funny questions about cruising

[Karypunx]

does the balcony have an ocean view??? :eek: :eek: :eek:

[mr green]

On our first Alaskan cruise our tablemates included a brace of elderly sisters from Texas, who could have been a tad brighter. For example the first question that one of them asked was 'Will there be poor people in the streets selling gold?'

 

john

[Chadrapp]

While at half moon cay I overheard two young girls talking about how clear the water was. One looked at the other and stated " It's because it's a new beach"

[snowy owl]

I just got back on the boards recently and looked this up I love it. Any more fun stories or questions.

[jimgev]

does the balcony have an ocean view??? :eek: :eek: :eek:

Only the good ones. The cheap ones overlook the parking lot.;)

[ttwalker23]

"I don’t need to clear US Immigration; I did it online before I came!"

 

“Where is the number 10 on the telephone?”

 

“09:30 Turnaround morning – is it too late to change my luggage tag?”

 

“Is an eight am flight out of FLL, YVR, SFO (wherever we dock at around 7 am…) too early?”

 

“Where are the moving walkways?”

 

I’d like to complain about the crew helicopter keeping me up!

 

Passenger phones the Front Desk “I can’t find the door to exit my cabin… one goes into the washroom and the other has a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on it!”

I promise this is true!!

 

“Conversation with pax at tour office”

Pax: So are there any busses?

Officer: Busses for where sir?

Pax: For when we get off!

Officer: Busses for when and where sir?

Pax: Off the ship!

Officer: Yes I understand you want off the ship sir, but what port are you talking about?

Pax: on land, to get down town.

Officer: Where sir? What island would you be referring to?

Pax: St Maarten!

Officer: No Sir, there are no buses to get down town, you can however take a water taxi or catch a land taxi down town.

Pax: So no buses?

Officer: No Sir, No Buses to take you down town.

Pax: Oh okay bye.

Am I losing my mind!! Shorex

 

“If it wasn’t for the Americans on this ship you and all the other crew members wouldn’t have a job”!

Pax is upset with the attitude he has encountered onboard!

Passenger is slightly deaf.

 

“I left my sweater in my Cabin, how do I get it?”

“You go back to your cabin!!???” –

 

Is this the Purser?

“No this is the Shore excursion office”

So this is not the Purser?

“No sir it’s the Shore excursions office”

Where is the Purser? –

 

“Right; so what exactly do we do to get off this boat?!”

(Passenger in front of the desk, deck 6, gangway was on deck 6 beside 1st Purser’s office)

 

“How far away from the horizon are we?”

 

“Which elevator takes me to the front of the boat?”

 

PAX: “I’m a little confused… The Princess Patter says that the Capt. Circle Hospitality Desk is from 9.00am till Noon and 3.00pm till 4.00pm… but my invitation says 7.30pm!”

HANNAH: “The times advertised in the Patter are for the Hospitality Desk? Do you need the Hospitality Desk? Do you need information? Or are you asking after the Captain Circle Cocktail party? In this case you need to go by the invitation.”

PAX: “I still don’t understand… I’ll just go to the cocktails then. Thank you!”

 

PAX: “I’m really not impressed with your organization. I got up to go to the immigration inspection at seven in the morning and there’s nobody there. It says on the letter that you sent to my cabin- “Vista Lounge”; I’ve just been there, there’s nobody there!”

DANIEL (Night JAP): “Sir, it is two o’clock in the morning, you’re five hours early.”

PAX: “But my two watches say it is seven…”

 

Passenger comes to the tour desk to ask,

“Would you know anything about the tours?”

 

“Will dinner tonight be on Miami time or ship’s time?” -

 

“My STRONG CASE won’t open!” (Pax calling the desk about his safety box)

 

(We’re sailing from and to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida):

(JAP): Which airport are you flying from after the cruise?

(PAX): La Guardia, New York.

 

Pax at the Pursers desk:

(JAP): I can’t give you the room number but I can put you through on the phone, ok?

(PAX): Can’t I dial that myself?

 

Sail Away from Ft Laud (about 5 mins away from land), Pax asks:

“Excuse me miss, is that Miami over there?”

Purser replies:

“no madam, that’s actually England”

 

Pax at Tour Office

If I don’t do a tour in St Maarten am I allowed off the ship?

 

How do I get to my stateroom?

“pax looked a little simple”

 

PAX: “Do you live onboard”?

JAP: “No a helicopter comes to pick me up at 8pm every night and takes me home”

PAX: “You’re kidding”?

JAP: “No madam up on deck 16 there is a helicopter pad and if you’re out at 8pm you will see me and other crew members being picked up”

PAX: “Oh I had no idea, I guess it’s easier than living onboard”

AGAIN THIS PASSENGER LOOKED REALLY SIMPLE …..

 

(On a sea day)

PAX “I only see these ship newspapers, don’t you have any REAL daily newspapers like the globe and mail?”

JAP “Yeah, unfortunately the paperboy had a flat tire so he couldn’t deliver the papers across the ocean this morning.”

 

Pax: I saw ladders going down on the side of the ship, do we have to get off using a ladder?

No, if you’re really good we set up the slide!

 

Lady on deck 5 asking me at the staircase, will these stairs take me up to my stateroom on deck 10?

 

Pax: Are we tendering in St Maarten?

JAP: No, we’re docking.

Pax: So where do I catch the tender?

JAP: You don’t have to take a tender, we’re docking.

Pax: So do we take the tender from the dock then?

 

Are we stopping at any Islands this cruise? …Duh!!!! (Caribbean Cruise)

 

Pax: Sorry the tour desk is closed. Can you help me with procedures for a tour?

JAP: which tour are you going on?

Pax: The one where you go on the bus.

JAP: so which tour is that sir????

 

Leaving FLL near Condos – 2 different pax asked in the space of 5mins…”which is the front of the ship?”

(Well the Captain’s actually decided to reverse out of FLL today just to vary the sailaway)

 

PAX@ TOUR OFFICE:

“Am I allowed to do a Tour in St Thomas”?

PURSER@ TOUR OFFICE:

“Only if you have been a good girl”..

 

(PAX): “TOILET!!!”

(Dan t): “No sir, this is the Purser’s Office.”

 

(Pax) What time is it?

(Jap) 19h52 sir

(Pax) what does that mean?

(Jap) 7:52 sir

 

Pax @ Immigration….

(Jap) Are you traveling on your own sir?

(Pax) No.

(Jap) where is your family sir?

(Pax) I’m traveling on my own.

 

(PAX): I bought this today in the shops. Its zipper is broken. Will those people be out in the hallway again tonight?

(JAP): The shops are open Madam; you can ask them for a refund or an exchange.

(PAX): Yes, I know the shops are open, but those people were in the hallway…

 

 

(PAX) Is the doctor still on duty?

(JAP) Yes, I can page them for you, would you like to see the doctor? What is it in regards to?

(PAX) I’ve burnt my finger at dinner in the Donatello restaurant

(JAP): On what ma’am?

(PAX) A flaming sambuca, the waiter told me to put my finger in it, so I did…..TWICE!!!!!!

 

Scenario: It’s pouring down with rain. The open deck is sopping wet!

Pax: Stops Buffet Stewart and asks… excuse me is it raining?

 

(PAX): As CC Platinum Members we’re entitled to free internet correct?

(JAP): Yes.

(PAX): OK, but is E-mail free as well?

 

(PAX over the phone): I believe that we’ve got the wrong transfer tickets. It says on them that they take you to Port Everglades. I’m not going to Port Everglades. I’m going to the airport and I need to make an early flight!

(JAP): Sir, you are going to Port Everglades onboard the ship.

 

Turnaround morning a lady called the desk saying:

I’ve packed all of my shoes into my luggage, is there any way I can get some shoes now? Otherwise I’ll be getting off the ship bare-foot…

Well, watch out for the broken glass!!!

 

PAX: Where do I catch the mid-ship’s elevators?

JAP: Um... at the middle of the ship sir.

 

Pax at Tour Office:

Hi there I wish to book 12 people on the Contiki party raft in St Thomas

JAP:

Sure I just need you to fill out this tour order form

Pax:

Are there still 12 spots available?

JAP:

Yes

Pax:

Oh sir, I have these two tickets for that tour from our cruise onboard Golden Princess last year and I was unable to go, can I still use them now?

JAP had no comment to that, he couldn’t believe what he heard and was too slow on the up take’ I think I was in shock!

Pax: Do I need my passport to go ashore?

Jap: No, just your cruise card.

Pax: So, If I don’t need it to get off, do I need it to get back on?

Didn’t she listen the JAP just said… you don’t need to take it ashore!!!

 

Pax: Is there anywhere I can use a credit card to make a telephone call?

JAP: No sir not onboard the ship, ashore tomorrow you can.

Pax: So where can I make a phone call?

JAP: in your cabin sir, via the satellite?

Pax: So when the ship is in port don’t the phone lines work like regular land lines?

JAP: No sir we are like our own little country at sea or near land. All phone lines, calls and internet connections go via a satellite.

Pax: Are you sure? We are right next to land!

JAP: Trust me sir no land line calls only via the Satellite!

 

“Passenger came to the desk asking where the Stiletto dinning room was.

We kindly informed passenger we are not a shoe shop ship and that there is no Stiletto dinning room and that she wanted the Canaletto”….

 

Passenger: My card isn’t working in the internet

JAP: It’s probably because the satellite is down at the moment

Passenger: Is that because it’s dark outside at the moment.

JAP: No Madam it’s not because it’s dark outside it’s because of our position in the ocean at the moment.

Passenger: So it’s not because it’s dark

JAP: No it is not Madam.

 

St Thomas Night

Passenger: Can you tell me what Stateroom I am in?

JAP: Have you got your cruise card please

Passenger: Yes. I didn’t think to look on there.

JAP. E322 that’s deck 8 number 322

Passenger: So what deck am I on?

JAP: Deck 8 Sir Number 322

Passenger: Oh right, thanks then.

 

“Why don’t we get any cable T.V. Channels??”

 

 

 

(PAX calling the desk): Is there a bar in that forward viewing lounge on deck fourteen?

JAP: I’m not sure, let me check for you… did you say deck fourteen?

PAX: Yes, there is a closed lounge on deck 14 in the front of the boat. What I wanted to know is, is there’s a bar inside, that you can sit at and view what’s in front of the boat?

JAP: Sir, the viewing lounge that you are referring to is the bridge. I know that they have a coffee station but I haven’t heard of a bar.

 

Do I pick up my transfer bus ashore then?

 

Do I need a transfer ticket for each piece of luggage?

 

Passenger comes up to a musician playing a string instrument in the Atrium, taps him on the shoulder and asks a question: Excuse me, where is the nearest toilet?

 

Do we have to sign up for the shows?

 

Passenger: How do I call my cabin?

JAP: You dial the deck number then followed by the cabin number.

Passenger: So I am on aloha deck so do I dial A L O H A on the phone then my cabin number?

JAP: No madam you’re deck is 12 therefore you dial the number 12 then your cabin number………………..

 

Passenger calls the desk to ask if the balloons outside there stateroom are for the art auction.

Pax: Where’s the Lobby bar?

JAP (pointing): It’s right over there, on the other side of the Atrium.

Pax: OK, next question. So, where is the Atrium Lobby Bar?

(I freaked out, but still managed to answer…thank God)

 

A passenger in a fragrance store checking out a fragrance for men (it says “pour homme”- “for men” on the bottle): “I can’t wear it, it is for house only!”

 

Pax: Hello sir! I would just like to inquire about a few things?

Jap: Yes ma’am? Pax spoke to me for about two, to three minutes, asking all sorts of questions. She wanted to know about daily happenings on the ship, what they would be able to do ashore, blah, blah, blah!!!!!

Pax: Sorry, I know that you had to listen to all of my questions, but there is one more. Tell me: Am I going to be billed for this telephone call I just made?

Jap: ????!!!!!!

 

Pax: Tell me tomorrow when we land, sorry when we dock, sorry at what time will that be? What I’m trying to say is…

Jap: Yes ma’am?

Pax: When we arrive tomorrow, can we leave the boat at any time and come back at any time?

Jap: Yes ma’am, you would be able to disembark as soon as we have clearance from the local authorities.

Pax: So we would be able to leave at eight?

Jap: I am sure we would have received clearance by then.

Pax: Now, tell me another thing! When we go off the boat tomorrow, can we get back on?

Jap: YES MADAM!!!!!!

Pax: I do not understand this. Will the boat be waiting in the same place as it was, when we got off?

 

Pax showed me the leaflet for a jewelry discount at Diamonds International in St Thomas: “Where do I go for this?”

JAP (showing her the port and shopping guide for St Thomas): You need to go to Diamonds International shop in St Thomas.

Pax: But, on land?

JAP: Yes Ma’am, in St Thomas.

Pax: But, on land right?

 

Shorex JAP: Standing on Pier….

Carnival Pax: so I was in port with the Golden last year and it was painted Gold and black, why did they repaint it?

Shorex JAP: Sorry Ma’am the Golden has always been white in color.

Carnival Pax: No, I know it was Gold and Black last year…

Shorex JAP didn’t bother to argue… She was arguing about a ship she’s never been on but apparently seen…what’s that about???

 

Pax: Are we on Deck 7 right now?

JAP: No, this is deck 6

Pax: Can you tell me where Deck 7 is?

JAP dies with laughter…

Can I get a cash advance?

JAP: Yes, there’s a 3% surcharge on it.

So how much is it?

 

Pax: I need to get to Miami Airport

JAP: Not a problem I’ll get you a transfer ticket for $15.00

Pax: So were does the bus pick us up

JAP: Right outside the pier terminal

Pax: So how do I get to the airport in Ft. Lauderdale to catch the bus to Miami

JAP: No the bus goes from the pier to Miami

Pax: Yes but the bus to Miami picks me up at the Ft. Lauderdale airport.

Who are you and what are you on about!!!!

 

Pax: I would like to go shopping in St Maarten

Jap: Well you can just do this independently, go down town otherwise.

Pax: How do you do that???

Jap: Hopefully take a cab and then just shop like normal.

Jap: How mental can you get…they don’t know how to shop!!!!!

 

“MY TRAVEL AGENT SAID!!” Man I hate that line!

 

Pax came to desk on 2nd sea day at 12 noon to report his bag missing.

Jap ask him whether someone has stolen it from his cabin or lost since embarkation 2 days ago??

Pax: No lost since embarkation day.

Jap: So have you completed a lost & search form??

Pax: No

Jap: Have you informed any-one that you’re missing a bag ??

Pax: No

 

Passenger: My television wasn’t working last night, do you think it was because of the super bowl?

JAP: No.

Passenger: Well it’s working now anyway, so I just thought I would let you know it’s OK now.

JAP: Ok thanks for letting us know. Did you report it to anyone at all last night?

Passenger: No it was late at night.

JAP: So you didn’t report it to anyone but you’re phoning us to tell us it’s OK.

Passenger: Yes.

JAP: OK, thanks for that!!!!

I lost my camera on a bus somewhere in the middle of St Martin. Was it turned in here at the pursers’ desk??

 

Passenger at Immigration…

The Vista lounge was busy and the JAP’s asked passengers to wait.

JAP: Just need your letter please

Pax: This is stupid!

JAP: Sorry madam this is just a requirement from US Immigration.

Pax: well I have been on 28 Princess Cruises and this has never happened, Last week I was on Grand Princess.

JAP: Madam it depends on the itinerary you are on.

Pax: This is one of many things’ I have to complain about with princess.

JAP: Madam it has nothing to do with Princess it is all US Immigration.

Pax: Like I said its one of many complaints.

JAP: Well Madam it can’t be that bad you keep on coming back to Princess for more.

 

Passenger looked at my name badge and realized I was not from the USA! She then started to scream and holler at me saying that it’s a DICTATORSHIP that I am not US citizen and I should not be directing passengers in line to Immigration

Quinton H. /New Zealander

 

Passenger called down and said they had received a voucher for a bottle of wine from there travel agent. She was very surprised to see it in her stateroom as she stated to her travel agent everyone in her group is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and that she didn’t feel comfortable indulging in a bottle of wine in front of the others in her group!!!! Pax decided to exchange it for sodas and bottled water!!!

 

 

A Passenger called down at 4:30am and asked if we could page a passenger over the P.A. system in the cabins.

 

JAP: “911 Medical emergency….”

PAX: “FOOD!!!!!!”

JAP: “Sorry sir but this line is for medical emergencies only”

PAX: “BUT I WANT FOOD!!!”

JAP: “Sir, you’ll have to call room service or I can put you through. The # is 12600.”

PAX: “I WANNA ORDER FOOD THOUGH!!”

JAP: “Sorry sir, but this line is reserved for MEDICAL EMERGENCIES. You’ll have to call room service to help you with that.”

PAX: “SO I CANT ORDER FOOD FROM YOU THEN????”

JAP: click.

 

Pax: Do you know if my cell phone will have reception in port?

Jap: No, depends if you have an international agreement with your cell phone company,

Pax: So will I be able to phone when I’m ashore??

Jap: They just don’t get it, do they… we don’t know anything about their personal cell phone.

 

Pax: Pax call shorex… I’m running late, has the beach left?

 

Passenger calls the desk

Pax: “How can I change my T.V. to English?”

Jap: (thinking they are referring to the sub-titles)

“Well to change the sub-titles, use the remote and press…”

Pax: “NO!! Not the sub-titles, she’s speaking in Spanish. How can I make her speak in English??”

 

Pax calls down to Purser’s Desk asking how much it is to get his back waxed!

 

Passenger calls to desk and ask:

How do I mail a Post Card??? Dahhhhhhh

 

Passenger calls to the desk:

“I’m going to the beach today, should I take the beach towel with me?”

 

While doing tour dispatch on the pier in St. Thomas:

I hear a voice yelling that he will not be doing the tour. I look for the source of this voice, only to find it coming down from the ship. Deck 7 a man is shouting at me to cancel his tour that is departing in the next 3 min.

 

A passenger is reading the daily news report at 9pm. He then asks me if this is todays or tomorrows.

 

Passenger: This immigration thing in the morning of St Thomas is stupid. You should do it on Tuesday evening between St Maarten and St Thomas.

JAP: That’s a very good idea sir, I’ll put that suggestion to our Head Office!!!!!!!!!

 

Pax: Hi, is there another tour of the Ship? You know the one they had at the beginning of the cruise.

Jap: No ma’am, they won’t be having another tour of the ship but there will be a galley and backstage tour. It will be on the sea day before we arrive in P-Cays.

Pax: What tour is that?

Jap: The galley tour

Pax: So, where is the tour going?

Jap: Hey, listen to me very carefully now. I don’t like repeating myself over and over. I said the damn well galley!! Do you know what a galley is? It’s the place where they cook all your lobsters and know whatever else it might be that you consume on a daily basis. (I would have probably been disembarked in the next port).

 

Pax: Do you have Jet Ski’s at Princess Cays?

JAP: No we only have man powered activities on the Island

Pax: So not even if I Pre-reserve then?

Jap: Duh – there is no bloody Jet Ski’s

 

PAX calling:

Pax: could you tell me if Louis Vuitton is on the ship or at beach right now?

Jap: could you please spell the name for me?

Pax: I don’t know.. L.O.U………

Jap: I’m sorry but I don’t see anyone under that name. What is the cabin number?

Pax: no, it’s not a person… it’s my PURSE!!!!! It’s a Louis Vuitton!!!

 

A COMMENT WRITTEN ON A PASSENGER QUESTIONARE:

“Someone should have told me that snorkeling is not recommended if you can’t swim!!!”

 

Pax: where do I have to wait when I clear my room on the morning of disembarkation?

JAP: In any public area where you’ll be comfortable and can hear the announcements.

Pax: Where is the public area?

JAP: well I’ll be dammed… crazy pax!!!!

 

Passenger walks up to the Pursers desk and asks: “Can I have a coke?”

 

AP: Standing in full 12’a uniform with name badge in full view.

Pax: Do you work here?

No I dress like this because I think it’s cute!!! Augghhhh.

 

Pax standing at the desk impatiently tapping her fingers and staring…

Jap: “hi, do you have a question??”

Pax: “NO!!!! Where do I put this questionnaire??!!”

 

“Can the children eat dinner in the restaurant tonight?”

 

Passenger: “hi! Today in St. Maarten I want to go shopping, can I pay with my Cruise Card?????

OHHHHHHHH my God, what are these people all about???

 

Phone call from passenger-(sailing through rough waters)

Pax: Hello, yes. I just want to bring it under your attention that the ship is really rocking today! I am here with a few lady friends of mine and I am a platinum member. Is there any way that I could ask the captain to slow the ship down? I have been on several cruises with princess and have never experienced this.

 

Passenger on phone:

“Can you tell me if any of the shops onboard sell pregnancy tests?”

Jap:

“No ma’am, none sold onboard but in 9 months you should have your answer.”

 

Pax at the desk:

“This morning, on the open deck, on deck 16 I had a couple of dollars under the mattress and some jogger came from the jogging track and took them when I wasn’t looking.

JAP:

“I’m sorry to hear that sir, was it a passenger?”

Pax: “Yes it was. You know, you could put some information telling the joggers not to take anything from the lounge-chairs because this is ridiculous.”

 

Passenger: I know we are anchoring tomorrow at Princess Cays, are we allowed getting off and going to the Island?

 

Pax: “It’s quite windy outside today, but can you tell me: it’s so quiet inside the ship, there’s no wind here. Is it because we’re inside, the window glass is so thick, right?”

JAP:”…”

 

Pax just got off the tender boat and is standing on the pontoon, he turns around and asks SECO: Which ship is that? (Pointing at the Golden)

SECO: Well lets see, (looking around) there’s no other ships around here is there! It must be yours!!!!!

Can they honestly get any dumber?

 

Pax calling 911:

“What is the number to the front desk?”

JAP:

“Sir, you just called 911 medical emergency line, are you hurt, is everything ok?”

Pax: “I couldn’t find the number to the front desk on the phone”

JAP:”Sir, actually this is the front desk, we take the 911 calls as well, what is it that you need?”

Pax: “I need some tennis balls to play paddle tennis.”

 

(Pax getting off the tender in Grenada): “Where is Grenada on the island?”

 

Pax at Tour Office: “What’s the advantage of booking a tour now as to doing it next year?”

JAP: “Do you mean booking a cruise...”

 

Pax ask’s: Excuse me Miss, where is the Bikini Restaurant?

JAP: Um, sorry sir but do you mean the Bernini Restaurant?

Pax: Ahh yes that one!

 

ShoreX:” The Tour will meet at 8:20 on the pier”

Pax:” What deck is the pier?”

 

Pax: “Can I Cancel the Jolly Roger trip for today, because I just looked at my thing and I noticed that there’s a 40$ charge on it. I thought it was complimentary!”

 

A Passenger was complaining on a tour in Grenada (that he didn’t get lunch on it, that it was bad and that somehow he got on another tour, blah, blah…). Only after a while the JAP noticed that he didn’t have a tour booked for that day…

 

 

What do they do with the Ice-Sculptures after they melt?

 

Passenger holding compass stops officer on deck and asks ‘which way is North?

Officer replies ‘Don’t know I need a tree with moss on the trunk to answer that one’

 

Shop Manager came to let us know this one!!!!

Pax: Where do you come from?

Shoppie: England

Pax: Oh so do you go home everyday?

Shoppie: What do you mean sir? As in go to England?

Pax: Yes.

Shoppie: Ah no sir. How would I get home from sea?

Pax: Oh, so do you have dormitories?

Shoppie: Dormitories? No sir we live on the ship in cabins.

Pax: Do you have showers?

Shoppie: Of course we do sir.

 

When you’re going up is it this or that way (pointing left and right)?

No sir, when going up it’s that way (pointing up).

 

911 call rings at the desk

Jap replies: 911 medical emergency may I help?

Pax: I wanted to order for room service

Jap: Madam you have dialed the medical emergency line, you have to dial the food and drink service button please…

Pax: So what is room services number?

Jap: you have a speed dial button on your phone…

Pax: ok, mmmthanks.

 

Jap from England: pax approaches the desk and see the Jap is from England and ask is England in Wales?

 

Pax calls the desk from the cabin…

JAP: Passenger services desk XYZ speaking, may I help?

Pax: Do you speak English?

Wwwwwwwhhhhhaaaaaaaatttt???? Am I speaking American just now?

 

Pax: how do I feed in a wake up call on my stateroom phone?

PSA: by dialing 130 and then the 24-hr time you choose

Pax (doesn’t hang up but types 130): nothing’s happening?

PSA: you have to replace the handset and then try dialing please…

Pax: I guessed so.

 

 

Pax: how do I go to the lounge on the top deck which has the view of the sea?

Desk: lounge on the top deck in the front, Sir?

Pax: the one with a clear view that we get to see from the cabin balcony?

Desk: are you referring to the bridge, Sir?

Pax: what is that?

Desk: that is the steer house of the ship, the captain’s office, it’s not a lounge or a bar. (Are they all nuts?)

 

Pax: Will I be in Cabo or onboard on Thursday?

JAP: Well that would depend on you ma’am.

What the?

 

If I get a wake up call for tomorrow, will it be on ship’s time or port time?

 

[ttwalker23]

Pax: Is it lost & found? I lost a pair of sunglasses.

JAP: What do they look like?

Pax: They’re sunglasses.

 

Pax: ring the desk.

JAP: Passengers Services Desk Good morning

Pax: Is this the passengers’ service desk?

 

Pax rang the desk at 4 am and said.

Pax: good morning I paging my cabin steward and he didn’t call me back do you know what happened??

 

Pax called and said:

Pax: Hi there’ you know I was watching this movie and suddenly stop and a sign saying “No signal” appeared on the screen what does it means?

Jap: it means that there’s no signal due the satellite…

Pax: So I won’t be able to watch my movie.

! Good Guess!!!!

 

We’re sailing through rough seas full speed ahead to reach the turnaround port. It is two o’clock in the morning, a passenger calls and says:

“Tell the guy in the front to slow the boat down! Stop your roll! It’s not about the money, it’s about the cruise! Slow it down, do you understand?! Call him or do you want me to call him?!”

 

Some names:

Miss Slutsky

Mstr. Slaughter

Mr Brian Badcock…

Mrs Anita Fuk

 

“Good Morning, Passenger Services Desk……how may I help you?”

“Is this the Passenger Services Desk?”

“yes, sir…”

“I’m Mr. Smart from E766”

 

Pax : “Can I have a wake up call at 6.00 am?”

Desk: “yes , mam, but you can set your own wake up calls in the telephone”

Pax: “ I tried, but the instructions says 7.00 and I want to wake up at 6.00”

 

Passenger call the desk:

“Hi, I would like to make a reservation for Carlos ‘N’ Charlies!”

 

“When I go ashore, can I use my Cruise Card to pay?”

 

Cabo San Lucas day:

“How do I disembark the ship? I heard something about some tickets…”

“Sir, You have to go to explorer’s lounge in Deck 7 to get the tender tickets and then go down to 4 to the tender.”

“ah, ok, so the tenders will be in deck 7?”

 

Passenger comes to desk with cell phone in the hand (love those)

“do you speak Spanish?”

“I understand a little bit…”

“every time I try to dial to the states there is this message in Spanish, can you speak to her…”

 

Passenger calls the desk

“I want to find out: if I want to make a phone call… where can I make a phone call from.”

 

Passenger comes to the desk:

“Where is the tour Desk?”

“one deck below us, deck 5….”

“and where is the internet café?”

“one deck up, deck 7…”

“OK, so, which deck are we now?”

Passenger calls the desk

-“I’m trying to dial D725, but I cannot get through…”

-“Well, you have to dial the deck number followed by the cabin number. That would be 9725.”

- “I already tried that, it’s not working” (pax starts to get upset)

(Finally I look at the display number, guess what???)

“But, sir, you are calling me from D725, are you trying to call yourself???”

 

“I want to make a reservation to Sebastian’s.”

 

Pax calls the desk:

-“How do I dial C320? Do I dial 2320?”

-“No maam, you dial 10 320”

- “where is number 10?”

 

Pax calls the desk:

“Hi, I have a message in my voice mail, can you tell me what does it say?”

 

Pax calls the desk:

“At what time do they serve breakfast?”

“at 7 am.”

“7 am in the morning?”

 

Are the clocks around the ship set to ship’s time, or port time?

 

So, I was told that to go in Mexico we better have small change…. Can you break this $5?

 

When we go in Mexico, will the ATM machine in the casino give Pesos?

 

Pax: On the US customs declaration, in point 15: if we live in Oregon, are we considered residents?

JAP: Oregon is in the USA, right madam?

Pax: Yes

 

Pax calls the desk: “How do I answer the phone?”

Jap: You pick up the handset sir

Pax: So it’s just like a normal telephone?

Jap: Yes sir

Pax: So then how do I dial a telephone number

Jap: Just like you called me sir

Medical hours: 4:30 Pm to 6:30 PM

Pax at the desk: I have been in the medical center and it is an announcement that the medical center opens at “six thirty” and not at four thirty.

JAP:No, the medical center opens at four thirty

Pax: but outside the door there is this announcement that said 16:30

JAP: 16:30 and 4:30 PM are the same.

Ten minutes later

Pax: I have been in the medical center and still it is this announcement that the medical center it is going to open at sixteen thirty.

JAP: Yes, it is not open because it is four twenty two or sixteen twenty two.

 

Pax called the desk:

What time do you close your desk?

JAP:

Never…

 

Pax asking about disembarkation:

JAP: “…and you’ll pick up your luggage at the ship’s terminal”

Pax:” So where do we pick up the shuttle to the ship’s terminal?”

 

How do you make a long distance call?

Are you calling the States?

No.

Where are you calling then?

California.

 

Is it tonight that we move the clocks back one hour?

Yes, that is correct.

So all the tours tomorrow will be on tomorrow’s time, right?

 

To get off in Victoria (B.C) you need a birth certificate and a photo id, right?

JAP: right.

Our son is twelve; he doesn’t have a photo id.

JAP: Right, he’s going to be with you though, right?

Right. They’re not going to capture him and put him away right?

 

Hi, what time are the whales gonna come out?

 

Hi, can I get a wake up call at 5:30?

JAP: “Have you tried our automated system yet?”

No, but I’m not very good at mechanics.

 

 

Hi, where is the Fiesta Arcade?

Hi, what is the Fiesta Arcade?

Hi, what time does the Arcade open?

LISTEN, WE DON’T HAVE AN ARCADE ON THE DIAMOND PRINCESS!!!

WHAT YOU SEE IS A GUN PORT THAT YOU EXIT THE SHIP THROUGH!!!

Honestly, I WANT TO HANG THE GUY WHO CAME UP WITH THIS NAME!!!!!!!!

 

Hello, I’ve got a question. The library, what’s the library CALLED?

 

Princess concierge:

Pax question: “ Are you taking calls on the ship?”

(where else?????)

 

What deck is 741 on?

 

How do I get to Caribe?

Just go around the corner and take the lift UP to deck ten.

But which way now, do I take the lift?

UP…

 

Jap: Unfortunately there’s nothing available at that time. (for dinner)

Pax: well, how do you know that??

 

Customs declaration form

Countries visited: Alaska…

 

Nationality: Caucasian

Occupation: Burger King

 

Pax: I brought my fishing rod with me, I was wondering if I could fish off the back of the ship

Latoya (JAP) *I know that people joke about it but come on how could you actually phone the desk and ask that question….hehe

 

Pax returning from an excursion into the city of Rome (Italy):

“You really should take this city off the itinerary. It’s too old and all the buildings are in ruin!”

No comments…

 

Pax comes back from a tour in Edinburgh (Scotland): Why did they build the castle in the middle of the shops??

 

So, tell me this: when boarding an airliner, you can have one carry on piece of luggage, right? So, it would be two for a woman, correct?

 

Classic names: Mstr. Bates, Mr Fat Pang

 

Passenger: Do you have a beauty saloon on Board?

Concierge: Yes we do…

Pax: what is the extn?

Ccrg: gives the extn no.

Pax: do I pick up the receiver and dial that number then?

 

Is there books in the Library?

 

Passenger: We have to meet the tour representative on the pier and we need to know on which deck the pier is?

J.A.P.: The pier is on the land ma’am.

 

Passenger: So it’s daylight saving tonight – what do I have to do?

J.A.P.: You need to put your clock forward an hour sir

Passenger: So if I put my clock forward an hour, what time will it be when I wake up?

 

Pax rings desk: Excuse me, I can’t get the lights in my room to turn off.

JAP: That’s strange ma’am. So you’ve pushed the light switch and nothing happens.

Pax: I’ve pushed the what now?

JAP (hesitatingly): There’s button on the wall that looks suspiciously like a light switch. When you push it the lights should turn off.

Pax: OK, thanks. I’ll try it.

 

Pax: Don’t you think it’s a little pig-headed and arrogant of the Japanese not to accept American Dollars?

JAP: …As opposed to your own humble and politically correct world view that every other country should fall in line and take your stinking money???

-I mean really, would you ever see a Japanese person trying to offer Yen as a method of payment in the middle of Texas?

Pax: Do I have to go swimming on my tour?

Jap: that depends what tour did you book ma’am?

Pax: I booked the diving tour

Jap: (smiles) Yes you do have to swim. How were you expecting to go diving in the sea and not have to swim?

Pax: I don’t like swimming… does that mean I am going to have to get wet?

 

Day before turnaround

Pax: I just fill up the Australian passenger incoming card; could you tell me where my passport number is?

JAP: Just moment please (Put the phone on hold and laugh), it should be on your passport and says ‘passport number’.

 

Pax calls the desk:

Which deck number is deck number 7?

 

Pax: How much is it to use the safe?

JAP: ???

Pax: How much money do I have to put in the safe to make it work?

JAP: This is up to you, Sir. Usually it works with any amount.

Pax. Ok. Where do I put the money in then?

 

Turnaround Day:

Pax: This sign above the toilet (“Do not throw foreign objects in the toilet bowl”), does it mean we don’t have to flush the toilet?

 

After crossing the dateline:

My pillbox says “Wednesday” only once. But now we have a second Wednesday… What should I do?

 

Pax: Excuse me, where is the Celeste Room?

JAP: ?????

Pax: It says Lightblue 1 and Celeste on my luggage tag. Isn’t that the room where we going to meet?

JAP: No Sir. Celeste is Spanish and means Lightblue…

 

Pax: How do I page my Cabin Steward?

JAP: You dial 2, 8 then the number on the card

Pax: Yes I know that, but how do I dial 2, 8

JAP: You just dial the number 2 then 8 ma’am.

Pax: I am aware of that, are you incompetent? – I asked you how to dial 28

JAP: You just put the number 2 in the phone then 8 in the phone

Pax: You are no help – pax slames phone down!!!

 

Pax comes to the desk to complain that with going over the International Date Line and losing a day – him and his wife have missed out on 6 meals and therefore require a refund!!!

 

And then there were those pax asking at what time they have to go for breakfast if they have 1st sitting…

 

Pax comes to the desk to have a look at her bill. After a short glance at the printout she pulls out her cruise card and asks if she can pay with it…

 

 

Pax: hello????? Helloooooo?????? I cannot hear you, do you know where the spa is?

Jap: yes sir, the spa is on deck 15 forward.

Pax: ok…and where is forward?

Jap: forward is in the front of the ship

Pax; ok…but next time I call please turn the radio off.

(The orchestra was playing in the atrium).

 

Pax called down to the desk

Pax: I am very disappointed, I cannot find the hairdryer

Jap: Its on your wall ma’am

Pax: No its not

Jap tries to explain where it is

Pax: Oh, I thought that was the phone

Jap: No Ma’am, you are on the phone now!!

 

Pax: When we are in Skagway, does the ship stay in one spot all the time or does it move around?

 

Pax comes to the Tour Desk: Hey! Where can I sign up for the baby seal clubbing tours?

 

Pax in the shop: Do you have postcards of the ship? (She is actually looking at them already!!!)

Shoppie: Yes Ma’am, it’s the ones you’re looking at.

Pax: Really? I thought the ship was square in the front…

 

Pax to OBSM: I have a complaint! This is the worst library I have ever seen! There is no books or games!

OBSM: Well, that’s because you’re in the writing room, ma’am. The library is next to it!

 

Fwd elevators Deck 4; pax pacing nervously up and down:

How are we supposed to get the elevators?!?! There’s no buttons to press!!

We chose to ignore it and kept on walking towards M1…

 

Pax: when can we get off the ship tomorrow?

JAP: Sorry sir, we don’t get off the ship in Glacier Bay, as it is scenic cruising. We will be there from 10:30am till 8:30pm.

Pax: Oh, so what time will we be at the Glacier Bay?

JAP: From 10:30am till 8:30pm

Pax: Then when can we hear the noise?

JAP: What noise?

Pax: when the boat hit the Glacier

JAP:???????Sorry Sir, our ship is not gonna hit the Glacier, otherwise we won’t be sailing back…

Pax: Oh! Then when will we hear the noise when the Glacier melt?

JAP: Sir, the Glacier won’t melt, otherwise we won’t be able to come back next time!!

 

Pax walking off the gangway in Juneau looking over to the tramway:

“Oh look! They have telephone lines going up the hill!”

[cloudshoveller]

You should write a book based on these! I haven't even been on my first cruise yet and I have been thoroughly entertained reading them.

 

I am not usually one to laugh out loud, I mostly chuckle to myself...but some of these had me bursting out in laughter. Too funny:D!

 

The crew must get together after shifts and trade stories of the people the characters they have come across.:rolleyes:

[mr green]

You should write a book based on these! I haven't even been on my first cruise yet and I have been thoroughly entertained reading them.

 

I am not usually one to laugh out loud, I mostly chuckle to myself...but some of these had me bursting out in laughter. Too funny:D!

 

The crew must get together after shifts and trade stories of the people the characters they have come across.:rolleyes:

 

I am afraid that you will see, and hear all of these jokes again, and again, and again.:eek:

 

john

[cloudshoveller]

It is funny Mr. Green...I am a wide-eyed newbie right now who finds the jokes funny and everything wildly exciting but I am chomping at the bit to get on a cruise ship so I can experience it all and become a bit jaded. Then probably when I have become more accustomed to the process I will yearn for the mystified wonderment I once had.

 

I'm not too worried though as I tend to enjoy life without taking things too seriously,tra la la...;)

[jimdicap]

Here are two of my favorites

 

I heard this on an Hawaiian cruise: "When do we convert our money to hawaiian money?"

 

Also, the ever popular "Do these stairs go up or down?"

[jimdicap]

Passenger: How do I call my cabin?

JAP: You dial the deck number then followed by the cabin number.

Passenger: So I am on aloha deck so do I dial A L O H A on the phone then my cabin number?

JAP: No madam you’re deck is 12 therefore you dial the number 12 then your cabin number………………..

 

 

 

This one is classic!!!

[HImom]

When I was a young teen, I was a switchboard operator in Waikiki for the summer. We would get very interesting requests and phone calls. For what it's worth, the water in our state is some of the purest, as it's filtered by lava rock.

 

We used to get folks calling down after getting to their room, asking for water. At the time, I was mystified and recommended that they walk into the bathroom, get the glass & turn on the bathroom tap. They were upset & said that no, they wanted water to drink. I would say OK, you want a pitcher of ice water & the bellhops would joyfully run up with a pitcher, hoping for a nice tip.

 

When I went to KY as a young teen visitor, I was told my English was very good. I would solemnly nod and say theirs was too.

 

They'd ask if it was true we all lived in grass huts and had no electricity. I said, "No, we have hydropower--we plug our appliances into the ocean." Did not dignify the grass huts with an answer.

 

Still remember calling a US airlines and asking them if they flew to Montana. The ticket agent said earnestly, "No, we only fly within the United States." Needless to say, I didn't book my flight with them. ;)

[mimigirl54]

Not a cruise question, but travel related. I used to be a travel agent and a man called one time asking how much it would cost to take the train from Portland to Toyko! :confused: