Am I A Bad Mom

[Onessa]

Again, I apologize if I offended anyone. That was not my intent. I was merely trying to offer some options that had not been brought up yet. Honestly, I don't think I will post here anymore; I don't feel welcome. I have been trying to convince myself that it is not me that people are reacting to, but it is hard when the post after mine says something about other knuckleheads. Kind of hard to not take that personally. I thought that it was okay to explain what my situation was. I am sorry I overstepped the boundaries.

:(

well ddgl, I don't know that all (or even most) of the contrary opinions were directed at you.

 

I think all of us would agree that 1) if no one ever had to pull their child(ren) from school for any reason it would be good; and 2) if you are unhappy with your job, you do at least need to consider changing jobs. But there do seem to be some posters (not necessarily you) who do not seem to understand that there are sometimes when after looking at your employment situation, you just grit your teeth and bear (bare?) with it! Some folks are truly in that position and I really feel for them. There are other folks whose jobs are otherwise pretty great but for whatever reason the vacation situation just doen't work out. Those folks need to make a decision - no family vacation or kids out of school -- they are looking for other peoples' experiences with pulling the kids out of school not career advice.

[rebeccalouise]

No- the OP asked if she was a bad Mom.

 

I said that I thought it was not a good idea to take kids out of school. I gave reasons- since there should be reasons for not doing so.

 

They were as follows...

 

Kids get the wrong idea about school- that it isn't important.

 

They are told not to break rules and are very aware of rules, especially in elementary school. Then the parents break the rules.

[Nliedel]

ddgleason. You're welcome here and should post. You don't have to agree with anyone. Just be kind and considerate.

 

My husband loves his job. He gets his vacation. He just can't take it any time he wants to. It's one of the things he puts up with. I should not have to defend his taking and keeping a good job.

 

There are times I cannot travel either. If I have a book coming out I am married to my computer. I cannot leave the house, let alone go on vacation. I have to be here to promote my work, cause only super authors like, Stephen King get that kind of help. When I'm in a promotion, I'm in a promotion and the world has to stop for me. It's just part of my career.

 

People in retail cannot take time off around Christmas. Companies dictate when you can take time off all the time. No one has 100% flexibility because of life.

 

My husband has four weeks of paid vacation a year. That's another perk he would lose if he left his job. Some of those days are taken in long weekends, some in doctors appointments for my special needs kids (one autistic and one with other issues that came along with his adoption and are more than worth it), and some in week long vacations with his family. Those vacations, this year, can occur January-May and November and December. We are 100% Okay with that schedule. It's not always conveniant, but life is not always conveniant, or works like we want it to.

 

a couple years he worked Christmas and Thanksgiving because he was on call. It's part and parcel of working IT for a large company that must run 24/7.

 

If you can't understand that, it's not my problem. He does not have to seek anyone's approval and I'm finding the repeated attacks more than intrusive. Of course that means I'm in a," tither" according to some. Not defending my point of view reasonably.

 

I've stated we cannot travel when school is out, Rebecca. You have stated that you udnerstand that, then come back and called me a liar. You state that I'm not a bad mom, but again, in an above post, say that I should not take them out of school and that vacations are a treat. My children deserve a "treat." It's not your call. I never asked you what you thought of my parenting. Primarily because it's not any of your concern. You lost any opportunity for civil discourse from me when you called me a liar. Something for which you have yet to apologize for.

 

I have not reduced this conversation to personal attacks. Others have. Which is a shame, because a good debate should have a sense of decency about it.

 

I wish people could respect the choices of others.

[mitsguy2001]

As for companies that don't give employees the flexibility to travel for one week out of the year. Yikes- get a new job. Anyone with a family should have two weeks guaranteed paid vacation a year. Everyone where I work certainly does.

 

The issue here isn't that people aren't allowed 2 weeks (or whatever) of vacation time. The issue is that many people posting here have restrictions as to when they can use their vacation time, and they might not be able to use it when their kids are off from school. And in many fields, the busy time of year will be the same regardless of what company you work for, so switching jobs won't change anything.

 

And, as I mentioned in a previous post: switching jobs doesn't help in the short term either, and actually hurts, since most companies give no vacation time at all for the first year (so you can't take even 1 day off even if things aren't busy). And, as I mentioned, quitting a job to go on a vacation is a bad idea too, since it leaves you with no medical insurance, a gap in your resume, and bad references at your current job.

[mitsguy2001]

My husband has four weeks of paid vacation a year. That's another perk he would lose if he left his job. Some of those days are taken in long weekends, some in doctors appointments for my special needs kids (one autistic and one with other issues that came along with his adoption and are more than worth it), and some in week long vacations with his family. Those vacations, this year, can occur January-May and November and December. We are 100% Okay with that schedule. It's not always conveniant, but life is not always conveniant, or works like we want it to.

 

Exactly. I posted in another thread on another board that just because someone has 2 (or in your case, 4) weeks of vacation doesn't mean that you get to use all of that time for a 2 week cruise. There are many issues in life that people have to take care of that cannot be done outside of working hours, so that requires the use of vacation time even when you're not going on vacation. And, as you mentioned, it is often useful to take long weekends, especially in a year like this where 4th of July falls on a Wednesday and Christmas and New Years fall on Tuesdays, so you have to use at least 1 vacation day to turn those into long weekends (2 vacation days in the case of 4th of July this year). And that can be the case especially with people that have family that lives far away. Plus, if you live in a cold climate, you might need to use some vacation time if it is snowing heavily and it is not safe to drive to work, or if you must leave early. And, people must use vacation time if they are having car trouble. So again, 2 (or even 4) weeks of vacation time does not mean that you can realistically use all of it for a vacation. I got flamed for posting this on another thread, so I hope the people here understand.

[mitsguy2001]

Sorry; double post

[rebeccalouise]

ddgleason. You're welcome here and should post. You don't have to agree with anyone. Just be kind and considerate.

 

My husband loves his job. He gets his vacation. He just can't take it any time he wants to. It's one of the things he puts up with. I should not have to defend his taking and keeping a good job.

 

There are times I cannot travel either. If I have a book coming out I am married to my computer. I cannot leave the house, let alone go on vacation. I have to be here to promote my work, cause only super authors like, Stephen King get that kind of help. When I'm in a promotion, I'm in a promotion and the world has to stop for me. It's just part of my career.

 

People in retail cannot take time off around Christmas. Companies dictate when you can take time off all the time. No one has 100% flexibility because of life.

 

My husband has four weeks of paid vacation a year. That's another perk he would lose if he left his job. Some of those days are taken in long weekends, some in doctors appointments for my special needs kids (one autistic and one with other issues that came along with his adoption and are more than worth it), and some in week long vacations with his family. Those vacations, this year, can occur January-May and November and December. We are 100% Okay with that schedule. It's not always conveniant, but life is not always conveniant, or works like we want it to.

 

a couple years he worked Christmas and Thanksgiving because he was on call. It's part and parcel of working IT for a large company that must run 24/7.

 

If you can't understand that, it's not my problem. He does not have to seek anyone's approval and I'm finding the repeated attacks more than intrusive. Of course that means I'm in a," tither" according to some. Not defending my point of view reasonably.

 

I've stated we cannot travel when school is out, Rebecca. You have stated that you udnerstand that, then come back and called me a liar. You state that I'm not a bad mom, but again, in an above post, say that I should not take them out of school and that vacations are a treat. My children deserve a "treat." It's not your call. I never asked you what you thought of my parenting. Primarily because it's not any of your concern. You lost any opportunity for civil discourse from me when you called me a liar. Something for which you have yet to apologize for.

 

I have not reduced this conversation to personal attacks. Others have. Which is a shame, because a good debate should have a sense of decency about it.

 

I wish people could respect the choices of others.

 

Hey, my last response was not directed at you. I was responding to the previous posters and to just clarifying my reasons for saying that I thought it was a bad idea- just to simplify things. You have stated your reasons for taking your vacation. I said that I understand your logic. I was saying this as a generalization. There are always extenunating circumstances and I have said that one week out of school is not going to make or break an education. Relax, I was just saying that as general rule- I don't think it is a good idea.

[sgttami]

ddgleason. You're welcome here and should post. You don't have to agree with anyone. Just be kind and considerate.

 

I wish people could respect the choices of others.

 

 

 

Not just on this thread but so many others..There are CHOICES! What works for Mom A doesn't work for Mom B as far as taking kids out of school. There is no right or wrong. You have to do what is right for your family situation, not only with travel but everything on a day to day basis.

 

In a fantasy world, we'd all have tons of money, no one would have to work or go to school or worry about anything except their next trip!

 

If you took a dozen families at random on these boards I'm sure that each would have a different story on their flexibility for vacation. My personal situation probably changed a hundred times during my career and I did what I had to do at the time to vacation or accomodate a multitude of unforeseen circumstances. If it meant taking my son out of school to travel, I did it. No regrets. I've had to use treasured vacation/sick time when a family member died. Again, no regrets. I did what I had to do.

 

I'm retired now and my son is 28 and married but I'd still do it the same way...all over again

 

 

Pam

[wl2cruise]

This Is Very Easy To Answer Your Family Your Choice!!!

[Cruisin' Chick]

Again, I apologize if I offended anyone. That was not my intent. I was merely trying to offer some options that had not been brought up yet. Honestly, I don't think I will post here anymore; I don't feel welcome. I have been trying to convince myself that it is not me that people are reacting to, but it is hard when the post after mine says something about other knuckleheads. Kind of hard to not take that personally. I thought that it was okay to explain what my situation was. I am sorry I overstepped the boundaries.

:(

 

Just to clarify my use of knucklehead: I was referring to someone on a previous thread on the same subject. He constantly attacked (yes, attacked) parents who felt they had valid reasons to take their kids out of school. So many of the posters asked if he was a parent and he sidestepped the question. Was he not being honest? Not sure. Was he being nasty? Definitely.

 

My suggestion is not to be judgemental about others' situations. Not every one has the flexibility to take off from work on will. Not even when they have the time coming to them. And not everyone can jump from job to job, just because some aspect doesn't suit them. You may even own a business and not have the flexibility because your business is seasonal. Rather than harp on someone because of their choices or needs, why not offer some advice for the situation. Just because this site is called "Cruise Critic" doesn't mean you should take that name literally.

[rebeccalouise]

You are right about it being a personal decision. The school also varies in their reaction to taking kids out of school. My older son went to private school. It was a very difficult school for him. In second grade- I took him out of school because my Mother asked us to go on a cruise with her. She is a former teacher and said one week wouldn't hurt him. His teacher was very nice about it. He had to do a report on his trip when he got back and kept a daily journal.

 

In third grade- my son hated going to school everyday and was falling behind. He has a high IQ but was not keeping up. We ended up switching schools- thankfully he sailed thru and is now in college.

 

I just could never justify taking him out of school because of his problems with school. Consequently I have never taken my younger son out of school.

[Onessa]

. . . I said that I thought it was not a good idea to take kids out of school. I gave reasons- since there should be reasons for not doing so.

 

They were as follows...

 

Kids get the wrong idea about school- that it isn't important.

 

They are told not to break rules and are very aware of rules, especially in elementary school. Then the parents break the rules.

 

If done properly, your kid does not need to get the wrong idea about school:

 

Hopefully, you can use the situation as a teaching opportunty. Help your child understand that it was a difficult decision that was thoughtfully determined. Involve your child when practical - what are his/her preferences. Even if your child has no say in the matter, at least explain the decision process - show him/her the pros and cons that you considered.

 

Be certain that your child knows that you have cleared the vacation with his teacher and school.

• If the teacher does not give you specific classwork for your child to make-up, be certain to take advantage of educational opportunities during the vacation and during down-time make him/her know that you expect them to be doing some reading or puzzels or workbook.
  
• If his/her teacher does give the makeup work, make certain he/she DOES it. The make up work IS a priority and is your child's responsibility.

Also, if you follow the regulations that your school district and/or state puts forth for attendance, you are not "breaking the rules" by pulling your child out of school for a few days for vacation. Only if you say you are breaking the rules or say that you going to take your kid out "no matter what" are you showing disrespect.

[GraySkyMorning]

As long as he knows that he has to make up missed schoolwork when he gets home, and does, I don't see how that could make you a bad mom at all.

 

Personally if my parents had ever gone on an amazing vacation experience and foisted me off onto someone else while they went away, I would be both angry and sad.

 

If he stays home and goes to school, will he remember that week of school later in life? Very likely not. Will he remember the cruise he took with his family and had a blast on? I'd say yes.

 

This is all personal opinion, but I'd say you are a better parent for wanting to include your son in your cruise plans and have him miss a week of school, than to leave him out of this amazing cruise experience so he can learn some things that he could catch up on after school hours when you get back anyway.

[HookedOnCruisin'2]

It doesn't make you a bad parent. There are a lot of good responses here though and I won't reiterate. We took our kids out once for a cruise. However, we chose a 3 day weekend that fell within a 5 day cruise and they only missed 2 days. It wasn't a big deal.

 

I do have to say that I commend the poster who turned down the 15 day cruise. I would think that would be quite a bit to miss in one whack, even for honor students. There's just way to much material to miss in that length of time, essentially 3 school weeks.

 

Have fun!

[rin1]

To the poster who was talking about her child's teacher taking off every Friday, I would like to know what district allows that! I get 2 personal days a year. Period. They do not accumulate, so there will be no 2 week trips to Europe or cruises during school weeks for me. I have to shell out the big bucks to do peak travel on a teacher's salary. (Particular jeers go out to cruise lines who offer "teacher discounts" that won't apply when teachers can actually travel. :p)

 

That said, some things to consider:

 

-Please please please give your child's teacher advanced notice if you do decide to go. It drives me bananas when I get a call partway through the day telling me that a child will be gone for 2 weeks and asking me to send home all of his or her homework that day. It's even worse when the parents just casually extend winter break or spring break by a few weeks and DON'T TELL ME AT ALL. :mad: Whew. Sorry. Just had to vent a bit. ;)

 

-If it is an option in your area, consider switching to a year-round school. Your children will get breaks at off-peak times so you can take advantage of off-peak rates and not have to worry about being a "bad parent".

 

-Pulling your student out of school can be devastating if your student is not strong academically. Also consider whether or not you want to spend your vacation in a nice little cabana on that private island...teaching your child long division. :p

 

Good luck!

[yimyim]

I am headed for my first cruise so I have been lurking through the boards gathering lots of good info. I created an account JUST so I could respond to this.

 

I am a mom to 5 children (4 bio, one step).... 8,8,13,16 & 17.

 

3rd grade, 4th, 7th, 11th and 12th.

 

You are not a bad Mom. Even if this was a horrible decision (which only YOU know); that still would not make for a bad MOM just a bad CHOICE. I like to think I am an awesome Mom but I have made my fair share of bad choices through the years. With 5 kids, I have had LOTS of oppurtunities.

 

Do as others say and check your district rules though and check the policy on make-up work. For instance, in my district you need to give written notice at least a week prior in order to request missed work for unexcused absences.

 

My DH and I are sticklers about school. We are both very involved in the PTA and stress to the kids the importance of their commitment to a good education and how school is thier sole responsibility in life and we MORE then expect they do their best.

 

My 16 and 17 year olds have more years in school with perfect attendance then not.

 

I have NEVER pulled them out of school for ANY reason other then illness.

 

HOWEVER...

 

We booked a cruise for Sept. 17 and they will miss a week of school. Why is that? My sons will graduate soon. My 11th grader will join the military and be gone in two years. My husband and I love our family more then anything and between custody battles, parental abandonment, and more things then I could encompass in a blog..... lets just say we have all been through ALOT together.

 

My DH and I struggled with that decision as it was the only time we could realistically go.

 

So yes, school is important but my family is more important hands down. This is for us and we all deserve it. Do I believe this one week will change 17 years of parenting? That is ridiculous. My children have lived their whole lives with me pounding the importance of school into them. This one week will not erase that message. It will simply reinforce the message that I love them, they are the most important thing to me, I am sorry for all they have suffered, and our time together is more valuable then anything.

 

And I jsut want to add that when I was in second grade my teacher came to me and said to gather my things... my Dad was here to get me. I went to the school office baffled as my father signed me out. When we walked outside there was a boat attached to my Dad't truck only confusing me further. Then my parents said, "Suprise, we're going on vacation to Canada." THAT is one of my greatest memories of childhood. And my parents cared about my education... I went to private schools and since the footed the bill, I am assuming they cared. I graduated a straight A student so it didn't kill me :-)

[Nliedel]

yimyim,

 

What a wonderful and thoughtful post and how succinctly you put into words, what I meant to say all along. Thank you.

[Onessa]

To the poster who was talking about her child's teacher taking off every Friday, I would like to know what district allows that! I get 2 personal days a year. Period. They do not accumulate, so there will be no 2 week trips to Europe or cruises during school weeks for me. . . .

 

That would be me - DD's Kindergarten teacher was also a college tennis coach. She generally took Friday afternoons off - sometimes full day depending upon how far they needed to travel. It was only her second year as a teacher - and most of the subs were better than she was anyway! Fortunately she no longer teaches.

 

We are in a public school district in Wisconsin. Perhaps said teacher had pics of some of the school administrators in a "compromising" position (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)!:D

[sgttami]

I am headed for my first cruise so I have been lurking through the boards gathering lots of good info. I created an account JUST so I could respond to this.

 

I am a mom to 5 children (4 bio, one step).... 8,8,13,16 & 17.

 

3rd grade, 4th, 7th, 11th and 12th.

 

You are not a bad Mom. Even if this was a horrible decision (which only YOU know); that still would not make for a bad MOM just a bad CHOICE. I like to think I am an awesome Mom but I have made my fair share of bad choices through the years. With 5 kids, I have had LOTS of oppurtunities.

 

Do as others say and check your district rules though and check the policy on make-up work. For instance, in my district you need to give written notice at least a week prior in order to request missed work for unexcused absences.

 

My DH and I are sticklers about school. We are both very involved in the PTA and stress to the kids the importance of their commitment to a good education and how school is thier sole responsibility in life and we MORE then expect they do their best.

 

My 16 and 17 year olds have more years in school with perfect attendance then not.

 

I have NEVER pulled them out of school for ANY reason other then illness.

 

HOWEVER...

 

We booked a cruise for Sept. 17 and they will miss a week of school. Why is that? My sons will graduate soon. My 11th grader will join the military and be gone in two years. My husband and I love our family more then anything and between custody battles, parental abandonment, and more things then I could encompass in a blog..... lets just say we have all been through ALOT together.

 

My DH and I struggled with that decision as it was the only time we could realistically go.

 

So yes, school is important but my family is more important hands down. This is for us and we all deserve it. Do I believe this one week will change 17 years of parenting? That is ridiculous. My children have lived their whole lives with me pounding the importance of school into them. This one week will not erase that message. It will simply reinforce the message that I love them, they are the most important thing to me, I am sorry for all they have suffered, and our time together is more valuable then anything.

 

And I jsut want to add that when I was in second grade my teacher came to me and said to gather my things... my Dad was here to get me. I went to the school office baffled as my father signed me out. When we walked outside there was a boat attached to my Dad't truck only confusing me further. Then my parents said, "Suprise, we're going on vacation to Canada." THAT is one of my greatest memories of childhood. And my parents cared about my education... I went to private schools and since the footed the bill, I am assuming they cared. I graduated a straight A student so it didn't kill me :-)

 

I normally wouldn't even be on this section of the boards since my son is out of school and married but a friend was asking about taking her kids out of school for a cruise..

 

I really don't think a week is going to matter if a parent takes their child out of school to travel. What if the child was sick and missed a week of school? Would it be any different? Missed time is missed time..

 

Life's too short..one friend's son was killed a few days before they were supposed to take a cruise last year. He was 10.

 

Honestly, what's best for the family should be the choice...

[mcfam5]

DH and I cannot get a summer schedule that works together to go on vacation with DS, so we thought about going on vacation during the school year. Am I a bad mom for taking DS out of school for a week to sail away? Did not see anything for XMAS leaving NYC. How is sailing in the winter? Are the seas rough? Help:(

 

I too will be taking my kids out of school for a week this October for a cruise on the Glory. Some teachers look at the trip as a learning experience for the kids ~ others may not be so happy. Ultimately, you decide what works for your family. Have a great trip!

[rin1]

Onessa - I'm glad she's no longer teaching. The "3 Reason Teachers" (June, July and August) give the rest of us a bad name. I need that time to recharge, but if those were my only reasons for teaching, I'd be one unhappy camper. I think that teachers should hold themselves to the same standards that they hold their students.

 

I realize that I didn't really answer the OP's question before. Just the fact that you are considering whether or not it is a good idea to pull them out of school rather than just doing it means that you are not a "bad mom". I'm guessing that you put it that way for a bit of dramatic flair and you know that you are trying your best to be a good parent. ;)

[rebeccalouise]

I really don't think a week is going to matter if a parent takes their child out of school to travel. What if the child was sick and missed a week of school? Would it be any different? Missed time is missed time..

 

Most kids do miss school from time to time- this would be on top of a planned family vacation during the school year. So, the child would ultimately miss alot of school and have to catch up. I know my son misses about 3 days a year due to illness. He has never missed an entire week from school due to a cold.

[jennew]

We have 5 kids ages 8, 17, 19, 20 and 23.

 

We have taken the two younger ones of for a week to cruise because we were working around the older kid's college breaks. The college students get the first 2 weeks of January off. We find great rates then so we grab them.

 

Providing your child with a week of family time and seeing some new sites is a WONDERFUL thing to do. Be respectful of the teacher, give plenty of notice and then enjoy yourselves.

 

My grandmother was a teacher and she encouraged parents to take kids out for family time. She felt kids spent too much time away from their parents.

[mother of twins]

yimyim....you hit the nail on the head...i agree 100%

school is important but family time is priceless!!!!!!!

if the right trip came up and it means missing a few days of school....go for it.

i know plenty of parents that let their kids stay home "just cause" so what makes taking a trip any different...on our trip to costa maya my twins learned and saw things that no text book could ever teach them....:o :o

[rebeccalouise]

That is absurd that parents let their kids stay home "just cause". We always went to school. If we were sick we had to lay in our beds all day with no tv. Just medicine, chicken soup, orange juice, cough drops, comic books and bed rest. That was it.

 

My kids aren't allowed to play if they stay home from school and then I make them go to school if they say they are bored.

 

I don't mean to be the voice of reason on these boards but kids have to learn responsibility. School is important. Work and responsibility are important. Character is instilled. You are going to have a heck of time later if you don't teach kids early about duty and responsibility. Vacations are a treat. Work, school and obligation are keys to success.