Jetdriver787

As she started the first song I was worried that I was going deaf! As she finished, I was worried that I wasn’t! 🤣🙏🏻

1. “Have you lost your sense of taste?” If YES you will love the MDR. (my wife says I lost mine years ago! 🤷‍♂️)

We could charter to Boston harbour and dump all that bloody awful Liptons Ice tea in it?

When she started 🎼”Chills….they’re multiplying’ 🎼 I can only say she wasn’t the only one! The only relief came when she forgot the words! The drummer was behind a Perspex screen which I assume was to protect him in case an assassins bullet missed its mark?

“Beginning?” I’ve just heard a singer so bad that I had to visit Deck One, as my ears started bleeding! People were launching the lifeboats themselves! 👂🤦🏻‍♂️

Folks…..Thank you for tolerating me thus far. I promise this will be my last post on this thread. As I was coming out of the “My Fair lady” restaurant this evening, I found myself humming the tune to “On the Street where you live!” 🎼 I have often sailed, On these seas before, But the fruit and veg’ Included strawberries before! All at once am I, Eating Key Lime pie, Knowing that’s all the fruit That there is! There are lilac stripes, And some grey I’m told. On my undies which were white Before the “Wash & Fold!” Now it seems to me, Even though it’s free, That is not from the “fruit” of the loom! And oh… the powerful feeling, When I see some veg’ that is fresh. And so… Bananas are peeling, Looks like they hiked from Bangladesh! People stop and stare, They don’t bother me! Wearing pants is oft forgot When you are Sixty Three! Still I may be old, And the steaks gone cold, But I’m still on a ship on the sea! 🎼 (With apologies to Jay Lerner & Fred Lowe!)

Oh! The irony! 🤣

“Nothing strawberry related on the menu tonight but there is vegan asparagus… can’t wait for your deconstruction of that one!” Hmmm! In fairness they hadn’t bisected the asparagus, but it was carefully hidden behind a veritable forest of Rocket! (Arugula for our friends from the New world!) Unlike Sir Elton John, I’m not much of a Rocket man! Anyway, fruit and veg’ aside, the staff have all been lovely. You can only imagine my surprise when, after dinner, they all presented me with an envelope completely stuffed with cash! It seems, the waiters, chefs, bar staff, housekeeping and somebody called the “purchasing manager” had all pooled a months worth of tips so that I could cruise on another ship! Any other ship! I mean how sweet is that? Even my wife had chipped in! I didn’t have the heart to tell them that we were already booked on the continuation of this cruise to the New World! I can’t wait to see their faces light up tonight at dinner!

🤣 I think they were all protesting the EU? Obviously not something we British would do! 🤷‍♂️🤣 I was very impressed with the fact that everybody clearly possessed a beautifully uniform and well laundered flag. The street bag sellers were visibly relieved that the police were otherwise occupied! looking forward to Dinner as all I can taste is glue from licking those envelopes! 🤷‍♂️

I did hear some mutterings that this might be happening? on the other hand it might just have been a “Careless Whisper?”

Quite a successful mornings shopping off the ship in the port of Palma Mallorca, Spain. Firstly, my rapidly growing fruit fetish was satiated by a quick visit to the food hall of “El Corte Inglés” department store. Now I know this stuff doesn’t grow on trees, although………🤷‍♂️ Surrounded by a plethora of limes, Lemons, healthy bananas, and, of course, strawberries! I was salivating at the potential arbitrage opportunities for converting 10 Euro worth of fruit into $5000 worth of on-board cocktail decorations! This, until I remembered that the blue shirted fruit police were never going to let me onboard with it! They were suspicious enough over my bottle of listerine, and that was only mint flavoured! still, all wasn’t lost! My wife had shown an unhealthy interest in a ludicrously expensive handbag in the “Louis Vuitton” store. While she went off on her own, I managed to procure one almost exactly the same from an entrepreneurial young man just down the street, and for a mere fraction of the price! He assured me it came with a full warranty and guarantee of authenticity, and if I wasn’t fully satisfied, he could be found there most Sundays when there wasn’t a large police presence? 🤷‍♂️ I think someone is going to be happy in our house this Christmas! Now I don’t want to seem like a serial complainer (although my wife says “that ship sailed long ago? 🤷‍♂️) but on the subject of “cereal,” I’m also curious how those things called “fruit loops” manage to acquire those vivid colours without the use of radioactive ingredients? Finally, the restaurant “Orange juice” has this last week been anything but! It’s either been “cut” more times than would embarrass a Colombian drug lord, or at best been watered down to a level rarely found outside of a Dominican Republic “All inclusive” resort? Also a shade of Orange seldom seen other than on the pillowcases of the inbound laundry at Mar-a-Lago? In the UK, I think they have to call this “Orange drink” in order to stay just inside the consumer law regulations? It wouldn’t hurt the waiter to crack a smile either? The look he has been giving me is very much the same one my wife does all of the time! In fairness, I haven’t woken up to find him holding a pillow a few inches from my face, although it was only once, and she did say that she was worried my snoring might make me more vulnerable to Covid and that she was just selflessly trying to protect me!

The Bananas in windjammer weren’t much to write home about either! They had reached that point of blackness where in Britain we have a minor marital argument about throwing them out, only for one partner to claim they will use them to make something called “Banana bread?” This is something they never have and never will concoct, at which juncture the other party surreptitiously throws them in the bin (trash!) At that point it is then customary to visit the local supermarket to purchase 6 more and start the whole ritual again!

LS, whilst not wishing to alarm you, I should also mention that the advertised asparagus on tonight’s proffered entree, was bizarrely substituted with a 5” (12.7 cm) string bean that had been cut into 4 pieces? I would have taken a photograph, but despite my assumed surreptitiousness, both of our waiters have noticed me snapping away at everything they convey, and some sort of consternation seems to be breaking out at the local waiter station!

You will be pleased to learn that tonight’s tin actually contained 5 pats as evidenced below. They used to use “El-Presidente” but now have switched to something called “Echte Boter,” which I think may be German for “I can’t believe it’s not margarine?” In any event the back of the pat says “Kaptein” which I am sure is a serious step down from “President!”

You were right! I put on a suit for nothing! When I asked the waiter, he put on a brave face and confidently tried to explain that RCI never offer lobster in Europe! The menu suggested they did if you shelled out for the $16.99 specimen? I told him that they had it on Anthem this Summer on both of the cruises we did from Southampton, but possibly that is the only good thing to come out of “Brexit,” I’m not sure? Anyway, I don’t think I was alone in my disappointment? There were clearly some devastated Europeans. A smattering of bereft North Americans and a few crushed Asians! (Crustaceans?….Oh never mind!)

Well…..without a full forensic analysis, I would say the crown was about 1/4 (25% in metric?) of a junior specimen. Possibly a similar quantity had been micro-chopped into the copious filling? I think it’s safe to say that no adult strawberries had been been harmed in the making of this dessert?

I’ve already been tormented by “Strawberry fields” playing as background music somewhere? I think somebody on security with CVTV is stalking me? 🤷‍♂️ 🍓. Anyway it’s “Lobster night” so what can possibly go wrong?

I wish I was!

From 01st December if you are Emerald or higher, you don’t have to watch it! 👍

Could you print 6 random numbers between 1 and 50, so that I can eliminate them from all future lottery games? 🤣

I’m afraid my bad luck at cards has only been surpassed by my bad luck at love! Our 35 year marriage is purely down to the fact that neither of us wanted an ugly custody battle where we might actually have ended up with the kids! 🤦🏻‍♂️ I think the cash out slip from yesterday speaks for itself!…….and that’s just my 2 cents worth!

Sorry, I know this is becoming an obsession but…….. At dinner tonight (and I present to you exhibit “A” your honour,) the menu promised a “Panna Cotta” of silky deliciousness. More importantly was the portent of a plurality of Strawberries! Clearly everything had been saved up for this Fragarian gala. The anticipation was quickly puréed into crushing disappointment as laid before me was an epicurean dessert atop which was not many, not one, but NONE Strawberries! Instead was a sad and lonely Raspberry! (I present exhibit “B” your honour!) Now, in fairness it was actually a whole un-chopped or otherwise divided berry. In Winter at home we will sometimes leave nuts or berries on a table for Southerly migrating birds, however I feel if I ever left just one bloody raspberry out, said birds would flock together and exhibit their displeasure all over the hood and windscreen of my car!

Not sure about the casino, but “continuous shuffling” is certainly prevalent in the rest of the ship! 🤦🏻‍♂️

A bit of a “Gold digger” then? 🤷‍♂️

No mention of “French Breakfast” though? That is where they consider that one egg is an “Ouef!” 🥚🤦🏻‍♂️