Why Ask For Gender?

[summercruisin']

After what I've been going through with my kid, I think it really comes down to being resistant to change. 

 

My teen (afab) legally changed their name a little more than a year ago but in our state cannot change gender marker, so their driver's license/ID shows "F." When we started to book a trip to Europe, we had long discussions about what to choose for the passport, since there is the option of M, F, or X, and they allow one to self-designate, even if it does not match birth certificates or other documents. 

 

I called the cruise line (Princess) several times to try to decide what to put where they ask for a gender marker, since "X" is not an option there, and I originally booked it with "F" in that spot, since that matches the state ID. After all that, we decided to choose "M" for the passport, because they pass more as a male and their new-ish legal name is more masculine. As long as no one does genital checks (which would be obviously unacceptable!), we should be good with no more than maybe a second glance (fingers crossed!).

 

When I called Princess to update the gender marker there after finalizing the passport, the first two people I spoke with said it really didn't matter, as long as the name and birthdate were correct. I had to call a third person and insist they change it, because it matters to my kid, and they finally did. But, their insistence that it didn't matter makes me think it may not even matter for the manifest after all.

 

[starri]

3 hours ago, summercruisin' said:

When I called Princess to update the gender marker there after finalizing the passport, the first two people I spoke with said it really didn't matter, as long as the name and birthdate were correct. I had to call a third person and insist they change it, because it matters to my kid, and they finally did. But, their insistence that it didn't matter makes me think it may not even matter for the manifest after all.

I'm sorry for all the levels of annoyance, but I just had to give you my admiration for how far you are going to make sure your kid is treated the way they want to be treated.

 

If my trans patients all had parents that would do even half as much, I'd have a bunch of happier patients.

[summercruisin']

3 minutes ago, starri said:

I'm sorry for all the levels of annoyance, but I just had to give you my admiration for how far you are going to make sure your kid is treated the way they want to be treated.

 

If my trans patients all had parents that would do even half as much, I'd have a bunch of happier patients.

Thank you 🙂. For the life of me, I cannot understand how any parent could possibly watch their child go to the very very dark mental places I have witnessed and not do what is necessary to at least help them just be okay. That's where we are...happiness is a goal and a dream, but for now, we settle for making sure they are okay. Thank you for being there for your patients and helping them be okay until they can get to a better place. ❤️ 

[CDNPolar]

I so have empathy for anyone who has to fight for recognition for who they are on the inside or the outside.

 

In my opinion, as a society, in North America specifically, we are too label focused.  We have to put a label on everyone and the unfortunate thing is that the traditional labels are limiting.

 

I know that my opinion was not asked for here, but if you want to travel beyond the USA and Canada and maybe a few other countries, I personally would stray away from the X identifier especially on a passport.  You could be denied entry to some countries.

 

Currently the countries that I am aware of that themselves offer passports with X identifiers are Canada, USA, Colombia, Argentina Germany Ireland India, Australia, and New Zealand.

 

Outside of these countries, you may have real issues entering if they are on your travel plan.

 

I understand the want and need for the X identifier - I do.  But as @summercruisin' stated, it is about resistance to change.  In some areas of the world, it is not about resistance to change, it is about acceptance in general of anyone that is not "male", "female" or in a heterosexual relationship.  This could be for some countries decades before we see absolute change and acceptance if ever.

 

Just make your identification and passport decisions with care and with a vision beyond what we feel is right because of where we reside in the world.

[summercruisin']

4 hours ago, CDNPolar said:

I so have empathy for anyone who has to fight for recognition for who they are on the inside or the outside.

 

In my opinion, as a society, in North America specifically, we are too label focused.  We have to put a label on everyone and the unfortunate thing is that the traditional labels are limiting.

 

I know that my opinion was not asked for here, but if you want to travel beyond the USA and Canada and maybe a few other countries, I personally would stray away from the X identifier especially on a passport.  You could be denied entry to some countries.

 

Currently the countries that I am aware of that themselves offer passports with X identifiers are Canada, USA, Colombia, Argentina Germany Ireland India, Australia, and New Zealand.

 

Outside of these countries, you may have real issues entering if they are on your travel plan.

 

I understand the want and need for the X identifier - I do.  But as @summercruisin' stated, it is about resistance to change.  In some areas of the world, it is not about resistance to change, it is about acceptance in general of anyone that is not "male", "female" or in a heterosexual relationship.  This could be for some countries decades before we see absolute change and acceptance if ever.

 

Just make your identification and passport decisions with care and with a vision beyond what we feel is right because of where we reside in the world.

That concern was a big part of why my teen finally settled on "M" for the passport. We talked about how this one will be valid for 10 years, and who knows where we/they will travel in that time, so choosing the marker that matches their name and typical appearance allows them a little more opportunity to keep their head down and blend in when it is necessary for safer (hopefully) travel around those less tolerant. I'm thankful US passports allow self-identification, at least. But, as you mentioned, it is important to make that decision very carefully.