Tell me how to have a miserable time on a Carnival Cruise

[SATXLady]

First time cruiser....going on Ecstasy two weeks from tomorrow for a four day cruise over Labor Day. I'm really looking forward to it and I'm afraid that I will have a good time so I need you all to tell me how to ensure I have something to complain about.

 

I upgraded to a cat 12 cabin when I decided to take Mom with me so I'm afraid I might actually like my cabin as it looks awesome from the photos I've seen of the cat 12s. I'm not really picky when it comes to food -- I like some better than others but don't demand 5 star cuisine (actually, maybe I've never had 5 star -- probably max'd out on 4) -- and from what I've read here I'll have way too many options.

 

I don't require a lot of activity to keep me happy -- I find people watching can give me a lot of entertainment when there is nothing else to do and I'm sure there will be plenty of people to watch on the cruise. I may even take Harry Potter #7 with me if I don't get it read before I go.

 

It actually takes quite a bit to make me complain because I pretty much always enjoy myself when I go anywhere. Both Mom and I have valid passports with our very own names on them and all our docs have the same names, correctly spelled.

 

I need some help here so I can hate the cruise and write my negative review when I get back. Any suggestions anyone?

[JCSM-Mom]

Maybe you could complain the asst. waiter didn't sweep your bread crumbs off at dinner.

 

Or you couldn't bounce a quarter off your bed after the steward made it...

 

Oh, I know, there isn't a steward waiting outside of every stateroom ready to grab the room service items the second people are done with them and you actually had to see a plate or glass.

 

Ummmm.....let see....gee I'll have to think more.....

 

AND before anyone thinks I'm serious.....I'm NOT.

[beansatw]

You can always go around on Day 1 and lick all of the railings. That way you & Norovirus will become best buddies by Day 2. That ought to prime any negativity! ;)

 

Seriously though - have fun. That's what it's all about, right?

[cruisers7771]

LOL. Funny! I agree!

I'm so tired of people on here hating carnival. Ok, great, you didnt like carnival, MOVE ON!!

[birdie16]

You could complain because your towel animal was a monkey instead of a dog.

 

Be sure to look for the bad in everything, that way you won't miss a thing! Expect the worse, so you don't miss the opportunity for a bad time.

 

Bring on a case of Jack Daniels in the actual liquor box as a carry on, then complain when they take it away and spoil your cruise.

 

Tell your steward you are extremely upset because you requested an inside room on a lower deck..."What do you mean you have no more interior rooms!"

[ScottsSweetie]

Don't forget to look for dust and scratches on the walls!:rolleyes:

 

Complain if you're not asked if you want iced tea at dinner.

 

And, ALWAYS, complain if it rains.

[Wennfred]

You can complain that it was way too Sunny during your port visits :D

 

 

Fred

[LibrarianCruiser]

1) Definitely get down on your hands and knees and smell the carpet. Be sure to record any odors you may notice, inserting them into the following statement: "The whole ship smells like _________."

 

2) Be extremely demanding and irrational when asking for outlandish things. Then, become extremely angry when your demands are not immediately accommodated.

 

3) Use hyperbole. Always. Was the soup salty? No, it tasted like the dead sea. Was the ship rocking? No, it was tossing violently. Was there a child in the pool? No, there were 3,000 hooligans splashing around while wearing diapers and heelies in the jacuzzi.

 

4) Take a tally of all the people around you who are not wearing/doing what you wish they were. This way, you'll be more likely to fixate on each one as they conspire to ruin your experience.

 

5) Demand receipts for everything, and tally them each night so that you are sure to notice when "Carnival is at it again!" by charging you too much for a drink.

 

6) Assume that the rules don't really apply, then become enraged when you are charged a corkage fee, asked not to let your children assault the elderly, made to wait until the advertised embarkation time, or forced (injustly) to wait for a tender in order to get to port.

 

7) Look for the F-Deck, and be horrified when you discover that it is no longer topless. Demand that you, or your DW simply enjoy nudity, and that topless is a constitutionally protected right.

 

8) Practice psychic communication with your room steward, and then wonder (or complain) about why your needs weren't met.

 

9) Expect to get everything for free. Especially photos, drinks, table service, etc. You already paid for your room, right? So why should Carnival act like it is trying to actually make a profit off of running a business? Aren't they supposed to be a charity?

 

10) Be sure to ask everyone at your table what they paid for the cruise. This lets you know immediately that you've clearly been ripped off.

 

11) Under no circumstances should you purchase any travel insurance. This way you can act incredulous when Carnival has the audacity to assert that it is not responsible for the fact that you had to pay for your own medical care after coming down with the worst case of Noro virus ever, which was clearly applied by covert cruise employees to every surface on the ship in an attempt to ruin your vacation.

 

12) Never wash your hands, and lick them often. (See above)

 

12) Even if everything went smoothly, demand a complete refund immediately upon your return home. This will allow you to throw a tantrum when (a) you are told that you are not entitled to a refund, (b) your refund is not processed and deposited in your account within 24 hours.

[Pegs222]

I am sorry, there is no way you can not have a great time on a Carnival cruise. There is no way that you can not have fun and there is no way that you will not want to come back as long as you have a great attitude and you know that all you have to do is smile and you will be happy with what happens on your cruise.

[Squirrel's Mom]

I could tell you how #7 ends (but I wouldn't dream of being so cruel!)

[big_duck]

Actually #7 is incorrect.

 

It should read, "Bring your children up to the funnel deck totally ignoring the adults only sign, and complain that your kids are ruined for life because they saw naked boobies."

[janetz]

First time cruiser....going on Ecstasy two weeks from tomorrow for a four day cruise over Labor Day. I'm really looking forward to it and I'm afraid that I will have a good time so I need you all to tell me how to ensure I have something to complain about.

 

I upgraded to a cat 12 cabin when I decided to take Mom with me so I'm afraid I might actually like my cabin as it looks awesome from the photos I've seen of the cat 12s. I'm not really picky when it comes to food -- I like some better than others but don't demand 5 star cuisine (actually, maybe I've never had 5 star -- probably max'd out on 4) -- and from what I've read here I'll have way too many options.

 

I don't require a lot of activity to keep me happy -- I find people watching can give me a lot of entertainment when there is nothing else to do and I'm sure there will be plenty of people to watch on the cruise. I may even take Harry Potter #7 with me if I don't get it read before I go.

 

It actually takes quite a bit to make me complain because I pretty much always enjoy myself when I go anywhere. Both Mom and I have valid passports with our very own names on them and all our docs have the same names, correctly spelled.

 

I need some help here so I can hate the cruise and write my negative review when I get back. Any suggestions anyone?

 

 

Just go on one. :p

[Sandi149]

Just go on one. :p

 

Some of us do like Carnival. Just because you didn't like it, doesn't make it miserable. :rolleyes:

[sambur22]

I have been on two cruises on Carnival and leaving on the 23rd of August. I can spend alot of time just watching people too. The best "people watching" was on the last cruise when someone glued a quarter to the floor outside the casino. We joined the other people who were laughing hysterically at all the people who stopped to try and pick it up. Then those same people joined us to laugh at others. ( I would have been one of the people who would have tried to pick the quarter up - luckily I wanted to see what everyone was laughing at first!!!!

 

You will have a fantastic time - so much to do!!

[howdyall]

Librarycruiser,

You are fabulous! I laughed for about 10 minutes as I read and re-read your post!!! If you don't mind I would love to post it on our 09/30/07 Conquest Roll call!

[trvlqueen]

And then complain that nobody warned you the sun might shine

 

Show up for dinner an hour late and then complain that you are "rushed"

 

Wear shorts and a tank top to the dining room on formal night and then you can whine that they wouldn't let you in (make sure the shorts are REALLY tacky ... ripped and dirty ... just in case those dining room people don't understand that you are looking to get thrown out)

 

Spend too much time and money at Senor Frogs and then you can complain that the ship left without you ... and there were actually people standing by the railing laughing at your prediciment as the ship steamed away

 

Sit in your cabin all day on sea days so you can complain about being bored with "nothing to do"

 

Eat at the buffet, but make sure to let your food sit for at least 20 minutes before tasting it so you can complain that it was cold and disgusting.

 

Last, but not least, try to sneak some fruit off the ship when going through customs upon your return. Lie to the customs agent and then kick him in the shins and try to make a run for it. That should end your cruise on just the right note!

[howdyall]

Please make sure to lose several towels and then complain about being charged for them...You should also whine about the slot machines not paying out adequately! Be sure to be offended by the late night comedey and risque costumes of the dancers.

[Mrs. Connie]

Do not dream of using the free safe in your room. Leave your money & valuables scattered around the room so that you can complain that your room steward mistook them for trash and swept them up!

[bonniemari]

Take one of the those "hit & run posters" on the cruise with you? They would probably be more than happy to show you the ropes of having an unhappy Carnival Cruise.

 

I personally think unhappy Carnival cruise is an oxymoron.

[SATXLady]

Take one of the those "hit & run posters" on the cruise with you? They would probably be more than happy to show you the ropes of having an unhappy Carnival Cruise.

 

I personally think unhappy Carnival cruise is an oxymoron.

 

LOL. Even if I really wanted to be miserable, I don't think I would ever want to be that miserable. (I'm thinking of another post that disappered today.)

 

Thanks for all the great "suggestions". Alas, I must inform you that I don't think they're going to work because I just couldn't do most of them...they are just too much against my nature. Which is probably why I will have a GREAT time.

 

By the way, LibrarianCruiser -- your list wins. I'm sure that would guarantee a really miserable time. Unforturnately, for some people, your list is how they do things so they are always miserable. I'm pretty sure you don't belong in that group.

 

Thanks to all who posted.

[lgbteacher]

Be sure to go to the dining room for breakfast and complain to all your tablemates "That the motor is just making too much noise." Never mind that it takes the motor to make the ship go. Then if no one joins in with your complaining tell them all about the people at the port being sooo rude because they spoke Spanish. Hello! Your in Mexico! Sorry just venting. As you can probably tell this happened on our last cruise. The funny thing is she complained because the rest of her family didn't want to come to breakfast with her. Go figure.

[LibrarianCruiser]

Librarycruiser,

 

You are fabulous! I laughed for about 10 minutes as I read and re-read your post!!! If you don't mind I would love to post it on our 09/30/07 Conquest Roll call!

 

Feel free! (ooh! I'm famous!)

[ctray]

Maybe if a waiter spits in your drink, then you could have probably cause to complain. Yet, dont expect anyone on this board to back you though. After all, in one of the threads on here, it generally is okay for Carnival waiter to pass bodily fluids into your drinks, just as long as they give you a 20% onboard credit for your next cruise. :rolleyes:

[kaseykahnefan]

This is hilarious. 'I really did laugh out loud. especially the few kids in the pool turned into 3000 hooligans.

 

I went on my first cruise in May with Carnival I might add. I had a great time. Loved is so much I booked it again about two weeks after I got off the ship..

 

One thing you could do to not have a good time is pick the wrong excursion and blame the cruise line instead of saying oh well just picked the wrong one, will hopefully get it right next time.

[trock]

Maybe if a waiter spits in your drink, then you could have probably cause to complain. Yet, dont expect anyone on this board to back you though. After all, in one of the threads on here, it generally is okay for Carnival waiter to pass bodily fluids into your drinks, just as long as they give you a 20% onboard credit for your next cruise. :rolleyes:

 

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

 

 

or sail the Victory