What kind of shoes in the dinning room for

[WeBeGone]

We have anytime dinning and will be eating at a table for 2, the other 2 can go when they want and eat where there want. I am not insisting that they dine we us. I just told them that I am changing their first class tickets for the air and they will be in the back of the plane, not sitting with us, it didn't go over to well but it is done. Thanks for all the back up I recieved here and some support from those that understand. Being parents later in life is a love hate thing, I love then when they are good and you know the other. We will be free on the cruise at a table for 2 which I was going to do from the start anyway. Buck

 

Buck, it seems to me like you're cutting off your nose to spite your face. Starting a vacation with a fight over shoes is one thing, but then moving them to the back of the plane and you sitting at a table for 2 is just plain mean. It is a FAMILY vacation isn't it? I tell you, "you wouldn't even let me sit with you on our cruise" will come back to haunt you.

 

I think a better tack would be for you to trust your daughter to "fit in", and if she doesn't, don't worry about it. It's not the end of the world and "punishing" her by not sitting with her on the plane and at dinner is NOT the way to teach anything. In my opinion, it just makes you appear spiteful - and over shoes no less. If you're embarrassed by the shoes she wears, maybe YOU need to think about why. Good lord, families have to deal with tattooes, piercings, unplanned grandchildren, drugs, run aways, spousal abuse, divorces - all much worse situations than flip flops. Please rethink your decision and cherish this time with your daughter, attitude and all.

[Catnip]

However you might point out to her that in real life (which she will be entering in the not too distant future after college) any company she wants to work for, probably won't allow her to wear flip flops so she might just start getting used to it.

 

 

Very well said!!!!!!!

[Toto2Kansas]

I think this boils down IMHO to just asking for a little respect from your child.

 

Maybe I was a funny daughter, but when something meant this much to my parents, enough for them to make a request, there is no way I would have argued the point even at college age, if nothing else but for the fact that I had a lot of respect for them. Especially since they were footing the bill for something like this. First class airfare for myself and a boyfiend and a cruise too? OMG, I would have dressed formally for the entire cruise, even to the beach, if that was their request.

 

RESPECT is the major issue in my book. Too many kids, both young and older think their parents don't know what they are talking about. Amazing how us parents who are so wrong and make such horrible and ridiculous requests of our older children could have raised such perfect children somehwere in there. ARGH!

 

I bet there is even a little more to this then just the shoes. Personally, I would, as said earlier, stick to my guns about this if it is important to you. It's the least the DD can do since it is such a simple request.

[COMBOY]

Flip Flobs would not genenally be acceptable in the dining room for dinner expecially for the 2 formal nights and she should go to the casual buffet for dinner. If she is an adult and she wants to go the dining room for dinner and wants to wear flip flobs what can anyone really do. The Maiter'd might ask her to leave, change and come back or go to the casual buffet. That's her "problem." Let her deal with it. If that embassess her too bad. I believe it important to follow the suggessed evening dress "but" that just me. Just make sure she thoroughly understand that she "might" not be let into the dining room wearing flip flobs and ask to leave. I know there must be some open toed sandal that's more upscale for evening. What is she planning to wear on formal night? I can't believe an evening gown and flip flobs? LOL

[tvaud]

Buck, it seems to me like you're cutting off your nose to spite your face. Starting a vacation with a fight over shoes is one thing, but then moving them to the back of the plane and you sitting at a table for 2 is just plain mean. It is a FAMILY vacation isn't it? I tell you, "you wouldn't even let me sit with you on our cruise" will come back to haunt you.

 

I think a better tack would be for you to trust your daughter to "fit in", and if she doesn't, don't worry about it. It's not the end of the world and "punishing" her by not sitting with her on the plane and at dinner is NOT the way to teach anything. In my opinion, it just makes you appear spiteful - and over shoes no less. If you're embarrassed by the shoes she wears, maybe YOU need to think about why. Good lord, families have to deal with tattooes, piercings, unplanned grandchildren, drugs, run aways, spousal abuse, divorces - all much worse situations than flip flops. Please rethink your decision and cherish this time with your daughter, attitude and all.

 

Sorry, I disagree with you on this one WeBeGone.

Buck I'm with you. Kids get too spoiled these days. You try to do something nice for them and they think they can continually have their hands out for more. They think it is "owed" to them. Time for a wake up call, I say.:cool:

[WeBeGone]

I agree with Toto that this is a matter of respect - but that goes both ways. I imagine a 20 yr old college girl thinks that she can make decisions about her footwear and thinks her dad telling her what she can't wear is showing her a level of disrespect for her decisions.

 

Pick your battles Buck so you can win the war. There is absolutely NO rule or guideline from princess regarding foorwear in the dining room. This is your personal take on style. She has another. Let it go.

[WeBeGone]

Sorry, I disagree with you on this one WeBeGone.

 

Buck I'm with you. Kids get too spoiled these days. You try to do something nice for them and they think they can continually have their hands out for more. They think it is "owed" to them. Time for a wake up call, I say.:cool:

 

She's not asking for more nor does she have her hand out. She just wants to wear the shoes she wants to wear. It has nothing to do with her being spoiled.

[juliejoe]

WeBeGone - just want to tell you I appreciate your comments and largely agree with them.

 

Hopefully Bucspc & spouse can cherish this time with their daughter and make some good memories for themselves and for her. They appear to have made some decisions they can live with, hopefully daughter and boyfriend can live with them too and there will be no further disagreements among them for this cruise. Maybe they'll even try a table for 4 a couple of nights.

 

It's a lot easier to give child (young adult) rearing advice on a message board than it is to guide children in real life. It's a tough job these days, getting children to responsible adulthood - hard for the parents and hard for the kids. In our society, every year children are faced with more choices - many of them unimaginable a very few years ago.

 

Buck - your daughter is attending college - good for you and good for her!

[DGNY]

Buck, it seems to me like you're cutting off your nose to spite your face. Starting a vacation with a fight over shoes is one thing, but then moving them to the back of the plane and you sitting at a table for 2 is just plain mean. It is a FAMILY vacation isn't it? I tell you, "you wouldn't even let me sit with you on our cruise" will come back to haunt you.

 

I think a better tack would be for you to trust your daughter to "fit in", and if she doesn't, don't worry about it. It's not the end of the world and "punishing" her by not sitting with her on the plane and at dinner is NOT the way to teach anything. In my opinion, it just makes you appear spiteful - and over shoes no less. If you're embarrassed by the shoes she wears, maybe YOU need to think about why. Good lord, families have to deal with tattooes, piercings, unplanned grandchildren, drugs, run aways, spousal abuse, divorces - all much worse situations than flip flops. Please rethink your decision and cherish this time with your daughter, attitude and all.

 

I'm glad to see someone else feel this way...thought I was the only one.

 

At the end of the day, she will wear what she wants to the dining room and the maitre d will either turn her away or won't. No sweat off anyone's back.

[Catnip]

. She just wants to wear the shoes she wants to wear. It has nothing to do with her being spoiled.

 

 

With all due respect, it sounds (to me) like she is somewhat spoiled and will only wear what she wants to wear. :confused: Sounds to me like she is disrespecting her dad, when he asked her to wear something besides flip-flops to dinner.......I mean, FTLOG, will it kill her to wear "real" shoes for 2 hours?

Time to grow up and face the real world. Doubtful in the real world, she will be allowed to wear flip-flops to her place of employment.

 

just my $.02 worth :)

[WeBeGone]

With all due respect, it sounds (to me) like she is somewhat spoiled and will only wear what she wants to wear. :confused: Sounds to me like she is disrespecting her dad, when he asked her to wear something besides flip-flops to dinner.......I mean, FTLOG, will it kill her to wear "real" shoes for 2 hours?

Time to grow up and face the real world. Doubtful in the real world, she will be allowed to wear flip-flops to her place of employment.

 

just my $.02 worth :)

 

But a cruise is a vacation, not work. She has plenty of time to "grow up". FTLOG, dad needs to lighten up. It's only shoes people !!!!!!!!!!!

 

ps - Here in Key West everyone wears flip flops to work. Seriously, we do ! And that's what kids wear to school too!

[EAGLESLOVER]

As a mother of a teenager with whom I've cruised twice my advice is don't sweat the small stuff; my DD wore "nice" flip flops every night. No problem.

Enjoy your cruise and your time with your daughter.:)

[DGNY]

With all due respect, it sounds (to me) like she is somewhat spoiled and will only wear what she wants to wear. :confused: Sounds to me like she is disrespecting her dad, when he asked her to wear something besides flip-flops to dinner.......I mean, FTLOG, will it kill her to wear "real" shoes for 2 hours?

Time to grow up and face the real world. Doubtful in the real world, she will be allowed to wear flip-flops to her place of employment.

 

just my $.02 worth :)

 

If the Maitre D doesn't have a problem with the flip flops, I don't understand why dad should. If the Maitre D turns her away, then 'problem' solved.

[tvaud]

With all due respect, it sounds (to me) like she is somewhat spoiled and will only wear what she wants to wear. :confused: Sounds to me like she is disrespecting her dad, when he asked her to wear something besides flip-flops to dinner.......I mean, FTLOG, will it kill her to wear "real" shoes for 2 hours?

Time to grow up and face the real world. Doubtful in the real world, she will be allowed to wear flip-flops to her place of employment.

 

just my $.02 worth :)

 

 

Exactly!

[tvaud]

But a cruise is a vacation, not work. She has plenty of time to "grow up". FTLOG, dad needs to lighten up. It's only shoes people !!!!!!!!!!!

 

ps - Here in Key West everyone wears flip flops to work. Seriously, we do ! And that's what kids wear to school too!

 

 

Maybe it's time to venture off Key West and see what the rest of the world is doing...:rolleyes:

[tvaud]

If the Maitre D doesn't have a problem with the flip flops, I don't understand why dad should. If the Maitre D turns her away, then 'problem' solved.

 

The Maitre'd may also not have a problem with an extremely low cut top or short short skirt, but Dad might. It's all about respecting her Dad's wishes.

[DGNY]

Maybe it's time to venture off Key West and see what the rest of the world is doing...:rolleyes:

 

Come to NYC...you'll see lots of flip flops in my office during the summer. And jeans (sometimes with tears) year round.

 

Times, they are a changin'

[DGNY]

The Maitre'd may also not have a problem with an extremely low cut top or short short skirt, but Dad might. It's all about respecting her Dad's wishes.

 

If we were talking about a 14 year old girl then I would agree. But at some point you can't make your children's decisions for them anymore.

[WeBeGone]

Maybe it's time to venture off Key West and see what the rest of the world is doing...:rolleyes:

 

Yep - they're called Kinos. Come on down where no one sweats the small stuff!

[tvaud]

Come to NYC...you'll see lots of flip flops in my office during the summer. And jeans (sometimes with tears) year round.

 

Times, they are a changin'

 

I lived in NYC for 12 years...and worked there for 30. I never wore flip flops to work...my feet would have frozen off....very cold workplace.

Something tells me you didn't work on Wall Street.;)

Times may be changing, but not everything, everywhere, everyplace.

[Toto2Kansas]

You can really see how many different opinons on this matter are strongly voiced by many. Those that let everything slide, and those that believe a little respect to the parent is due above all else.

 

Personally, as a parent, IMHO you never stop being a teacher. Yes, you do have to bend at times as they grow up, but there is a limit to bending. Especially when you have strong views on something like the OP has for what shoes are worn to dinner by his daughter. I am sure this isn't something he just decided overnite but reflects on how the DD was raised.Since the OP is picking up the tab for this entire trip, not so sure if a small request like this is trival.

 

It actually sounds to me more like a power struggle than anything else.

 

OK, so they do wear flip flops in some parts of the U.S. to places others feel unappropriate. But this is a cruise, not a place in southern florida. And if I am not mistaken, this is a cruise to Alaska (please correct me if that is wrong).

 

I can see DD wearing flip flops in Alaska, still cold, and comes running to dad (or mom) when she gets sick. :rolleyes: Let me guess, and mom and dad should also pick up the bill for a trip or two to the med center??? :confused:

[tvaud]

If we were talking about a 14 year old girl then I would agree. But at some point you can't make your children's decisions for them anymore.

 

If you're footing the bill on a luxury vacation you can.

[DGNY]

I lived in NYC for 12 years...and worked there for 30. I never wore flip flops to work...my feet would have frozen off....very cold workplace.

 

Something tells me you didn't work on Wall Street.;)

 

Times may be changing, but not everything, everywhere, everyplace.

 

 

Yeah, you see them just in the summer (which I'm sure you know can be real hot and real humid).

 

I work in advertising, so certainly on the casual end of the work dress code continuum.

 

Agree that this doesn't apply to all or even most situations...all the more reason why Buck shouldn't sweat the small stuff. If there is a problem wearing the flip flops, then that is a valuable lesson learned. I'm sure no one wants to be turned away for their attire. But, if the ship doesn't have a problem with it, then dad shouldn't either.

[DGNY]

If you're footing the bill on a luxury vacation you can.

 

I'd hardly consider my footing the bill for anything entitles me to force anyone to do anything.

[tvaud]

I'd hardly consider my footing the bill for anything entitles me to force anyone to do anything.

 

Not even if it embarassed you?

(answer me, I want you to get to 100...:) )