watermelonqueen99

Wednesday, October 28th, 2018, con't:

Like I mentioned earlier in my review, I'm a size queen. I love big.....................ships. The Dream class is our favorite, and more specifically, deck 5 on a Dream class. We love the Lanai, mostly because we love getting blown and also because this IS the look: (If you've walked around the Lanai, then you feel me.)

We also love the Ocean Plaza area, the piano bar location, hell we just love deck 5. So let's take a look around. Looking forward from in front of the nightclub-ish. Love the ample seating:

We're not beer drinkers at all. C will occasionally order a craft beer and take two sips and then order something else because he remembers that he hates beer. We're hard liquor kinda drunks. I mean people. So we didn't spend any time in the Red Frog, except to briefly look at their cocktail menu. Nothing reached out and grabbed me (unfortunately), so we didn't order. I think Malcolm held a couple events here, and there was also karaoke here a time or two:

Our very first cruise was on the Magic out of Galveston, and I remember being so fascinated by this tree. Yes, a fake palm tree with mileage information on it gave me the tingles. Don't judge:

RIP, good music and good times in the nightclub. You are missed. And hopefully none of it was recorded on someone's cell phone:

This is where they have the salad bar on sea days. We love a good salad, so we always try to hit this up:

To be continued......

Wednesday, October 31st, 2018, con't

Right next to the steakhouse is the comedy/karaoke lounge and I tried to get pics of the info on the comedians. Unless you're C (He's my ride or die and I heart him a whole lot. Also, we've done some very questionable things together with both photographic and/or video proof, so it's a good thing I like him so much.), an alcoholic beverage, a dirty movie, or a shirtless Jason Derulo, I have a very short attention span, so I didn't get all the info, but I got a little bit:

To be continued.....

Wednesday, October 28th, 2018, con't:

Ok, so my computer is working again, and I'm sober(ish), so let's go with another installment. When I left off, we were just wandering around the ship, taking random pics. I took these of the steakhouse menu. In true WatermelonQueen fashion, I stood there for 10 minutes before I realized the entree/meat/sides list was not showing up and had no intention of showing up. Kinda like me when it comes to any kind of religious service:

A quick glimpse into the steakhouse:

To be continued......

Wednesday, October 31st, 2018, con't:

These next pics are just randoms that I snapped around the ship. This was our 4th time on the Magic, so I wasn't real motivated to take a lot of pictures. Here is Camp Ocean for you sick people who bring your kids on a cruise:

These next few pics are the Spotlight Lounge, located 5 Aft and where the comedy and karaoke were held:

My computer is being a basic b*tch and acting up, so I will have to continue this mess tomorrow. I'm gonna go make me a buttery n*pple and watch Cops like the lady that I am. Stay tuned for another installment in the AM when I awake from my drunken haze.

Wednesday, October 31st, 2018, con't:

More pics of Roatan from the ship:

To quote my late great-grandmother who was born in 1900, I am "blessed up top," so I tend to avoid water-slides that send you plummeting quickly toward the ground while compromising your swimsuit top on the way down. But if slides are your thing, you can get your fill here:

To be continued with some interior ship pics......

Wednesday, October 31st, 2018 con't:

Another Halloween cake on the Lido buffet:

We got a couple slices to share, and like 98% of the food on Carnival, it looked better than it tasted. (Can't tell you how many times I've said that and paid good money for it. Shout out to J Anthony Brown for that quote....):

There seemed to be less carved pumpkins on Lido than there were on the Dream last year. To be honest the scariest thing on Lido that day besides the very overweight elderly gentleman in a banana hammock were all the flies that were crawling all over the toppings bar at Guy's. I actually texted my teenage son and told him that Guy's Burgers was now officially Fly's Burgers. Without missing a beat, he responded with "Diners, Drive-ins and Flies." I snort-laughed and rejoiced in the fact that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

We roamed around the ship, and noticed a lack in Halloween decor compared to the Dream. I took some pics from one of the outer decks and got a few ship pics. Although we're not fans of Roatan, it is a pretty port when looking out from the ship:

Oh, Magic, what a big juicy funnel you have:

To be continued.......

Wednesday, October 31st, 2018, Roatan

Yay, it's Halloween! If you knew me in real life, you would know that I am basically the very adult Wednesday Addams. (For everything that is good and pure, please don't google "the very adult Wednesday Addams." And if you do, yes, we have 3 copies.) I love everything Halloween, dark, spooky and weird. I love storms and dark, gloomy skies. Halloween is my Christmas, and combining it with a cruise just makes it all the better. We were in Roatan on this day, another port we've been to a few times, and honestly one of our least favorites. We had no plans to get off the ship, so we slept in again until we were rudely awakened by the sounds of the emergency drill the crew were doing. How dare they practice saving all of our lives when we're trying to sleep in! Rude. We got dressed and headed to Lido to look for some food. The buffet looked disgusting. Dried out, burned, just gross. (Basically what I see in the mirror after a long night out and doing the walk of shame.) We had Guy's again, and I was really getting burned out on it. We were actually starting to morph into Guy himself at this point. When I looked in the mirror in the ladies room on Lido, the ends of my black hair were actually starting to frost. I found myself starting to wear my sunglasses on the back of my head. Later that afternoon, C found some shirts in the closet with flames on them that he didn't pack. It was kinda scary. Anyway, after we ate we decided to look around the Lido area again to see if there were carved spooky things displayed like there were on the Dream last year. There were a few, and also a few Halloween themed cakes. Side note: the look on the crew member's face here is the same look I have when I look at my bank statement and see that we've spent $1,376 at the liquor store this month, and $988 at Adam and Eve:

If they were going for the likeness of my MIL on that carving on the far right, they nailed it:

This post is gonna be a long one (that's what she said), so Halloween day to be continued......

Enjoying your review!

Sorry for the delay! Between work and these kids expecting meals and help with homework, I haven't had a lot of time to work on this review. Rude! Anyway, let's get it on:

Tuesday, October 30th, 2018, Grand Cayman

We slept in really late again on this day. We got up around noon, and I know this will take you completely by surprise, but we had a Guy's burger for lunch. (Don't worry about our hearts, I smuggled some 100 proof vodka onboard and made Lipitor martinis in our room as we were getting ready each evening. I mean, I am a former nurse and all, so I like to make healthy decisions.) I know some people would shade us for staying on the ship in GC but we've been there a few times and like I said, we were going for laid back this time. Usually in this port I get off the ship to get some Big Black Dick, but I figured since I'd had so much Big Black Dick the last time we were in GC, I was good until our upcoming April cruise. For those of you who have not had the pleasure of having BBD, if you are ever in GC, you have to try it. It's worth whatever you have to go through to get it. Here's a pic from a previous cruise:

Just looking at it gets me all in my feelings. But anyway, we went up to Serenity and were going to hang out there for awhile, but it was hot as hell so we went to the lobby to read and play cards. All of a sudden, I started itching really bad, and had a feeling of doom come over me. Pretty soon, I found out why. The Suess parade was making its way down to the lobby. There were over a dozen loud children chanting "Suess is on the loose." The piano bar wouldn't be opening until 11:15 pm, so we were trying to conserve drinks, but I bolted to the lobby bar and tried to bribe the bartender into letting me have 7 of my 15 drinks to get through the parade. Turns out, it only lasted a few seconds as they made their way to the Showtime Theater.

Eventually we went out on deck to take some pics and watch sail-away. These are basically the only pics I took in GC this time:

Disney ship in port with us:

It's a little hard to see in this pic, but there's a "ghost ship" in the background. Since I'm a person who appreciates sophisticated, classic cinema and happens to love the horror movie "Ghost Ship," I was excited to see this:

My attempt at being artsy. Eat your heart out, Saint Laurent p*nis earrings, this is real art:

**Side note: I got my 82 year old great auntie Saint Laurent p*nis earrings this year for Christmas, and I can't wait to give them to her. She loved mine so I know she'll be stoked. Ya gotta love the season of giving!**

Eventually we headed up to the casino to play a little bit. C went to the poker machine, and I played a random machine that had some hot chick on it. (That's basically my criteria. At home, my go to machine is the Elvira penny slot, because her boobs jiggle when you spin. Never look to me for life advice. And pray to your god of choice for my children.) I was up $20, so I went to find C and he had accidentally bet all his credits on one round, so he negated my winnings. Rude. We went to the Ocean Plaza and they were doing name that country tune. I used to listen to country a long time ago, and I only missed having a perfect score because I couldn't remember the name of a Toby Keith song. Damn you, Ship on a Stick. I'm gonna win you. Not today, not tomorrow, but I'm gonna win you. (If you know what quote I just stole and somewhat butchered, cashmenextcruise and I'll buy you a drink.)*

*On the last night, after 5 pm, so I can use my coupon and it won't count against my Cheers.

We went back to the room and cleaned up for the evening. We bounced around, waiting for the PB to open up. We eventually went to get a seat at the bar at the comedy club. I know we said we don't go to shows, and we usually don't, but we happened upon the bartender in there earlier and really liked him. We played cards until the show started. The comedienne was Just June who was 71 years old. The show was PG (shudder), and honestly, she just wasn't funny. We made our way to the 88 Keys pre-show because Zack the PBE was playing for a little bit. We left when Zack was finished and headed to the lobby to get a seat for Malcolm's line dance party. If you have read my previous reviews, ya'll know that dance fitness is my jam and I'm a certified Zumba instructor. Normally when there's line dancing, I'm out there turning it up and making me-maws blush. But the bartender in the comedy club was quite generous with his pours, and I was a little too buzzed to be out there. I would have been everyone's drunk auntie at the wedding reception, falling into plants and hitting on the preacher. But anyway, we stayed for the lip sync battle and it was fun. Malcolm seemed much more energetic and engaging than he did when we cruised with him on the Freedom in 2016. We watched people dance, and were glad that they were finally playing some upbeat music and that the atmosphere really was energized. (Sadly it was short lived and the Titanic band would eventually return.)

We made our way to the PB and got us a seat. We played cards until Zack came on, and as always we had a great time. That young man is a natural entertainer and can really get a crowd going. If you sail with him, don't miss his after 11 show. 😉 We left just before closing and skipped the casino bar. We turned in, and I dreamed that I told C I wanted to enter into a poly-amorous relationship with him and a bottle of Big Black Dick.

To be continued.........

22 hours ago, Saint Greg said:

I just saw this. You win the post of the day.

On 11/14/2018 at 4:58 PM, Saint Greg said:

 

 

Tomorrow was yesterday 

 

Looks like Watermelonqueen just got spanked by Saint Greg, guess I better get back on this review. LOL 😂 Work is stupid, and has kept me from my journalistic greatness, but I'm working on a new installment as we speak, drink in hand. 😀

On 11/14/2018 at 1:05 PM, nybumpkin said:

We love playing cards on the ship and have two different card designs we've picked up on our cruises, but love this deck! Our next cruise is on QM2, about a 180 on our cruise experience; last night DH grinned at me and said, "the cards are coming with us, aren't they?"

 

Love reading your review!

We love playing cards on the ship too! Thanks for reading!

On 11/14/2018 at 10:19 AM, pacruise804 said:

Did they forget the midori in your drink? It wasn't very green.  The patch punch sounded pretty good too.

 

Thanks for the review and the laughs 🙂 

It was pretty green. It's just my busted photography skills. 😂 Thanks for reading!

We're traveling for work this week, will be back with a new installment tomorrow!

21 hours ago, riclop said:

Thanks for the report.

Thanks for reading!

On 11/11/2018 at 2:15 PM, bettyboop16 said:

We took our 1st Celebrity this past Feb. on the Equinox. I had the idea entertainment would be slow.. like HAL slow! I was wrong!

Silent Disco was so much fun! great bands....never saw strings. People on this ship partied hard. Beverage package was put to good use by many... cocktails were strong!

Good to know, I wouldn't have guessed a Celebrity ship would be rocking! Thanks for reading!

On 11/11/2018 at 12:33 AM, Gumbo4Life said:

Enjoying the review as always, looking forward to the rest of it. Like the anticipation of waiting on the next season of a great show coming to Netflix!

🙂

Aw, thanks! Thanks for reading!

Monday, October 29th, 2018, Sea Day:

We slept in really late, until about 11 or so. We got dressed and headed to brunch . I had the steak, no eggs, and C had the steak with eggs. He started eating his before I could take a pic (rude!), but here's mine:

The steak used to be served with this scalloped potato dish thingy (pretty sure that's the official name), but now its served with curly fries. And the waitress asked what side I wanted, which was confusing, because it already comes with a side. But I said hashbrowns, so that's why there are 2 potato sides on there. I gave the HB's to C because carb overload.

After brunch, we headed to the lobby to grab a FunShip The bartenders were NOT friendly. We walked up to the bar, and the lady just held her hand out for our cards, didn't say a word. I was like, "heifer, I know you didn't" .......but C shut me down. We roamed the ship a little bit. We ended up at the casino bar and wanted to try one of their Halloween drinks. (This pic was taken at the lobby bar, not the casino bar):

We both got a Green Goblin. It was okay:

We headed to the Ocean Plaza to play cards and people watch. My son found these vintage Carnival cards while out garage sale-ing with my mom a couple years ago. I love them!

Eventually we were hungry, so we headed to the deli. I was excited to try the new menu. C got a southwest chicken wrap. It was okay, but really needed to be warm. I ordered a grilled cheese on panini bread. It was burned to a crisp and so hard I couldn't eat it. (That's what she said.):

We bounced back and forth between decks 3 and 5, and again, the music sucked. The piano bar finally opened, and we closed it down, followed by the casino bar. Again, we failed miserably and did not hit 15 drinks. We avoided mirrors the rest of the night, we just couldn't look at ourselves. We made it back to our room, fell asleep, and I dreamed that C and I were playing strip poker on the Lanai, and I won a 24 karat Guy's burger on a stick.

To be continued.........

1 minute ago, brookeq said:

Also we will be on the magic for spring break.  Looking forward to the rest of your review.  

The Magic is a great ship! Have a great cruise, and thanks for reading!

2 minutes ago, brookeq said:

I have gotten stopped twice at the airport for gun powder residue also.  No idea why.  I actually have never touched a gun or have been around them.   

It's crazy! I guess I look like I make bombs in my free time. Lol

Saturday, October 28th, 2018, Con't:

We headed to the Alchemy Bar and had a Quick Fix and a Sidecar. We could tell right off, just reading the bartenders, that this wouldn't be "our bar" this cruise. After our drinks, we went to one of the upper decks to watch sail-away:

The "Mein Schiff" was in port with us. Never seen/heard of this line before:

Also, the MSC Divina was with us. We've been in many ports before with this particular ship:

Also, the Carnival Horizon. We had an epic horn battle with her as we sailed away:

We came back in and took a couple pics in the lobby. This guy was very popular for pics/selfies all week:

They had these in the lobby. Looked like something fun to do with kiddos. Or adults if you're overgrown children like C and I. We didn't participate because there wasn't alcohol involved:

We made our way back up to our room (Deck 7 aft) and our luggage had arrived We unpacked, and decorated our door. Since I must remain anonymous per my agreement with the witness protection program after what happened in the piano bar last year, I can't show you our door. But it turned out really cute. We headed down to the casino bar and I had a Tiramisu martini and C had a Crown on the rocks. We bar hopped back and forth between the lobby, casino, etc. I know a lot of people like it, but the fact that Carnival has switched to strings as their main musical entertainment is so disappointing to us. We miss the high energy bands. If I wanted to feel like I was on the Titanic while it was sinking, I would sail on Princess or Celebrity. You would think that on night one on a ship going out of Miami, the music would be rocking. Instead, it felt like we were at my grandmother's holiday party at her nursing home.

We ended up in the piano bar. The PBE, Zack Daniels, was absolutely amazing We closed the PB bar down, then closed down the casino bar. We fell 2 drinks short of that goal of 15. We felt defeated, like mere amateurs. We vowed to try harder the next day. We eventually made our way to our room. I fell asleep, and dreamed that we had missed Muster. Our punishment was that we had to spend the whole cruise in the library, with no bar service, with the string band playing 24/7.

To be continued......

On 11/9/2018 at 11:51 AM, SenatorsFan said:

Yay, I can see your pictures now. I'm looking forward to the rest of this review. 

Heather

Thank you for reading!

On 11/9/2018 at 9:57 AM, deladane said:

Yay!  I can see the pictures now too!  Looking forward to reading the rest of your review 🤩

Thanks for reading!

On 11/8/2018 at 7:55 PM, onthelido2 said:

Pix are now showing. First time teader of one of your reviews. Love your style. Buckled in and ready for the ride!! Enjoying this - thanks for sharing. 

Thanks for reading!

Sunday, October 28th, 2018 Con't:

After dropping our carry on bags and checking out our room, we headed to Lido for a Guy's burger and another FunShip. C is gluttonous and had 2 burgers and also sucked his drink down way faster than me. (Translation: that's bitter me saying that he's a guy and can eat/drink way more than me without gaining weight. Yes, I'm that petty.):

The Miami skyline is about as good a view as you can get while eating lunch:

After we were done eating, we went out to take some pictures:

The Miracle was in port with us:

Miami really is beautiful:

After we took some pics, we found a dark corner to sit in. We were crying, rocking back and forth and holding onto each other, because we knew it was near. That dreaded announcement. The one that makes grown men fall to their knees. Muster drill was coming.

They eventually made said dreaded announcement and we made our way to the MDR. There were lots and lots of people missing. I have no idea where these people manage to hide or why they think they're above the rules. Just like I've said in my previous reviews, I think the d-bags who skip Muster and make the rest of us wait while they call for them should be made to walk the plank. Or at the very least should be forced to sail on a chartered cruise full of Taylor Swift fans.

Eventually, Muster was over and everyone headed to the bar. Or at least that's where we headed. It was again chaos as everyone made their way out. It was all but impossible to get an elevator. We found this to be the case for the rest of the cruise unfortunately.

To be continued.......