Am I A Bad Mom

[rebeccalouise]

I am sorry that your husband's work- doesn't allow for family time in the summer. What a shame. You are a very nice person and have to make decisions for your family.

 

I doubt that the majority of the people here are in the same set of circumstances.

 

I'll be completely honest here.... kids are just as happy going to Toys R Us and a theme park. They are just as happy going camping, exploring nature and hanging out with their friends. I am glad that my son's love to travel- because it is my hobby. So, they come along with me to Europe, etc. But I am not going to kid myself- I take them because I want to do these things and make it fun for them too. But kids are happy with life's simple pleasures.

 

For those who say that their kids had a great cultural experience on a cruise? I'd say- not so. Fun, frivolous- swimming with dophins, snorkling- great family memories but not something that can't be done during school breaks. Just people justifying their behavior IMO.

[ddgleason]

I think it is very amusing that many of the people posting that it is not a big deal for the student to miss school might not say the same thing if the teacher took off to go on a cruise. :rolleyes: A very early post said school is the child's job. That is exactly correct. This is their job. And like any job, you have committments to maintain and responsibilities to uphold. Would your supervisor be okay with you taking a week off whenever you wanted so you could go on vacation? Probably not.

 

I am a teacher. I do not take time off during the school year to go on a cruise. Yes, it would be cheaper. Yes, it would be less crowded. But, I have a job to do. I knew going into it what my vacation times would be. As a teacher, I do NOT make a lot of money. That being said, I can certainly appreciate the people making the point about cruising in the off season being cheaper. I can relate to this, believe me. But if this is your situation, then maybe you should save for the cruise during peak season. Yes, that might mean you can't go every year. That is making a sacrifice and when you finally can afford it, the cruise means that much more. On the years you can't go on a cruise, do something else. As for not being able to take time off when the rest of the family is on vacation- what a horrible situation to be in. I can relate to this as well, having worked in a casino where I was told I couldn't even take my maternity leave because I would miss New Year's and Super Bowl Sunday and it is just too busy then. It was at that point that I knew I had to get out of that job. Maybe this is something to look into if you feel strongly about it. Find new employment that is a little more flexible about vacation times.

 

I have students every year who miss school to travel. I would say that most of them do not do their make up work when they return or complete the work I sent with them. Another point is that my classroom is a very flexible environment. I have changed lesson plans the morning of sometimes. If I see a teachable moment, I grab it. Sticking to the time line of the lesson plan I sent with a kid traveling is not a priority for me. I realize family time is important; I have children of my own. I also know that I am not qualified to teach them what they would miss in school if I took them out for a week- and I have a degree in education. A week is a long time. It may not seem like it is for an adult, but remember, students are not in school every week like an adult is at work every week. They already have vacation time in the calender year. Taking another week out of the school year is a big deal. Taking 1 or 2 days off is a little easier to swallow. Consider going on a 3 or 4 night cruise, rather than a 7 night or longer if you absolutely must take time off during the school year. And at the same time, try telling your boss that you are taking this time off whether he likes it or not. He probably won't be as nice as your child's teacher. :D Take it easy on us teachers! Would you be willing to do the job we do for the pay we get and the abuse we take? Most of us do it because we love it. Now if we could just figure out how to make the world's first floating classroom...

[Nliedel]

My husband has a good job, for life. To tell him to go get another job, so we can switch our vacations is not possible, nor responsible parenting on our part. The IT industry is very volatile right now. We would have to move to another part of the country, lose his perks and who knows what else? My children would be pulled from their friends and family. If it's his job, or my boys taking a week off, we choose the week off.

 

I think people are very judgemental on all sides of this issue. It's a huge hot-button and people can get pretty insulting on all sides.

 

I think culteral exposure is possible on a cruise. It's up to the parents. I am my boys teacher. Their first teacher and, in consort with my husband, their best teacher.

 

As for my boys teacher taking time off for a family vacation? If they have the time, I have no problem with it. We all are just doing it the best we can. In the end a week off from school will make a few months of your life hard. A childhood without family interaction would, in my opinion, be worse.

 

I don't ask teachers to raise my boys. I'm appalled that there are parents out there who ask this of them. I also have been around the boards long enough to know that most people who post here are good parents who carefully weigh this choice. They do think through the issue of pulling kids from school and agonize over it. It's not an easy choice, but it is a highly personal one.

[rebeccalouise]

So, you say your husband can take time off work just not over the holidays and for 10 weeks of summer. I don't get that. My friends (married) are both in the IT profession and have been able to take a week off in the summer- each and every year for the past 13 years that I have known them.

 

Yes, the IT industry is somewhat different than 10 years ago. More competitive but I have never known my friends not to be able to take time off each and every year for a week at the end of August to spend with their girls. There are no summer camps available in Maryland for the last week of August and this is a very popular time for people to travel. Most employers know this and businesses by and large shut down for this week.

 

I can't speak to all industries- but everyone I work with takes one week off each summer. My parents, a teacher and lawyer, were able to take time off each summer.

 

Am I missing something here. Do you mean that your husband can only take time off when the rest of the world isn't vacationing? Sorry but I don't buy it. I just don't.

[Nliedel]

Oh my heck! I can't believe you're asking me such a personal question, but what's worse, I can't believe I'm answering someone who clearly thinks I am lying.

 

My hsband works for a large and growing hospital in the midwest. His hospital is opening a new tower. There are no vacations allowed until November of this year. There are often special projects that gear up over the summer, because construction on those projects happens in the summer and the opening is in the fall. This year, because there are no vacations allowed until November, the department is having to juggle the workloads over the holidays. He also has a hard time getting Easter break off, because EVERYONE signs up for it and it's longest, first.

 

Since one of my children is autistic, we do not get ten weeks off in the summer. We get five. One at the beginning of the summer, and four at the end. He does not get the breaks other kids get, for good reason.

 

I really don't like being called a liar on the boards. I've been here for years now and have always been straightforward and truthful. The hospital cannot shut down over the summer to accomodate people's preffered time off, since people have the tendancy to get sick at odd times.

 

Parents, if you want to take your kids out off school, make your decision with care and live with the consequences. If you do that and someone calls you a liar, they've shown their worth.

 

I think I'm through with this discussion. I rarely lose my temper on the boards, I'm always respectful of others and I think that I deserve the same.

[rebeccalouise]

As for teachers raising kids- why is everything on here an either or proposition?

 

The fact is that all kids need a well rounded education. I think kids frankly can learn as much from books- as actually being in a place. I know that I have read so much about the world- that I feel like I have been to these places already. It makes it even better when I actually go to some of these places. There are some places I have read about that I don't care to go to... Afghanistan for one. Read several books and have watched documentaries on these places- learned alot. Don't care to go. But have an appreciation of what life is like there.

My mother holidays in south Africa- sends me postcards, relays stories. She loves it- I feel like I've been there in my mind.

 

Kids like simple pleasures. When they are old enough to appreciate trips to Europe or South America- then let them go. In the meantime, family trips can be anything from a local state park to Florida to Canada to a cruise. The thing the kids remember most is spending time together as a family.

 

I didn't go on my first cruise until I was 13. Mostly we visited my mom's family in England or went to Bermuda with my Grandparents- Aunt and Uncle. It wasn't where we were- it was being together as a family.

 

So, just remember this- when you are dragging you kids off on your vacation. It isn't really for them- it is for you. Nothing wrong with doing something you enjoy but don't take them out of school because of your needs.

 

Everything I read here is bolder-dash. The fact is, tell your boss well in advance that you and your family are going on vacation next summer for a week- If a boss is that unreasonable to deny a family a vacation- then it is time to switch jobs.

[Nliedel]

I think the above posts is one of the most judgemental pieces of claptrap I've ever read on the boards. That's your opinion and you are welcome to it, but the thought that reading a book is the same as going to another country is just riduclous and I'm a published author.

[rebeccalouise]

Oh my heck! I can't believe you're asking me such a personal question, but what's worse, I can't believe I'm answering someone who clearly thinks I am lying.

 

My hsband works for a large and growing hospital in the midwest. His hospital is opening a new tower. There are no vacations allowed until November of this year. There are often special projects that gear up over the summer, because construction on those projects happens in the summer and the opening is in the fall. This year, because there are no vacations allowed until November, the department is having to juggle the workloads over the holidays. He also has a hard time getting Easter break off, because EVERYONE signs up for it and it's longest, first.

 

Since one of my children is autistic, we do not get ten weeks off in the summer. We get five. One at the beginning of the summer, and four at the end. He does not get the breaks other kids get, for good reason.

 

I really don't like being called a liar on the boards. I've been here for years now and have always been straightforward and truthful. The hospital cannot shut down over the summer to accomodate people's preffered time off, since people have the tendancy to get sick at odd times.

 

Parents, if you want to take your kids out off school, make your decision with care and live with the consequences. If you do that and someone calls you a liar, they've shown their worth.

 

I think I'm through with this discussion. I rarely lose my temper on the boards, I'm always respectful of others and I think that I deserve the same.

 

 

Don't get yourself in a tither. I was asking because I found that really absurd that you could never take a vacation except for the off season weeks. That's why I asked. You have clarified this. I said time and again that a week from school once isn't going to make or break a child's education. It just shouldn't be an annual thing. It is a slippery slope to say "Hey, we'll go the week after Thanksgiving- since the rates are cheaper and the crowds are gone". Guess why it is cheaper and the crowds are gone--- because most sensible parents aren't there. They have their kids in school!

 

I am not saying you are a "bad Mom"- just don't try to justify making it a habit. If it this year- and you think your kids won't suffer as a consequence- then fine.

 

My kids aren't "special" or "gifted"- they are ordinary kids that need structure, rules and the opportunity to keep up with their classmates. I know I am horrible not to want them to miss school to go to a youth program and eat chicken tenders!

[rebeccalouise]

I think the above posts is one of the most judgemental pieces of claptrap I've ever read on the boards. That's your opinion and you are welcome to it, but the thought that reading a book is the same as going to another country is just riduclous and I'm a published author.

 

 

What - pray tell is your child going to learn on a Caribbean cruise? I've been there- done that. You've seen one beach- you've seen them all. None of these places are "cultural". They are all tourist traps.

Just so you know, I have been to India, Europe x 12, Hawaii, Alaska x 4. I loved going to all these places- but I was older when I went there. When I was a kid- all I cared about was playing. It didn't matter if it was in Bermuda, Ocean City Md. or my own backyard.

Parents want to travel. Your kids are going to like the arcade as much as the scenery. They are going to like buying junk in the gift shop as much as touring around a tropical island. Give me a break! I am a parent- I drag my kids around because I need a break. I need a vacation twice a year. They would be fine with buying snowballs and a trip to an amusement park.

My son likes NYC because of the elevators in the Marriot and the Toy R Us in Times Square. Pretty pricey trip to take a six year old- when I can take him downtown and let him ride up and down the glass elevator at the Hyatt and then take him to the Aquarium. He'd have as much fun for a fraction of the cost. But Mom wouldn't!

[kiwicruiser83]

It does not make anyone a bad parent for taking their kids out of school for a week of vacation. Family bonding time is very valuable and kids are like adults in that when they have some relaxation time they can better concentrate when they return. There are some bad moms out there but the ones taking their kids on vacation are not bad! You go on a family vacation when the entire family can go! Whenever that may be. As long as the missed work is made up it is no big deal.

[kiwicruiser83]

Nliedel, there are some single parents that just don't get the importance of a vacation with Mommy and Daddy. Some kids go with Mommy to search for a daddy!

[rebeccalouise]

No, some parents go on vacation with their kids- instead of with a guy.

 

I am not trying to be hurtful people. I admit that I could save a ton of money toward my kids education or toward their inheritance instead of taking my vacations every year. This summer we are doing Europe with my Dad and then I opted to sail home via the Queen Mary 2- because I think it will be more fun than the TA flight- and a golden opporunity. Sure my son will like it- hopefully he will remember it (he is only 6). But it is a true famiy vacation.

 

As for Kiwi's comment- I met a guy on one of my last 13 cruises. That means the other 12 times I didn't meet any men on board- nor try. So, that isn't why I travel with my kids for goodness sake. I travel with my kids because their dad is an alcoholic and I couldn't possibly leave them in his care to travel. So, I am a divorced, single parent with the weight of the world on my shoulders. So, getting away twice a year is a big help and a lift for me emotionally. I think it is also nice for my kids to be away from that situation.

[kiwicruiser83]

ISnt one of your kids not a kid? So you wouldnt leave him with his dad anyway would you? Sorry if I am wrong but I thought you had one grown kid and a 6yr old.

[Nliedel]

Nliedel, there are some single parents that just don't get the importance of a vacation with Mommy and Daddy. Some kids go with Mommy to search for a daddy!

 

 

EEP! :eek: I sure don't want to state, nor imply that single parents are not great. My best friend is a single mom and she's an awesome parent! Someone I try to be like. I would not trade her for all the tea in China, though. I could not do it and know it.

[rebeccalouise]

ISnt one of your kids not a kid? So you wouldnt leave him with his dad anyway would you? Sorry if I am wrong but I thought you had one grown kid and a 6yr old.

'

Yes, my one son is 19 now... but he wasn't always an adult! Mostly now I travel with my six year old and my son does his own thing. But as a teen- I had to watch over him. You know what happens if you leave a teenager in an empty house! So, he went with me. Now he travels with his friends and my father takes him places- since he is retired.

[rebeccalouise]

EEP! :eek: I sure don't want to state, nor imply that single parents are not great. My best friend is a single mom and she's an awesome parent! Someone I try to be like. I would not trade her for all the tea in China, though. I could not do it and know it.

 

Don't worry. You didn't do anything to project that. It was just someone else chiming in because she can.

[Captain Canuck]

as long as you all have that straight we can continue.....

 

taking your kids out of school for a short period is not exactly not feeding them so you can buy more crack...

 

anyways, my last word on the subject is that while its my hope that you don't bring kids along ( I don't have any and don't need the noise)...they will probably benefit from the experience. if their grades are good enough to take a hit I say go for it

[Nliedel]

 

 

My kids aren't "special" or "gifted"- they are ordinary kids that need structure, rules and the opportunity to keep up with their classmates.

 

I've read and re-read this line, over the past half hour and I am wondering if it's in reply to my son being autistic? Do you understand what autism is?

[rebeccalouise]

No- I was not referring to your son. It is just that other parents on here talk about how easily their kids travel and miss school. My two kids couldn't afford to miss school- neither of them were "gifted"- means that they aren't better than the other kids or smarter.

 

You have your hands full I can tell and deserve a break. I have read your posts and you are a very kind and caring person.

 

None of my comments were meant to be hurtful and I hope you didn't take it that way.

 

I agonize about my kids- like all parents. My parents make it really difficult because they are retired and really want to travel off season with the whole family. I am the only one with kids and they don't always get that it isn't easy for kids to miss school- even though a 14 day trip to South America would be a great (and free) learning experience. But I am not equipped to home school them. So that's that.

 

I guess that is why I don't see taking kids out of school for a Caribbean cruise. I wouldn't even do it for a South American cruise.

 

But this is only my opinion.

[Nliedel]

No- I was not referring to your son. It is just that other parents on here talk about how easily their kids travel and miss school. My two kids couldn't afford to miss school- neither of them were "gifted"- means that they aren't better than the other kids or smarter.

 

You have your hands full I can tell and deserve a break. I have read your posts and you are a very kind and caring person.

 

None of my comments were meant to be hurtful and I hope you didn't take it that way.

 

Most parents agonize about our kids. Comes with the job. A job that no one understands before they take it, or there might be fewer takers. A good thing.

 

I just wanted to ask. No irritation. I've run into a lot of people who say, "Oh, he's autistic? What's his special gift?"

 

Some people spend more time than needed watching, "Rainman" imo.

[Stoodo]

People are awfully judgmental. I find it interesting that others would accuse people (they don't even know) of lying about a personal situation.

 

This is a rather entertaining thread.

[kiwicruiser83]

Oh Stoodo, that is mild, some ppl have BIG claims and nothing to back them up. They themselves make poor decisions but still want to advise others. Its like getting financial advice from someone who is bankrupt!

[Nliedel]

People are awfully judgmental. I find it interesting that others would accuse people (they don't even know) of lying about a personal situation.

 

This is a rather entertaining thread.

 

Unless you're the one being called a liar :rolleyes:

 

Actually, advice from a bankrupt person can be very helpful, Kiwi. Just listen to everything they say and don't do it. :D

[kiwicruiser83]

Maybe Nliedel, but I think I will stick to the pro's on this one. Maybe it would be like taking cruise advice from a newbie! Maybe that is a better way to explain it!

[Nliedel]

Maybe Nliedel, but I think I will stick to the pro's on this one. Maybe it would be like taking cruise advice from a newbie! Maybe that is a better way to explain it!

 

I have amazing financial advice. Spend less than you make.

 

I also have the secret to weight loss. Eat less, exercise more.

 

I should write a book about this. I would get rich. No one does either. :cool: