Thank you Mummy, thank you Daddy

[dmarch@islc.net]

Thank you teaching me which fork to use, how to conduct myself at the dinner table, to stand when a lady approaches the table, appropriate elevator etiquette. It must of been a miserable experience for you (God knows it was for me). Thank you!

 

There's been a few threads on this board lately about very basic etiquette. Simple things you would think are a gimme. So here's my problem. Whenever someone starts a kids thread (IMHO) the general consensus is, leave them at home. My parents took us (all five kids) on cruises and to fine restaurants etc. It gave us chance to practice these skills in public that they drilled us with at home on a daily basis.

 

If you think some people don't know how to conduct themselves now, wait 20 years it's just going to get worse. Cruises can be a fun, and sociably educating experience for a child. As Ed's buddy Hillery would say "it takes a village" or in this case a cruise ship.

 

David

[Schplinky]

It's nice to see someone thanking their father as well as their mother for their manners.

[JNLROSE]

I have to agree here---Thanks too, to both my father & mother for teaching me correct manners. I think I was about 11 or 12 when presented with my first Amy Vanderbuilt book of Etiquette! I read it cover to cover! :D

[gkm]

When I was growing up, correcting my manners was a non-stop chore for not only my parents but my grandparents. My mother even had "formal" tea with me and my sister and would invite my grandmother and aunt to come. This way I learned social graces and how to speak to people as well as how to hold a cup and a cookie in you hands without dropping anything.:D To this day, I thank them for teaching me these things so when I am put into a situation I know how to act and not feel awkward.:rolleyes:

 

Nice thread, David.

 

Garry

[Cruise Arizona]

I couldn't agree with the OP more. Of my 8 cruises, 5 of them were before the age of 14. What great experiences for my sister and me.

 

I've said this before, but I'll say it again:

 

I think that for a responsible parent, a cruise is a very good opportunity to "raise the bar" on what is expected of them.

 

We told our kids that we expected them to be very polite and courteous. "Please, Thank you, and I'm sorry, please excuse me" go a long way. Beconsiderate of others, especially older people who might be a little slower than you. Be the last one on, and the last one off the elevator. Hold the door. Don't run, ever. Ect. This board actually was a big help in tipping me off the areas that might be problems.

 

I spent a long time preparing my kids for what to expect. Its not that they aren't well behaved when we are at home, but in the close quarters of a cruise ship, even the slightest misbehavior is magnified. So we have practice dinners at local restaruants where they dressed up and practiced with the cloth napkins. We also would practice our "cruise behavior" at the grocery store or hotel. It sort of gave them a reason to be extra good, to stand up strait and be considerate to others. In my opinion preparing for the cruise gave them an overall sense of how important good manners really are.

 

For the most part I would say that most of the kids on my last cruise fell into the category of very well mannered. Most people on the cruise were suprised when I told them that there were 58 kids on our last cruise. They hardly even noticed them. My kids loved the cruise more than Disney World, so they wanted to be on their best behavior so that they could go on another one.

 

So in summary, take a cruise vacation, but don't take a vacation from parenting, use a cruise as a parenting opportunity. Your kids will grow up to be well mannered adults.

[Mysteryreader]

I took instilling good manners in our children very seriously. (My mil who in other respects did not think highly of me was impressed when her dgd used "peez" and "tankoo" unprompted at the age of 15 mos.) Our children rec'd multiple compliments on their manners in restaurants from the mgmt and other guests ... even in some very posh restaurants that were at first horrified to see 3 little kids come in. (Our 7-yo ordered from a menu all in French in Americanized "mercy mercy madamoysul" French--the waiter was charmed.)

 

So what happened? Dd who is sweet and gracious and charming (see story above) and admired by all married a guy whose parents apparently never heard of Emily Post. His manners are deplorable and not just at the table; he even holds his spoon like he's spading the garden.

 

Sigh. I fear for my grandchildren.

 

M/R

[pbrady]

My DH & I spent 3 yrs working in France before our children were born. The one thing that stood out in our minds were the table manners of the children and the way they always properly used their fork, knife & spoon. He said 'if the French can do it, we can do it' & it took a few years of constant correcting but now they will even be embarassed by their friends and the way they hold their silverware - if they use it. I can't believe what I have seen...... holding the whole steak on a fork and biting your way around it; holding the knife like you are ready to stab someone; or picking up non-finger foods with your fingers.

Happy Holidays!!

Peggy

[mmp13]

So in summary, take a cruise vacation, but don't take a vacation from parenting, use a cruise as a parenting opportunity. Your kids will grow up to be well mannered adults.

 

I could not agree more with that statement. We did the same for our children. We practised going to restaurants, shows etc after drilling them at home. We expected them to demonstrate good manners everywhere. Their grandparents were happy to help us out with these lessons.

 

I'm not saying that our kids were perfect. They were afterall children but they knew when we meant business and for the most part were very well behaved when it counted!

[lablvr2]

After my first cruise in 1998 (the one I got hooked ON!) I just knew I had to turn my children on to this adventure. I did so the following year. It was a Christmas gift they have NEVER forgotten. Very pricey gift for a newly divorced mom with custody of her children. They had never flown either. Son was 14 and daughter was 10.

What a wonderful opportunity to teach them social situations they had never experienced before. As I look at the picture on my office wall of my son in his suit and daugher in gown on formal night - my heart soars. I am taken back to a time I could just spend with them after such a disaster in their life.

They did well - they used their *morning* voices while going up to get juice early in the morning as not to disturb sleeping guests, I taught them never to let the door bang (just like a hotel), never annoyed guests at the pool with splashing, yielded to older persons in stairways....

I was very proud of their behaviors and although I was watching them all the time, 99% of the time they made the right choices. Perhaps my upbringing and parenting skills made a difference with them and I am very thankful for that. Thank you Mom and Dad for helping me shape my children into respectful young adults.

 

One cute note - daughter Erin made friends with a group of Oriental ladies that could not speak English. That didn't matter to ANY of them. They laughed, hugged and at the end of the cruise, many of them came to visit us in our stateroom presenting Erin with small gifts from Hong Kong. Their gestures touched all of us very deeply :)

 

This last cruise I took this is what I encountered....

Teenagers running up and down the hall playing tag, barging into elevators before everyone had exited, cutting us off in the buffet, rudeness at the pool, swimming in adult only pools not leaving when shown the sign and being rude to older passengers.

 

I want to know this - where were the parents? I am a firm believer that if you don't want to be a responsible parent, don't bring your brats on a cruise. We all save hard and work long hours for this pleasure at sea for a week. Cruise week is NOT a time to take a break from parenting.

 

Just my opinion, thanks for listening :)

 

Susan

[Kwenz]

Amen lablvr2. I couldn't agree more. Kids will do what they can get away with. The parents are the ones who need to set the boundaries. My kids are in their 20s now and have the social skills many of their peers seem to lack. They are horrified by the behavior they see in the younger set. It all comes down to how they were raised and many of us the boomer generation seem to have failed our children miserably.

[lablvr2]

Kwenz

Thank you for your post. Some parents HAVE failed miserably at teaching basics including the respect for other human beings.

On the our last Princess cruise, we made reservations at a specialty dining room. There we are enjoying the experience only to have a loud mouth group - 6 adults with 8 kids and most were teens - talking and laughing. After several severe glances which they did not get, I asked our waiter to ask them to be more quiet. Our table was mortified with their behaviors in such a quaint and subdued setting. They still didn't get it. They basically ruined our dinner.

Two days later, I was behind one of the moms in line for photos, she was sure she was being ripped off by Princess - again the loud mouth Long Island attitude. I bit my tongue to spare my fellow passengers. My main concern with these people....There are kids in tow - this mom is showing the kids how to act up to get what you want. In the dining room - let the kids be rude.

Come on - do the right thing. Be a responsible parent and a great cruiser. Your kids need to know how to do the right thing in the right circumstance. They will grow up making the right choices in social settings. Don't we owe them all that great example?

 

Susan

[tuggers]

I was a late life child born to a couple who never thought they would have children. Their lives were pretty much set so they just brought me along. From the time I was quite young I went to restaurants (nice ones) with adults and was expected to act accordingly. But at least I grew up knowing which fork to use, not to chew with my mouth open and how to carry on a decent conversation. Proper English was another thing we learned. Lots of todays youth are not so lucky.

 

As has been said before, I have no problem with well mannered kids on ships but all too often these 'parents' abdicate all parental responsibility once they step foot on a ship. These are the kids I object to - theirs!

Unsupervised, foul mouthed, ill mannered little hellians! Leave those children at home!! Maybe some of the parents, too, since the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, so to speak!:D