Pre-cruise planning meeting - travelling with friends

[PBC29]

I've been on 3 cruises with family and friends and we always have planned to do activities and meals etc while onboard. However once onboard those months of planning basically got tossed overboard and all we ever end up doing together is dinner and by the pool randomly bump into eachother hang out for awhile then we all go our own way.

 

Excursions and time in port has usually been together time aswell since most are not crazy active zipline/rock climbing types everyone is pretty much the shopping/taxi tour kind of person so its pretty easy for us to stick together on land.

 

I would suggest not making extremely specific plans for onboard activities just go with the flow: say hey we plan on getting up at *am for breakfast then we'd like to do this or that so if we aren't at bingo might find us at trivia or someplace on the pool deck on the left or right side.

 

As for excursions may I suggest each family picks what they want to do and if another family wants to join then fine but not force the 3rd into it.

 

Its everyones vacation yes your friends but not the same people you have different interests and opinions on things enjoy the trip how you want.

[dreamindessert]

Hi,

 

Next March I am travelling with 2 other families on my first cruise. One family has cruised 2x before and the other has cruised several times.

 

Our 6 kids range from 3 yrs to 11 yrs.

 

We're having a pre-cruise meeting in a week or so to discuss details, expectations, our pre and post cruise plans, how to get to the cruise plans, etc etc.

 

I have travelled with Family A multiple times...mostly on weekend getaways. Family B I don't know well because they are friends of the Family A.

 

What kind of things should we discuss before the cruise? What kind of expectations should we lay out?

 

We are currently all signed up for 6pm dining. I'm debating switching to Mytime Dining and planning reservations pretty much every night for 6:30pm because there are family activities at 5pm that i know my family will want to do. The only thing is the other 2 families probably don't really care about those activities as their children are younger. We DO want to eat dinners together and their families definitely want to eat earlier rather than later. Anyway, I am still thinking on this one to see what will work best for all 3 of our families.

 

It's only a short 5 night cruise but we all definitely want to make the most out of it :) Like I told Family A, we are all spending a fair bit to do this cruise and we all need to make sure we do what works for our own families and still have fun as a group.

 

My previous vacations with Family A have all been "joined at the hip" type vacations. I know it's been the same when Family A and B have gone on trips together. I can't see that working out well on a cruise. One trip to Kings Island amusement park, my family arranged to go one day earlier to do the things we wanted to do and then when they got there, spent the next 2 days focused on the things Family A wanted to do because we all wanted to spend time together instead of splitting up all day.

 

Thanks!!

 

I know exactly how you feel! I was in the same predicament a couple years ago. You really need to get a feel for how both families work. Sometimes people are easy to get along with and are willing to go with the flow (which can make planning easier) Sometimes families have thier set routine and find it hard to budge. It maybe even you who is not willing to budge on certain activities.

You can play it by ear... maybe only have 2-3 days where you get together to do something you all want to do (like visit the zoo) and the days you have something that no one else wants to do you can go off on your own. Or maybe meet at the pool at 2 for some family swimming... so you have the rest of the day to yourself.

This works well if some poeple are early risers... or are doer/relaxers and don't have the same rythm as everyone else.

Keeping the traditional dining means you will have an oportunity to get together and talk about your day (if you aren't together for it all) you can opt out and have supper by yourselves once or twice and the other families can still eat together. I agree with not making exact plans every minute of every day... then you will feel rushed and not end up enjoying YOUR vacation.

good Luck!

[weltek]

Hi elaine-

Sounds like you are excited about this! Good for you. My advice would be to ask during the planning meeting:

1) what everyone expects from their cruise and what's really important to them.

2) how much freedom/alone time everyone wants

3) how much each person wants to be involved in researching excursions, if there is an expectation you'll do them all together, be flexible, have some on your own, etc. Make it clear nobody should book something such as a group outing without checking with each other first.

4) is anyone looking to "cruise on the cheap," or has some areas they want to watch their money on (e.g., don't want to do many excursions, don't want to shop)

 

Also-plan for how you'll keep in touch on board: leave a post it on your door as to what you are doing? Walkies?

 

Have fun!

[Sandi3667]

We had a much smaller group, just 4 friends cruising together. One is my BFF, another a former co-worker that my BFF also knew, and the fourth person was a former co-worker of my co-worker friend. My BFF & I had never met the fourth person prior to our pre-cruise meetings.

 

For excursions, everyone had a copy of the shore excursion handbook, and we'd all identified the ones that we wanted to do. It works out that except for Sitka, we did have the same lists.

 

When we weren't in town though, we all did our own things, but we did have fixed dining to meet up at night.

 

I agree with having your own excursions in mind, because it is your cruise too. If the other groups have the same ones in mind, great. If not, you'll be able to share experiences at dinner.

[tracyanns]

Wow, are you in for quite a treat. HAHA!

 

We go on a group cruise once a year and there is usually anywhere from 15-25 of us...some with kids, some without. Keep in mind most of us hang out on a regular basis at home so we do spend time together on the ship.

 

Anyway, forget the joined at the hip thing, it will never work. This is your family vacation and you spend it how you want to spend it. This is how we normally make it work...we do breakfast and dinner together. At breakfast we talk about what we are doing for the day. If we want to hang out and meet with others than we do, if not we see them at dinner and usually during the day on the ship. When we meet at dinner we talk about our day and what we did and what we are doing after dinner.

 

We usually go to the show as some sort of group and maybe have some drinks afterwards...

 

Shore excursions we always do what we want...we let others know what we are doing and if they want to join us, go ahead, if not, see you at dinner.

 

DO NOT STRESS. Everyone has their own ideas of what their vacation should be and no one should have to bendover to accomodate someone else. One of our friends gets so stressed because 2 of the couples are both friends with them but don't really like eachother so they spend the week splitting time with them...they are more stressed than anything...so no matter what you do...don't put Family A in that position...if the other family does, that is on them, but guess who Family A won't go on vacation with again...

 

HAVE FUN! And you DEFINATELY need to fly to FLL...it is WAY too long of a drive. Stay at the W and eat dinner at Yolos and get ready to cruise!!

[Harry and Lucille]

Two years ago, I planned a cruise for our family of ten. I set up the airline, and the hotel for the nite before. Comming home I set up the post cruise tour to kill time before our flight home. On board, the two formal nites were planned for a get together just to touch base. Other than that, everyone was on their own. Everyone was able to do whatever they wanted on their own time. Formal nite dinner was for catch up and never lacked in spirited conversation. Resulted in a relaxed vacation with no scheduling conflicts what so ever. Just a thought there. :cool:

[travelin_nat]

You've gotten some great suggestions. The only thing I would add is to spend some time together before the cruise as families. You said you don't know family B well, and the age range of the kids is fairly wide, so plan some get-togethers with all 3 families before the cruise so you can evaluate the group dynamic ahead of time. That will probably tell you a lot about how much time you do/not want to spend together once the vacation arrives. Good luck!

[elainesj]

You've gotten some great suggestions. The only thing I would add is to spend some time together before the cruise as families. You said you don't know family B well, and the age range of the kids is fairly wide, so plan some get-togethers with all 3 families before the cruise so you can evaluate the group dynamic ahead of time. That will probably tell you a lot about how much time you do/not want to spend together once the vacation arrives. Good luck!

 

Hmm....good suggestion. The only time we've spent with Family B was in January at a bday party Family A hosted. My son had a great time with their son. Overall, we enjoyed Family B - they were pleasant.

 

We'll see how tomorrow's pre-cruise meeting goes. I need to solidify some our our plans and wants in my own head so we have a productive discussion.

 

Definitely, like you all said, we have to strike a balance between spending time together and apart. My thoughts are to plan definitely on dinner togther...as well as most of the shows together (at least with Family A - not sure how interested Family B are in shows). Then most days, we'll also have lunch together. One morning, we'll do a character breakfast together. During dinners each night, we'll go over everyone's plans for the next day and see where we will do stuff together and where we will separate. I definitely want to be careful of the 3-family dynamic so Family A doesn't feel caught in the middle.

 

Is it feasible to expect to have lunch together on our sea days? Not sure how the ship's schedule is set up. I do know Kids Club closes during lunchtimes.

[elainesj]

Update - so we had our pre-cruise meeting last night. It went...OK.

 

We started off the discussion with our pre-cruise options and how we were going to travel to the port.

 

Family B pushed hard for us to drive together in 2 minivans. I hemmed and hawed. Family A then said that they would only drive if they were in 1 vehicle...more for the fun and novelty of driving together. I was much more open to that. We debated and discussed this for some time. At the end of it, Family A found a reasonably priced 15-seater van and we decided to look into that in more detail. That said, our family was hemming and hawing a bit and I told them I would consider it...but that we're a little unsure as we really want to go to Disney World.

 

The next topic that came up were the kids. Family B is having an internal debate about children. They originally intended to cruise without their kids (I hadn't realised this). They have a 8, 6, and almost 2 yr old. The husband found out it would cost an extra $1K to bring along their 2 yr old (prob coz they have to upgrade their cabin?). He wants to bring the older 2 and leave the baby at home. The wife isn't sure about the fairness of leaving the baby behind. I told them their options and gave them an overview of what Liberty of the Seas offers for a toddler. That is a debate they will have for some time I think.

 

By the time we were done discussing all this, we ran out of time.

 

Family B is really nice - but I'm still worried about everyone's expectations of the cruise. They said a few times we should have done another RCCL cruise out of Baltimore, which I had looked into...but Family A and ourselves preferred LOS.

 

I said point blank that I doubted we would take the same excursions and I shared what we were planning to do. None of them have thought much yet about what their plans are. Family A did say they would accommodate their excursions to Family B. I also said that we needed to tie our dining together as we would likely do different things all day and at least we could make sure we spent time together for dinner most days.

 

I sure hope this whole thing comes off well!!

 

I'm sending an email to everyone this morning...our family talked extensively after everyone left and decided not to travel down with them. It's going to cost us $1K or more to do that. We decided to spend an extra $1000 and go visit Mmickey for a few days. Plus, we have enough miles for free airfare. Hate waffling on them, but like I was telling them all night, we each have to decide what works for our own families.

 

I also plan to add that:

 

- we are all spending a fair bit on this vacation. While I absolutely love "joined at the hip, do everything together" weekend vacations....we're investing enough on this trip that each family should make sure this vacation is everything they want it to be. There are things I'm going to want to do that you have no interest in and vice versa. My goal is that at the end of it, we all go home saying, "this was AMAZING...let's make plans to go together again!!"

 

- we should make a pact that we each take care of our own families and no one will feel guilty/hurt/disappointed if 2 families choose to do something together or all 3 families do different things.

 

To that end, we should give each other the freedom to opt in or opt out of everything. We still have a few months to cancel without penalties. If this trip ends up not working out for one family because of budget, finances, interests, logistics, or for whatever reason at all....then it's OK to say, "sorry everyone - we're out" - without feeling guilty.

 

- we should chat at dinner every night to talk over our plans for the next day to see where our plans intersect so we can arrange to meet up...or not.

 

It will be interesting to see how the Family A and Family B dynamic works out. I worry that one, or both, of them will come back hurt and/or disappointed. That said, they're all grown adults and that's for them to work things out between them. I'm doing my best to be pretty clear of my own expectations, etc for this trip so they all know what they're getting from us and my focus will be on making sure our family enjoys this trip and gets everything we want out of it.

[cello56]

In your email today, I would avoid using the phrase "joined at the hip" as it sounds very derogatory. Sort of makes the other families sound needy.

 

Also a thought about the 15 passenger van for driving down. I really don't think that a van that size would accomodate 12 people, plus 12 sets of luggage for a week! You also might need a special driving permit to drive something that large.

 

I hope that this all works out to be a wonderful vacation for all involved. I am so glad that you spelled out at least your expectations. This is not a day at an amusement park - this is an expensive vacation and no one wants to leave feeling like they missed out on something.

[elainesj]

In your email today, I would avoid using the phrase "joined at the hip" as it sounds very derogatory. Sort of makes the other families sound needy.

 

Also a thought about the 15 passenger van for driving down. I really don't think that a van that size would accomodate 12 people, plus 12 sets of luggage for a week! You also might need a special driving permit to drive something that large.

 

I hope that this all works out to be a wonderful vacation for all involved. I am so glad that you spelled out at least your expectations. This is not a day at an amusement park - this is an expensive vacation and no one wants to leave feeling like they missed out on something.

 

That's a great suggestion!! Thanks so much. The last thing I want is to hurt or offend someone. And yet, I intend to make sure we have the vacation of our dreams. This is a really expensive trip for us and I dont want to come home feeling like I spent all my time making someone else happy, kwim? I love doing that on cheaper weekend trips...just not on such a big, expensive one.

 

What do you all think of my draft below? Any suggestions on how this all sounds?

 

I want to suggest that as we plan this vacation out, we should make a pact that we each take care of our own families and no one will feel guilty/hurt/disappointed if 2 families choose to do something together or all 3 families do different things. I'm sure there will be a fair number of things we will all enjoy doing together as a big group. We should chat at dinner every night to talk over our plans for the next day to see where our plans intersect so we can arrange to meet up wherever possible.

 

We are all spending a fair bit on this vacation. While I absolutely love "do everything together" weekend vacations....we're investing enough on this trip that each family should make sure this vacation is everything they want it to be. There are things I'm going to want to do that you have no interest in and vice versa. My goal is that at the end of it, we all go home saying, "this was AMAZING...let's make plans to go together again!!"

 

To that end, I feel we should give each other the freedom to opt in or opt out of everything. We still have a few months to cancel without penalties. If this trip ends up not working out for one family because of budget, finances, interests, logistics, or for whatever reason at all....then it's OK to say, "sorry everyone - we're out" - without feeling guilty.

 

I've had friends who have done big trips together and came home completely disappointed and upset with each other because they both spent so much time and effort to accommodate each other that no one had a good time because they spent all their time worrying if the other person was having a good time. I just don't want that to happen to us.

 

I hope that we can all do this from the perspective of, "we all want to do that, let's do it together...no, I don't want to do that, you go ahead - catch you at the next activity". I'm really looking forward to travelling together because things ARE more fun experienced as a group - I'm definitely not planning for a trip where we come home saying, "oh you were on the boat too? how cool". That said, there has to be a balance and I feel discussing our expectations beforehand like we're doing will help us achieve that balance and have an absolutely incredible time together.

 

How do you guys all feel?

[notentirelynormal]

Hmm, not sure how I would change your email but when I read this I hear a lot of "if you don't want to go with us", "if your are going to feel bad" type things, In other words, I think you spelled that part out fine as far as the no obligation thing BUT I think you missed putting anything POSITIVE in the email. Most of what you wrote was if things go bad. You don't put in anything "happy" and I think there's a chance the others reading this will see you as coming across as having a problem.

 

From reading your other posts, I know you are trying to make this great for everyone and yet that is not what I felt when I read your email. Maybe you could put some positive things in. Even if it's the example that you've decided to drive and stop at Disney on the way so that the kids can bond with Mickey. A reminder to everyone that you need to link your reservations to make sure you are all together for dinner emphasizing that dinner will be part of the fun of the cruise.

 

Just my 2 cents worth :D.

[elainesj]

That's the kind of feedback I need - THANK YOU so much!

[cello56]

I think that the suggestion that you plan on driving on your own so you can visit Disney is excellent. Personally I cannot imagine driving from Canada with 12 people in a van! Just getting everyone on the same potty break schedule would be a nightmare!

 

I also agree that while your email started out good, it did get a little negative at the end. Perhaps you need to say less?

 

So excited for our cruise together!

It will be fun to be a part of a group, while still having our own personal family time.

So many choices on board there is bound to be something to keep everyone busy and happy!

Dinner will be a great time to discuss each family's plans for the next day. (meaning plans you have already decided on - not a democratic vote on what to do as a group.)

Let's work together on making this a great vacation where each family is happy with the cruise.

[weltek]

I agree with the less is more suggestion, but understand you still want to convey a few key thoughts. Your first draft just sounded like you really wanted to back out and were regretting the decision to vacation with them...and needed them to say that was ok to back out.

 

We had a great time talking about the cruise with you! Though we've decided to fly down, we know you'll have a great time seeing the country on your drive down together.

 

I had a few thoughts as I listened to all of us talk about our own priorities the other night. I really think everyone can tailor this vacation to making it everything their own family wants it to be, while still enjoying some things with each other. Let's make a pact to be ok with each family looking out for their own needs and wants, while still trying to make a little time to enjoy the cruise together. I feel discussing our expectations beforehand, like we're doing, will help us achieve that balance and have an absolutely incredible time together.

 

As we plan, I really hope we can identify some key things we really want to do together, and things we want to leave open to flexibility for each family. My goal is that at the end of it, we all go home saying, "this was AMAZING...let's make plans to go together again!!"

 

Also, I've had friends take vacations with others, and they feel like they are trapped into some kind of contract with the group, so that even if someone lost a job, they couldn't cancel their participation in the trip. Just know that we're ok if something happens and you need to opt out or scale your part of the vacation back-we're flexible!

 

Looking forward to our next vacation planning date!

 

 

 

[notentirelynormal]

I agree with the less is more suggestion, but understand you still want to convey a few key thoughts. Your first draft just sounded like you really wanted to back out and were regretting the decision to vacation with them...and needed them to say that was ok to back out.

 

We had a great time talking about the cruise with you! Though we've decided to fly down, we know you'll have a great time seeing the country on your drive down together.

 

I had a few thoughts as I listened to all of us talk about our own priorities the other night. I really think everyone can tailor this vacation to making it everything their own family wants it to be, while still enjoying some things with each other. Let's make a pact to be ok with each family looking out for their own needs and wants, while still trying to make a little time to enjoy the cruise together. I feel discussing our expectations beforehand, like we're doing, will help us achieve that balance and have an absolutely incredible time together.

 

As we plan, I really hope we can identify some key things we really want to do together, and things we want to leave open to flexibility for each family. My goal is that at the end of it, we all go home saying, "this was AMAZING...let's make plans to go together again!!"

 

Also, I've had friends take vacations with others, and they feel like they are trapped into some kind of contract with the group, so that even if someone lost a job, they couldn't cancel their participation in the trip. Just know that we're ok if something happens and you need to opt out or scale your part of the vacation back-we're flexible!

 

Looking forward to our next vacation planning date!

 

I like it!

[elainesj]

I agree with the less is more suggestion, but understand you still want to convey a few key thoughts. Your first draft just sounded like you really wanted to back out and were regretting the decision to vacation with them...and needed them to say that was ok to back out.

 

We had a great time talking about the cruise with you! Though we've decided to fly down, we know you'll have a great time seeing the country on your drive down together.

 

I had a few thoughts as I listened to all of us talk about our own priorities the other night. I really think everyone can tailor this vacation to making it everything their own family wants it to be, while still enjoying some things with each other. Let's make a pact to be ok with each family looking out for their own needs and wants, while still trying to make a little time to enjoy the cruise together. I feel discussing our expectations beforehand, like we're doing, will help us achieve that balance and have an absolutely incredible time together.

 

As we plan, I really hope we can identify some key things we really want to do together, and things we want to leave open to flexibility for each family. My goal is that at the end of it, we all go home saying, "this was AMAZING...let's make plans to go together again!!"

 

Also, I've had friends take vacations with others, and they feel like they are trapped into some kind of contract with the group, so that even if someone lost a job, they couldn't cancel their participation in the trip. Just know that we're ok if something happens and you need to opt out or scale your part of the vacation back-we're flexible!

 

Looking forward to our next vacation planning date!

 

 

 

 

 

This is great. I ended up sending your version..which sounded much better than my own version! Thank you so much for taking the time to help me reword this.

[weltek]

Glad I could help!

[Ima Cruiser]

At the end of the day its still your family vacation, that you chose to book at the same time with your friends. You may not have the opportunity do some of the activities again, so if people want to join you great, if not you'll pick the things that are important to you. No one should be offended. Make sure you don't miss out on the good stuff that interests you.

[elainesj]

At the end of the day its still your family vacation, that you chose to book at the same time with your friends. You may not have the opportunity do some of the activities again, so if people want to join you great, if not you'll pick the things that are important to you. No one should be offended. Make sure you don't miss out on the good stuff that interests you.

 

You're so right. I was talking with FamilyA...and I told her that i don't want anyone to come home from the trip saying, "I'm disappointed, I didn't get to do such and such". Like you said, we need to do the things that are important to each family.

[elainesj]

An update: No one really responded to the email I sent out other than some of the minor logistical details.

 

But...I'm super glad I put my thoughts out there. At the very worst, no one can say they were surprised we weren't joined at the hip.

 

I'm not 100% sure how Family A feels about all of it, but we have been spending a fair bit of time talking about the fun we will have on the cruise. They did tell me they are driving down to FLL because FamilyB really wants to.

 

I'm just going to stop worrying about it all. They are all grown adults and I'm sure we're going to have an amazing time on the cruise together.

 

E