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Cabansail

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Posts posted by Cabansail

  1. An oldie but a goodie.

     

    Questions prior to that stupid sports orgy they had in Sydney (which we are still paying for)

     

     

    Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

     

    A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower...

     

    Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

     

    A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed...

     

    Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)

     

    A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.

     

    Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

     

    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time for this October...

     

    Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

     

    A: And accomplish what?

     

    Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)

     

    A: I'm not touching this one...

     

    Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will you let her in? (South Africa)

     

    A: Why? We do have toilet paper here...

     

    Q: Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

     

    Q: Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia? (Portugal)

     

    Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)

     

    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

     

    A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us...

     

    Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

     

    A: No. Everybody stinks.

     

    Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)

     

    A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks...

     

    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

     

    A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde...

     

    Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

     

    A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.

     

    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

     

    A: Yes. At Christmas.

     

    Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)

     

    A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.

     

    Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)

     

    A: Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.

     

    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

     

    A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?

     

    Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

     

    A: Another blonde?

     

    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

     

    A: I love this one... there are no rattlesnakes in Australia.

     

    Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

     

    A: Face North and you should be about right.

     

    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

     

    A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.

     

    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

     

    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

     

    A: From Liz Taylor, perhaps?

     

    Q: Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy)

     

    A: Yes. Outdoors.

     

    Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

     

    Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)

     

    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

  2. There is simple solution to the problems outlined above for visitors to Australia. Give the West Island a complete miss and come across the ditch to GODZONE. We have not poisonous spiders, no snakes, no person eating crocodiles, no animals s to pee all over you. We do have a very welcoming country and peoples. We don't have saucers in our sports cabinets either. We have cups instead.

     

    .... and a cure for insomnia.

  3. Not to play down the Drop Bear threat but do need to point out though statistically overseas tourists are more often the victims of the attacks the reasons often cited are false. To marsupials we humans all look much the same no matter where we originate.

     

    There was a recent study which tried to explain this discrepancy. It seems it comes down to quite a few factors. One is that those who have been here some time seem to be able to sense areas where a drop bear ambush is more likely and these places are avoided, so when there is a crowd an unwitting visitor will move to the less crowded space and become a victim. Then those of us who live here are often at work during times when an attack is more likely but tourists are on holidays so out and about then. Personally I think there must be more to it than that.

     

    What is weird is that I have searched Youtube for the TV commercial by Paul Hogan where he implored us to play down the threats of spiders, snakes, crocodiles and drop bears as it could harm our tourism and undo his BBQ campaign. No sign of it. Have searched on Google too. Nada.

  4. Tats are so common now. Did hear a lady ordering in a cafe recently and requested that her food be served by the clean waiter without the tattoos. Wonder how she feels about the kitchen staff who may have them. I do understand though how appearance does make a difference.

  5. No wonder the youth of today are so bad. The crime is out of control and drug addicts in every gutter. They must have seen a parent getting a free drink at some point.

     

    Give it a break.

     

    Some of you make it sound like Stalag RCI.

     

    Drinks and alcohol seem to be the most important aspect for many when cruising. For me the obsession with drinking and the amount of drunk people has put me off going again, regardless of the good side.

     

    Maybe you should stay with Norwegian as their Stasi may be more lenient.

  6. Cannot believe that nobody has suggested a Damper with butter and Golden Syrup.

     

    Pumpkin Scones are good too and go well with some billy tea. has to have some ash from the fire.

     

    If you want to go up market cook some Barramundi with a crust of crushed Macadamia Nuts and Lemon Myrtle. Serve with a jacket potato and sour cream with chives.

  7. If my memory is correct, 2 cocktails ($14 each) and 3 glasses of premium wine (minimum $11 each) was the break-even point for the Premium drinks package ($57) on Rhapsody, which isn't a lot to drink in a day when on holiday

     

    I find that those prices are very high and the package is only of value when compared to them. Hence why I did not purchase anything from them.

     

    I do like a good coffee so bought a cheap plunger and some nice beans we had freshly ground. We then were able to make our own. The free coffee was undrinkable and I believe the specialty coffee wasn't that much better from talking to other Aussies but the Seppo's seemed to like it.

  8. I find that buying contact lens solution is a better price at some of the discount chemist shops than at the opticians. I think I got two 500ml bottles and a case for about AU$17

     

    I use yoghurt in cooking all the time. My preference is for greek style yoghurt. There are many different brands and all seem good but some are better. I think the one I settled on is Farmers Union as it has a sweetness and a bit of a bite. I think off the shelf it has some added sugar. That only lasted the first tub as after that I just used their culture and make my own. It is probably the best culture I have had other than one a friend gave me which was from an Indian family going back at least three generations. I just buy a big bottle of milk and when it's getting close to the use by date I turn it into yoghurt. Not practical when travelling though.

     

    There are just so many things you can do with yoghurt. I like to add crushed garlic (local), black pepper and some Himalayan salt and use it as a sauce on steamed broccoli, cauliflower or potatoes.

     

    The diary products here are quite good. We do not have the raw milk cheese commonly yet but I believe they are coming once the regulations are eased.

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