Leaving Teens at Home

[Nliedel]

I am the mother of 4 boys. I 100% understand needing a break from your kids and SUPPORT THAT 100%! I was a teen once and was surly and nasty and I am not sure why my parents did not just duct tape me to something till I was old enough to understand I was being a jerk.

 

Seriously sit down with your kids and talk to them about their attitudes and your feelings. Let them know that if you go on the cruise without them it is not party time at home and you will be getting a sitter or other arrangements to rein them in. An adult dialog with your expectations and consequences if they act like jerks to you would probably be in the best interests of the family. They may need a break too. That is not saying anything bad about you or them.

 

I know when I was a teen and Dad went out of town I had friends over. I was pretty good and only had a couple people there but I did it and there was some booze and it was not a good idea. My poor kids will not get away with anything because I am pretty wise to the lies of teenagers even tho I am 41 now. They will break the rules. It is not really personal they will just feel they can get away with it and they know everything now. They also think they are invincible and will live forever. It's how teens are wired and anyone who thinks their teen is different is either lying to themselves or is about to be sorry because the rebellion will come, it almost always does.

 

There are people who think we, as parents, should joyfully spend 100% of our time with our kids. That's silly. No one spends 100% of their time with anyone without some nerves being pulled taut.

 

We are taking our boys but they are younger (well we are taking 50% of the Goat Rodeo) than the OP's. When they are older I refuse to subject myself to a miserable vacation if they are sullen and nasty. They can come and enjoy it or they can stay with Grandma.

[Geoff_369@hotmail.com]

:D 16 1/2 and 14 year old .... all i can say is if u leav them home alone .... can i say HOUSE PARTY :D :D :D

[747forever]

We just returned from our first cruise(Alaska on RSSC Mariner) and our 16yr old son had a ball only because he was able to take a friend along which happened at the last minute. There weren't a lot of kids on this cruise and even if there were, he would not have made an effort to socialize. It really wasn't a ship geared to teens but because of the exciting excursions we took and the great suites/balconies/food and some sports(raquetball, ping pong) and jacuzzis, they had a really great time. We all only ate dinner together 3x and the other 4 nights they loved room service and watching DVD's. It would have been disastrous with just the 3 of us and I will not be planning anymore summer vacations without family/friends along for the next two years. We've been taking him on family vacations with just the 3 of us for 15yrs now and he's not interested any longer(he wasn't that interested before but now he's an expert at complaining and it would not be fun for any of us). Hopefully, we can find some sort of vacation for the next two summers that will suit all of us and then when he's off to college, my husband and myself can return to vacationing in the off season!

[Chucksta63]

We just returned from our first cruise(Alaska on RSSC Mariner) and our 16yr old son had a ball only because he was able to take a friend along which happened at the last minute. There weren't a lot of kids on this cruise and even if there were, he would not have made an effort to socialize. It really wasn't a ship geared to teens but because of the exciting excursions we took and the great suites/balconies/food and some sports(raquetball, ping pong) and jacuzzis, they had a really great time. We all only ate dinner together 3x and the other 4 nights they loved room service and watching DVD's. It would have been disastrous with just the 3 of us and I will not be planning anymore summer vacations without family/friends along for the next two years. We've been taking him on family vacations with just the 3 of us for 15yrs now and he's not interested any longer(he wasn't that interested before but now he's an expert at complaining and it would not be fun for any of us). Hopefully, we can find some sort of vacation for the next two summers that will suit all of us and then when he's off to college, my husband and myself can return to vacationing in the off season!

Ahhh One of the main reasons I cruise when kids are out of school!!!! It has kept up the intrest when we cruise with all sorts of kids on board!!! Bottom line while cruising with kids if they are happy you will be too!!!!;)

[shonandsuzie]

We just returned from our first cruise(Alaska on RSSC Mariner) and our 16yr old son had a ball only because he was able to take a friend along which happened at the last minute. We've been taking him on family vacations with just the 3 of us for 15yrs now and he's not interested any longer(he wasn't that interested before but now he's an expert at complaining and it would not be fun for any of us). Hopefully, we can find some sort of vacation for the next two summers that will suit all of us and then when he's off to college, my husband and myself can return to vacationing in the off season!

 

That's nice that he had someone with him. We have 2 sons but their interests are so different that it doesn't work well. We have thought of bringing friends along but then we would have to bring one for each son and that is too many kids!With all of that said, we will probably take them on a cruise this spring. 2 cabins so if they get sick of us or we get sick of them we don't have to see eachother. I am hopeful (although DH is not) that it will be one last Hoorah and will be very fun.

 

:D 16 1/2 and 14 year old .... all i can say is if u leav them home alone .... can i say HOUSE PARTY :D :D :D

 

Not with grandma in the house! As they whined this week..."Grandma is more strick than you!" Whaa, whaa, whaa. I'm outta here in 1 week and I can't wait! I will be laying in the sun with a Pina Colada and grandma can deal with the teen hormones!

[Margie1983us]

Last Jan, I took my DD (15) on her second cruise in 9 months. Took my 14 year old neice for company. First 3 days DD was PMSing. So right before I snapped her head off, I sat her down and told her things were going to change. Well, she did better and the rest of the cruise was pretty good. Two months later We took a spring break trip to Florida, What a nightmare. Three very nice vacations in less than 1 year at 15 years old and she thinks she has it rough. She argued with me at every possible moment. Never helped me at all with my 3 year son (which was part of the deal if we went to Florida) Oh!! did I mention we took three of her teenage friends with us. Needless to say I told her this was her last vacation.

A couple weeks ago she learned that I have booked a cruise with my husband and we are leaving both kids with grandma.!!!! :)

Boy was the look on her face "Priceless" For the first time she is paying the price for her nasty attitude, and I love it.

Without getting to much joy at the fact that I'm leaving my 15 year old daughter at home (which is the first time I have went through with a threat, so please don't be too critical on me for not usually sticking to my words)

This is the fist trip my DH and I have taken without our children since our honeymoon 16 years ago and I think we are due.

My daughter still has a hard time getting it though, she still thinks I am going to change my mind and take her with us.

NO WAY!!! I just might find out I like to spend alone time with my husband after all!!! :D

[shonandsuzie]

This is the fist trip my DH and I have taken without our children since our honeymoon 16 years ago and I think we are due.

My daughter still has a hard time getting it though, she still thinks I am going to change my mind and take her with us.

NO WAY!!! I just might find out I like to spend alone time with my husband after all!!! :D

 

Ususally we take an anniversary trip alone in September and then take the boys on a trip in April. I find that we need this time alone each year and it really puts things in perspective. Everyday at home is focused on the boys so much that this gives us a chnce to just be us and recoop from the parenting piece.We have done this all along and the boys expect it. The only bad thing is that our anniversary falls right when school starts here. Luckily, Grandma is able to come to the house and keep things on schedule.

[bplazo]

I love this thread. It sure makes me feel better that I am not the only mother who has a daughter with "attitude". I am sure in years to come I will laugh over all this!

 

I also told my daughter that she was not going on our next cruise and my husband was so thrilled (his stepdaughter) but I gave in because I felt guilty about going without her. We will have another long talk about her actions on this cruise. I feel like I have a bargaining tool now because if there is any attitude her car will be turned off for a loooooong time.

 

To better days (lol)

[herecomesthesun]

bplazo - You are such a sweet mom, but I think you might be a little too sweet! You should never feel guilty about doing something for yourself without your daughter, especially since she has been disrespectful and ungrateful. My mom reminds me frequently of all the nice things she does that I take for granted - she works hard to keep our family running and I'm sure you do the same. After all your hard day-to-day work, in no way should you feel obligated to give your daughter extra, when she isn't even appreciative! I have read your previous posts about her irresponsible and basically stupid choices, and I personally don't think she deserves to share this cruise with you. I think you deserve to have it as something special just for you and your husband! Also, you should know that when you make a big desicion, like not letting your child go on a cruise, and then back down, you are telling them that they can get you to back down if they try hard enough, and they won't respect your word. Of course, its not for me to judge your parenting at all, but I'm trying to give you some pointers from a different perspective. I'm, of course, sympathetic to your daughter, but I do believe she is taking you for granted and that's just not cool.

[deborahjo]

I guess I have 2 exceptional sons. They have traveled with us on 2 cruises and are awaiting for us to plan another one. Yes they were skeptial the first time but once they got on board they had a ball. By the way they are now 18 (almost 19) and 16 ( who will be 17 in a week).

 

I have gone thru the rudeness stage and them being nasty to me but you knolw what. That is when they get grounded or they lose their car or more chores get added. I guess I should feel lucky.

 

My kids still tell me they love me at least once everyday and they tell me where they are going and when I can expect them. They even call if they are going to be late. Do you know how this makes myself and my DH. WONDERFUL.

 

The 16 year old is a senior and shows respect to everyone. Many people tell me how wonderful and repectful he and his brother are. I just feel lucky I have 2 very special boys.

 

I will now get off my soapbox and get back to finding our next cruise.

[Margie1983us]

I guess I have 2 exceptional sons.

My kids still tell me they love me at least once everyday and they tell me where they are going and when I can expect them. They even call if they are going to be late. Do you know how this makes myself and my DH. WONDERFUL.

 

The 16 year old is a senior and shows respect to everyone. Many people tell me how wonderful and repectful he and his brother are. I just feel lucky I have 2 very special boys.

 

QUOTE]

 

My daughter is 15 and my son is 4 and I have been told on many occasions that boys are easier to raise than girls. So I am hoping that my sons skips the moody emotional teens that my daughter is going thru. She really is a good kid to everyone But me, so I just hope the next few years Kmart has a large supply of duct tape (for her mouth), Everyone keeps telling me she will return to the sweet and wonderful young lady she was. (when she's 25 lol)

[shonandsuzie]

[

My daughter is 15 and my son is 4 and I have been told on many occasions that boys are easier to raise than girls. So I am hoping that my sons skips the moody emotional teens that my daughter is going thru. She really is a good kid to everyone But me, so I just hope the next few years Kmart has a large supply of duct tape (for her mouth), Everyone keeps telling me she will return to the sweet and wonderful young lady she was. (when she's 25 lol)

I don't think it is gender related. My 14 y/o is completely different from the near 17 y/o. Their temperments are just different. And they are both boys. Trust me we have read and studied and asked and searched for a reason, a cure or a pattern for the attitude problems, there is no rhyme or reason! Both boys are great in public. People always say they are so responsible and kind but then we get home...:mad: :mad: :mad: ..I wish I lived with the side of my boys that the public sees. I'm sure when we take them on the cruise next spring the other passengers will be impressed but then we get home......:confused:

[LUCY55]

Hey, if they behave so much better in public than in their own home--that's normal. It is far more worrisome if the opposite is true. LOL (Got a 14,16,18 year old.)

[shonandsuzie]

Hey, if they behave so much better in public than in their own home--that's normal. It is far more worrisome if the opposite is true. LOL (Got a 14,16,18 year old.)

 

I agree in theory. In reality I want to be able to enjoy them, too. I always imagined having teens as being more interactive. I know "dream on" but I really did. Maybe too many years of watching the Cosby Show. :p Does anyone know when they turn into humans. I have a really good time with my mom now but I dont even remember her from my teen years. Luckily, she seems to only remember the good times. Will I be this way too????

[cornysis]

Our kids are teenagers (16 1/2 and 14) and frankly, we want to get away from them! We really want to take them on a cruise but lately feel it is an undeserved reward for crankiness! On our last trip (in April) our 16 year old did not speak to us for the entire week. We are drained and overwhelmed by bad attitudes. Is anyone else leaving their teens while they cruise. Any tips?

 

We have a 13 & 17 year old. We're going on a 7 day cruise in September without them. We're having a friend stay with them since school is in and we feel we deserve the time away. They went with us in February and had a great time and they're actually a little upset they aren't going this time. Every once in a while you need a break from the kids.

Give yourself a break, you'll be able to relax and come back with a refreshed look at "attitudes". The break may be good for the kids too.

Hope this helps.:)

[herecomesthesun]

shonandsuzie - I think I turned "human" when I was fifteen, close to sixteen. I'll be eighteen in December so I've only been human for a couple years! Though I think my mom would tell you I'm not completely human quite yet!

 

Everybody is different, and some teens are just especially snotty. My mom and I have had some nasty fights and we still do. There is definitely a lot of drama in our relationship but there is also a lot of love. We spend time together and have fun together. She is one of my best friends. I think your child is missing out on something great, but they can only realize it for themselves - you can't make them see it. But you can discipline them when they make stupid choices in the meantime! I screw up all the time as it is - I can't imagine how I would behave if I had not been raised with a healthy fear of my parents' wrath! Any honest teenager will tell you that the biggest deterrent for misbehavior is knowing that there will absolutely be consequences. They may act ambivalent but, like Dr. Phil says, once you figure out their "currency", whether that be the car or going out with friends or the computer, or all of the above, you can then have control. And while not being the one in charge can be frustrating sometimes, most of the time I'm glad my mom's got things under control, because I definitely couldn't handle it if it was all up to me!

[Cruise Craver]

The kids should not go if they do not deserve it. Just have someone swing by the house and check up on them while you are gone.

[biloxi0625]

We have 2 boys 16 and 14, and we will be taking them with us on our next cruise. Sure some times they are rude, sometimes they argue, and sometimes they don't want to be around us. Its all part of being a teen, I'm sure most of us(including myself) had a few brat spats at that age. I also realize that at 16 we don't have to many family vacations left with the oldest boy so they are coming.

The day he told us he was joining the Army when he got out of school was the day I called my TA and booked the cruise. Life is short and in a few years my DW and I will have all the time to ourselves we want.

[bplazo]

The kids should not go if they do not deserve it. Just have someone swing by the house and check up on them while you are gone.

No way would I let my daughter stay by herself at my house at any age. I would have her stay with my sister (who is much stricter than I am). Anyway, even though my daughter has been a handfull on our cruises I would not enjoy the cruise if she was not there to share it with me.