Sort of Solo...live from Norwegian Epic 23 July

[smileygirl_68]

I departed my hogged chair after a fabulous bout of social intercourse with a beautiful lady called Margy. I think she is my sister from a different mister. Apparently I have a purple aura and I'm very happy with that. Armed with a treble treble treble vodka and orange courtesy of Marcel Marseille ( that was his gifted name, courtesy of myself....and reminds me to tell you that there's another theme, which is name gifting...one person has been gifted a trio of names in honour of his creepy ways. Clog, Stormin Norman Bates and another one that has mild profanity and can't be included here) I marched off to spice to catch up with inflatable pineapple girl. But nothing is ever that simple. I re-met Nicole (first meeting was last night, lots of stupid behaviour, no name gifted because I liked her), who told me she was 'on the struggle bus' which made me double giggle and Derren who is just a massive lunatic and therefore gets my vote. He almost lost my vote after announcing 'no, I'm ok thanks' when offered a drink. I soon corrected his embarrassing faux pas and imbibing continued. Inflatable pineapple girl presented us with some biscuits that truly looked like giant iced nipples. I believe some posed photos may have been taken but I've checked my phone and I don't have them. If anyone wants to see them let me know and I'll hunt them down. At some point I decided that an afternoon nap was required. By this time Cap'n Jack had arrived so I vaguely waved in the direction of my hogged chair on the secret sundeck and asked if he'd gather my glamingo merchandise as I couldn't possibly go all that way up there to get it myself. Maybe he said yes, I don't know but the bottom line is it's now 3am, I don't remember 'being banged', I don't have my glamingo merchandise and I've just woken up to find the attached note under my door.

[smileygirl_68]

I think it's from inflatable pineapple girl, guiding me towards some further mischief. I found it a little unsettling as it's written inside a dolphin on Splash academy paper but I'm willing to forgive her. I decided to get up and seek the legendary O'Sheehans wings seeing as my breakfast of champions was almost 24 hrs ago. For the food -conscious I can sum up my O'Sheehans late night wings experience in one picture. Not exactly the gourmet dining experience I was expecting.

[smileygirl_68]

Miss you all but am there in spirit...and prosecco...and cafe patron [emoji8]

 

 

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We miss you too! Please can you get the medics ready for when I get home, liver transplant required xxx

[Blondie008]

Whilst catching up with Cap'n Jack (see previous fancy dress pic) this morning, I came up with a game for later tonight. The cruisaversy soloistas are all Scottish, I'm the token Englander (and have been subjected to outrageous racism from the jocks!) so we will be playing 'spot the scot'. This will involve all of us saying the same sentence to random strangers and seeing if they can 'spot the scot'. Since 80% of us are Scottish, I'm hoping my special jocktastic accent will fool the passers by and I will win. Recommendations for the sentence are welcomed...feel free to use your childish imaginations as you see fit

 

Any sentence with the name "Karl" in it ;)

You wont roll the "R" - we Scots cannot say the name KARL in one syllable. :')

[smileygirl_68]

Any sentence with the name "Karl" in it ;)

 

You wont roll the "R" - we Scots cannot say the name KARL in one syllable. :')

 

 

 

I will give it a whirl, I imagine it comes out a bit like 'Carol'

[smileygirl_68]

Well it's another beautiful day in paradise. I've had confirmation that all glamingo items were safely retrieved by Cap'n Jack so all is well in that department. After my miserable attempt at late night eating I was looking forward to another breakfast of champions but it seems they're out of Frosties. Devastated doesn't come close to how I feel about that. So I had some other stuff, egg based, and that has set me up for a fine day onboard. We are in Naples today, some of the gang have gone off to Sorrento but I will be mostly lounging around and getting an update from inflatable pineapple girl about the note...I am very curious to find out the story behind it

[smileygirl_68]

Whilst I wait for inflatable pineapple girl I have taken the opportunity to get some further nutrition in the shape of a Bloody Mary, with heavy foliage

[alysonofagun]

We miss you too! Please can you get the medics ready for when I get home, liver transplant required xxx

 

 

 

I'll meet you at the airport next week with an IV drip!

 

How's the entertainment? Who is the Cruise Director - hope it's not the pile of poop from NY! Ooooh you could go find my room for the TA and scope it out for me [emoji23][emoji1362]

 

 

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[alysonofagun]

Whilst I wait for inflatable pineapple girl I have taken the opportunity to get some further nutrition in the shape of a Bloody Mary, with heavy foliage

 

 

 

Actually thought you were drinking from a plant pot there. Barf.

 

 

The note has Lady of the Manor written all over it. She has history.

 

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[teachatthebeach]

This the best review I have ever read. Love it!

 

 

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[jinteso]

Please hurry up with the next installment.... or adventure!!!

[smileygirl_68]

Devo'd. Devastated. Distraught beyond belief. The note was fake news, emperor Donald McRonald could not have covfefe'd it better. Inflatable pineapple girl has pranked me and I've realised I'm hideously unlovable, ghastly and unpleasant in equal parts. As if I would get a genuine love interest inserted through my door gap, who was I trying to kid? I discovered that it wasn't just Inflatable pineapple girl's doing, Cap'n Jack and Captain Gloves (you'll need to revisit the fancy dress picture to spot him) were all in on this jolly jape. I decided the only way to get through this moment of rejection was to drown my sorrows in litres of prosecco. This helped me to quickly forgive my rogue soloista friends and normal service was resumed. A delightful afternoon of hot tubs, water slides and fizz followed, no major incidents to report. I did meet Modesto Montenegro and that is his real name, not one of my gifted names. It is officially the best name ever, fact. I was also reunited with my glamingo merchandise thanks to Cap'n Jack's kind intervention.

[smileygirl_68]

We agreed to meet up in the studio lounge before dinner at Moderno. It was my turn to provide props this evening. The inflatable items had been sent to me for onward distribution by a member of the gang who couldn't make this trip, but who is here in spirit and much missed.

[smileygirl_68]

We got chatting with our fellow travellers in the lounge and it was all very civilised, although there may have been a moment of outrageous flirting by Captain Gloves that could have been seen from space. Earlier in the day, Gloves had told us he wasn't very good at flirting, well I can assure you he was on top form. I like to think it was triggered by me indiscreetly passing him a smiley faced condom whilst mid chat that put a swagger in his step. I'd describe our group as a little bawdy this evening, we trotted off for cocktails in shakers and the giddy behaviour continued. In a twist of fate, I bumped into the object of Gloves flirtation whilst visiting the cigar lounge. That isn't the twist though, the twist is that I was telling her about the fake love note and showed her the picture. She burst out laughing and said that she was the actual occupant of 12539, the random cabin number made up by my mischievous companions. Small world or what!

[smileygirl_68]

Much meat based madness followed at Moderno. For the food-conscious I can confirm it all tasted fabulous. Pure meat on a stick, what's not to like?

[smileygirl_68]

Earlier today I injured my back in a foolish self application of sunscreen incident. I ended up walking like something unpleasant had happened in my underwear. Pain repellant had seen me through dinner but I was starting to flag. I told a white lie to the group about needing to head back to my cabin for 'something' and that's how my evening ended. So that's Tuesday dealt with. Next up Wednesday in Civitavecchia

[smileygirl_68]

Me and inflatable pineapple girl, courtesy of our good friend Mr Corona

[smileygirl_68]

This the best review I have ever read. Love it!

 

 

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You're too kind, thank you...glad to be of service!

[alysonofagun]

We agreed to meet up in the studio lounge before dinner at Moderno. It was my turn to provide props this evening. The inflatable items had been sent to me for onward distribution by a member of the gang who couldn't make this trip, but who is here in spirit and much missed.

 

Sorry but Florida was calling! Now I've been back at work 6 hours and already looking at Viva Voyage deals....

 

Earlier in the day, Gloves had told us he wasn't very good at flirting, well I can assure you he was on top form. I like to think it was triggered by me indiscreetly passing him a smiley faced condom whilst mid chat that put a swagger in his step.

 

This made me spit my coffee out! :')

[smileygirl_68]

Apologies for the lack of updates, normal service is now resumed. Yesterday was another wonderful day of drinking and I even managed to stay out past 9pm. I seem to have acquired this at some point

[smileygirl_68]

Cap'n Jack and Gloves 'Rome'd on their own' and Jack sent us a cultural picture of his birthplace

[smileygirl_68]

We met up in the studio lounge with much anticipation for the evening ahead. Gloves was still glowing from his previous evenings flirting success and got chatting to a Beautiful Young Lady. Inflatable pineapple girl and I watched as he honed his skills and our fingers were crossed hoping to witness a love match. Our hopes were dashed when at some point she explained she was the only solo lesbian on board. Cap'n Jack greeted this news by snorting beer sideways out of his nostrils in a most ungentlemanly fashion. We continued our chat with The Beautiful Young Lady and groomed her into the group. A dinner invitation was extended and accepted and we headed to Manhatten. Gloves and Champagne Sarah (see fancy dress picture) were refused entry due to their slovenly attire and had to do the walk of shame. Fortunately they both possessed more appropriate clothing and a sixsome for dinner was good to go. Now our friend Gloves had been marching around Rome all day and asked for extra potatoes to ensure he did not waste away. I took an artistic picture to capture the scene

[smileygirl_68]

.Total potato heaven...for the British amongst you, think Bodger & Badger at their finest

[smileygirl_68]

At some point we collected additional friends and lost others as we headed to bliss. I have a thing about taking pictures of myself wearing other people's glasses. Here is last nights effort. I also like to wear other people's hats

 

And then I re-met Richard, (gifted name) and followed this with an Aperol Spritz. That's my blackout drink of choice and brought the evening to a swift conclusion.

 

Today we are in Livorno. I am sat in spice with inflatable pineapple girl and she asked what I would like to drink. I told her I'd already had some water...now I don't know if it's my accent or my reputation but her response was 'water, what's that?'. I immediately ordered a beer

[smileygirl_68]

Foliage