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What I Did On My Holidays

shinyshoes

By shinyshoes,
in Cunard Line

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shinyshoes

shinyshoes

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Can I say right from the outset that we had a terrific holiday. We had no complaints about anything to do with the ship or Cunard. Well apart from the toast that is. I take toast very seriously indeed and the anaemic, anorexic slices of roofing tile that masqeraded as that most delightful of breakfast accompaniaments were an absolute disgrace. One could almost have been on an American ship. (Pace, Carnival).

We loved the ship though. OK, from the outside it is a bit of an eyesore round the stern but once aboard it is lovely. I liked the Art Deco motif, and the muted colours, the browns and creams. Whether it is a faithful representation of the Art Deco style I’m not qualified to judge but I really liked it, particularly the carpets outside the lifts and in the central area. The art work too I found very pleasing, with the possible exception of that big glass doohicky near the Golden Lion which seemed totally out of place.

This was our first time on the QE and our first sunshine cruise for a very long time. Our maritime meanderings having been confined over the last several years to transatlantics and a Baltic cruise on the QV. I have very little recollection of that one ‘cos I had what I suppose we must call ‘health issues’ which coloured my perspective somewhat. We are neither of us acolytes of Phoebus but the holiday was at a good price, it left Soton on our Anniversary, it was a good price, we felt we needed a break from a very stressful year, and it was a good price. And apart from that it was a very good price. Not that that was an important consideration you understand.

There was certainly to my mind a very different attitude on board compared with a TA. my biggest surprise was how little the Commodore Club was utilised. Apart from the final 3 nights of the 23 night cruise there were never more than a dozen people in after second sitting dinner. The seats round the bar which are always full on QM2 were deserted. On the last night 4 of them were occupied. It was a bit busier pre dinner but there were always seats. The midships bar did well before dinner as did the Cafe Carinthia but after second dinner they were practically deserted. The pub seemed to do a good trade but it was a bit noisy for us, karaoke and so on.

 

We had a nicely placed table for two with amenable neighbours on each side, good service and excellent food. The Lido too had very good food, normally on a TA we use the MDR all the time but on QE on port days we used the Lido a lot. What else, entertainment, pretty fair, and apart from the show La Danza, it all seemed fairly new. I don’t go to the song and dance stuff but hearsay gave it the thumbs up. Excellent lecturers, with one exception, a political guy who had good material but poor presentation skills. We have been to the Caribbean before but a long time ago and to be honest one palm fringed beach bears a remarkable similiarity to another for me but we had a couple of good tours with amusing and knowledgeable guides. We did a Cunard tour in Barbados but stuck to local tours in the other islands and they were every bit as good. The weather was a bit choppy for the first two days out of Soton but nothing to bother us. There were though quite a number of people with arms in casts or slings or supports of some kind or other. One poor lady fell down the MDR stairs and got pretty knocked about and broke an arm. She was full of praise for the medical staff. A couple of oddities, The Viennese Ball was held on a SEMI-formal night which seemed strange. The CWC party was held over two days at 11.30, dress elegant casual.

 

Ok, OK, I hear you say, enough with the cheerleading already. Give us the lowdown on the bad stuff. Well guys I cannot tell a lie, the only bad stuff came from my fellow guests. I said at the beginning that there was a different attitude from a TA. Well there was for a start much much more moaning. Samples: ‘Too many bloody sea days.’ Did they not read the brochure? Did Cunard keep the distance between the Azores and the Caribbean a secret?

‘Too much piano music, every where you go someone’s bashing a piano’. Ths would be apart from the dixieland band, the classical guitarist, the flautist, the string quartet, the dance band, the theatre orchestra and the harpist. And I don’t think any of the talented pianists could be accused of ‘piano-bashing’.

 

A constant source of complaint heard all over was the price of drinks. I don’t drink enough for this to be a problem but because it was so much of an issue I have done a little calculation. This is very rough and ready so mathematicians step away from the keyboard now!

I averaged out the price of drinks like so, the cheapest and dearest in each category , cocktails, spirits, beers and wines. Then averaged out those prices. In the case of wine I used the base price of house wine and the same with spirits, no crusty old ports* or Napolean brandies. Wines from the sommelier at dinner I’ve ignored too as they vary so much. So here’s what I came up with.

The average price of a drink worked out at $7.65. Calculate 4 drinks per couple per day (Obviously a minimum and excluding wine at dinner) for 23 days = $703.80 + 15% @ $105.57 = total $809.37. At todays exhange rate = £519.21.

 

Now, the average price of a drink in the UK in surroundings equivalent to those on the QE I.e a decent hotel, not your local working men’s club or spit and sawdust boozer and using the same method of averaging out is approx £7.40. (That will be a lot higher in many wine bars.)

So £7.40 x 4 x 23 = £680.80.

These prices will have regional variations but you get the picture.

*(I know Port isn’t a spirit, don’t write in)

 

Next point, almost every conversation seemed to veer round eventually to money. How much it had cost, how much they had saved, what it cost on P&O, HAL etc etc. What their strategies were for booking. Pretty boring stuff. I gave up sharing tables at b’fast in the MDR because of this obsession. The food was condemned as rubbish by some. What their standards can be at home I do not know.

 

There is a book entitled ‘Men Who Stare at Goats’. I am considering a maritime version called ‘People Who Stare at Food’. It will be dedicated to those Lido customers to whom the sight of a dish of chopped and sliced tomatoes is a culinary concept too far. And to those who approach a bowl of lettuce with as much trepidation as a thicket of bamboo wherein lurked a Sumatran man-eating tiger. Just pick up your damn food and move on. You eat it, it does not eat you! (Unless you’re very unlucky).

 

The confusion at the tea points. Long a bone of contention on this forum. In respect of the central tea point I have no explanation as to the layout. The teapoints at each end however are laid out logically - if you are not british - that is. The layout is:-

Cups, spoons, hot water/coffee, teabags, rubbish hole, sugar, millk. BUT we of the sceptred Isle like our tea bags in BEFORE the water, and this fouls up the whole system as Brits reach over and around and under to get the bag in the cup before moving backwards to get the water with many an ‘excuse me’ and ‘sorry’ and ‘can I just…’

 

The daily programme for the port of Barbados said there would be shuttle buses on the quayside and so there were. These were 10/12 seater taxis with a despatcher in a hi-vis jacket whizzing people along. Before you got to the cab he informed you the price was $2 one way. OK. Not so, the moans of outrage could be heard for miles. ‘Cunard should provide, they said there were shuttles, they should be free’ and so on and so on. Quite why someone who would willingly, even happily pay $40 for a $15 bottle of wine on board would complain about paying $4 to save him and his dearest a 3/4 mile walk in 83deg. heat is beyond me.

All this is not to say that we didn’t meet some very nice and very interesting people, we did and enjoyed some very fine company. But Oh Dear there were an awful lot of the other kind on this trip.

 

I can’t finish without confessing to a guilty and slightly mischievious pleasure rediscovered on this trip. The quotidian ritual of the Deck Chair Dance. It is my habit to take my early morning cup of tea out on deck wx permitting. Around the midships pool there would gather a group. Sitting alert and watchful on the pool edge or prowling restless and wary for all the world like a pride of lions awaiting the arrival of the antelope and zebra at the African water hole. In this case they awaited, ears twitching and heads turning, the arrival of the white-shirted Deck attendant to untie the chairs and loungers, when they would scurry forward to pounce on the desired location. But the doyen of the deck-chair dancers, the deck-chair tactician par excellence was to be found on the aft sun deck. As soon as the chairs were set out she would arrive toting a capacious bag. Making directly for the preferred spot, port-side aft corner say, a lounger would be selected. This would form the inner baily of her fortification. On it would be dumped the big bag while 4 other chair were dragged and pushed into position forming a shallow arc. A quick look round and a swift dash to the towel locker followed. Returning with arms full they were dumped in turn and another sortie would ensue. Each chair would receive a benison of two towels then out would come the books, suncream, glasses etc and each chair would get something. Further foraging would result in a table placed between each two chairs, each table would have a towel table-cloth. A survey was then taken and minute adjustments to the placement of the construction were made, an errant wind-blown towel corner would be smoothed down then at last pleased with the result of her labours she settled regally on the centre chair bulwarked and bastioned against the depradations of any roving band of chair usurpers, Soon her followers would arrive bearing cups and trays and plates of fruit. The whole thing was a wonder to behold. No Roman centurion could have set out his castra with more accuracy and care, no Klondike Sourdough could have staked a claim more securely or with greater assiduity.

 

Later of course would come the lie-abeds those benighted souls who thought that because they were on holiday they could have a lie-in. Wrong. They were doomed to wander disconsolately between the serried rows of sun-bathing books and bags, between the sizzling,sweating ranks of those crazy, devil-may-care, madcap worshippers of Apollo, who laughed (HA HA) in the face of Melanoma, risking all in the pursuit of the holy grail of a cruiser, a skin the colour and texture of a cavalry-man’s saddle.

 

We had a wonderful time, the ship was beautifully decorated for Christmas, there was a crew talent show which played to an absolutely packed theatre and was excellent. The passengers formed a choir early on and were tutored by one of the entertainment staff and gave a concert which again was very good. We had a carol-sing around the central atrium which I enjoyed although I can’t hold a note. The martinis were super. Won one ticket in a quiz. And came off feeling thoroughly refreshed and happy. We had good journeys to and from Soton, the hotel in Soton was good. What can I say guys, perhaps we’re easily pleased, if so long may it continue.

Shiny

PS A word about dress, much more relaxed than a TA.

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novicruiser

novicruiser

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So enjoyed your report! Hawaii in Feb on QV and hope we find some folks like you on board. We did on our Nov '10 med cruise on QV, and simply avoided contact with the "how much?", "how awful", and "why don't they..." types as much as possible. Happy sailing.

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Whitemarsh

Whitemarsh

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I'm glad you had a good time. You certainly enjoyed the people watching, for me that is also a pleasurable past-time. I enjoyed reading about the military maneuvers of the sun lounger lady.

 

Thank you for posting this review. Make sure you do a Member Review too.

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ToadOfToadHall

ToadOfToadHall

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You're comments about the price of drinks is correct - but why you needed to make such a convoluted calculation is beyond me.

 

Why not just compare the price of a certain type and brand of drink on board ( beer, lager, whisky, whatever ) with the price in a UK pub/bar/hotel/restaurant ?

 

You did not need to take the price of a drink, multiplying it by your grandmother's age, divide by the number of sheets in a ream, add the number of furlongs in a mile and finally divide by your inside leg measurement.

 

So, a pint of Stella is $4.95, + 15%, convert to pounds = £3.80.

 

What's the price in a city centre pub ? About £3.30. In a hotel ? £4.00 say. So the prices on board are actually pretty reasonable.

 

I think the main problem is that a lot of people ( especially older ) who go on cruises haven't set foot in a city centre bar/pub for years and are living in the 1980s when it comes to drinks prices.

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shinyshoes

shinyshoes

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You're comments about the price of drinks is correct - but why you needed to make such a convoluted calculation is beyond me.

You did not need to take the price of a drink, multiplying it by your grandmother's age, divide by the number of sheets in a ream, add the number of furlongs in a mile and finally divide by your inside leg measurement.

.

 

Oh Dear, having a bad day are we?

I did not NEED to do it at all, I chose to.

Have a HAPPY New Year.

SS

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shinyshoes

shinyshoes

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So, would I be right in thinking that you enjoyed the cruise then?

 

:D:D:D

 

J

 

Nails on heads James. Though I can't say I've been on cruise I didn't enjoy.

 

OH, there was one about 5 years ago. We succumbed to a particularly appealing advert for a 5 day cruise of Christmas Markets, departing from Tilbury and costing about £6.99 I think. It turned out to be a small converted ferry, can't remember the name. The boat was OK but again it was the people. Pints at breakfast with egg and bacon and all the trimmings. We had to pay a supplement because I have only one tattoo and it is not visible under normal dress conditions. We were also looked down upon by our fellow marketeers as my wife did not have pink and blue hair and weighed under 27 stones. Apart from that my cruising life has been nought but sunshine and lollipops all the way.

A Good new Year to you and yours Jimmy. Whereaway this year?

Shiny

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Cruachan

Cruachan

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Nails on heads James. Though I can't say I've been on cruise I didn't enjoy.

 

OH, there was one about 5 years ago. We succumbed to a particularly appealing advert for a 5 day cruise of Christmas Markets, departing from Tilbury and costing about £6.99 I think. It turned out to be a small converted ferry, can't remember the name. The boat was OK but again it was the people. Pints at breakfast with egg and bacon and all the trimmings. We had to pay a supplement because I have only one tattoo and it is not visible under normal dress conditions. We were also looked down upon by our fellow marketeers as my wife did not have pink and blue hair and weighed under 27 stones. Apart from that my cruising life has been nought but sunshine and lollipops all the way.

A Good new Year to you and yours Jimmy. Whereaway this year?

Shiny

 

Ah Hah! That sounds like the good ship Van Gogh! If it was, then I think £6.99 was a bit steep - were you in QG? :D

 

Heading for the Black Sea on QV in Sep - wow, at last I'm in the same year as my next cruise.

 

New Year greetings reciprocated - lang may yer lum reek wi' other folk's coal, and may your shoes never get scuffed.

 

J

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Norfolk Brit

Norfolk Brit

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I too wonder at the people who claim the food Cunard serves is "rubbish" and "inedible".

 

And so do I, and I'm horribly critical of food that is badly sourced and/or cooked (if I've paid for it - you can all invite me to dinner, and I'll be thoroughly appreciative:D).

 

Mary

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