80 year old mother has dementia

[slyster]

I'm glad you found this post as well. We are struggling on whether to take my mom and dad on a cruise. Both have cruises a few times before and this Fall they celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. Well, my mom has mild to moderate dementia and has difficulty walking now.

 

We asked what they wanted for their 50th wedding anniversary...a cruise or a party. They both answered a cruise. So we started planning this months ago and soon after my mom went into the hospital. Long story short, her health is not the same as it was.

 

We struggle with our decision because she has stated through all this that she really wants to go on a cruise. It seems to be a motivator for her in getting stronger. I told my mom the other day that I didn't know if it was possible and you could see it broke her heart. IF we do go on a cruise, it won't be a vacation for my brother and I. It will be their vacation and it will be our jobs to help them enjoy it as much as possible. We are going to do a 4 or 5 night cruise. We feel a 7 night cruise would be too much.

[Host Walt]

I'd like to add a thought from my personal experience. You'll never know how important it is to accede to her interests while she can still enjoy them. Clearly for her a cruise is a major positive which gives her motivation for all her mental and medical issues.

 

And, forgive me for this, but I've also had way too much "alone time" after my parents passed and am always thinking about what they wanted and I did not accommodate fully when I had the chance. I suggest you have a serious conversation alone with her doctor about your, and her, plans.

[bltrn]

My DH and I will be going on our 20th cruise this November. Over the last three years, he has been declining with Alzheimers. However, he LOVES cruising. I noticed that he is more relaxed while sailing than he is anywhere else except home. (Must be that salt air)!! I order a scooter and I tell him to just follow me. Even though I'm with him 24/7, I warn staff as soon as we arrive just in case we get separated and they appreciated that I told them. Fortunately he didn't get lost and we had a wonderful time. I feel that if he feels that happy at that moment in time, I will take him as long as I can. :)

[slyster]

Thanks to you both. Walt, you brought up a good point...My parents LOVE cruising. We will do our best to make it happen. On top of the dementia, she has some health issues (heart and back). She seems to be getting stronger in that she doesn't need anyone to assist her in the bathroom. Along with dementia comes an overwhelming fear of falling too. She has to trust herself more. We encourage her as much as possible.

 

Still having my parents at 80 and 86 is a blessing. We had already planned their 50th anniversary cruise this summer when my mom became ill. She is finally stable again and if we can take them on another cruise, I'll certain do that. Thanks again for your feedback

[bltrn]

Have you considered renting a wheelchair or scooter for her to more easily get around? You can check with http://www.specialneedsatsea.com

They will deliver it directly to your cabin prior to sailing and you just leave it there when the cruise is over.

[CruiserKid]

I took my 87 year old mother with dementia on a 7 day Carnival Cruise. She loved it. I was concerned because of her dementia and mobility issues, but she had a great time. She thanked me many times for taking her during the cruise. She really enjoyed seeing the ocean and enjoyed the food very much.

 

She would sometimes forget that she saw the ocean and would tell me at night that she wonders what the ocean looks like during daylight. I gently reminded her that we saw it during daylight. Sometimes she remembered parts of the cruise clearly, other times, she would totally forget she was even on a cruise.

 

She had not issues with being in the cabin alone. She knew where the bathroom was and would stay okay in the cabin napping, sleeping, or just relaxing. I never left her alone outside the cabin, except a few minutes to get something (coffee, food, etc.) or use the bathroom. I did leave her alone in the cabin a couple of hours a day for the afternoon nap and then from about 10 pm to Midnight when she fell asleep.

 

I do have to say that is was exhausting. Probably because I was practically taking her around in a wheelchair most of the time. But I don't regret it for a second because my mother may not have a great memory, but she did live the moment. It also gave me good memories. I took several pictures. When she forgets about the cruise, I show her the pictures and it brings the cruise back to her memory and she starts remembering other things from the cruise that are not even on the pictures. She wants to go again.

 

I plan on recruiting a Personal Travel Assistant to join us next time (another relative that we pay for the cruise in exchange for helping take care of her). I have to say that at times I really needed a break. However, most of the time it was great spending all that time together.

 

I can't speak for all people, but my mother's dementia still let's her live the moment. She may soon forget, but she could still enjoy herself. If your loved one has dementia and can live the moment, I would recommend to go ahead and take them of a cruise. But, keep in mind that the cruise is for that loved one, not for you. Your enjoyment will be seeing the joy on that loved one's face.

 

Carnival crew and passengers were very helpful. Many elevator doors held open. Many doors were opened and lot's of greeting smiling faces. I am left speechless with the kindness of crew and passengers. Even little kids were helpful enough to hold doors open so I could wheel my mother through.

[bltrn]

I couldn't have said it better myself. 85 Days till we sail!