Empress 3/4/17 - A TALE OF TWO CRUISES

[JohnGaltny]

As threatened back in November, this rambling mess is my trip review of our Empress cruise. Our usual freak show stayed home this time, so our travel party was only myself, wife, son, DiL and GDD.

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: This review contains miscellaneous ramblings, weird thoughts, opinions and, possibly, some humor that may be harmful to the delicate sensibilities of the PC Police, Royal Carribots or members of the Society of Perpetual Outrage. (SOPO). If you belong to any of these groups, or are a "highly evolved" and sensitive individual, please stop here and go check the newest list of cruise directors or menus.

It was the best of cruises, it was the worst of cruises. It was a time of new things, it was a time for the old. It was a time for me to be stupid, it was a time for me to be merely dumb. In addition, as we go through, you’ll notice there was also a touch of Alice in Wonderland.

Getting there is half the fun (and costs as much as the cruise)

As always, we flew out of our local regional airport with a perfect flight on JetBlue. HPN allows us to avoid the nightmare drive to JFK and the third world hellhole that is LAG. Simply put, if JBlue goes where I’m going, I’m on it. This being March in New York, we left a day early to avoid the snow so naturally it was 48 degrees and sunny. Nailed that one huh? I also got yanked aside by TSA since I had contraband in my carry on. Apparently a spray can of shoe powder violates the latest TSA rules. Despite my explanation that leather deck shoes plus Carribean heat results in an odor somewhat akin to a wet dog chewing on a dead rat, the TSA remained unmoved. Since we didn’t have a balcony this trip, a CVS in Miami became a suddenly urgent stop.

We always fly to FLL to avoid the madness of MIA which is a demented circus minus only the elephants (although many cruisers could easily make up for that deficiency). Our VP of Hotel Coordination (the Son) booked us into the Intercontinental next to the Port of Miami so next was ground transportation. We booked Holland Limousine and they were spot on. Since we were 4 adults and a 4 year old, we needed a large SUV with a child seat. Holland was the only place I contacted that offered that combination. Our driver (Gary) was terrific although he had a tendency to talk at 70 words per minute with gusts up to 110. Total cost for the 35 minute ride was $140.00, tax and tip included, so we only had to sell two pieces of my wife’s jewelry. WHEW that was a relief. To be fair, I’m sure a standard car for 2-3 people would be less expensive.

This isn’t a hotel review so I’ll just tell you the Intercontinental is a beautiful property. We hadn’t even checked in yet before Mrs. Galt and DiL scoped out the Starbucks in the lobby. For them, life suddenly became edenistic and anytime we lost one of them, we knew right where to go. Starbucks has apparently replaced the opium dens of Dicken’s time for those with an addiction to acidic coffee and who like the idea of their eyebrows at the top of their forehead as they watch TV at 3:00 AM.

Anyway, the room was excellent, the air was fresh and clean and absolutely everything else is charged to your room. For those who like surprises, try the Blue Water restaurant for lunch. Four adults, with 2 drinks each and what they call "nouvelle cuisine" (apparently French for "microscopic portion") can relax and look at the harbor for a mere $267.00. A bargain at half the price. For those who may not need to send your money down the rabbit hole with Alice and the Mad Hatter, there is a Holiday Inn right down the street which is also right outside the port and a ton less expensive.

and there was evening and morning on the first day.

[molly361]

Great so far- keep it coming- Love the little Westchester County Airport- my family lives up there so that is my go to airport .

[JohnGaltny]

Thanks all.

 

Back tomorrow with some more demented rambling.

[JohnGaltny]

I don't know how this happened but there are two different threads for this review. Administration, want to combine this with the other one?

[taxgal]

Loved your insight. We were on Empress last July. I laughed until I cried at your review. SO TRUE!

[easyboy]

Nice start. Will be following your rambling.

[JohnGaltny]

i don't know how this happened but there are two different threads for this review. Administration, want to combine this with the other one?

 

Hey all, this is a duplicate thread for no reason known to man.

 

The full review is in the other thread.

Hope to see you there.