How to drive in Samoa if you are a local

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:oHow to drive in Samoa if you are a local:o

In most countries driving is considered to be an effective method of travelling between two points. In Samoa driving is perhaps the best way in which you can demonstrate how bold and fearless you are.

LEARN TO IDENTIFY RENTAL CARS. The license plates of a large number of rental cars are prefixed by an R. Amaze your friends and family by demonstrating how you can reduce these hapless visitors to quivering wrecks.

ONLY OVERTAKE WHERE IT IS MOST DANGEROUS. What better way to demonstrate your prowess than by waiting until you come to a corner or the brow of a hill before overtaking the car in front of the car in front of you.

MAKE USE OF ALL OF THE ROAD. Why drive on the right hand side of the road, when most of the time you have all of the road available for your convenience.

DON'T SLOW DOWN ON CORNERS. If you have heeded the previous advice, you should realise that on right hand bends you can make use of the left hand side of the road, and thus not have to apply the brakes when going round corners.

NEVER IGNORE YOUR FRIENDS. Whenever you see someone you recognise, whether they be driving another vehicle, walking along the road, sitting in their house or working in the plantation, it is your duty as a good neighbour to stop immediately and converse with them. Do not look in mirror, do not signal and do not pull over to the side of the road. Never feel pressurised by the wrath of other motorists into curtailling a conversation about your brother in-law's neighbour's second cousin's taro patch, since you know that the irrate drivers behind you behave in exactly the same way..

BUS DRIVERS: KNOW YOUR RIGHTS. You drive the biggest vehicles in Samoa, behave as such. No one is going to argue. Momentum equals mass times velocity (or better still kinetic energy equals half the weight of your vehicle times the square of your speed); the faster you travel the more damage you can do, and the other road users know this. Keep the pedal to the metal and watch the roads clear infront of you.

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How to drive in Samoa as a tourist.

 

Please read How to drive in Samoa as a local, before you read this.

 

Driving in Samoa can be a terrifying experience if you have never done it before. We heard of one Australian traffic officer who had hired a car whilst he was on holiday in Samoa and after driving from Aggie Greys to the centre of Apia, no more than a mile, pulled over and called a Samoan friend of his and asked to be picked up, since he could not stomach the thought of driving any further.

 

It seems that Samoan drivers have the same attitude that has been observed in countries of the Middle East and Indian subcontinent; that is they know that their God is looking after them. To help you counter their exuberant style of driving we provide you with these, possibly life saving, tips.

 

BEWARE OF CORNERS. Driving with panache is a delight for Samoans and one of their favorite tricks is overtaking on corners. If the vehicle you encounter is not overtaking, then it will nevertheless certainly be on what you believed to be your side oof the road. We suggest that you slow down to 10kmh and drive with the right wheels in the ditch. It is probably just as safe to drive at 10kph with your left wheels in the ditch on the left hand side of the road.

 

BEWARE OF THE BROW OF A HILL. Actually only beware of blind brows of hills. It is a certainty that you will encounter two cars approaching you in parallel whenever you come to one. We suggest that you slow down to 10kmh and drive with the right wheels in the ditch.

 

BEWARE OF THE BUSES. It appears that the bus drivers singlehandly paid for and built the roads themselves, and believe that they are the only vehicles that have a right to use them. At first sight of a bus, locate the nearest driveway, pull into it and don't resume your jouney until it has completely disappeared from view.

 

DRIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. That is, when there are no buses, you are not near a corner and you are not approaching the brow of a hill. Samoa is full of suprises, and most of them appear infront of you as you are driving. The main obstacles to try and avoid are:

 

Chickens. The jokes are correct, which ever side of the road the chicken is on, it is always the wrong one, and it only realises this as you approach.

Pigs. For some reason pigs enjoying playing near the roads, and just as you approach they are bound to spot a friend on the other side.

Rugby balls, volleyballs and cricket balls. The most favoured location for a sports pitch in Samoa is within two yards of the road. This allows easy access for all who wish to participate.

Buses. Apart from being on the alert for buses when they are moving, they pose a hazard of a different nature when they stationary. Alighting passengers have a disconcerting tendency to cross the road from the end of the bus which is most distant to you. That is to say, you are unable to see them until they are in front of you.

NEVER PARK UNDER A COCONUT TREE. This one should be self evident