Awjeez317

So we’re on the Odyssey of the Seas 6-nighter starting on the 28th of January. Our labadee port was shortened by 2 hours and now Falmouth was randomly changed to an arrival of 9:30 and all aboard at 1:30. we didn’t plan on getting off the ship so it doesn’t bother us but does anyone know what’s going on? If you know Falmouth at all…then you know the 4 hour port time basically cut like 75% of royals excursions out. We all know they love to make money so why would they do this??? the “ship gossip” I have heard is that we aren’t operating all full engine capacity and move much slower…this we have to shorten the ports just to get home. The people I heard that from are of course….cruisers…and we all know how prone we are to ship wife hearsay and gossip. Hoping someone knows something. Haven’t said a word to us on the ship that I’ve heard…

We didn’t actually go for the shuttle to the South Beach location because we had been there and arrived later in the day. But I will say that you are right…if you’ve never been to south beach and you have the time you should definitely go. People watching is pretty amazing and there are some amazing restaurants if you’re looking for a nice dinner place.

Doesn’t matter how close you are really haha. You’ll still be in cruise port traffic for an hour. That cruise port is crazy. We had a LOVELY time staying at The Gabriel. It’s like…RIGHT there and they have an amazing roof/terrace pool and some great views of the port and ships. We watched the Virgin Ship leave port from the balcony and it was really amazing. Definitely pricey so we used HHonors points. Worth it.

Small little post today and then Ill give overall grades. The last day, I woke up at 7:30am so I decided to walk up immediately to the Solarium. There was ONE available day bed and I quickly snagged it. I spent the morning just reading and lounging and definitely deciding not to do Jamies for lunch. I just grabbed a quick quesadilla at Loco. The casino brought me a bottle of wine on night 6…which was the second bottle they brought me. I hadn’t started the first bottle and my suitcase was going to be full already, so I decided I would do something different with it. Tipping the stateroom attendant is always something I kind of struggle with. I know tips are included, but I believe you have to leave something! But a few years ago, we had a Loft Suite on the Anthem and the state room attendant left us gifts on the last day! A hat, a shirt, a little ship, and some chocolates. That was sweet! So we left some more individual gifts to go along with our tip and kind of loved it. So this cruise, I left the book I finished for him to read or to give to someone he knows who loves to read (or the library on ship), the bottle of wine from casino, and of course…Cash. The book donation might become a thing I do every time. It also freed up some space for that chess board i bought! I saw iSkate Reach for the Stars, which was fun and unique in its own way. I think I have seen iSkate about 4 different times on different ships and what I love is they all have their own thing….its not the same show on every ship. There’s the Seasons one, the weird one with the jewel thief, and this one was about songs that inspire you and lift you up. It was great. And the drones are always cool. Had chops for dinner and it was everything. I love finishing the cruise with FINALLY having my mushroom soup. I love that stuff. Final grades coming soon!

Thanks so much! It’s sad to be coming to the end!

So the final two days were days at sea filled with laying flat and reading and seeing shows and eating and doing all the cruise things you would expect. I’m largely just going to go over some of the moments and observations and one BIG change at Jamie’s that occurred MID CRUISE 1. I went to Chops for lunch on the first sea day and I just LOVE Chops for lunch. Usually, I get the burger, but I asked my server which I should get between that and the Salmon. I got the incredible Beef Carpaccio as an app and he suggested the salmon so I went with that. I swear…it was one of the best pieces of fish I have ever eaten. It was cooked PERFECTLY. And it comes with this subtle mustard cream sauce around the sides. To DIE. 2. I noticed about halfway through the cruise that we had basically stopped. Like….we were not moving at all? Odd….I thought maybe we were just hanging out because we were getting to back to LA too quickly, but that didn’t seem very likely, as the captain generally knows what speed they should be going. At least I hope so. Then I noticed our wake show up in my little view from Chops…Uh…..What’s happening? Later, the captain got on the bullhorn to announce to the cruise that many of us had apparently noticed the ship turning around and basically sailing in a circle for the last hour and apparently we were curious. UH DUH. I think he probably told us about this incident largely so people would stop asking him, his crew, the bartender, or a potted plant what the heck was going on? Turns out, someone reported seeing something floating in the water that looked a LOT like a human being. For fear that someone had fallen overboard or perhaps that we needed to rescue someone from a genuine “Castaway” moment, the captain decided to go check it out. In the end…we spent a considerable amount of time just to pull up to a human shaped bit of debris. Hey at least we’re being sure! 3. I had Jamie’s Italian for dinner, which I was pretty excited for if I’m being honest. I kind of just wanted that Bruschetta again! I was surprised to find a little laminated mini menu on table in addition to the regular menu. “Specials $9.99” Interesting! Outside of the Lobster at Chops I hadn’t seen too many instances of Specials at a Specialty restaurant. There was a Filet Mignon option and also a Lobster Linguine special with half a lobster cooked “bechamel” style and a linguine with a red sauce chocked full of seafood. Clams, mussels, shrimp and squid to be exact. I asked about it and they said the specials and the new menu had changed on Day 3. Wait? The menu changed? Typically, when menu’s change, I think we can all agree that we get a little suspicious. What did you take out? One change is that you are only allowed 1 app, 1 entree OR pasta, and 1 dessert. Historically — and by historically…I mean THREE DAYS AGO — you could get a pasta and an entree. I always opted for a small portion of the pasta just to have a few more YUMs in my meal. So that was kind of annoying…and it seems a little silly that the Garlic Bread would count as your one appetizer. They have a Burrata as an appetizer which is now a Truffle version of that dish. I imagine they just tweaked the preparation though. I ordered the Bruschetta again along with the Lobster special…I had to try it people!…and then a tiramisu for dessert. There I was, basically hopping up and down in my seat waiting for the bruschetta, when my server arrived. He put the dish in front of me and I basically just deflated. What used to have fresh mozzarella, balsamic vinegar, olive oil and whole roasted then blanched cherry tomatoes — now had cherry tomatoes cut in half and piled on a piece of toast. No cheese, maybe a little olive oil, and the large leafed basil had shrunk themselves into essentially micro basil. BEFORE: AFTER: Oh good god. I took one bite of it and shortly after all of the tomatoes tumbled off the bread onto my plate, I realized it as just cut tomatoes on a piece of bread. I can honestly say that it wasn’t worth the calories. I didn’t finish it. I actually sent it back. If I only got one appetizer. This isn’t it. The manager informed me I could switch it out to something else. He also informed me that the corporate chefs were onboard for the change so all feedback is welcomed and he actually encouraged me to be specific. I told him… “They’ve taken all the cooking out of it.” And I couldn’t think of saying it any better. It was just chopping and a toaster. The replacement truffle arroncini was great though. They added a cream sauce to the plate and and a piece of cheese in the middle of the little risotto ball which melts like heaven when you cut it open. Delish! Then the special landed on my table. I mean, it looks amazing. And it definitely will be one day. I really loved the flavoring and the sauce and pasta…its just that all the seafood was overcooked. The mussels were literally like little rubber balls. I do have confidence that once they get used to cooking it more often, it will get better. Little advice though….the menu says NOTHING about the spice level of this dish. It definitely has some heat. I was fine with it, but mother would have taken two bites of it and stopped eating. If you are sensitive to spice then I would ask if they can change the spice level or if they have perhaps changed it since they rolled it out and read my very specific notes on my Royal survey. I also got the charred broccoli appetizer and it was a HUGE improvement over the broccoli before. It had some nice seasoning/flavor and that little hint of smoky char to it. Tiramisu was tiramisu — it was great and delicious and I did that thing where you accidentally inhale the espresso dust on the top and nearly cough your whole dessert onto the table. Best Cough Ever. But yeah….Jamies has had A HUGE CHANGE. So definitely inquire about the specifics of your dishes before you order. And tell them to bring back the small pasta to go with your entree if you get a survey from a cruise recently!

Just a quick one today as I am sadly back at work. I left off with dinner the night after my ATV adventure. After cooling off and relaxing a little bit in the room, I realized I was due for dinner! Izumi again tonight! As I got on the elevator and was met with a stagnant and hot chamber, I realized it was “Inevitable There Is No AC in The Elevator or on the Higher Floors” day. Seriously, does this happen to you guys? It’s like at least once every cruise, while we’re at port, the Suite Lounge, or Viking Lounge, or whatever is high up, and the elevators are just….HOT. Izumi was also pretty hot. But we were starting to leave port when I sat down so it gradually got cooler and cooler. I had Renni again as my sever, which was great. He had such great energy. I also decided to test Izumi a little. I always get the same exact thing when I go there and I always love it. But to see if it really was good, I figured I should order something different. Let’s see just how good your REALLY are Izumi! I was seated next to a bunch of people that looked familiar somehow. I noticed one of their nametags and realized this must be one of the entertainment casts. I was seated next to the whole cast for iSkate. I think it’s cool they do group dinners like that. A friend of mine has been singing on the Anthem for years now and says that is normal practice for the entertainment crew. They are allowed to mingle about the ship and yes, even drink. But they still got to be classy y’all! App - Chicken Karrage Entree - Lobster Tempura Truffle Roll and Poke Bowl. Dessert - Sesame Rice Balls. The appetizer was wonderful. It’s basically fried boneless chicken bites. But the chicken has been marinated and the breading is distinctly Japanese. It’s served with a Thai Chili Sauce. It was great. Renni introduced the dish and said “A man from the Philippines, serving you Japanese food, with Thai Chili sauce!” HA The Lobster Roll was absolutely incredible. I lied though…I’ve had that one before. One thing that has changed with Izumi is almost all of the rolls are now only 5 pieces. This was not the case in January on the Wonder. Is this fleet wide? Anyone know? The Poke Bowl was interesting and delicious, though the salmon was a little tough…almost like it was different than the salmon they serve as the sashimi. If you remember from my first sushi dinner, I was seated next to someone who tried the Sesame Balls and she started to cough a little bit like it was spicy. I vowed to try it myself. Either I have no taste buds left because I’ve burned them out or she was incredibly sensitive to spice because I couldn’t imagine ANYONE thinking that it was spicy at all! It was one of the most mellow desserts on the ship. It was sweet and flavorful, and kind of tasted like a beignet. It was surprisingly soft. A Japanese doughnut hole! After the show, I wanted to make sure I say Showgirl — the Navigator’s unfortunately named original production. I poked into the 8:15 a little late and liked what I saw enough that I left and decided to go to the 10:00 show, but get there early so I could sit on the first floor and get a good seat. The show was basically a dance show, with four singers who were actually REALLY good. The dancers were phenomenal as well. It’s basically a review show that goes through songs and costumes of Vegas from the past, present, and future. I would strongly encourage it! I will also say that there was probably no better place to be for dinner than Izumi. The view leaving port from Puerto Vallarta is absolutely stunning. I mean it was just Mountains dropping right into ocean, an absolutely beautiful coastline. The sun was setting and lighting everything up. If you’re going to do Izumi, I would recommend picking Puerto Vallarta day for sure. Nothing but sea days in front of me and no excursion to wake up for, I headed to bed ready to sleep in as late as I wanted… Naturally….I woke up at 7:30 the next day anyway.

Puerto Vallarta - As I’m sure you can tell — since you can probably do math…or really just counting…my cruise has ended at this point. But because I still wanted to spend much of my time of the sea days finishing my book and just in general laying flat, I had to do these a bit delayed. The cool thing about that though is it gives more time for reflecting. So that’s cool! We arrive early on Day 5 to Puerto Vallarta - 8:00am to be exact. My excursions wasn’t until 9:15. So i got a few more sleeves in! Just looking out the balcony of my cabin I have definitely noticed the complete change in topography with each one of our ports. Cabo - no real city when you look into it. No trees. Mostly desert and bars and bars and hotels and then some bars. Mazatlan - More people and commerce and a small town vibe. There was a sign that said “A colonial city on the beach” Has a Puerto Rico vibe to the old town and history stepped in the city. Definitely more trees but not quite lush. Mountains WAY in the distance. Puerto Vallarta - First time time I felt like i was in a CITY city. A lot more traffic…actual traffic lights and close to the port —behind it actually — mountain scapes can be seen nearby. This felt like JUNGLE. There were rivers and areas you WOULD NOT want to hike through for fear one very itchy mosquito death. When I left the port….I ONCE AGAIN had to take transportation to the transportation. Another gold cart towing a golf cart escorted us to the tiny little market area and all the light blue polo-wearing Excursion people. I found the person with my sign and she pointed me towards the end of the market. “Turn left and find the bus with your excursion on it.” Oh a bus…joy…. I was surprised to find myself boarding a Charter bus! Like one with curtains and air conditioning blasting! I LOVED it. The couple in front of me…did not. They asked the bus driver if he could turn down the AC (he was a wearing a tank top and did not have an ounce of the natural insulation I have…fat…I’m referring to my fat. Lol), and the bus driver said “Turn it down? You are cold? You don’t have a jacket?” Why would anyone have a jacket after the sweltering heat that Cabo and Mazatlan offered us? Hilariously, the bus driver (who was on my side whether he knew it or not), completely ignored the request and kept the AC on. A young couple sat behind me and we finally were welcomed by tour first guide. He told us we would be on our way soon and we were! The couple behind me had a pretty funny commentary at first…they were those people that just read the names of stores out loud and gasp when they know one. OMG H&M! OMG a movie theater! They were particularly delighted to see that right across the street from the port was a Sam’s club and a Walmart. The level of glee they had that they’ve seen a Sam’s Club was downright alarming. “OMG Sam’s! We should have brought our membership card! I love Sam’s!” Okay…a few things. First, Sam’s doesn’t have an app where your membership card is digital and always on you? Points to Costco. GO COSTCO! Second, WHY would you go to a Sam’s on a cruise!? What are you going to do with 48 rolls of toilet paper or 18 boxers of ziploc??? THERE IS NO ROOM! And also I’m pretty sure even Sam’s 2 ply toilet paper would wreck the ships plumbing. I held a giggle and smiled while they took a picture of the Sam’s club. Now the Walmart on the other hand…I can see that being useful for sunscreen that you’ve run out of and don’t want to be quadruple charged on the ship. Or if you need antacids or something. Turns out that EVERYONE agrees with me, because I later found out from my server at Izumi - the line in Walmart was so long it snaked around almost the whole store. Poor Rennison just wanted to get some cranberry juice…but saw the line and abandoned ship….Oh…wait…not the actual ship. He very much stayed onboard the Navigator. He abandoned the Walmart ship. Yeah, that got confusing. So word to the wise…if you don’t already have an ear religious belief to avoid Walmart…I would avoid it in Puerto Vallarta or prepare to be ready to wait for a LONG time to get what you need. Emergencies only people! Our very large bus navigated the city streets pretty well but I was starting to get a little confused about how on earth it was going to make up to the top of a mountain for ATVs. Oh yeah, this was the ATV tour excursion. My questions were answered quickly when we parked, were given yellow wrist bands, and told to get off. Huh? I don’t see no ATVs? We were escorted to an office where we had to sign our names and cabin numbers on a group waiver. Okay….then we were told to get on a DIFFERENT bus. Okay…so transportation to the transportation to the transportation. Cooooooool. The second bus was smaller, but also AIR CONDITIONED! God, I’m such a softie aren’t I? But can you blamed me after that Mazatlan Sweat Hike? Oh I forgot to mention that I was so sweaty on that hike…that the stickers on my shirt fell off on the trail. I sweated through ADHESIVE! Anyway…we sat down and were mingled with groups with green wrist bands and blue wrist bands. Feeling like we were in different tribes on Survivor…OFF we went! Everyone couldn’t fit on one bus so they used two…the second one was an open-air green truck with basically just benches and bars in the back of it. Glad I won the bus lottery. For now… So Puerto Vallarta is very passionate about speed bumps. And our driver was very passionate about ignoring them. My seat was basically right on top of the back wheel as well. So basically…I had about 20 flashbacks to elementary school, when you would sit in the back and hope up and down on your seat in the hopes that a bump would launch you into the air. At first it was annoying, but then it was just funny. I laughed like a kid every time it happened (except for the first time when I thought the bus was actually trying to reject me and jettison me into the jungle.) The city gave way to more dilapidated structures that somehow both looking like they were being built and being abandoned at the same time. Those structures gave way to steep cliffs filled with trees and ravines and rivers. It was beautiful. It really struck me how much Mexico has to offer. No matter what you’re re looking for, there is a place that has it. We weaved and curved and hurtled up and down through the mountains. It had rained the previous night which was SUCH a blessing. NO dust! Also Puerto Vallarta has these black butterflies (I think AND hope they were butterflies at least) that seemed to be absolutely ENTHRALLED with something that was pooled on the ground of the streets. HUNDREDS of them were crowded together on the ground in very tight groups…they looked like bees do when they are crawling all over themselves. ANd when we drove by they all took flight at the same time. The bus was SURROUNDED by butterflies! So cool. Also, I was very glad I wasn’t in the open air truck that probably got dive-bombed by butterflies. It’s pretty, until one of them flies into your mouth while you say “WOW.” We kept climbing and climbing and finally saw a sign for “Canopy River.” I had read that there was a great ranch with a pool and restaurant at the top with incredible views. I was beyond excited. Also, I’ve never been on a ATV so….there’s that too. We got off the bus at the ranch/complex and were told to apply sunscreen and mosquito repellant. Uhhhhhh….crap. Duh. Jungle. Bugs LOVE the jungle and bugs LOVE me. I had no repellant. For fear of being bitten so much that I turn into one giant pink itchy mosquito button —looking like that girl who turns into a giant blueberry in Willy Wonka — I began scouring the crowd. Surely I could find some lovely group that would lend me a spray or two? My first group I spied was far too big to ask. There were 21 of them?! How could you not be intimidated to ask 21 people for bug spray…it felt like giving a speech to the class in 5th grade. NOPE. Then I found a smaller group spraying something…that looks good! But, alas, it was sunscreen only. I was starting to panic a bit because it had just rained and mosquitos love me and moisture and I’m pretty sure the butterflies (which were still EVERYWHERE) didn’t feed on mosquitos. Uggggh. Stupid mosquitos and they’re stupid diets. Finally I found two lovely ladies that were gracious enough to let me OFF! myself. That sounded like I murdered myself didn’t it…Off myself. Haha. Again…to be clear. I am still alive and now hopefully insect bite free! Though even when I spray myself back at home, I still get bites. And that’s South Carolina..NOT MEXICAN JUNGLE! At least I would be moderately less itchy now. We walked up closer to the ranch and the going was slow…I wasn’t sure why until I realized that a staff member of Canopy River was positioning everyone in front of a big entrance sign for a photo op. AND he was using a NICE camera. It did not seem all that optional either. There was no getting to the ranch without walking through the camera’s line of sight. So I —though I usually avoid them — got my photo snapped and made my way up to their restaurant with an INCREDIBLE pool and view. You could see mountains, and then ocean, and then more mountains behind them. Several selfies later we were ushered towards the ATVs. The guide showed us how to turn them on, put the parking brake on, brake in general, accelerate, and gave us hand signal he would use that we would mimic for the ATVs behind us. We showed HIM how to freak out because this seemed way more complicated than we thought and nobody want to destroy an ATV while tumbling down a mountain. Then he said “But, don’t worry because we will turn them on and put them into 3rd gear and you can just leave it there the whole time.” PHEW. Also…why did we just learn all that stuff. He collected all of our drivers licenses and we put our bags in a locker. Well, not so much a locker. It was actually just a large barrel with a door on it. Whatever, it fit the bags in it. I brought a mask from the COVID masking days to cover my mouth because I had heard this was a VERY dusty excursion. Good news I never had to use it because everything was so damp from the rain. YAY RAIN! Also the rain provided more puddles I could splash though like an action star! I got lucky with my ATV selection when we left we were in single-file (and stayed that way the whole time) and I was third to the front! Our guide was in a Jeep and had told us that if any of us wanted to stop or couldn’t keep going..he had 4 seats if you just wanted to drive. How serious is this?! Well about 2 minutes later I was second in line. The first two were a married couple, the wife of which went down about 10 feet of a slightly steep driveway leaving the ranch (not even on the trail yet) and stopped to just say NOPE. She did not like heights or elevation or anything. I later was speaking with the couple about the ride and she said she had done ATVs before but it was flat. Apparently the entire trip up the mountain had done nothing but make her more and more nervous. I get it. Everyone has something just WONT do. Me? It’s a hard pass to Bungee jumping, eat live insects a la Fear Factor, and entering the jungle without OFF! With one down, I was second in line and it only took a couple of minutes to get the hang of the accelerator. For the first minute or so I was definitely that embarrassing new driver that lurched forward too fast and stopped, then lurched again and stopped again. This things was touchy! I got the hang of it though. The accelerator was a little lever on the right handle and the brakes were just like a bike. Front brakes on one side, back on the other. I ignored that and just decided if I needed to brake…I was going to crush BOTH brakes. We were winding and bouncing and going through mud and…yes swarms of butterflies that ricocheted off my sunglasses (luckily my mouth was closed). Yes, butterflies..you’re cute and all…but like…chill out okay? All the sudden one of the Canopy River guys on an ATV SCREAMED past us….that was weird. Then we got to the first place where we went across a little river…well it a smooth finished concrete path that a river was running over to the tune of about 3 inches. Still. ACCELERATE! I wanted ALL the splashes. Then, about twenty feet in front of me I see the same guy who tore past us a minute ago, positioned at the end of the water crossing, snapping photos of all of us. Interesting… This happened about 4 more times. Guy speeds past us. Guys takes pictures. Repeat repeat repeat. I’m sensing a photo package coming… Small note…When you go through water quickly in an ATV, the water goes up. And up…is where the engine is. When hot water hits a hot engine….steam happens. Steam also goes up. And up…is where my legs are. It wasn’t like…melt your skin hot…but it was SURPRISING the first few times. At first, I thought my ATV was overheating and about to explode which is…you know…not ideal. After going through tight turns with no guard rail and precarious hills, I was having a blast. I started letting the guys in from of me get a little ahead so I could hit certain moments at acceleration and really feel like the MOUNTAIN WAS MINE! Funny though, every time I did that he would look back with this weird face. I later decided he was probably living in a state of fear of being rear ended by an ATV in a Jungle. Or maybe he felt like the was the one running in Mad Max Fury Road. Either way, it didn’t stop me! I was an ATV MONSTER! We pulled up and our guide in the Jeep jumped out a a gate that was locked. It had a big sign on it that said “Prohibio!” on it in bright red letters. I don’t speak Spanish but I know what that means…. Interestingly, our guide didn’t care. He opened the gate and drove through, calling us all along with him like ducks in a row. Okay…I guess we’re okay? No prohibio? As we entered this section of the trail everything opened up. It was magnificent. The views were incredible. I found myself slowing down to see the mountains and the forest. I also found myself wondering if I might ACTUALLY rear end the guys in front of me because I wasn’t looking at the trail as much as I should. Okay…refocus. We passed a section with a huge tree standing by itself. In that tree were about 30 vultures. Let me just tell you that being escorted into a prohibited area in Mexico with Vulture staring at you from a tree is enough to give anyone a…how should i say this…a little bit of moment. Trusting our guide, we waved goodbye to the vulture and carried on upwards. Then there were more vultures. And beautiful views. Oh and a cow! And more vultures… We pulled up to the top and everyone stopped on a little curl de sac/round about thing. They turned our ATVs off, we took our helmets off, and they handed out a bottle of water to everyone. We all just started to wander and stare. It was INCREDIBLE. I mean, I felt like I was in Jurassic park…but without the carnivores trying to kill me…though the vultures still seemed quite sus. We snapped a bunch of photos and learned a bit about Canopy River the company. It’s a 100% Mexican company created by the people who live in the highlands/mountains. Their families own all this land and years and years ago they started with zip lines. He told us to make suggestions about what they could add because the guests had really built this place. At first someone said “there should be a restaurant up here” so they did it. Then ATVs, then horseback riding and a pool. They also built one of the longest ATV bridges in the world. You could see it in the distance. He told us that it could hold the weight of 35 ATVs at one time. I started counting our ATVs with concern….before he told us we would NOT be going on the bridge. Seeing as how the bridge looked see through and about 500 feet above the ground…everyone was cool with that. Turns out that a guest told him they should have a hotel up there, and sure enough, as we drove back to the ranch we passed a building being constructed that will be their hotel, which opens next year. Great way to build a business. very impressive. We got back and They gave us about an hour before getting back on the bus. I’m fairly certain that’s to give us time to enjoy a margarita and some very reasonably priced food at their restaurant….AND for their sales team to approach you with a tablet of every photo they had taken of you on your ride. There were 17 of them! What were they hiding in the bushes or something?! I was told it was 1 picture for 20 bucks or all of them on a USB drive for 60 bucks. If I had a family with me and a bunch of pictures, I would have paid the 60. They are essentially selling a USB drive for 60 dollars. Great margins in that. Good business move guys! Instead I bought 1 photo of me splashing the most amount of water possible with my ATV. ACTION SHOT! I overpaid…but I love it and memories are supposed to be priceLESS people. Though this one was 20 bucks… I ate some food (Ceviche bad, fish tacos great!) and went to go head back to the ship. This time my luck ran out…no AC bus. Only open air green bench truck. It wasn’t bad on the way down to be honest. It was when we got back to the city at what I imagine is a pretty busy time to be traveling around the beach and hotel area. I don’t think I have ever hated red lights and traffic more than I did at that moment. No breeze in your hair during gridlock. Finally we made it back and I bought a little hand carved chess set from one of the vendors (the only thing I bought on this trip). Back on the ship, I plopped onto bed and tried to remember what was next. I had about 3 hours before dinner at Izumi and Showgirl —their poorly named production show that evening. So I decided to read a little bit, finish up a post you guys read days ago and get ready for dinner!

Some photos of Hooked dinner. Puerto Vallarta tomorrow!

So a few posts ago I mentioned that I would be finishing out MAZATLAN with a review of Izumi for dinner…well I got my days mixed up. I’m keeping notes in my phone but because I am both unplugging and doing this, I’m having to do everything after the fact and my mind has gotten a little hazy…it could be the vacation…its could be the vodka. Who can say?! I actually ended up going to HOOKED again but this time for dinner. I had requested my same seat I had for lunch. Against the window on the back left. The giant porthole design of the window actually serves as a nice little arm rest when you against the windows in the booth, and as most who know me would tell you…I LOVE my conveniences. I did not have the same server interestingly. I got Frances. A lovely young woman from the Philippines. She greeted me and made her suggestions. I am increasingly aware that the chef suggestions might be the lowest cost items they have. Once again…clam chowder, clam chowder, clam chowder again, and the platter that has shrimp, a 4 oz lobster tail and cod/salmon. I don’t like clam chowder people! Also, why would I get the plate with 4oz lobster when you have a surf and turf that gives me a filet instead of cod or a 1.5 pound Maine lobster??? I flat out ignored all of her suggestions except for dessert. I didn’t know what to get at lunch previously so I just didn’t get anything…plus it was day 1 so I wasn’t in full stuff-face mode yet. She suggested I get the brownie. It had a salted caramel ice cream with chocolate and caramel sauce served on it. She sold me when she said: ’Also, Mister Jesse, the brownie is made with dark chocolate. And we want to be healthy on this cruise, yes? Dark chocolate is good for the heart. You should order it for your health.” HA. I loved her instantly. Oh, the biscuits…they were still fluffy and warm. it wasn’t just Day 1 luck! I got oysters again (they barely take up any room, why wouldn’t I?) and ordered their shrimp cocktail because I wanted to compare to Chops. She asked me if I wanted traditional or Mexican style? Uhhhh. Say what now? Mexican style is basically shrimp cocktail sliced into little bites, combined with avocado, onions, jalapeño, cucumber (???), herbs, Tabasco, and tossed in a tomato-ish cocktail sauce. Being torn between comparing to Chops and trying something new…I did the Cruisiest thing I could think….I got both. First, I will say I was skeptical of the Mexican style shrimp cocktail but it was actually really really good. I love the little micro greens on the top! So cute! Surprisingly the cucumbers added a nice freshness to the tangy and spicy dish, and the avocado provided some creaminess. YUM! The traditional shrimp cocktail…well compared to Chops it wasn’t even close. You get 5 shrimp and not 4….so YAY MORE SHRIMP. Points for Hooked! Also, Shrimp cocktail is all about the freshness, size and preparedness. They have to be cooked perfectly to be great. Chops can sometimes be a little on the…done side. These shrimp were perfect. They were larger, there was an extra one, and they were done better. Points again! I went with the Maine Lobster because…I mean….do I need to say anything else. Now, I was on the Harmony in January of 2021 — back in the good ole days when you only had 6 people allowed in an elevator and there were like 22 people on the top of the ship for sail away (no kidding I have photos) — and I had the Maine lobster there too. Back then they steamed the whole thing and bibbed you. Though the lobster was good, something about being bibbed never makes dinner seem very…mature. Also, cracking and dismantling a lobster is WORK. If you don’t know what you’re doing…and I didn’t…you will leave satisfied…but probably stabbed in the hand by the nasty little devils shell spikes. I know they have changed how they serve it. Now they cut it in half, remove the meat from the claws and place them in the shell, and serve them like a dissected open faced lobster. You have the option for steamed or grilled. If anything can add a little smoke to my dish…I do it. I went with grilled. The new serving method is fabulous. So much easier and WAY less work. I mean who wants to work on a cruise!? Well…I guess you could argue me since i just spent two lengthy posts describing the IMMENSE amount of work I did climbing a mountain the same day. Well, that’s more reason to NOT have to work for dinner. My work quota has been filled. In fact, I will be requesting someone carry me my next activity. Walking is too much work. Who’s got the wheelbarrow? Soon, after my lobster was served (I got seasonal vegetables as a side) my server did one of those server things I just love. She walked over and dropped a plate in front of my lobster….with ANOTHER lobster tail on it. She leaned in and said “quick put it on your plate!” While she put her finger to her mouth in a “SHHH” manner, she smiled, looked over her shoulder, looked at me, and in a decidedly louder voice said “there, you can put your shells on this plate!” She winked and walked away. I love that she used the excuse about the shells…especially considering they now serve it in a way that you don’t really need to discard. Nice story though. I know it’s a small thing, but there is a feeling you get when a server does something like that…like they are more on your side than Royal Caribbean’s. I mean, I know she isn’t and that the lobster tail might have been an accidental order and that one measly lobster tail doesn’t make any difference to the cost basis for a restaurant on a cruise with thousands of people. But it does make you feel special, which is why it made me realize that you just don’t get that stuff in the specialty restaurants. That was a MDR move for sure. And I was living for. Also I was eating it. OMG it was good. Even the seasonal vegetable (zucchini, squash, broccolini, and carrots) were seasoned and grilled. The lobster still had its precious juices at the bottom of the shell, and of course clarified butter…I mean just give me an IV of the stuff…Well, actually don’t. I think that’s how you die. But I’ll eat it! Finally she came with the dessert. She dropped off the DELICIOUS looking brownie and we had a little moment when she placed it in front of me and we both looked at each other and said “For my health!” I took my first bite after laughing, and then I just couldn’t stop smiling. It was delicious. And I didn’t feel bad about it…I was merely replacing the calories I burned people. I don’t want to waste away! Overall, this is ship is the best that Hooked has to offer fleet-wide. I’m fairly certain there are only three (could be wrong…hard to keep track with all the AMPing going on), but there was honestly no comparison. The service, the food, the ambience and location. Hooked feels like an afterthought with its placement over the Solarium Bistro at the front of the Oasis ships. This restaurant is purposeful and proud. I think there is something about a restaurant that isn’t a new experiment that makes it a little different. I don’t know…I just know it was different. And it was great. I gambled a little bit, but honestly just a little bit. I went to bed EARLY due to all the sweating and work and food that I had in my comfy belly. It was a great day full of work and sweat and lobster and decadence and pride. I don’t think I stop smiling from brownie to bed.

It was definitely work that’s for sure!

Some photos of the mazatlan hike! And one of a very sweaty Jesse

Glad to help! I know that agony sooooo well. You’ll be there soon!

Ah! I’m so sorry! Hopefully todays two updates got you covered! As my first live cruise blog I have to say there is an interesting balance you have to consider….responsibility to post and NEED to just unplug and vacay. Mostly that’s because it’s become apparent I don’t know how to write a short post….so the updates take more time than I thought hahah. but I mean…that hiking story…how could I NOT tell all the details!? And I still left some out. again. Hope you liked the hiking story for your fix haha. More “food porn” to come!

Left my bingo gear at home this time and haven’t done it! I’m not sure if Andy is here but if he’s hilarious they better keep him!

Awwww! Thanks for reading!

Cristobal!!!!! Loved him!

So there I was, already sopping wet, being told the hard part is coming. 336 stairs. Oof that’s a lot of stairs. Cristobal tells us that we will stop three times on the way up. That when we get to the last rest we only have like 5% to go and to not give up. He then decides to tell us that locals consider this an achievement to brag about and quickly realize that no one else sweating their faces off has a little excursion sticker on. They all look as rough (okay not as rough) as Im sure as I look, and THEY LIVE HERE. Dear. God. Oh yeah, forgot to mention, right before we took the break, there are two EZ-UP tents set up. One is selling water and Powerade for like 15 bucks a piece. And the other one is a guy at a table next to an ATV and a sign that says EMERGENCIA. Thats bodes well… So up the stairs we go. And oh man are they some stairs. The first two hundred are pretty deep stairs apparently. As in you have to take a step on flat ground before getting to the next step. This sounds nice until you realize that means the same foot/leg/hip is taking every step. This gets uncomfortable…so you do a little shimmy mini step to switch to the other side. This is fine, until that side hurts and you have to do it again. I tried to do the shimmy mini step every step but you just look down right ridiculous taking 8 inch steps, like you’re a cartoon spy tiptoeing into a bank or something. About halfway up the first 100 stairs I realize I am going way too fast. I need to chill. Chilling is impossible literally. It’s Hades up here people. I just mean slow down a bit. Pace. Yeah, pacing will help. It does…for about 4 seconds. Finally, Cristobal calls for a break when we get to a landing between steps that has a ledge to sit on (praise!) and trees to shade said ledge (PRAISE!) I commence in spraying my very white skin with more sunscreen, chug a very Luke warm water and try to catch my breath. It’s a this time that Cristobal, asked one of us to feel his tea. Huh? He pulls out his bottle of iced tea from his back pack and it is actually iced. Like…cold? I didn’t know Yeti made back packs. I decide to see how much they are and then decide not to waste the time cause I don’t think I will EVER do this again. Then he reveals his secret. An ice pack. We all stare at like it’s a certificate for free cruises for life. He then tells us he has five of these in his back pack. FIVE. Cristobal has been holding out! Before mutiny begins, he goes on to say that he brings these because he is in charge of taking care of us, and if any of us feel dizzy or light headed that we shouldn’t act strong and tell him immediately. Apparently there are three effective ways to avoid heat stroke quickly and they all involve an ice pack. Put it on your head and then put your hat on—don’t have a hat soooo yeah. Put it on the back of your neck. Okay I knew that one. God that sounded good. Put it in your armpit. Okay that’s a new one, but ewwwww how many pits have those ice packs breached? Apparently cooling the artery there is one of the fastest ways to cool down. Im pretty sure everyone is about to jump for said ice packs of glory when he reminds us that he only has five and really only wants to use them in emergencies. Okay fine, you win safety. Someone from the CPB walks up to me and says “wait did he say something about ice?” They were strayed off from the group taking selfies. Ugh. We start up the second leg of the stairs and get about halfway and i need to take a little break of my own. I notice about 4 people take my lead and also stop for a moment. Im drinking some water when I hear a CRACK. I look up and sadly see that a lovely man in his 60s who was in my open air transportation group (shout out group 3!!!) to the lighthouse base, is on the ground. He apparently slipped and fell HARD on his knee cap on the stone stairs. And you could hear it. We all surround him and pepper him with “oh my gods” and “are you okays” and “What can I dos.” It’s nice to know that people are still good at the core. I believe that. His wife sits next to him and Cristobal tells him to rest, gives him an ice pack and says to stay there and if they feel they can make it to the top then take their time and they will see them there. “We will spend about 15 minutes up top so hopefully we see you there, if not then we will meet back here.” The guy is grateful for the rest and ice pack and says that’s A OK with him. I feel bad. Probably not as bad as he does. My dad once banged his knee into a concrete bench that stupidly blended in the walkway we were on and it hurt him for WAY more than a day. The lady next to me said she heard it too and thought it had to be a hairline fracture at least. Ouch. Okay so my burning legs and sweat aren’t SO bad I realize. Off we go. It’s at this point that are tightly clumped group of climbers spreads further and further out, with more people taking their own breaks. We don’t need your approval to stop Cristobal! When we get to the final landing, the first step says 300 on it in white paint. OMG. Only 36 more to go. I decide I will ask for an ice pack when we get to the top. As a reward of course. We rest, and it takes about 10 minutes for the whole crew to get there (minus knee guy and his wife). A young lady is one of the last ones up and she plops down and says “This is literally the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.” Girl, preach. Sensing this could be a problem, the ever attentive Cristobal scuttles over and hands her an ice pack and tells her to put it between her hat and her head. She’s a fair skinned human and she looked RED. Okay, maybe I wont use an ice pack as a reward. That’s two down… Cristobal wants to count his ducklings as always and notices that three of us are missing. He gets very concerned…until someone points out the CPB off the side huddled over their phones. One of them looks like she is using her shirt to provide sun for her phone. FOR HER PHONE. We set off on the final stretch and it really is the shortest leg but feels the hardest. As I get to the top and look out over the INCREDIBLE view I see Cristobal and I full on thrust both fists in the air to declare Victory! He calls us over to an area under two trees with a bench. I was not the first up so the bench is taking. Whatever…oh what’s that right there? Ground? Looks like a bench to me! Dirt and rock never felt so comfortable. Cristobal waits a few minutes for the last of the group to join us at the top. He starts to tell us about Mazatlan. How tourism is everything to them and how he appreciated our business. He asks us to fill out a survey which we were more than happy to do. We all got a little piece of paper and filled it out. I handed mine back with about 100 apologies that it was wet. He then tells us a little more about the city and points out into the ocean to two very large rocks popping up out of the ocean. He asks us why do we think they are white? Those of us who can breathe still don’t know the answer so he says he going to give of a little test. Multiple choice! A. We are near where the Titanic sank so they are icebergs. HA yeah right, that’s a different ocean and if that were an iceberg we would all be looking around for a hang glider to go lay are whole bodies on them. B. Salt. The ocean is salt, waves crash against it all the time. When the water evaporates then the salt is left. This sound possible, but then I consider rain…Salt would wash away. Nope. Before he gets to C he asks us all to make sure we keep this a secret. Top secret. Like you can’t have your phones up at all. Put them away he says. And I’m not kidding when I say that one of the CPB actually lifts up her phone. To him, it looks like she is recording. He kind of politely says something, she keeps her phone up. Finally, in the only moment of frustration from Dear Cristobal, he gets a little firm with her. He doesn’t want to be recorded. Im sitting right behind her so I can see that she is actually just ignoring him and taking a selfie which unfortunately has just enough Sweaty Jesse in it that someone is gonna zoom in on the photo back at home and be like…”who is that mess?!” With pure divine intervention, her phone goes black. It’s too hot to take photos. HAHA. The phone needs an ice pack! Well Samsung can stay hot, cause she’s not getting one. C. The drug cartels fly over this part of Mexico with their planes of cocaine and many of them have had to ditch cargo randomly. Thus, staining the rocks white. We are all silent and then he laughs and weirdly says “NO, if that were cocaine you’d see 1000s of people swimming towards it” HA D. The rocks are great places for birds to rest. Birds eat fish. Fish have bones. Birds turn fish bones into a liquid and poop it out white. The rocks are covered with bird poo. Ding Ding Ding! And ewwwwwwww. Never knew rocks covered in bird caca would be so photogenic. He takes us over to another landing and offers to take photos of us with the whole city (and or cruise ship that looks soooo little) behind us. It’s a trophy of a picture. I joke with Cristobal and ask if I lost any of my eye lashes. He laughs and take three pictures that are absolute nightmares. Yet, I have never been so proud to look such a wreck. I love those ugly photos. I realize now that my shorts are a different color. And before you think something is about to happen related to poo again…it’s sweat. Yes…my whole shirt is a different color and my SHORTS are sweaty all the way to bottom. The sweat from my shirt has continued its pathway down and I am actually soaked head to two. I realize IM going to have to hang all these clothes to dry in my bathroom…oh my poor stateroom attendant when he walks in there. We finish the photo shoot pretty quickly because the CPB can only use 1 of their phones to take photos. Another one has bit the heat bullet. They were also —for the first time that day — exactly where they needed to be. It was a photo op after all. We head down the mountain and discover that knee guy and his wife and nowhere to be found. We stop by the emergency services…no one is there. Uhhhhhh. Not good. Cristobal jaunts forward and says they are probably at the bottom. It feels good to be done. I loved it, but I was wet head to toe people! Nobody needs a break on the way down, but they doesn’t stop Cristobal from stopping us to point out a hummingbird sitting on a branch. Huh….I’ve never seen one not flying before. SO LITTLE. But we’re all like “yeah yeah nice hummingbird let’s get the hell off this mountain!” —but nicer than that. We get to the bottom and find knee guy on the curb with his knee wrapped and dripping. The store owner at the base packed a ziploc with ice and wrapped it for him while he waited. Super nice. Everyone here is just so nice. Having all the little ducklings back Cristobal has us count off again to make sure we are all there. You guessed it…we only got to fifteen. Across the street the CPB was back in front of the Faro Mazatlan sign taking photos again. Apparently, their phones have gotten a second wind. Cristobal had told us before the tour that if we wanted to he would tell the drivers to go to Old Town Mazatlan to drop off those of us who wanted to walk around and sight see before continuing to the ship. Before we had embarked on the Saharan Trek up a mountain, I had thought….oooooo yeah Im going to do that! Most of did Im sure. Now that it’s over, Cristobal asks who wants to go to Old Town —knowing you would have to walk back to the ship…which is a mile. Crickets. No one said anything. “You just want to go back to the ship?” If you have never heard 18 exasperated and relieved people say “Yes” at the same time, it’s pretty funny. And also…thank god. We climb in the back with the rest of group 3, which is me, the knee guy and his wife, and the CPB. Number 1 of the CPB looks at me and says “So, what, are you cruising alone?” My go to response triggers: “Nope. I’m solo…Im with all you fine people!” I’ve never been so grateful for how FRIGID Royal Caribbean keeps its little security check area when you get back on the ship. Though it only took about 20 seconds for the shivering to start. After all…when you are literally sopping wet…blasting AC feels like about 10,000 ice packs. Back in the room, I think i just plopped into bed (after putting a towel down. Your welcome cabin attendant.) and stared at the ceiling for about an hour. But then I looked out my balcony and saw that little white building on that mountain again. Hey, I did that. Yeah. I did that. Then my stomach made played an orchestra. God I was starving. Izumi again for dinner! Tell you guys about it in a bit!

OKAY! So I’m back and relaxing on the balcony so I can do some catch up! First things first, thanks so much for all of you following along. I am grateful for the positivity and am extremely happy to be providing the same “Vicarious Live Throughs” (VLT’s??) that I have sought out so many times before. Alright, so if you’ll remember…the night before Mazatlan I thought we were going to Puerto Vallarta the next day. SUPER happy i turned on the little Cruise Director TV show so that I didn’t miss my excursion. Also, you’ll remember I did the one thing you’re never supposed to do on a cruise. I skipped dinner. Although…after seeing all that food I ate in Cabo, you guys can probably understand a little bit better. I woke up around 6:45 just to be safe and realized I had signed up for a Light House Hike and didn’t eat the night before…and its like 400 degrees out. And humid. And genetically….lets just say….I’m a sweater. I sweat in an instant. Like…breathe on me…and Im sweating. So I decided to check out the Diamond Lounge. First time in there, which is weird because it is located directly below me. It’s one staircase and about 3 minutes away. I enjoy this Diamond Lounge more than the Wonder’s for sure. Yeah its a bit smaller, but its a smaller ship. This one has windows though and doesn’t feel Like the Diamond Cave Lounge, which is nice early in the morning. Had myself a little strawberry parfait (no picture necessary lol) and I toasted a piece of bread, but three pieces of their already room temperature sweating (hey like me!) cheddar cheese on top of said hot toasted bread. The room temp cheese actually works in my favor because the toast is actually hot enough to melt it. And then I put some prosciutto on it for a little open faced brekkie sandie. PROTEIN ACHIEVED. Albeit salt and fat achieved as well, but hey I had a parfait! Small note: does every single Diamond Lounge have a permanent resident who sits right in the middle and talks on the phone so loud they must actually believe they live there. Cause this one had one. I feel like they all have one. This dude had a ten minute conversation with someone about their Corvette…..fascinating. Went to the room to get my hiking clothes on! Hiking clothes on a cruise, by the way, consists of things that air goes through easily due to aforementioned expertise in sweating. And dark clothes weirdly. Dark clothes in the sun? Well, trust me…if I wear white…I’m a walking wet tee shirt contest that’s constantly getting buckets of water thrown on me. Also, some 5.5 inch inseam shorts. Who wears short shorts?! Hiker Jesse. Again, the theory being…more higher air to skin ratio. I sprayed about half the can of sunscreen on myself and felt ready to brace the day. It’s at that point I looked out the balcony and saw a really cool mountain with a little white thing on it. Hmmm. That’s interesting. Excursion is at 8:15. Meet up in the theater. I think this is the first time I’ve ever met up for an excursion in the theater, and now I realize it’s because it’s for the excursions that leave like…THE MOMENT we dock. Not too many people in the theater (makes sense…8:00am and drink packages typically don’t hang out), so I was given a yellow sticker with 23 and told to go sit in a row with about 15-20 people if I had to guess. They called our group and we walked outside to do what I hate the most….stand on the pier and wait. Oh, the stragglers. At least our excursion director Cristobal started the form and sign in sheet while we waited for two more. They arrived before we were done so I should retract my previous annoyance. They added no time at all to the excursion. Cristobal Gave us yet ANOTHER sticker. This one was orange and rectangular. SO i placed it at the bottom of circular yellow 23 so it looked like a sun setting! Haha. Oh the things we do to amuse ourselves. There were 18 of us (i was close!) and everyone was ready to go. I was surprised to notice that I was not the guy with the shortest shorts. Harumph. The sign in sheet was funny too. They made you list your age next to your cabin number, which everyone had something to say about. It also proves I am terrible at guessing ages. People were 50 I would have guessed were 40. People were 30 I would have guessed 40. I mean…Im 37 and I look 22. HAHAHHAHAHAH. Cristobal Informed us that because the Mazatlan port is a commercial port we can not legally walk to the actual port entrance but had to take a shuttle — or very large golf cart towing another golf cart. This makes the 3rd time I had to take a thing to get to the thing (LAX Uber to hotel, Cabo tender, and now this) So mannnnny steps. As we drove to the entrance I had major cruise embarkation Port of Los Angeles flashbacks. Once again, SURROUNDED with shipping containers. And oddly a LOT of brand new cars. It’s really weird seeing the same car hundreds of times just parked next to each other waiting for some owner somewhere. Anyway we got to the port entrance and Cristobal Told us that we were going to take a break (this becomes a theme), and I’m like…WHAT? ALREADY? We haven’t even hiked yet. THEN he tells us that this is the best option for a bathroom for the rest of our time. While hiking to the lighthouse there is no where to stop —apparently its not the slip off behind a tree kind of hike — and that there are three bathrooms at the base of the hike that are…and Im quoting here…”are okay only in case of emergencies in my opinion.” Yeah, I don’t want anything to do with an Emergency Only Bathroom. Dear lord what those stalls have seen. So, even though I don’t need to, I do what my parents always told us as kids right before any form of longer car journey…EMPTY OUT! That might be an overshare…sorry. But if you have kids that always have to pee like 20 minutes into a roadtrip after they said they didn’t have to go when you were leaving…that phrase really works! When we’re all out of the bathroom. Cristobal Tells us a little bit about the lighthouse. It is the highest elevated working natural lighthouse on the planet. Ummmmm. Ooookay. I asked what a natural light house was…thinking the whole structure was like…carved out of a mountain or something. Nope…it means they put a regular sized light house on a mountain, instead of building a whole tower. Apparently Gibraltar was number 1 for a LONG time, but it has since stopped actually serving as a light house, so Mazatlan for the win! Cristobal Points behind him and something in the distance. Remember that tall cool mountain with the tiny white thing on it I mentioned before…yeah. That’s where we are going Um, yikes. Okay, yeah. Sure. Mmmhmmm. Yup. He tells us it’s only a 1.2 mile hike for the whole round trip. A lot of us, sighed in relief and said…oh that’s not bad! Oh good. But then he says the whole thing is uphill, and the second half is over 300 stairs. Relief gone. Evaporated like I wish the sweat on my forehead would…Yes Im already sweating and were just standing outside. It’s like 95 degrees with a RealFeel of about 107 and there is NO BREEZE AT ALL. The elevation? Well, the lighthouse is just under 550 feet up. Some quick math. Half the hike is .6 miles. 550 feet is about 70 stories. So we have to walk up 70 stories in roughly a half mile? Cool….cool cool cool. We walk through the cruise port and get on YET another mode of transportation, three open air red trucks. We plot into groups and board. I know it’s open air, but at least it’s moving. So manufactured breeze is better than no breeze at all, I say. When we get there, I see this really cool stone sign that says “Fero Mazatlan.” I should tell you that Cristobal Is really cool by the way. He has a great attitude, is really supportive and genuinely wants to teach us something about his culture. He often would mix Spanish words in and teach them to us. Even when he was counting us to make sure we were all there and not…you know…fallen off the side of a mountain…he would have us count out loud and in Spanish. He tells us that Fero is actually a word not just used for Lighthouse….but it could be a flashlight, a lighter, or a match. Anything that you turn on for light. Thats cool and I didn’t know that! Learning and sweating YAY! He tells us that we should all take a picture now in front of the sign if we want. He says…definitely do it before and not after because you will be sweaty messes (uh, WILL be?). He tells this hilarious story of this woman who was, as he said, rather attractive, who said she would take a picture after the fact. She didn’t listen basically. And apparently, when she reached the bottom and got her picture taken, she did NOT realize that she had lost one of her fake eyelashes! HAHA…wait…We are going to sweat so much that things that have been like…glued on can fall off????? Every snaps pictures and it’s pretty quick except for this one group of three that asked for a group shot took it — and then promptly asked for individual photos too. And multiples. I wouldn’t have been irritated normally…but I was scouring the area looking for shade and cursing myself for not having a hat. Also 1 bottle of water down. These three people shall be called the Cell Phone Brigade —or the CPB — from now on, as they were literally never where they were supposed to be because they were on their phones…try to take photos, trying to see where they were on a map, trying to track fitness or something. IM all for technology. But like….lets live a little too. We start the walk, which I am grateful for because even though its only 9AM and its scorching and I’m sweating, at least were moving forward. Let’s get this show on the road. Cristobal Says we can’t bring any food on the trail and that the people at the gate will check our bags. He says they are Mazatlan police so if you have anything..ANYTHING AT ALL…that maybe you purchased to eat or SMOKE later… he pauses Then give it to him because he is happy to take it off your hands. HAHA. One of the CPB - who wasn’t listening to the obvious joke - said “Wait, I have a muffin is that okay?” Cristobal Says “a green muffin?” HA We’ve started to walk and it’s definitely a path that is uphill but honestly not too bad. About 45 seconds on the trail….we stop. Seriously!? Cristobal Wants to tell us about some of the local Flora and Fauna. And I’m actually pretty down for that. I just didn’t appreciate the Flora and Fauna not growing in a shaded area! He points out an Aloe Vera plant and tells us in Mexico they call it Seville (Sa-Ve-yah) because the aloe looks like saliva. Apparently they also put it in water and drink its naturall when they have stomach issues or heart burn. Hmmm…didn’t know that. He then points out Agave and tells us about how Tequila is kind of like Champagne in France. It’s not what they call the product there because Tequila is actually a place. The place is comes from. Tells us a bit about Mezcal and then asks us all to turn around. We do, and there is a very large, very ugly, abandoned industrial complex of some kind. There are two large dome thingies next to a square building. Cristobal Says “You know about savile plant, and the agave plant, and that is the CACA Plant. HAHA Sewage treatment jokes. “That plant is used to make CACA Chanel.” He points to the second dome and says “Thats CACA Chanel Number 2” HIlarious! Okay, back to walking and sweating…well I never stopped sweating so…back to walking and continuing to sweat! I start to see signs that make how many meters up we are. We get to the first one (100m) yay! We get to the second one (200m) ::breathes hard:: yay! Time to take a break says Cristobal. So many breaks! Thankfully there is a gorgeous view and two small trees that are about as tall as i am and have some shade. I huddle underneath one and listen from the ground. And then I nearly jump off my skin when the ground moved next to me! Extremely sleeping and very hot, there is a stray cat just chilling…this mountain is full of them by the way.Cristobal tells us that sadly, they rely on people bringing them food and have no idea how to find food for themselves. So when the pandemic struck and no one could use the trail, many of them died. How awful. We’re on our way again! For about 10 minutes. Another break. I would be annoyed but were about 400M in now and were alllllllll starting to need the breaks. It’s then I decide to trust the break timing of Cristobal. This time when we stop he points out an iguana in a tree. Thats nice. He also chooses places with shade for breaks. Which is nicer. Finally we get to the 600M mark. Halfway! We pause for a break. I pour a liquid IV into a water bottle and chug it, considering I have probably sweat three bottles of water at least. My whole shirt is now a different color. The napkin I took from the bathroom at port is soaked and starting to tear…My legs are hurting. But man the views are gorgeous. And the sense of accomplishment doesn’t suck. Cristobal then tells us were are halfway up! YAY. And then what he says next makes the whole group collectively groan. “Okay guys! That was the easy part!” Ummmmmmmmmm More after lunch! I gotta get to Chops!

Can you be more specific when you say “the bar?” Lol…there are like 114 of them. 😂 Ill just look around tomorrow and see if i see it!

Sorry folks, I’m going to be a few hours behind on today’s post at Mazatlan. Obviously Im doing this the next day I got hit with a quadruple Axel combo of an 8am port, an 5.5 hour excursion, a LONG port (8 to 5:30 is long for this cruise!) and LOSING an hour. UGH. Add in coming back to the ship in an open air bus in Puerto Vallarta traffic and it means that I basically just took a shower and nap and now I have dinner. I’ll try to post about my day tonight but don’t blame me if I take care of Mazatlan tomorrow morning and Puerto Vallarta in the evening…Im on vacay after all and it’s a sea day! Way easier to do this on sea days! Here’s a teaser though…there was a pretty scary injury, several discussions about poo from our excursion guide, and me getting sweatier than I knew I could possibly be. Here are some photos from Cabo I forgot to post.

I will admit that when I saw the pic of this clip I was like…OH NOOOO. But then i watched it and I’m like…OH YEAH!!! That is a beautiful musical interlude! Props to the crew. I mean that probably gets old but they don’t show it for one second do they? Thanks for the clip!

Day 3 - Cabo So I started the day feeling a little uneasy. It has been a LONG time since I was at a tender port, so I had no idea how the tender ticket process was going to go. Was it going to be a mob of people waiting outside the dining room? When the doors open at 10AM is my chief concern no longer going to be getting an early tender, but instead, trying to avoid being one of the 7 people that inevitably get trampled by my fellow VERY recently and VERY well fed passengers? How many tenders are there? Will it take an hour to get off the ship? If I do this wrong will I get off the tender and have to get right back on the last tender back to ship? Soooo, yeah I decided I should probably get to the dining room half an hour early at 9:30 just in case. Keep in mind I have been on Oasis class for probably the last 6 or 7 cruises…so mobs of people is just something I’ve come to expect. I get there at the aforementioned half an hour early mark and there is…to my surprise…a line of about six people. And they are all rummaging through their bags…Not really a line actually. More of a blob. I looked past them into the dining room and there is a little table with two crew members and some little pieces of flimsy paper! The all important tender ticket! Then I saw this dude just walk into the dining room —completely avoiding the blob I was in — and get a ticket and leave! Uh….its only 9:30….what’s going on? I consider the fact that maybe I’m not in the tender blob. Maybe this is just an independent family blob and I’m just awkwardly standing next to them. That would be weird. So I just stroll into the dining room, confident as all get out (Act like you belong there!) and am greeted with a pleasant “You need tender ticket?” Why yes, I do. I was then asked if I planned on getting off the ship early or later and I’m like…is that even a question? Early please! He handed me the precious tender ticket! The incredibly significant, necessary and powerful tender ticket! It was a tiny piece of paper that somehow felt cheap. I’ve never felt cheap paper before. (Well that’s not true…thanks toilet paper!) I worried that if i stuffed it into my pocket it would simply turn to dust. I carefully —with two hands — lifted the tender ticket a la Indiana Jones when he replaced that gold thing with a bag of dirt he somehow thought would weigh the same as METAL only to get chased by a very angry and determined boulder. Tender 5! Winner! I think….is that good? Again…how many tenders are there? There has to be at least 10 right? Also…I have to give Royal Carrie a credit….but opening early and not telling anyone…they avoided creating a MUCH larger tender blob outside the MDR. My Time Dining on Lobster night (old lobster night of course) kind of large. All the people like me who were trying to beat aforementioned blob got to just go in…so all the on time people didn’t have to stand behind us. Credit earned Royal. Credit earned. Although definitely kind of sneaky and misleading. It worked out for me so I didn’t mind the manipulation. So now it’s like…9:32 and I don’t know what to do. I had budgeted like an hour for this…what to do with this free time? Eat? NO….I’m going to have amazing Mexican food in Mexico. Drink? Early. Too early. Even for me. I knew I had to post something about Day 2 and I knew I would be out and about for MOST of the day, as we anchored at around 12:30. So yes…post it was. I headed up to a venue I HAVE LOVED on previous ships and have had some truly incredible memories in, yet had somehow not managed to visit on this ship. The Viking Crown Lounge. What a great way to see us rolling into port and write, while also making sure I wasn’t missing the Arch moment on the helipad. I just love that space. The views and the light and honestly the best on the ship. I remember when Oasis and Allure still had that space before converting it to Suite Lounge. Those were the days. I banged out the food post I hope you all read and noticed that we were getting close…probably…I think…most likely…What? How would I know? I’ve never been to Cabo? But I guessed correctly and headed to the helipad. Surprisingly, the King of the World spot was completely empty. So yes, don’t mind if I do. Also, it took approximately 28 seconds before someone came up behind me and shouted KING OF THE WORLD directly in my ear. Dude, I’m standing here and have functioning ears. Well…they used to function. But honestly it didn’t bother me. I love some fearless enthusiasm. I got some great pictures…Tried to time lapse and failed because of the screaming guy I just mentioned. Almost dropped my phone in the ocean. Didn’t, though. So that’s good. Saw a sea lion again. They have adorable little heads. Reminds me of my dog at home. Awwwww…dog moment! Finally made my way down to the tender area…well…the seats at Schooner bar cause I’m not standing for an indeterminate amount of time no matter what it is. I also got there 30 minutes early in case they started the process at 12:30 and not 1 like their lying little sheet of paper that was delivered to my stateroom the previous day said. Again…they lied. But again…for my benefit so I didn’t mind. It took maybe 5 minutes for groups 1 and 2 to board. And they announced 3,4, AND 5. YAY. Boarding and sitting in the tender reminded me a lot of riding the bus when I lived in New York. You were crammed in and could stop, turn, rock back and forth, and want to throw up at any given moment. Again, this was around 12:30 so the amount of boats running tourists to the Arc (a path that cuts directly between the ship and our marina by the way) was alarming. What was more alarming was the amount of wake they created. Literally, I thought water was going to come over the side of the boat we were rocking so much. I was sitting in the front section too…which is deeper in the boat than the back section and I was smack dab in the middle. Physics-wise I guess that’s probably the best place to be because you don’t have the full swing as when you’re rocking on the side…but it’s didn’t feel great. There was a family of five in front of me, one of which was a little boy who was probably 6 or so. His parents got freaked out about the rocking and tried to put the life vest they had brought from their room over his head…without unbuckling it. They tried to stuff it around his cute little head but the straps…still unbuckled would simply not allow it. Before they figured it out and fixed it the boy said “You’re going to make me die!” HA You’re going to bring me death…with a LIFE vest. Hilarious. Also…is this a thing? Do people bring their life vests from the room on tenders all the time? What do you do with it all day other than curse its existence while you carry it around? Tangent! About five days ago i was on the phone with one of my best friends who I met living in NYC, who currently lives in South Carolina. She told me that our other best friend from NYC (we were quite the trio!) was working in Cabo the very same time I was visiting! I hadn’t seen here for about 2 years now because…well life…you know. I texted her and that’s how I figured out what I would be doing in Cabo. We both work for HIlton and she works at the Hilton Los Cabos. I thought it would be fun to just lounge and eat and chat all day so I booked a room on employee rate. We also get 50% off food at certain restaurants throughout Hilton and this hotel happened to offer that discount. So the plan was to Uber to hotel and just catch up in the restaurant and bar and pool. Also, I will admit that I had a little bit of a “Oh you idiot” moment when I realized that Mexico had Uber. It had just never occurred to me because of all my time in the Caribbean islands. So when my Mom told me to be safe traveling in Mexico by myself, I could be like…Mom, I don’t think UBER is going to kidnap me. And she agreed. Not only do they have Uber but they are waaaaay better at it. I don’t know how…but the cars were always 1-2 minutes away. They got to you faster than Jimmy Johns. Freaky Fast. Anyway, I got off the tender and went through a line where they check your bag and a man to my left was offering free maps of the port. I almost always take a map. I don’t know why I didn’t. I’m thinking…how hard can it be to find the ROAD? Well if you turn right instead of left….really hard. I ended walking probably for about 10 to fifteen minutes around the marina just looking for a break between the stores and restaurants that would lead me to a road..all the while being lobbied for a water taxi, or a trip to the arc, or Lovers beach, or weed or cocaine. yes that happened. Like 5 times! Maybe it’s cause I was solo? But it’s kind of funny in retrospect. Every single one of them would say “weed? cocaine?” after I walked past them by about 3 feet under their breath. Duh. I just had this image…like…what are they expecting someone to suddenly stop in their tracks and just TWIRL around and announce to the world…WHAT? Why YES that’s what I need! As i said before it took me 15X longer to get to where I could finally get an uber than actually getting the uber and I was on my way. When I got there…y’all….this hotel is NICE. If you have a chance to stay there. DO IT. If you have a chance to eat there DO IT. When I checked in, they greeted me at the car and said they had a welcome drink ready for me. A hibiscus margarita. It’s after 12 so…yes please. I checked in and received a LOT of quizzical looks from the bellhops when they realized the only bag I had was my beach bag. I think one of them got in the uber to make sure. Haha. I met my friend and we ate and talked and ate and drank and swam and had about 6 hours that honestly flew by in an instant. We’re not great with calling each other on the phone, but she’s one of those friends you just pick up where you left off the second you see each other. We got guacamole and salsa, ceviche, a steak quesadilla, and three fish tacos and just family styled it. OMG THE FOOD HERE. I had ceviche so good that it made me feel like I’d never actually REALLY had ceviche before. The steak quesadilla is a steak quesadilla….not a BEEF quesadilla. They asked how we wanted it cooked! I was like…uh medium rare quesadilla please? And it WAS! Honestly its one of the best meals I’ve ever had ever. I Ubered back to the ship, smacked myself on the forehead when the Uber driver dropped me off almost next to the tenders (SHOULDA GRABBED A MAP JESSE!), and quickly boarded the back of a tender. The back of the tender, combined with the fact that it wasn’t water taxi rush hour provided for a much smoother ride. I was supposed to have Chops at 7:15. It was 6:15 and I think I had my last bite of food like an hour and a half before…Decisions. I decided to let the food of Cabo be my food for the day and skipped dinner. I just wanted to get clean and relax without any rush or schedule. Thats honestly one of my favorite parts of traveling solo…You can just…do something different if you want. There is no group vote or consensus. You just…do it. Went to see another comedian who seemed to get his biggest laughs when telling the crowd they weren’t laughing enough. “I feel like I’m performing for an audience of one!” He rode a unicycle and spent the first thirty minutes unicycling around stage doing impressions. This is uncycling from Texas. This is unicyling if your British, This is unicycling from Baltimore…which I thought was a VERY odd choice of impression. As a New Yorker on a unicycle, the joke was so stereotypical and expected that I actually said it with him. AY! IM UNICYCLING HERE! Ugh. It was getting really bad when he unzipped his jacket to show off his abs and made a joke about doing his laundry on them. Albeit, the guys was 60 so he took great care of himself obviously. The final straw though, when he started to juggle on the unicycle. TIme to go. Gambled a bit. STILL haven’t given all the money back yet! Yay! Went to bed early because I knew I had ATVs in Puerto Vallarta tomorrow at 9:15. I have this habit of putting the little cruise director prerecorded video on before bed just to see if there is something I don’t know. Well there was….Tomorrow was Mazatlan. Not Puerto Vallarta. And I had booked a Hike to the Mazatlan Light house which left at 8:15…NOT ATVs. So yeah…super happy that on I put on the show. Even happier that I changed the channel before I heard a single note of that ever-longing Wash Your Hands song. Honestly its worse than KARS4KIDS. See you tomorrow. Photos probably later.

Oh by the way…Hi I’m Jesse! Hahaha. Little late on that one. This is from Cabo. Background looks fake but that’s just what happened when I changed the focus to behind me so you could actually see the trees and not a screen of blinding light. Cabo stuff coming up!