A Visit From St Nicholas
(With Apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)
T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the ship,
not a creature was stirring, no drinks left to sip.
The stockings were hung on the balconies with glee
in hopes that St Nicholas would find us at sea.
The cruisers were snuggled all warm in their bunks.
The guys with their sweeties, the girls with their hunks.
And Joyce in her jammies and I in the buff
had just taken bonine as the seas were quite rough.
When somewhere above there resounded a roar
I sprang from my bed and fell flat on the floor.
Away to the slider I stumbled and lurched,
went out to the balcony and searched and searched.
The moon on the waves cast an eerie bright light
so it looked more like noon, instead of midnight.
When what apparition appeared on the seas
but a bright red tender pulled by 8 red jet skis.
And atop the tender, with a whip in his hand,
was a bearded jolly elf so plump and so tanned.
And they sped o'er the wavetops onward they came
he whistled and shouted and called them by name.
On Regal, on Royal, on Golden and Grand,
on Diamond, on Coral, on Emerald and Island.
On up to the Lido, and it's MUTS screen so tall
now dash away, dash away, dash away all.
As zephyrs, and breezes and hurricanes blew
they arose to the sky, on the updrafts they flew.
So up to the sky bridge in search of a flue
went the vessels with Santa and all of his crew.
And above we could hear them, it sounded so cool
as the tender and jet skies did donuts in the pool.
As it grew quiet, we heard a faint sound
and there was St Nicholas as we turned around.
He was dressed in a wet suit with flippers and all
he was almost as wide as he truly was tall.
He had a case of wine under each arm
with Pinots and Malbecs to help us stay warm.
His eyes were all bloodshot but oh, how they twinkled.
His hands they looked frozen, so red and so wrinkled.
He opened his mouth and let go with a yell
"Hey let's open this wine, I'm about cold as hell"
He pulled out a pipe and some green stuff and said
"No, I'll save this for later, I've a long night ahead".
He looked like a sausage packed tight; he was stout
but his belly was pooching as his spanx it gave out.
With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head
he opened and poured us a large glass of red.
After that he was silent and set to his task,
filled our stockings with wine and put some in his flask.
Then he jumped off the balcony but went up not down
and the mist began swirling around and around.
His minions were waiting, to the tender he flew
and they headed to the next ship to give them their due.
But we heard him exclaim as he sailed out of sight
"Happy Cruising to all and to all a good night".
Merry Christmas