Leaving Teens at Home

[shonandsuzie]

Our kids are teenagers (16 1/2 and 14) and frankly, we want to get away from them! We really want to take them on a cruise but lately feel it is an undeserved reward for crankiness! On our last trip (in April) our 16 year old did not speak to us for the entire week. We are drained and overwhelmed by bad attitudes. Is anyone else leaving their teens while they cruise. Any tips?

[747forever]

I know how you feel-our teen was threatening all sorts of things if he had to go on a cruise with us to Alaska(which I had already booked) but luckily, a friend was able to go with us at the last minute so now he is excitied. We have never cruised before so this was a last ditch effort to find another family vacation that he would enjoy and not have to spend much time with us. Our son is 16 1/2 and I definitely would not leave him home alone-maybe when he's 18 if he stays a good kid. Can they possibly take a friend with them? I have heard that the teens have a great time on the cruise ships even if they don't know anyone to begin with.

[whale-watcher]

some days we are really tempted...but overall, still enjoy having them around most of the time...but we do think about it from time to time!

[Chucksta63]

Our kids are teenagers (16 1/2 and 14) and frankly, we want to get away from them! We really want to take them on a cruise but lately feel it is an undeserved reward for crankiness! On our last trip (in April) our 16 year old did not speak to us for the entire week. We are drained and overwhelmed by bad attitudes. Is anyone else leaving their teens while they cruise. Any tips?

Jump on a cruise with a bunch of kids for starters. I am sure you had a bunch if you cruised in April!!!! Next tell him things could be worse you could make him stick to your side for the whole cruise if he does not want to be social... Second tell him you could use his money for the cruise and send him to a camp for kids like brat camp..Try to get them involved in each port for things to do like scuba diving for the first time or parasailing something cool.. If they are good you would consider letting them try it!!!

It's a tough spot and I am not their yet mine is turing 12.. Fun times to come!!!

[kimcruiser]

We have a 15 year old dd and ( as of 8-18) an 18 year old dd. We are not taking them on this cruise which is the first time they won't be with us. I am nervous and it will be winter time :eek: ( driving for a young driver is scary). We are thinking of having somebody stay here or they will have to go somewhere else while we are gone. I still haven't worked out all the details. we did enjoy when they were with us on our previous cruises and They had a good time too. But it is time for a getaway for us only. Good luck in whatever you do

[whale-watcher]

We have a 15 year old dd and ( as of 8-18) an 18 year old dd. We are not taking them on this cruise which is the first time they won't be with us. I am nervous and it will be winter time :eek: ( driving for a young driver is scary). We are thinking of having somebody stay here or they will have to go somewhere else while we are gone. I still haven't worked out all the details. we did enjoy when they were with us on our previous cruises and They had a good time too. But it is time for a getaway for us only. Good luck in whatever you do

These days, I would never leave my kids at home for more than a day without adult supervision....fortunately for us, my MIL is able to spend unlimited amounts of time at our house (never thought I would be typing those words, but having a teen can change your whole outlook!;) ). I also worry about the winter driving (we live in MN), so if we do leave DD at home, it would be next summer...

[bplazo]

We took my daughter and her friend on our last two cruises and swore never again. Both times they were cranky, did not want to get up in the mornings, etc. and on our last cruise they snuck off the ship in the Bahamas. Needless to say my daughter was grounded for a long time when we got home.

 

We did not book them on our upcoming cruise but as time started to pass I missed planning the cruise with my daughter. We like to shop, pack, post on this cruise message board. So, I called travel agent last week and booked her and her friend.

 

However, I did make it clear that I would not tolerate any bad behavior and there would be severe consequenses (like her car being sold) if she made one wrong move.

 

I hope I am not making a big mistake but this is her last year in school before she is off to college (and my only baby) so I couldnt bear the thought of not cruising with her.

 

I want to add that my daughter is very respectfull when in public it is just when no one is watching that she has a smart mouth.

[herecomesthesun]

It is unfortunate your teens are not more respectful and grateful towards you. Cruises are expensive vacations they should appreciate and if they were more appreciative they would get to experience those awesome vacations more often! I understand being cranky in the morning because I hate waking up early but I would never do anything like give my parents the silent treatment or sneak off the ship because I know that my life would be a living hell. I have a healthy fear of my parents. I also respect them and their generosity and would feel guilty if I put a damper on their vacation because I was being an angsty teenager.

 

I don't blame some of you for not taking your teenagers on your cruises again. However, you need to make good plans for when you will be out of town, and I recommend not leaving your kids at home alone, even if they are older and can handle it as far as taking care of themselves. I know you were teenagers once so you know how it is. When parents are out of town and leave their teenager home alone, regardless of how good and responsible the child is, some sort of party usually happens. From personal experience, its a ton of fun to have an unsupervised get-together with friends at your house rather than having to go to a public place to get away from parents, but a harmless get-together can escalade quickly and often the well-meaning child gets trampled on by kids wanting to take advantage, and peer pressure is unfortunately a reality. You may think it just happens in cheesy movies - I did until it happened to me. My parents were extremely disappointed in me and I got in a lot of trouble. All this to say that you may think you know your kids but for their sake, you should probably have them stay with a friend or relative. A week just allows too much time for kids to get themselves into trouble, even if you think that is not like them. Other teenagers - don't hate me. I like staying home alone and I like to have fun. But I think parents need to know what they are getting into when they leave their kids. If I were a parent I would want to know.

[TidePrideGA]

I want to add that my daughter is very respectfull when in public it is just when no one is watching that she has a smart mouth.

 

And that about sums up MOST teenagers!! Herecomesthesun is the exception to the rule - congrats to her AND her parents!

 

Fortunately, my ds (19 - 2 weeks from 20 when we cruise) has always enjoyed vacations with us, even if he hasn't so much enjoyed us at other times. Now that he's starting his second year of college I think he has a much healthier appreciation for us - it'll come.

 

I might add that I'm not sure the OP was talking about leaving her kids home ALONE - just not taking them cruising.

[land lover]

We draw up a contract with our three teenage sons including their and our expectations.......

 

things we include:

driving limits

no friends inside our home, but allowed outside

early curfew

no pool parties

parents' room is off limits

relatives to contact with exceptions to the rules

 

So far this has worked well for us...

 

If you have high expectations your kids will met them.....

last year we actually came home to a clean house

 

....we have gone without one child or another because of lack of interest in destinations...last year our trip to Europe was minus 2 children

 

We do have family and friends nearby..so this helps...but just being without parents is a great vacation for kids......they deserve our trust......:)

[Chucksta63]

The one thing I have found to work is the silent treatment back at them. Tell them you are ashamed of them and their behavior.. The guilt thing was allways the worst from my mom... Children want to make parents proud deep down inside we all want to make our parents proud of us. When you let them know that they are not,, they feel guilty. Has to do with respect too.. Start taking things away until they conform. Like Dr. Phil says (I can't beleave I am quoteing him) start taking things away until they are down to a pillow and blanket and guess what goes next. There room will be bare. It's tough love but with out any respect you get nowhere!!!! Your the boss not them!!! Luckly I am a big guy and an ex-bouncer/bodyguard.. I have no problem at this time.. I have never hit my child but I let him know he is not to big for me to pull his pants down in public and spank him.. This goes over real big at 12...LOL Embarassment is the other thing thay hate!!!! The threat of embarassment infront of other teens,, ouch...

[bplazo]

There would be noway that I would allow my daughter to stay at home by herself. So if probably is better that she is going with me. I would worry to much to enjoy the cruise not knowing what was happening at home.

 

Chucksta63, my daughter just hates it when I start quoting Dr. Phill. However, I have found that most of his advice works if I can just follow through with it.

[K&RCurt]

This past January we went on our first cruise. We decided it would not be good to take the kids out of school for the week we were away. It was DD#1's Freshman year at college and DD#2's Senior year at high school and DS was having some difficulties in 4th grade. We had planned for a friend of the family to come and stay at our house whith DD#2 and DS while we were away. We flew out on a Saturday morning for a Sunday cruise. Our friend had to work Saturday morning and was going to drive from CT to PA after work (normally a 3 hr ride). When we took off from PHL it had started to snow. By the time we got to a layover in Atlanta is was a serious snow storm. Our friend was not able to leave Saturday due to the weather. Luckily DD#2 was smart enough not to try to drive anywhere in the snow and just went out and made snowmen with DS. We also had a neighbor and good friend who lives a block away constantly check on them. Our friend from CT finally got to our house Sunday evening as we were leaving (DW's cell phone rang right off the coast of FLL anouncing their arrival.

 

Even though we knew they were safe and we kept in touch via email, DW was a nervous wreck at times worried about their safety.

 

This coming January we are taking them along!

[LauraS]

I'll add my vote to either taking them with you OR making sure that they are well supervised if you let them stay at home, with an adult in residence.

 

You shouldn't feel guilty at all for wanting some time to yourselves. Also, it will make your kids appreciate you when you return. After all, that old saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" works with teens as well. They will miss you.

 

As a former PTA cult member (just kidding), I often tell parents who are contemplating allowing their kids/teens to "take the next step" in life -- whatever that may be -- that all will be well *if* all goes well. But, if something out of the ordinary happens, will they be able to react and behave inappropriately? Will they be able to handle it?

 

Here's an example. I'm home working one day, and get an absolutely FRANTIC phone call from my 16 year old niece, who lives about 4 blocks away from us. She's scared to death because some wackadoo is banging on her front door, trying to get in, and yelling all kinds of curses. She wants me to run over there. Now -- at 16 you'd think she would know to dial 911 FIRST instead of her 5 foot tall Aunt Laura. See what I mean?

 

Just last week my 18 year old lost brakes on his car. He's been driving since Nov, so he's a new driver. Does he coast to a stop and try and call me -- YES! But, when he doesn't get me on the phone, he proceeds to drive the car through the neighborhood looking for me. He's DRIVING THE CAR WITH NO BRAKES LOOKING FOR ME because I didn't answer the cell phone (I was out power walking).

 

OK.......what are they thinking? How many times have you said that lately?

 

Laura

[Gabsabunch42]

Ughh My 14 year old daughter was very cranky on our cruise whenever we were to do something together (excursions, dinner together, etc.). She felt her brand new friends were more important than family time.

[shonandsuzie]

I'm sorry but there appears to be a mix up here. I would never leave those bumbs home alone. :eek: My mom will come to the house and stay with them for the week. I will hopefully get some well deserved and VERY needed rest from the tension of living with crazy people! :D I haven't taken them on a cruise yet. We were thinking of doing one with them for Spring Break since it is the 16 year old's senior year. (almost done!) These comments have been helpful and I am glad to know that I am not the only one who has an angel in public and something quite different in our home. I am however still on the fense about the trip. I want them to have good memories but at what price?

[montgomeryfamily]

While I understand your wanting to take your 16 year old on a cruise because this will be the 16 year olds senior year, if your teen isn't excited about this, I would suggest that you not push it and find something else for a graduation or family trip. It sounds like that going on a trip by yourself might give both you and your teen some "vacation time" away from each other, perhaps relieving some tension and making things better when you get back.

 

The staterooms are small and it is difficult to be stuck in one for a week with a teen who is cranky or acting up. I'm sure you want to avoid public scenes as well. Plus some cruise lines are really cracking down on negative behavior by kids, even throwing the entire family off of the cruise when the kids get into a fight or cause damage.

 

If you aren't limited to gong during the times the kids are out of school, you can get some better rates and perhaps go earlier, like this fall or early winter. It may be when your teen is older, a cruise would be a good vacation.

 

Why don't you consider a "vacation" trip during spring break or some other similar time to go to visit some of the colleges your teen is interested in, assuming that college is in the plan for after graduation. That should be a trip that your teen is interested in for personal reasons. Some colleges even have special programs for high school seniors visiting their campus.

[FreesiaE]

But I really didn't enjoy family vacation time. I told my parents before going on our trip together after my senior year of high school that that was it for me! I was never going with them again. They went the next summer to London/England for 10 days or so, and I stayed home and worked--and loved the freedom of having the house to myself! I love to travel, but on my terms, which I found after getting away from home for college. I don't like getting up really early, going to bed really early, sharing cramped quarters, incredibly long car rides to "sites" of little interest, eating out of a suitcase for breakfast, out of a cooler for lunch, sitting in the backseat of the car--well you get the picture. I'm not even sure when I have my own kids if I'll even want them to come along on vacation.

[Gabsabunch42]

But I really didn't enjoy family vacation time. I told my parents before going on our trip together after my senior year of high school that that was it for me! I was never going with them again. They went the next summer to London/England for 10 days or so, and I stayed home and worked--and loved the freedom of having the house to myself! I love to travel, but on my terms, which I found after getting away from home for college. I don't like getting up really early, going to bed really early, sharing cramped quarters, incredibly long car rides to "sites" of little interest, eating out of a suitcase for breakfast, out of a cooler for lunch, sitting in the backseat of the car--well you get the picture. I'm not even sure when I have my own kids if I'll even want them to come along on vacation.

Wow, that is kind of sad. Anyway I wonder if you are someone who should be having kids if you don't like family time.

[FreesiaE]

Wow, that is kind of sad. Anyway I wonder if you are someone who should be having kids if you don't like family time.

 

I look at vacation as a "me time"--time away from work, schooling, cleaning, cooking, yard work, etc. I may want to get all dressed up and go to dinner with my husband and have a few drinks afterwards. I would not feel comfortable taking a small child to a nice rest. and any child to a bar! We also may want to got to a casino, where obviously children are not welcome. We may want to go catch a late movie or show or dancing, and don't think it is fair to drag a child out until 2AM. I have no problem with family time. I don't think that makes me someone who shouldn't have kids because I want to have a few days a year with only my husband and I doing "adult" activities. That was unfair to say.

[shonandsuzie]

Freesia- your comments have been most enlightening. I did not go on many vacations as a family when I was a teen so I just imagined they would desire this. Probably, my 16 y/o son feels much as you did. My 14 y/o is a different story. (thank God). Meanwhile I, unfortunately, just got off of the telephone with the 16 y/o and just hearing his voice made me irritated so I'm thinking I should definately not be on vacation with him for a while. Maybe in 10 years! :p

[FreesiaE]

Thank you Shonandsuzie! It' s not that I am this horrible loner, or anything, it's just that my parents and I had different expectations on what a vacation should be. My younger brother enjoys traveling with them still (he is in college) and they all went to South Africa this summer and had a nice time.

[tomsmom]

We are getting ready for our 4th cruise and are the parents of a 17 yr old boy. We have done numerous vacations with him and he has also been on two of our last three cruises. But this cruise he won't be along. Instead he will be staying home with my 20 year old nephew. My sister has promised to check on them each day.

 

In the past we have been very liberal about having kids over when we have been away for weekends but since this trip will be be gone 10 days and a bit hard to contact some of time we will set strict rules.

 

We love our son dearly and have enjoyed all of our family vacations. This year we did a Red Sox road trip with him. We went to Chicago and Baltimore to see the Red Sox play. Great family fun!!! (Of course - we are Massachusetts - Red Sox FANS!!)

[bplazo]

I cannot imagine that I would leave my daughter at home by herself at any age while I was going on vacation. Even the best of kids can be tempted to do wrong. If my daughter goes out at night, I do not even go to bed till I know that she is home. In fact, she just got her drivers liscense so I put a tracker in her car so that I know where she is at all times. (it will also disable the engine if she is grounded and is not allowed to go anywhere).

 

I may be the control freak she calls me but I need to try to keep her as safe as possible, so yes she will go on vacation with me.

[whale-watcher]

Thank you Shonandsuzie! It' s not that I am this horrible loner, or anything, it's just that my parents and I had different expectations on what a vacation should be. My younger brother enjoys traveling with them still (he is in college) and they all went to South Africa this summer and had a nice time.

I understand what you mean -- we have a 14yo DD who is a super kid, and loves to spend time with us hanging out and relaxing, but who also does not enjoy long days of touring. For now, we try and find a happy medium that we can all live with, but when she is older, I'm sure she will opt to spend her free time relaxing and not doing the high-powered trekking or kayaking or whatever that the rest of the family is into...for us, crusing is a good solution right now, because we can all find something interesting to do.