r-t me? Do you really want to make me cry?......." The End.

 

ABC, call me. We'll do lunch, Baby. I got another story line, I wanna toss at ya! It involves "vacationing Americans who stop in at a Mexican Cantina for a few Margaritas." But, I don't want to give away the story!

:D

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very nice, very nice - you even threw in some Boy George! What, no George Michael this time??

 

So who's the hula dancer? John or Larry?

 

As for the Speedos question - no man should wear them. PERIOD.:eek:

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I think the answer to your question is in paragraph four - no - I'm SURE it's in paragraph four.

 

RP - How's Larry doing?

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Small world! I found out about the cruise from Tony at Meximilians. They had a group of regulars on board. The Avenue is my regular hang out, though.

 

I'd love to go on the Conquest, again! It was a blast! The disco was hopping everynight and that's where I was mostly. But, with 3,000 people, all the lounges were busy. So, you're gonna have a great time!

 

Thanks for the Invite!

Reggae Party

:)

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Larry is home, again. So, that's good! I haven't talked to him since we got back from the cruise, though. And, if he reads these boards-he may not be talking to me for a while! :eek:

 

I just hope he shares his pictures with me. There's some really "unusual shots".....(Yeah, like 4 shots of tequila for each fish-bowl sized margaritta that my compadres drank in Cozumel!) It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt! (then, it's even funnier, and we laugh so hard,tears are streaming down our faces! Poor Larry.) Luckily, there wasn't any serious damage done to the restaurant. And, as far as we could tell, Larry didn't feel a thing!There will probably be another "Episode" written, when I feel creative.

 

I met up with my other "body guard", last night. I'm guessing John didn't read the "episode that wasn't, I repeat, wasn't about him", because he was still talking to me. :D We'll see, tomorrow night, if that still holds true.

(But, I'm not afraid of you, Chico! Are you readin' this? You don't scare me, even if I make you mad, sometimes. Scrappy wench, that I am! But, just incase, I won't be having coffee with you, anymore.):D

 

Have a great weekend!

R.P.

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As for the Speedos question - no man should wear them. PERIOD.:eek:

My DH of 22+ years HAD a speedo while we were dating. I made him get rid of it!!! AND he had washboard abs........back then!

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Just gotta say this is the best thread I have ever read here. Only, We don't believe a word of it! Everyone knows that Will is very SPORTS clueless!

 

Got totally flammed for mentioning that we drink a bit in one thread that asked about drinking. So glad to see that someone else admits to drinking on vacation. Yeah can you imagine.. adults on vacation drinking..AND during the DAY too!

 

We are gonna make a vacation like yours really soon!

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LyMNyborg...Well, I'm glad to hear you set your man straight, from the very begining or he could have been one of the guys that ends up strutting his stuff on the ships pool deck, today. (Which would make many women have to drink even more in the morning!) :eek:

 

KandPS...As far as drinking on vacation goes, how can you get flamed for mentioning that? Non-drinkers, like diabetics, avoid what they choose to avoid, to maintain the lifestyle that suits them best. Even my friends in A.A. don't get upset with me if I drink. It's just another choice.

 

Just because I choose to drink from am-pm-am, during my vacation, doesn't make me a bad girl. I drink responsibly. Really! Why, the 1st morning on the cruise, I chose a fruit beverage that had vitamin "c". The fact that it had rum in it shouldn't take away its nutritional value! I even ate the pineapple slice.

And, I do not get behind the wheel of the ship, endangering my life and the lives of the passengers. See? Responsible.

 

After the day in the sun, collecting paper umbrellas, I do not appear any different than the sober passengers. Ok, I may laugh more easily, have colorful umbrellas shoved in my hair and talk to more strangers than them-but, they're swaying just as much as I am, when we walk down the hall!

 

There's also, a social & economic factor being served here. For every cocktail I consumed on the pool deck, 15% gratuity goes to Angela, my hardworking waitress! Had I not been a constant customer, I would never have learned her name or she mine. And now, she is making a good living, as I enjoy a good Bahama Mama! Win-win.

 

It also comes in handy, when your daytime waitress is also, your night time waitress in the disco. Through "professional courtesy" I choose to retain the same person to serve my drinks. If you find a good salesperson (Angels sells drinks), you should stay with that person as a reward for their hard work and quick service. Angela knew, everytime my glass was half full (I'm an optimist) she'd set me up with another bacardi & diet coke. And she knew I didn't like lemons.

 

And, if you end up with a good repoire, you can talk your waitress into helping you get your friends drunk! (Like ordering shots, but,secretly making yours "water" while the guys get "Bacardi Limon".) This can make a male feel a little intimadated, when you're tossing your "shot" back and egging him on to do the same by calling him a "girly man." Then, quickly ordering another round of the same! Just some good All-American competition, I tell ya!

Sadly, he didn't seem to be impaired by the shots! I got so tired of him reminding "who I talked to and danced with", the day after! Argh! At least, the memories I DO have are happy ones!

 

Yes, my stories ARE true. I just got sloppy, forgetting Will is Sports-challeneged. I forgot to change the names "to protect the identities of the innocent", too. But, really, do you think John & Larry remotely resemble "Innocence"? C'mon.

 

These are my stories and I'm sticking with them, util someone produces pictures that can prove otherwise.

 

Proud to keep the bartenders of Carnival employed.

Reggae Party

:D

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Dear Lord - getting flamed for saying you drink? That's like going on a cruise with no ocean.

 

Just a stupid idea!

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I haven't laughed this much in a long time. Great thread. Can't wait for the next episode.

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Hi All,

I'd love to hop right into another Episode that took place in Jimmy Buffet's "Jamaica Margaritaville", called "Abbot & Costello Meet the Painted on Shorts Girl." But, my creative muse is not speaking to me, at this time. He's still mad at me for the story line, written EXCLUSIVELY for a "Will & Grace" episode. I think, he thinks, it may have something to do with an incident that may or may not have happened on the cruise.

 

(SEE, John? Are you listening?! I said MAY or MAY NOT have happened! The readers don't know, for sure! Quit being a big, old baby about it! Geesh! Where's Larry, when I need him?)

 

So, I'll have to learn to write for my own amusement and not for the detriment of my (former) friend's fragile ego. Even though, that IS much, much more fun!

 

Oh, where will I ever find another muse? Will the tip-tapity sound ever ring from my index fingers, again? Are my writing days over? Will I quit asking so many questions to myself? How many licks does it take to get to the center of the Tootsie Pop? Do YOU know the way to San Jose? Does any woman reallllllly find Speedos attractive? Will someone stop meeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

 

A word from Reggae's doctor.....

Ahem....I'm sorry to inform you that the individual manning this keyboard has been diagnosed as delusional. Please, do not accept any.... discount coupons for cosmetic surgery performed in her mini van, a "hurts doughnut", "A.B.C." gum or the accounts on the Conquest cruise concerning JOHN.

Sincerely,

Dr. John

 

:eek:

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Doctor Cheryl recommends that you take two drinks (or more if needed) and write the episode as soon as Dr. John gets over it, well - even if he doesn't get over it - like tomorrow :D .

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........sanity, questionable.

 

Hi Everyone,

The strangest thing happened, last week.... As far as I can remember, I was happily typing away...tap,tap,tap,tap, when I saw a delivery truck come up my drive. I left my desk to see what was being dropped off.

 

At the door, I was informed by the snow-masked delivery man that, evidently, I had won a contest thru the cruiseline, though I don't recall signing up for any drawing. (But, as you may remember, that's not unusual for me.) My jaw dropped open in surprise as he continued to explain, "This will be your 1st installment, out of 12, for the year long "Funship Drink Special of the Month" contest!"

 

Imagine my surprise. I couldn't have been more happy if Ed McMahon was standing before me with a check from the Clearing House Sweepstakes! I COULD be more happy if it were Tom Selleck, but...that's a whole other website story.

 

He instructed me to sign on the dotted line, while he went to get the package for me.

 

Somewhere, in the back of his truck,the driver retrieved my prize. Walking toward me, balancing a cocktail tray (like an old football player with bad knees, wearing stilletto heels in a snow storm),was my contest winning "Funship Drink for December!!"

 

It was a "Miami Vice",(the frozen, half pink, half white, "cocoa-nutty" tropical drink, which happens to be my favorite drink on the pool deck!) Looking just like the drink from the Conquest, complete with an umbrella & pineapple, served in the signature Funship glass! (and, at no extra charge!)

 

Shivering on my snowy front doorstep, I studied the "trophy" that was just served to me. Memories of John (when he wasn't mad at me), Larry (before his ticker went loopy) & myself, relaxing on lounge chairs, filled my mind. Ahhh...The Carribean music playing, warm sun shining, blue skies with big, fluffy clouds slowly drifting by, the scent of cocoa butter in the air (and scantily clad women walking past, making John & Larry look like they were spectators at Wimbleton.) Yeah, like an International Coffee commercial. We were celebrating the moments of our lives...Good times.

 

For a brief moment, I forgot I was standing under gray, snow-filled clouds. I was in paradise. Like a woman crawling out of the mall at 10:00pm, Dec. 26th (yeah, Bargain Shoppers, you know what I'm talking about) spent (but, happy) and.... suddenly, very,very thirsty.

 

Without thinking, I gripped the curvy glass, shoved the straw in my mouth & began drinking as fast as I could! I didn't notice, the delivery man was still standing in my driveway, next to his truck, (with a peculiar,yet,some how, familiar smile on his face) until I had my head tilted back and was trying to tap the last of the frozen beverage out of the cup.

 

Then, BAM! It hit me. Excruciating pain ripped through my head, like shish kabob skewers being jammed into my eye sockets at a luau gone bad! I could hear the sound of my empty Carnival cup clattering down my sidewalk and thought "I hope they'll replace that, if it's cracked." Desperately, I pressed my palms against my eyelids, creating blue-black colors with stars appear in my self-imposed darkness. The piercing agony continued.

 

Swaying off balance, I leaned against the house. Through blurred vision, I caught a glimpse of the delivery man, arms folded across his chest, watching me, as if waiting to see what happens next. I knew what was going on. And I knew there was nothing I could do about it to lessen the pain. Through gritted teeth, I spat out 2 words...

 

 

:eek:

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............BRAIN FREEZE!!!!!!!!!!

 

The combination of the frosty air outside and quickly consuming the frozen beverage, must have been too much for my system to handle! I was overcome with dizziness, as my legs buckled beneath me and I crumbled into a heap on the front porch. I was spared any severe head trauma, as I fell, fortunately, face first, into a rotting jack-o-lantern that was left over from Halloween.

 

Just before losing consciousness, I remember the delivery man scooping me up, which enabled me to get a close look at his mustache poking out from under his snow mask. "Tom Selleck?" I dreamily asked. Then, I blacked out.

 

For five days, I was unconscious! I have no recollection of what went on during that time.

 

On the sixth day, I awoke in my bed,fully dressed, with a killer headache and a pumpkin seed stuck to my forehead. For the second time, in less than 2 months, I was, also, wearing two pairs of socks! Coincidence? I think, not.

 

There is now, a gate at the entrance of my driveway, barbed wire fencing, 8 video surveilance cameras and a trained-to-kill-on-command Bichon Friese guard dog named "Poopsie."

 

Desperate times equal desperate measures, and, Jean-Paul, as far as my computer is concerned..."You can't touch this. Do, do-do-do, do-do, do do. Can't touch this! Hammertime!"

 

:p

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great reviews, funny as hell, keep'em coming!!!!!!!!!

This is a great old post. I don't what happened to the OP - never came back.

 

Make sure you pop into the CONQUEST ANY DATE ROLL CALL (if you haven't yet) and post your date and info. Go to the last page - it's easier to follow as I update it every weekend.

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I can't believe this thread was found and sent to me after so long. My husband passed away, Mar. 31, '05 of cancer. That was a year and a half ago. My friend, John....yes..."thee" John from my excerpts, sent me this, today. We're getting a group cruise "dis" organized for Nov. '06. Thanks for all the encouragement, begging, invitations, publishing offers to do my life story, etc... I may return, to do another "review" after our next cruise.

Sincerely,

She luva 2 cruise, She drinka d booze, She tan & She snooze, She dance without shoes.

Reggae Party;)

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Wow - talk about a blast from the past.

 

So sorry to hear about your husband.

 

Have a great time on your cruise and please be sure to stop by soon.

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"why are so many older women are sporting tattoos??" Reggae Party

 

Seemed like a good idea at the time...before I ended up "older".

 

Your review was a hoot! Thanks to whomever dredged this one up.

 

Looking forward to the next review, and jealous that I'm not in the "group". Have fun!

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