Divorced and Filing Motion to Travel w/ Kids

[My1Day.com]

I am asking this for my sister who has shown interest in going o a cruise with us and is ready to do the necessary leg work prior to booking.

She is divorced (kids are 14 & 17) and has sole physical custody but joint to the extent that he pays medical and sees them. Over the past year both children have opted not to see him and he as not pressed the issue to see them since he is re-married with a toddler and young step-daughter.

The kids do not have passports. She just recently sent over the passport paperwork and an already types out letter that he needs to have notarized agreeing for travel. She has not heard back from him and does not know if he will sign (not caring) or see this as a way to start a problem. It can be either way with him.

I am trying to help her research other options if he comes back and says he will not sign. I read something about going to the courts to "file a motion" to take the kids on a cruise. I can not find that anyplace on the web like how much is the filing fee and where she needs to go and even better, how long this process would take. She lives in NJ and didn't know if by her not hearing back and filing means he would be notified since he has a nice attorney on retainer (he owns a business) and my sister it looking towards booking a cruise not paying legal fees with court battles stopping her from cruising.

Any info our guidance would be great and helpful.

[rebeccalouiseagain]

This is something your sister will have to get worked out for sure. If she indeed has sole custody and he has signed away his rights- then she doesn't need anything from him. They sometimes will ask for a certified letter from the other parent but not always. I have only had it happen a couple of times. I think it depends if you are going to Mexico or Canada on the cruise but I wouldn't take a chance and would bring either the notorized letter of consent from the other parent or a copy of the custody agreement.

 

Also, if your sister has a different last name than the children- she has to bring her own birth certificate (not just the passport), as well as their birth certificates to show her name on the birth certificate.

Edited January 15, 2014 by rebeccalouiseagain

[My1Day.com]

Thank you!! We would not be going to Mexico or Canada and yes, she has had a name change.

I feel bad b/c they have been divorced many years and he has moved on but would do anything in his power to make her miserable. It's a shame but true....

[notentirelynormal]

I am asking this for my sister who has shown interest in going o a cruise with us and is ready to do the necessary leg work prior to booking. She is divorced (kids are 14 & 17) and has sole physical custody but joint to the extent that he pays medical and sees them.

 

Not sure how it works in NJ but in California my brother had full physical custody and shared legal custody (she was contesting it because he had had both for years but her new hubby wanted kids). Both kids had passports. The girl decided she didn't want to go and wanted to stay with mom. The son decided he wanted to go but the mom wouldn't give him son's passport. My brother had to go to the family courts and get a court order to take son out of the country and force mom to give dad back the passport she was holding. Even with all that the step father showed up at the school early to pull son out to try to get him to miss the plane. Dad figured on that and was also there early and caught him. Custody fights are never nice or fun. Step dad was such a jerk that knowing they were going scuba diving in the Caribbean he showed a 13 YO the movie Open Water which successfully terrified him.

 

When we got to LAX my brother had to show the documents to the airlines before they would let him fly to FLL ending in San Juan, PR.

[My1Day.com]

@notentirelynormal- Sorry you brother had to go through all that. It is such a sham that the kids have to suffer when one parent thinks they like being in control and mess things up for everyone. I mean, it's a vacation....you would think the parent not going would be happy for their kids. But that just doesn't seem to be the case.

[Starlight Durban Cruising]

If it were me I would pick up the phone and ask him if he has received/signed documents/notarized/sent back. Be sweet like syrup on the call.

 

If he refuses, then the kids are old enough to be told the hard truth about dad refusing. At that age the kids will see that this is about one person not being adult enough, trying to be spiteful to the mother, and ending up being spiteful to his own children.

 

Good luck.

[My1Day.com]

Oh the kids know (and have seen first hand) what their dad is like. So that is not the problem. My sister said she was thinking of sending him an e-mail yesterday saying "sign it or she will go to an attorney". I told her to just be nice and say "hey, I've had e-mail bounce backs and problems. Can you please confirm you got the e-mail with the passport paperwork & notarized letter".

I told her if she put that she would call an attorney he would say "sure, call one, why not" since it won't cost him a dime and her something crazy per hour to deal with it.

I have not heard from her yet today to know if she sent that e-mail that way and if she got a response.

[6rugrats]

I am asking this for my sister who has shown interest in going o a cruise with us and is ready to do the necessary leg work prior to booking.

She is divorced (kids are 14 & 17) and has sole physical custody but joint to the extent that he pays medical and sees them. Over the past year both children have opted not to see him and he as not pressed the issue to see them since he is re-married with a toddler and young step-daughter.

The kids do not have passports. She just recently sent over the passport paperwork and an already types out letter that he needs to have notarized agreeing for travel.

 

The reality is these children, especially the 17 year old, are old enough that the odds are, especially if your sister is not traveling to Mexico or Canada, that they will be asked nothing. But, you never know.

 

If your sister can't get her ex to cooperate with passports (& no, a passport does not mean permission to travel), the 17 year old doesn't need anyone to sign for them. Once you are 16, you don't need any parent's signature. She can get a passport for the younger child by completing Form DS-5525: Statement of Exigent/Special Family Circumstances.

 

My experience in these matters is to totally avoid the non-cooperative parent. It seems to give them satisfaction from withholding, and it's better to avoid/ignore them and take care of things yourself. Never make threats! Useless.

 

Most Family Law Courts have free advice services. If dad is uncooperative, suggest she call the court and learn how to file a motion herself that will allow a judge to give her legal permission to take the children out-of-the country.

Edited January 15, 2014 by 6rugrats

[rebeccalouiseagain]

You definitely get more with sugar than you do vinegar.

 

Having said that, most parents that are in other states or don't see their kids frequently feel left out. This may due to their own behavior but there are parents who feel jealous of the time that the custodial parent gets to spend with the children. So they aren't really happy about complying with requests for consent forms. Since the kids in question are older, it may be best for them to tell their Dad that their grandparents have given them a gift of a cruise. Usually the father doesn't want to upset elderly grandparents and will comply. It's a little white lie. That's how I get my ex to go along with it.

 

I wanted to add another thing. A non custodial parent who pays child support hates the idea of the custodial parent taking "their" hard earned child support payments and spending it "frivolously" on cruises. So the way to dodge this bullet is to make it clear that the cruise is a gift from either the grandparents or in this case the aunt and uncle. The custodial parent isn't as angry when it wasn't "his" money that paid for the trip. Believe me- I know that's how these non-custodial parents think. I've learned the hard way.

Edited January 16, 2014 by rebeccalouiseagain

[My1Day.com]

Thank you for this information...I didn't know that the 17 year old could apply for himself...but it makes sense since he does have a valid drivers license now!!

 

I sent her over the information on the DS-5525!!

[kitkat343]

You certainly never want to put a child in the middle of a dispute between his parents.

 

But the fact that the older child is 17 makes me wonder about how to handle this situation. A 17 year old is almost an adult, and soon will be responsible for negotiating his own relationship with his father. I wonder if people think it would be appropriate for a 17 year old to tell his father that he would like to go on the trip, and ask his father if he has any specific concerns they could discuss.

Edited January 16, 2014 by kitkat343

[Starlight Durban Cruising]

Gosh there is some good advice here. Praying that the OP and her family can resolve this and all enjoy their cruise.

[njmomof2]

My ex would be an idiot to believe that his measly CS payments pay for the vacations I take with my kids. His payments don't even cover 20% of my mortgage payment, let alone any food, clothing, utilities, etc. So the thought that I'd be using CS payment to cover a trip is laughable.

 

He has not yet refused to sign a consent to travel letter. Both of my boys have passports, but having one does not mean that the non custodial parent has agreed to the child travelling. Lots of things change in the 5 years that a minor passport is valid. It certainly did in my case.

 

I don't speak to him on the phone, I only email. He has already started with the "sure take me to court, you won't win" crap on other issues, because he wants to spend his money on himself (and his new girlfriend) rather than on the extra expenses of his children that he is required to cover at 45%. Both of my kids know exactly the kind of man he is, and they have witnessed it themselves.

 

I would suggest she start with an email about the passports. Remember if it's a closed loop cruise leaving and returning to the same US port, they don't need passports, they can use birth certificates. Perhaps she can get him to sign the permission to travel letter instead.

 

I am also in NJ so I've had dealings with the family court here. I was not one of the lucky ones. My ex came across as so sympathetic, and so pathetic, that he basically got whatever he wanted. He decided that since I made more than him (not significantly more but more nonetheless) that he should get alimony. Now, we were making it with both salaries. Take his away and I'm supporting 3 people on mine, and there was not a dollar left at the end of the month, yet he wanted me to pay him. Did not care if his kids were supported, just wanted to screw me. So I had to give up a certain amount of CS to make up for that. And the sad thing is, I think he's proud of that.

 

Good luck to your sister in this. Being divorced doesn't mean you don't have to continue to deal with the spouse that you no longer wanted to be married to...the problems just shift.

Edited January 16, 2014 by njmomof2