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centurycruiser

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Everything posted by centurycruiser

  1. I plan on living forever. So far, so good. I plan on living forever or die trying.
  2. In my last job the "centerline" crews worked for me. One day my secretary told me the District Engineer wanted to see me. When I got there he showed me a picture of a possum with 2 yellow lines on its body. I don't know if it was in our district or not. He said "what do you have to say about this?" I told him "they thought he was faking!"
  3. A man and his wife moved back home to Saskatchewan from Vancouver. The wife had a wooden leg, and to insure it in BC was $2000 a year! When they arrived in Saskatchewan, they went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg. The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, "That'll be $39." The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Saskatchewan to insure, because it cost him $2000 in BC! The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: *Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00* I always did find Saskatchewan logic far superior to most others.
  4. I didn't see the fine print. In the list of inclusions and exclusions "juice" is not mentioned. "Food items" are excluded. Who knew any juice would be a food item. In listing items so you know which program to choose, " juice" is the second item listed for both Cheers and Bubbles.
  5. This post could be titled "I didn't know that," or, "live and learn." Just got off the Mardi Gras again today and learned two new things. 1. Prior to my first Mardi Gras cruise I learned from cruise critics that Diamonds were each provided $25 free play in the casino but you had to have it loaded on your Sea Pass card by the casino cashier before playing. We did that this time, but, instead of playing the slots, we played roulette. Instead of using our free play, they charged our account $25 + $1.50 fee. When we questioned that at the cashier it turns out if you want to play table games, the cashier will give you $25 fun chips which you exchange at the table. 2. We had the cheers package for both cruises. My wife enjoys screw drivers but doesn't care for the OJ used by the bars. "It doesn't taste much like orange juice." So, the Havana bar offers fresh squeezed OJ. Ordered two fresh squeezed and added a shot of vodka. Got billed 5.89 each. When I questioned this at guest services, it turns out fresh squeezed orange juice is "food" not "juice." Still learning after cruising since 1971!
  6. Why we stopped flying spirit. When spirit started charging $25 per checked suitcase many people started to carry on. So, spirit started charging $45 per suitcase to carry on.
  7. A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!" "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more BMW in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with George?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replies.
  8. Dallas Morning News - A 15 year old boy was at the center of a Dallas County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas Cowboys, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
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