Help!

[tishavens]

1) Be sure to rent scooters in the really really busy port with the horrible traffic - it's as good as a roller coaster, and perfectly safe! (After all, you are on vacation.)

2) Save a lot of money by booking that all-day excursion to Chichen-Itza privately, not from the ship... It only brings you back 2 hours after the all-abord time, so the ship will surely wait for you (or at least turn around and come back once it realizes you are missing).

3) Discuss your views on the US healthcare system and Cimate Change loudly and endlessly with the random strangers they seat you with at dinner.

4) When playing trivia, be sure to keep an eagle eye on other teams to prevent them from cheating or even having any fun. Be a total rules-monger. Because seriously, those plastic Princess Cruises dog collars they're giving out as prizes this round are going to look gorgeous on that dog you don't actually have.

[MustangGT]

I think you should bring the baby! He/she can start toward elite status early! I'm sure your room steward would be happy to watch the baby for you! But then you might have to tip an extra 50 cents a day.:D

[Peachie1]

Great post, had me chuckling from the beginning...

 

Peaches

[legaljen1969]

Don't worry about bringing any clothes with you on the trip. All you need is a bikini and a pair of flip flops for wife, a speedo and flip flops for hubby. The smaller, the better. After all, you want to make sure you "show it all" to your fellow cruisers. Some of them really could use that as an incentive to push back from the buffet. Or maybe that speedo might inspire your fellow cruisers to eat more bananas.

For formal night, please do wear those expensive jeans, and your best tank top. Oh, and best of all- you absolutely SHOULD order one of everything on the menu just to have a taste. Sure, some old bitty at the next table might tsk, tsk you, but seriously don't worry about eating it all. Hey, it's your life, your cruise. You paid for it, do whatever you want. Oh, and don't forget to tell security that the lady at the next table is really causing trouble when she gets her second glass of wine. You might want to discretely slip her a copy of the daily plan with the Friends of Bill W. meeting.

By all means, purchase that drink package- only one per family is certainly sufficient. You can all share the same cup and the same straw, and the same norovirus. Oh what fun!!!!!!

That will give you more money to spend on that excursion to the end of the earth with the flying monkeys and magical unicorns.

And don't dare try to smuggle a bagel off the ship in Grand Cayman. The bagel police are there to confiscate all smuggled bagels. You will immediately be assigned prison garb and fitted with a tracking device which will monitor your every entry into the dining establishments on the ship. A really loud buzzer and flashing lights will go off and you will be subjected to a full cavity search if you try to take your own water off the ship for excursions. You MUST buy ship "endorsed" water. You can only go to the end of the pier if you get a small water. If you want to get out into town, you MUST buy a large water. The bottles have also been fitted with tracking devices. If you go further than your boundaries, a helicopter will fly over head and you will immediately be tazed and hauled back to ship and made to dance in the night's cabaret number.

I hope this was helpful. I mean, I am not a rocket scientist but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.