Guidelines For A Sixteen Year Old

[LARGIN]

My 16 yr old daughter has been on 3 of our 5 cruises. I just asked her, if on any of our cruises, she knew of teens who were drinking. She said, "All of them". I'm not shocked but agree with Chris that we can't stick our heads in the sand. These things go on in our own schools, neighborhoods and towns, a cruise is no exception to the behavior by either teens or the adults who set the standard for them.

 

I agree that parents should not stick their heads in the sand but what about the parents that condone this kind of behavior. It seems that some feel that their kids are just having fun. I do not know if the parents are trying to relive their youth through their kids or what.. Drinking in college is reaching epidemic proportions and underage drinking on ships is increasing. I place the blame squarely on parents. They are in control, especially on a cruise ship. I understand that some waiters on the Caribbean Princess were fired because of serving alcohol to people that they knew were underage. Maybe this is a step in the right direction.. Perhaps the knowing parents should be fired too..

[sunnyv]

Just to clarify my daughter's answer to my question, "all of them", she meant there was SOME teen drinking on all 3 cruises, NOT all of the teens were drinking. Sorry if I mislead anyone.

 

LARGIN: I agree totally, the responsibility lies with the parents. The underage drinking by High School and College aged young people is a real concern whether on land or at sea. The parents who condone their son/daughter's drinking after the football game, are the same ones who condone it on the ship. What I have tried to teach my kids is how to react to this, by removing yourself from the situation and know that you are accountantable for your actions; and negative consequences will come if you make a poor decision.

[zurmoly]

Well said, everyone. I was just talking to an "old" friend last week who has a daughter my age. She was telling me about the cruise they went on last year. She has a daughter that is also 16. She went on to tell me how they "drank" together! She said, better she do it with me..I was shocked, to say the least. I never would have thought this woman would allow anything like that. We have gone over the rules with our daughter and I am pretty sure all will go well. Thank you for all the replies.

[Reneek]

Other than parents leaving alcohol accessable in the room, I can't understand how they can get it without parent knowledge. If the bars were to serve the underage drinker the alcohol - wouldn't it show up on mom and dads credit card? Talk about all h*** breaking loose-grounding, firing, etc would only be the beginning.

Our other rule is respect... Respect yourself and respect others.

[LARGIN]

Other than parents leaving alcohol accessable in the room, I can't understand how they can get it without parent knowledge. If the bars were to serve the underage drinker the alcohol - wouldn't it show up on mom and dads credit card? Talk about all h*** breaking loose-grounding, firing, etc would only be the beginning.

Our other rule is respect... Respect yourself and respect others.

 

Some get it with the parent's knowledge, some have access to their parent's room stash, some have friends buy it for them, some buy their own bottles in port.. etc.. Where there is a will there is a way..BTW. One way to stop it, is to ask the server or bartender, why is that underage person drunk or drinking? I do.. :rolleyes:

[sue d. miller]

My kids are all of age, but my grandchildren are not!! I have a couple of 16 year olds, and one 17, that cruise with me. Rule is simple, I smell it on your breath or catch you, I fly you home from the next port!! No discussion!! I'm old school, and they still cruise with me!!! :D

[bdjam]

Also, the ship is full of drunks whose better judgement could be impaired or crewmembers who have been raised in a culture that doesn't respect girls as we do.

Wow – I don’t have kids myself, so I probably shouldn’t comment, but I don’t know that this is necessarily a fair statement – I’m hoping it wasn’t meant literally. Quite frankly – and unfortunately – there are a good number of people in our own culture who take advantage of young girls and I’ve never been on a ship full of drunks.

understand that some waiters on the Caribbean Princess were fired because of serving alcohol to people that they knew were underage. Maybe this is a step in the right direction.. Perhaps the knowing parents should be fired too..

As a member of the US “culture” who’s parenting ability is questioned by some who are less enlightened, I must say it’s too bad that parents don’t have to abide by certain standards just like any employee does. Untrained and at times unskilled, people take on this job of rearing children and a good number of them don’t do a very good job. It is unfortunate for the child’s sake that the parents can’t be fired, and normally are favored just because of biology.

[coiran]

Wow – I don’t have kids myself, so I probably shouldn’t comment, but I don’t know that this is necessarily a fair statement – I’m hoping it wasn’t meant literally. Quite frankly – and unfortunately – there are a good number of people in our own culture who take advantage of young girls and I’ve never been on a ship full of drunks.

As a member of the US “culture” who’s parenting ability is questioned by some who are less enlightened, I must say it’s too bad that parents don’t have to abide by certain standards just like any employee does. Untrained and at times unskilled, people take on this job of rearing children and a good number of them don’t do a very good job. It is unfortunate for the child’s sake that the parents can’t be fired, and normally are favored just because of biology.

Perhaps the parent(s) of the cause of the problem on the CB should be fired from further cruising on Princess for allowing their underage children to partake in the alcoholic libations!

 

Ron

[BayouGal]

We have traveled with our kids on cruises since they were small. Three are now grown, and one will cruise with us again this summer to Alaska--16 yo. When we all go on any trip together, our kids know that it is a "family" vacation and they are expected to spend most of their time with us.

 

I've read all the other posts, but I want to mention something about an issue I haven't read anything about. Have you thought about emergency signals for your kids to use when they are not with you and in trouble? We have one brief key phrase that can be spoken over the walkie talkie that tells us something is wrong. We immediately know to announce loudly that they are to meet us at our cabin in 2 minutes. Yes, it may be unrealistic to get to the cabin in 2 minutes, but our child just received a very LOUD excuse to flee from any situation without having to make excuses. (Peer pressure exists, people--even on cruises.) We also practice clicking the mic before we go on a cruise to let all the rest of the family know that something is wrong. Each person then immediately checks in, and we know who's missing and having problems. We can wake up the whole ship, if necessary, to get to our family member in need of help (this could work when your group includes elderly travelers, too). We've never had to use any of these emergency signals, thank God! Moms & Dads, rapes--of both males and females--do occur on cruise ships. They happen to high school students at home, too. Am I an alarmist? No, just a realist. And I intend to be prepared to take the best possible care of my kids on a cruise so we can all have a wonderful vacation!

 

We have found that successful cruising with teens takes a balance of trust, responsibility, limits, awareness (even if it means occasional snooping), and love. As an earlier poster said, you know your kids and you what you need to discuss with them. You will have a great time, especially if you do a little preplanning.

[Bethwte]

My perspective... (as a teen) I'm 17 now, and will be 18 in March. I agree with many of the things you all have said. Cruise ships are generally not safe for teens alone. Just a quick note. A lot of people have been very condescending towards parents who let their children drink. I wish you would have been more clear with this. Did you mean parents who let their kids get full-on drunk (in which case I am in agreement) or parents that give their children any alcohol at all? My mother was raised in a family where if she wanted a glass of wine with dinner,(on rare or special occasions) that was fine. Or occasionally, her father would let her have a sip of his beer. My parents have raised me the same way. In her case and mine, a valuable lesson was learned; that alcohol is not something that needs to be drunk in excess to be enjoyed. I've never once been drunk, and yes, I do go to parties where that goes on. I've also never felt inclined to do so. Not because I'm scared of the consequences, I just have no desire to. I'm sure not everyone will agree with what my parents did, but thats how I was raised, and I think it worked out very well for me. I suppose I just wanted clarification on what everyone meant by

 

"Perhaps the parent(s) of the cause of the problem on the CB should be fired from further cruising on Princess for allowing their underage children to partake in the alcoholic libations!" or

 

"The parents who condone their son/daughter's drinking after the football game, are the same ones who condone it on the ship. " ...

 

to me its just a bit silly to get angry at parents for letting their older responsible child enjoy a glass of wine with dinner. This has gone on in Europe for how long now, and it doesn't seem to pose much of a threat to them.

[GE Mom]

We have three rules that seem to cover pretty much all situations:

1. Don't do anything dangerous; (covers drinking, drugs, going into strangers' rooms, leaving the ship etc. etc.)

2. Don't bug other people; (covers drunk/disorderly conduct, making messes, loudness, running around, rude noises, bad language etc. etc.)

3. Meet your responsibilities to yourself and others. (covers most everything else that would be objectionable.)

 

Oh, and the fourth rule applies to the dinner table and polite company:

4. No discussing body parts or bathroom functions.

[LARGIN]

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders..

 

My perspective... (as a teen) I'm 17 now, and will be 18 in March. I agree with many of the things you all have said. Cruise ships are generally not safe for teens alone. Just a quick note. A lot of people have been very condescending towards parents who let their children drink. I wish you would have been more clear with this. Did you mean parents who let their kids get full-on drunk (in which case I am in agreement) or parents that give their children any alcohol at all? It is the parents that condone excess drinking, getting drunk, etc. that we are talking about. My mother was raised in a family where if she wanted a glass of wine with dinner,(on rare or special occasions) that was fine. Or occasionally, her father would let her have a sip of his beer. My parents have raised me the same way. Sounds like you have great parents In her case and mine, a valuable lesson was learned; that alcohol is not something that needs to be drunk in excess to be enjoyed. Agree totally I've never once been drunk, and yes, I do go to parties where that goes on. I've also never felt inclined to do so. Not because I'm scared of the consequences, I just have no desire to. I'm sure not everyone will agree with what my parents did, but thats how I was raised, and I think it worked out very well for me. I suppose I just wanted clarification on what everyone meant by

 

"Perhaps the parent(s) of the cause of the problem on the CB should be fired from further cruising on Princess for allowing their underage children to partake in the alcoholic libations!" or

 

"The parents who condone their son/daughter's drinking after the football game, are the same ones who condone it on the ship. " ...

 

to me its just a bit silly to get angry at parents for letting their older responsible child enjoy a glass of wine with dinner. This has gone on in Europe for how long now, and it doesn't seem to pose much of a threat to them.

[Bethwte]

Thank you very much for the clarification Largin :)

[Reneek]

I too may allow my teens to have a small glass of wine at special celebrations. However, you would be surprised at the reaction that may get from others. I do wish to teach my children drinking in and of itself is not a crime, horrible, or irresponsible. I do not condone teen drinking, drunkeness, and especially drinking and driving. You will not find me "kicking back a few" with my children.

[bdjam]

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders..

I’m in agreement with Largin, and actually I was raised the same way as Bethwte – I had my first drink at home when I was 16. But it was also enforced to me that this was not a granting of permission to drink anywhere else until I was 21. I was brought up at a time when parents said something, you respected what they said.

Having supervised access to appropriate amounts of alcohol at home, I never felt the need to try to sneak a drink from a bar or restaurant before I was 21. And I’ve never understood the desire to get ripped – maybe it’s the control freak in me. Or the fear of the morning after?

[rucruizin]

I posted a thread some time back warning parents of teens about something we encountered on one of our cruises, I'll try to give the short version.

 

I was heading back to my cabin one night (10 day Panama on the Jubilee) I ran into a 15 year old girl who was crying, being a mother of teens I stopped to see if she was ok. No she wasn't! Early on in the cruise she and a couple friends were hanging out by the pool, began talking to an older man...everyone's friendly, didn't seem out of the norm. He offered to buy them some of those pretty, fancy, foo foo drinks that were floating around on those little trays. Whether peer pressure, curiosity, caught up in the moment..whatever (plesae don't judge this young girl based on a bad descision) She and her friends accepted. Then the man began following them, her in specific, he started to make advances towards her...which she declined. He stalked her for days, she was terrified and wouldn't tell her parents...why. He threatened her that if she did He would tell them that she had been drinking. She had been raised better and was more terrified of what her parents would do if they found out than she was about what this guy was doing to her. When I found her she was standing at the end of the hallway to her parents cabin...He was standing in front of their door. He disappeared when I showed up.

 

It took me some time to convince her that her parents would care less about her having a drink and more that she was in danger. I told her that he would be the one in trouble for buying alcohol for her. I walked her to her door and told her sleeping mom that she needed to talk to them. When mom saw her beautiful daughter crying she wrapped her arms around her and held her tight. I left them alone to work it all out.

 

The next day the father and brother of the girl saw me and my husband eating breakfast. They thanked me and told me what had happened and what was going on.

 

The parents called security but were told that nothing could be done since he hadn't actually done anything to her. They said they would keep an eye on him... No need at this point for security to watch him, the whole ship load of passengers had turned into vigilantie's. That man was lucky that there wasn't a blanket party held in his honor because we all talked about it.

 

She was a good girl, she had good parents, she was raised well...she just made a mistake. Her parents were very loving and caring. I was just astonished how his threats and her worry over what her parents would do to her allowed this man to stalk her and make her life miserable foy several days.

 

So the moral of my story is...Talk to them, let them know that any situation can put them in danger if they aren't careful, even on a cruise. But certainly if someone is stalking them or threatening them...don't be afraid to tell you NO MATTER WHAT!

[Bethwte]

Thanks for sharing that... that’s an important lesson for a cruise or not. Thank god my parents had that talk with me. I called them one night at a party because not only was my ride drinking, but also the older man who bought the kids beer was getting downright creepy. They came and got me, and we went home. The Monday after a few of the girls weren't in school. Two came back a few days later. One didn’t come back until a few weeks later. Turns out, the poor girl was raped by that guy. Had my parents not let me know I could call them at any time, that could have been me.

 

Tips for Parents on this issue (from the 17 year olds point of view):

 

-Talk about it... you don't need to mention it every day, but if your teen is going out, just remind them of the talks you've has by saying something like, "remember, you can always call". They my roll their eyes or think you're a bit "lame", but I really do appreciate it (and they will too, eventually).

 

-If you go to get your child at party or any place where their "friends" are, don't make a scene. Try to be as subtle as possible (i.e. have your child wait outside and just get them and drive off). I know you may be tempted to break up the bad behavior, but honestly, it may be better if you don't. The kids will not listen to you! (calling the police anonymously is a different story, this will work if the case is extreme enough). Also, your child will appreciate you not embarrassing them. They are much more likely to call again if they need help if they know they can trust you not to embarrass them.

 

-DO NOT YELL about what happened. The last thing I wanted to hear that night was my dad screaming at me for being at a party where drinking was going on. While we did discuss how wrong that is, my parents also told me many times how proud of me they were for realizing I was in a bad situation, and doing something about it.

 

In the end, nothing will help more than bringing up a child in a manner so that they know how to be responsible, but do every little thing you can to help. It's so cliche, but you as parents probably realize your kids will one day appreciate you, because I'm sure you now realize that your parents were just trying to help you.

 

[CruiseFever]

I posted a thread some time back warning parents of teens about something we encountered on one of our cruises, I'll try to give the short version.

 

I was heading back to my cabin one night (10 day Panama on the Jubilee) I ran into a 15 year old girl who was crying, being a mother of teens I stopped to see if she was ok. No she wasn't! Early on in the cruise she and a couple friends were hanging out by the pool, began talking to an older man...everyone's friendly, didn't seem out of the norm. He offered to buy them some of those pretty, fancy, foo foo drinks that were floating around on those little trays. Whether peer pressure, curiosity, caught up in the moment..whatever (plesae don't judge this young girl based on a bad descision) She and her friends accepted. Then the man began following them, her in specific, he started to make advances towards her...which she declined. He stalked her for days, she was terrified and wouldn't tell her parents...why. He threatened her that if she did He would tell them that she had been drinking. She had been raised better and was more terrified of what her parents would do if they found out than she was about what this guy was doing to her. When I found her she was standing at the end of the hallway to her parents cabin...He was standing in front of their door. He disappeared when I showed up.

 

It took me some time to convince her that her parents would care less about her having a drink and more that she was in danger. I told her that he would be the one in trouble for buying alcohol for her. I walked her to her door and told her sleeping mom that she needed to talk to them. When mom saw her beautiful daughter crying she wrapped her arms around her and held her tight. I left them alone to work it all out.

 

The next day the father and brother of the girl saw me and my husband eating breakfast. They thanked me and told me what had happened and what was going on.

 

The parents called security but were told that nothing could be done since he hadn't actually done anything to her. They said they would keep an eye on him... No need at this point for security to watch him, the whole ship load of passengers had turned into vigilantie's. That man was lucky that there wasn't a blanket party held in his honor because we all talked about it.

 

She was a good girl, she had good parents, she was raised well...she just made a mistake. Her parents were very loving and caring. I was just astonished how his threats and her worry over what her parents would do to her allowed this man to stalk her and make her life miserable foy several days.

 

So the moral of my story is...Talk to them, let them know that any situation can put them in danger if they aren't careful, even on a cruise. But certainly if someone is stalking them or threatening them...don't be afraid to tell you NO MATTER WHAT!

 

I remember this eyes wide open story from the last time you posted it.

 

Thanks for posting again about this serious and real issue.

[zurmoly]

Reading that story makes you realize the dangers onboard. Our daughter is not allowed to walk back to the cabin alone. She walks back with friends or we will go to where she is. The ship is like a small city and there are bound to be people who would do harm. These posts were very interesting and I will have my dd read them.

[FrankieSayRelax]

This has been a great thread. None of us are perfect parents. Those who make no effort with their kids and let them run loose really make it hard on the rest of us.

[wspatton]

This has been a great thread.

 

Luckily, both my kids are over 21 now, and we can breathe a (small, and not yet complete) sigh of relief.

 

However, I found that this thread was a very candid, informative, and thought-provoking discussion.

 

Thanks to each of you for your perspectives.

[CruiseFever]

... None of us are perfect parents......

 

Boy you got that right!

 

I'd be willing to bet you though that the ones that care (like the parents that responded here) end up with kids that in the long run are happier.

 

The parents that cut them loose are just asking for trouble (in my way imperfect opinion)

 

I second that thanks to everyone for their perspective!

[wspatton]

I second that thanks to everyone for their perspective!

 

Chris, while on this thread, I clicked on the link to your site (great, by the way), then linked from there over to the Webcams of the Miami Cruise Terminal, where I saw the ship (Fascination) that my Brother-in-law and his wife are boarding THIS AFTERNOON <<jealous>>.

 

Then I sent a text message to him that I noticed there were showers this morning.

 

Man, I love technology! Of course my boss just wants me to quit watching webcams or reading "Cruise Parenting Tips" and get back to work.... :eek:

 

Bill

[jfishe]

This is a great topic - as the mom of an almost 17 year old boy, who is a great student, highly involved in premier sports and leadership activities, as well as numerous volunteer stuff, he has a ton of priviliges based on three things: attitude, choices and grades. We thought he would be great on a cruise, and for our first cruise he was. He met some great kids that he still is in contact with. No problems at all. On our second cruise, we had the same guidelines, but it was a different crowd of kids and our son had been having some confidence and self esteem problems and with this crowd of kids he bowed to peer pressure and drank. The alcohol came from one of the kid's parents cabin. We were NOT happy. Frustrated that he had made a poor choice and surprised. But, ultimately, our son was held responsible for his actions and for the remainder of the cruise, he had a parent no less than 20 feet from him. He was embarrased by his actions and is still working on regaining the trust lost. We were sad it happened, but it was a good lesson learned for both parents and son !

[coiran]

Hey Chris

 

Wasn't Sydney involved in the CP thing?