PHOTO REVIEW of my maiden voyage on the FREEDOM! Food porn, people!

[ProfCruise]

Very cute, but maybe you should consider using these cute placemats when eating out with your toddler. At least until he can use utensils.

 

http://www.target.com/p/neat-solutions-table-topper-18-ct-elmo/-/A-13968864?ref=tgt_adv_XSG10001&AFID=google_pla_df&LNM=13968864&CPNG=Baby&kpid=13968864&LID=9pgs&ci_src=17588969&ci_sku=13968864&kpid=13968864&gclid=CI2DmIT32cICFcKPMgodEzQAGQ

 

Sure, *now* you tell her! LOL. I'll pass this idea on to my mom. It sounds like one of those practical, boring things she'd like. Thanks!

[nolababe504]

I love your review!! Very creative style of writing!!

[K&P Luv2Cruise]

What a cutie you are "H" and with a wonderful writing style already !! :)

 

Looking forward to more !

[crewsweeper]

Always wondered what happened to that E-Trade baby:confused: Now I know!:rolleyes:

 

Nice review H and PC...See an agent for that "Baby's Day Out, Again" sequel!

Edited December 22, 2014 by crewsweeper

[IPlayWithString]

The vegetarian pot pie thing with the pumpkin is one of my favorite things on the menu! I could eat one like...IDK..a hundred times a day.

 

Well..ok. Second favorite thing next to the Guy's burgers. OMNOMNOM.:D

[ProfCruise]

The vegetarian pot pie thing with the pumpkin is one of my favorite things on the menu! I could eat one like...IDK..a hundred times a day.

 

Well..ok. Second favorite thing next to the Guy's burgers. OMNOMNOM.:D

 

Not as good as orange sherbet and cheese, but yeah, damn good. I wish my mom would stop force feeding me "beet balls" and would make me these instead.

 

Sent from my XT1031 using Forums mobile app

[ProfCruise]

Playlist Production shows

 

I’ll file this one under “5 minutes” since the one show I attended held my attention for about 30 minutes and I didn’t attend any of the others because they were after my bedtime and I would have been kicked out after about 1 minute.

 

My mom kept telling me to have low expectations for the Playlist Production shows after all the trash talking she’s read about them on CC. Maybe it’s because mom’s tone deaf, has two left feet, and can hardly stay upright WALKING on a moving boat, but she actually really liked them! I only saw one, the holiday show (I got to see Santa from a distance, which is the way he prefers to see me…see below), but between mommy and grandma they saw the rest of them. The cast was talented and enthusiastic and there were tons of special effects like 3D, laser beam things (I feel like there should be an Austin Powers reference here, but I can’t quite put my finger on it), and scents pumped in (a word on that later).

 

Here’s this year’s photo with Santa. See how terrified he looks? The bellman at our pre and post cruise hotel (Quality Inn and Suites Cruise Port – would recommend for a budget hotel. Free shuttle to airport and cruise port and free wifi and breakfast) kept calling us “mafia” after we’d tip him. Our shuttle driver explained that Henry calls those who tip well “mafia” and those who don’t “poor.” My mom just pointed at me and said “HE’S mafia!” I guess that’s why Santa was so scared.

 

The MC was our cruise director, Wee Jimmy. Take a moment to picture a “Wee Jimmy” in your head. ……………………………. Okay. Is he short? Plump? British? Surprisingly sophisticated sense of humor for a cruise director? That’s HIM!

 

Here’s a photo of Wee Jimmy warming up the crowd for the “Getaway Island” show. I’d like to apologize for my mom’s poor photography skills. I wasn’t able to attend this show, so I loaned her the camera. Big mistake. Big. Huge. (that should be read “Pretty Woman” style).

 

 

 

A word of caution. If you’re allergic to smells, skip the Getaway Island show or load up on tissues. They pump the theater full of, like, a sunblocky type smell. It didn’t agree with my mom’s nose and she ended up with a sweater full of snot. No biggie though, that’s what moms’ sweaters are for, right?

 

Towel Folding Demonstration

 

0 minutes

I grabbed my mom’s towels before she had half a trunk. I thought we were supposed to swing them around like when we sing in the dining room. This would be pretty interesting for a grown-up though. We learned that if your room steward is in a hurry he or she will make you a seal. If you’re the type to leave a bunch of dirty underwear and socks around and half eaten food outside your door or if you bunk with a toddler, he/she will make you a snake. My mom was expecting nothing but snakes, but Randy made us the BEST animals. Here’s the monkey. Grandma thought it looked a bit like that scream painting by Van Gogh and insisted we take it down so she wouldn’t wake up and accidentally jump off the balcony.

Still reading? Snails for you! My mom and dad had a long debate about whether snails are vegetarian. Who cares!?! It’s not like I was eating them either way. I sided with mom though, just in case.

[SenatorsFan]

For such a cute little guy you sure know how to make grown-ups laugh! :) Please keep it coming. I was on Freedom in July with my now 17-year-old youngest son.

Heather

[michiganirish]

What a wonderful review. DH and I were on the journey with you as well. Thanks for taking us back on board...

[MsJax]

Awesome job! I love this review. I think you have quite a future "H".

The teacher in me would be remiss if I didn't point out that "The Scream" is by Edvard Munch.

Can't wait to read more! I've subscribed!

[michiganirish]

What a wonderful review. DH and I were on the journey with you as well. Thanks for taking us back on board...

[JennN]

This is sooo creative and I hate you for thinking of it!!!

 

Wait, I don't hate a 2-year old :)

 

Can't wait for more!

[ProfCruise]

Awesome job! I love this review. I think you have quite a future "H".

The teacher in me would be remiss if I didn't point out that "The Scream" is by Edvard Munch.

Can't wait to read more! I've subscribed!

 

My dumb mom told me wrong. Thanks for the correction -- I'll try to help her figure out how to edit. My grammar and spelling aren't bad though, right? For 2.

[ProfCruise]

The Gym (I wasn’t allowed in there, so 0 minutes)

 

I’m very concerned about my mom’s health, she eats a lot of chocolate, so I try very hard every day to run her ragged. After her workout she sometimes likes to hit the gym to relax. She visited the ship’s gym and spa each day around 3pm (it was never crowded that time of day). My mom has two criteria when reviewing a gym. First, do the machines have TV’s -- she loves TV almost as much as she loves eating. Second, temperature. Don’t tell mom I told you this, but she’s a sweater. She once drowned someone sitting next to her in a spin class. This gym succeeded on both fronts. Nice, new machines (and LOTS of them) with TV’s and a cool temperature. Ten or twelve industrial-sized fans blowing directly on her would have made it even better, but would have created hurricane conditions for anyone trying to ride the exercise bike behind her.

 

Showering in the spa shower was another part of her daily afternoon ritual. Mom’s a bath person, so any shower is already at a disadvantage and let’s just say that the shower in the stateroom didn’t meet her unreasonably high standards. It worked great as a carwash though (And while I was distracted washing my cars, my mom hosed the sand off me. She’s still finding some in my diaper 3 days later though!). The showers in the spa, on the other hand, were delightful (Her word, not mine. Seriously, does that sound like something I would say?). Would have earned a 5 out of 5, but the doors don’t close properly. Mom was so worried about someone seeing her post baby boobs and belly (she thought they’d probably schedule an emergency tubal ligation at the next port and miss their excursion), that she spent like 15 minutes trying to figure out how to stop that damn door from swinging open. Wedge some towels between the door and the wall, people. Or just be proud that you earned your stripes! Miracle of life and all that crap.

 

The lockers also took a few minutes to figure out. Mom hates asking for directions. She’s worse than dad. After driving in circles for over an hour she finally asked. For reference, you press “C” type in a four digit code of your choice, then the button with the lock symbol on it.

 

 

 

Best part of the gym/spa…it’s FREE. At least all the stuff mom was inclined to use. She didn’t try the hot tub, sauna, or steam room, because she hates being hot. Have you seen her pasty white skin? I hope you had on the special protective glasses. Mom wasn’t designed for heat. Odd that she chose to vacation in the Caribbean.

 

 

Still reading?

 

What? No food, you say?!?! That's why you need to know about the GYM.

[ProfCruise]

This is sooo creative and I hate you for thinking of it!!!

 

Wait, I don't hate a 2-year old :)

 

Can't wait for more!

 

I'm a HUGE fan of your reviews too, JennN! The yell was appropriate there. :D

[olcar]

You got hooked on. Very creatively funny.

[MsJax]

My dumb mom told me wrong. Thanks for the correction -- I'll try to help her figure out how to edit. My grammar and spelling aren't bad though, right? For 2.

 

Excellent... better than some of my high schoolers!

[PathfinderEss]

Thaniks for the nice pictorial review of your first cruise.

[tbbtravels]

Cute perspective!

[Beachlover1964]

I love this review! What a cutie! Can't wait to read the rest.

My 13 year old son and I are cruising on the Freedom on December 27. Your food pictures have inspired me to try some new things!

[ProfCruise]

Grand Turk

 

 

Beach day! My mom ran for the first lounger in the shade (literally 6 steps from our big boat and FREE), we plopped down our stuff, slathered on 6 tubes of sunblock, and went to town. Actually, we never went to town. We just sat on our butts in the water and sand for 3 hours. Delightful (mom, again).

 

From the second I yelled my first yell my mom has been chasing me around with the camera -- thinks she’s Ann Geddes. She’s not, people. Have you ever seen those “Pinterest Fails?” Yeah, most of those are my mom’s. I wish my dad hadn’t lost his will to live years ago and would do something to stop her.

 

Anyway, she was, like, obsessed with getting the perfect beach shot of me. Please don’t awww at any of these, we don’t want to encourage her. On second glance, I am pretty cute though. Right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time to come clean, I'm out of food shots. How about a horse's bum instead?

 

[Marshal_60169]

A unique perspective you don't read often in these forums.

[ProfCruise]

St. Martaan

 

 

BTW, I forgot to mention that I’m ranking the ports in order from my most favoritest (I hope that teacher isn’t still reading), to my least favorite (haha, just kidding). St. Martaan was actually our first port and the first time I ever dipped my piggies (AKA toes) into the ocean. We walked to Philipsburg from the big boat. It took about 10 minutes. Great Bay Beach runs right along the town and there are signs for it once you get into Philipsburg. We went straight there. My mom had just spent two sea days with me, people. She needed to RELAX.

 

 

This was the best beach I had ever seen. Because it was the only one I had ever seen. According to my mom, it wasn’t really that great. It had everything we needed though -- loungers (grandma ponied up $15 for two loungers and an umbrella), sand, and water (which is supposed to be a bit polluted, but mom figured with all the organic crap she makes me eat it probably all balances out in the end).

 

 

 

Best (and worst…more about that later) of all there were PUPPIES! I played with them and pet them “nice.”

 

 

A word about the puppies. These two fortunate little fellas were found on the street and adopted by a cuppla suckers like my mom. Don’t tell daddy, but the love of mom’s life is her rescue dog, Henry. Mom asked for the ugliest dog at the shelter (don’t worry, she used a different criteria in selecting daddy) and she got him! He had been living on the rough streets of West Virginia and had just about everything wrong with him. Mom got him all fixed up (although she’s not the best at combing his hair, so he still looks homeless most of the time) and now he’s the sweetest, friendliest, most loving guy ever. Plus, he loves him some food just like mama. He thought it was some kind of cruel joke when he found out she was a vegetarian though. Thank God she married “Boss” who brought meat back into his life.

 

Anyway, there are a lot of homeless dogs in the Caribbean and that made mom sad. I don’t really understand about that yet, so I got super excited when I saw them. Love me some dogs! Mom almost risked getting arrested at Port Everglades to bring a few home.

 

Philipsburg looked like a nice little town for shopping, although we didn’t do any because we had to get back on the big boat by noon for our free lunch (We almost forgot to pay our lunch bill back in Fort Lauderdale. Wait, what? We have to PAY for this?!?!) and mom’s nap. I found her nap schedule very limiting.

 

 

 

One more beach shot for those of you in sub-zero temps. If it makes you feel any better, it was overcast and only about 80 degrees this day.

 

 

 

[rzyjzq]

Loving the review and such a cute little fella. Great pics, too!!

Susan

[ProfCruise]

San Juan

 

In San Juan we visited a giant playground from the 1700’s, Fort San Cristóbal. Those kids in the 1700’s had it made! Loooong, dark tunnels to run through (my mom was having so much fun, she ran out of breath and had to sit down. What’s a panic attack? I want to play that with my dad when I get home!), circle stairs to climb (grandma loved those as much as mom loved the tunnels!), and big slides (A little rough and bumpy, though. I guess they didn't have plastic back then). And talk about some realistic looking dungeons!

 

 

 

There were also lots of lookout spots to see if your parents were coming so you could hide your cigarettes (Some of you secret balcony smokers know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout, not that I’m touching THAT with a 10 foot pole).

 

 

 

 

Even though mom had to get therapy and grandma a hip replacement after, they thought it was worth the $5 per adult (I was FREE).

 

Next we spent some time walking around Old San Juan.

 

 

And I found these birds to chase, I mean feed. My mom posted this adorable photo to Facebook (BTW, she purchased the $25 social media Internet plan with her mystery onboard credit. She liked being able to rub the warm weather and fun we were having in the faces of everyone back home) and one of her friends from Puerto Rico pointed out that many doves at el Viejo San Juan carry, like, the plague. No biggie, all the floor food I’ve eaten over the years has given me an immune system of steel.

 

 

In summary, any city with playgrounds and birds is a-ok by me.

 

 

 

 

I lied about the food shots. I've learned from my mom that it's okay to lie. "These toys aren't for sale." Riiiiiiiiight.

 

Crab cakes! One of grandma's favorites. It's a little cloudy because I was making international calls with mommy's phone and gunked up the lens.