Guidelines For A Sixteen Year Old

[zurmoly]

We are sailing the Carribean Princess over Feb vacation and I am sure the ship will be at its max for kids. Tell me what quidelines YOU would set for your sixteen year old daughter. I want to make sure I do not forget anything. Sometimes I think I am to strict. Also, does anyone know what time the teen disco is open until? Thanks ahead!

[CruiseFever]

I have a couple favorites:

 

"The rules we have on land apply at sea"

 

"Don't do anything that would require me to talk to security or identify your body"

 

"Dinner is at:_______" (We always dine together)

 

I'd try to get them to buy into the concept of being responsibile cruise passengers. It is really difficult to monitor their every move even if you wanted to. And you shouldn't want to. You're on vacation too.

 

There's a big difference between the above and the parents who simply cut their kids loose for a week.

 

Good for you for asking about this up front!

[Casey12]

After reading a review on this board of an underage girl whose father brought beer on board for her and her other underage friends, let her daugher receive drinks from Princess employees and pretty much partied uncontrollable all week - I would set more guidelines than Chris posted. These teens and young adults need to learn that a ship isn't a party boat and learn how to become a responsible cruiser and adult. If someone is 16, there should be more tabs on her other than when dinner is. The stories I read about this underage cruiser on this board and her wild party stories, I would want more tabs on her. I consider myself an involved parent and do not approve of young teens and young adults misbehaving on a ship where others may be inconvenienced or bothered. If one looks at the Christmas sailings stories, most would understand. I hope you get some good advice on this thread.

[kpauley]

I would stress staying in public areas of the ship and using the "buddy" system. She should have fun, but be considerate of all passengers.

[jlsdunn]

I might add.........the disco, if you're referring to Skywalkers is no place for a 16 year old. :) Not unless, I guess, you accompany her there.

 

My girls are grown, so I don't know, but isn't there a great Princess program for teens on board?

 

Jen

[GKR]

We've cruised with our teens since they were 13 and 15, and now they are 20 and 18. The rules changed as they grew older and we all knew more about cruising, but when they were 16 I remember the following:

always have dinner together, to catch up and make plans for the next day.

back to the room when the teen center activities end at 1:00 am.

periodic check-ins to the cabin (we found the yellow post-it notes to be a very handy way to leave messages).

yes, always stay in public areas, and the buddy system works well. It seems they never had any trouble making friends to hang out with.

no going into someone else's cabin.

we discovered that we were always running into each other on deck during the day and evenings, even without trying to. We often found ourselves "observing" (not spying on!) our kids without them knowing we were around.

[FamilyGuy1010]

If the kids did this, then there would be very few complaints from us Adults.

 

Oh, and right on, Chris!

[CruiseFever]

I've been thinking about this one for a while (inspired by Casey12's reply above) and would indeed like to add to my previous reply.

 

::::Parents, please don't skim this or read anything into it that's not there. I'm not trying to give parenting advice but am indeed writing what I've seen first-hand aboard cruise ships, what works and what does not::::

 

To the OP:

 

Your use of the word "guidelines" rather than "rules" in the title of this thread suggest that you're already half way there to having kids that will have a fun and safe cruise and be the responisble cruisers we'd all like them to be.

 

To have a bunch of rules would be easy. We could make a list of all the things not to do. We could start with the list found in all cabins aboard the Caribbean Princess and other ships of do's and don'ts for young people and add many more. We could even make a list or schedule of all the things TO do as well.

 

But then you are a cop, either spending a good portion of your vacation time following up to be sure the rules are being followed and/or doling out punishment when they're not. If you don't do that then the kids figure out pretty quick that you're not paying attention and what they can get away with.

 

But Guidelines are another matter altogether.

 

With guidelines we can allow them the freedom that stringent rules do not while keeping them safe and providing the direction they desperately need at 16 so that they can become good cruisers...and good people for that matter.

 

The cruise ship environment is not to be feared, just understood.

 

Like the school environment, after-school job environment, Friday night out in your town environment, the cruise ship environment is just that....another environment with hazzards of it's own for teens.

 

Understanding these hazards with the same sense of reality and providing guidance as you might for any other environment is the key. You see there are no teachers and administrators as there are at shool, managers or supervisors as there are at the after-school job, or bona fide police officers to turn to like in your town.

 

Without you there is nobody. Is it any wonder that we read about teens run amok down the hallway at 3am?

 

I think it would be much more productive for you to gain as much information as possible about the cruise ship environment as it applies to teens, discuss the areas of concern with them and together make appropriate guidelines.

 

Those guidelines will allow them to face the situations you talk about if they come up AND ones you won't think of or that have never happened before based on your guidelines.

 

Over the years we've refined our guidelines to the ones mentioned above. What I didn't mention though is that those guidelines have resulted in our kids wanting to spend a lot of time with us. That desire makes for those to be fun times, not required times that they do because we said so.

 

There's a big difference.

 

With that in mind, here's some information that may help you make up your own guidelines, appropriate for YOUR kids who I'd bet you know very well

 

Facts:

• Underage drinking does occur on cruise ships, this is no myth or story blown out of proportion. I've seen it on every cruise we've been on, some more than others.
  
• Teens of any age can and do buy drugs in any Caribbean port then sneak them back on the ship successfully.
  
• A lot of kids are indeed "cut loose" for the week, only seeing their parents if there is trouble or at some pre-determined time, like dinner.
  
• Kids do wander into crew-only areas of the ship. You'll be warned not to do this "even if a crew member invites you" but it will happen anyway and no good will
  
• There is a pack of "bad" kiids, trouble makers, on every sailing. The vast majority of kids are well-behaved, the idiots get the attention.
  

The harsh reality of this is only something to be acknowleged and discussed. I'm not saying your kids would do any of these things, just that they are done and to ignore them would be a big mistake. I'm not saying that your cruise is doomed and your kids will become drug addicts, alcohol dependent or any thing of the sort.

 

But they could without something between them and these things.

 

It can't be you. Just like on land, you can't be there all the time.

 

It CAN be the thoughtful guidlines you both agree on, appropriate for YOUR kids.

[LARGIN]

I have a couple favorites:

 

"The rules we have on land apply at sea" Only works if your rules on land are sound. Allowing underage drinking on land means you will allow it on the ship. Some reviews on this board and personal websites makes one think that on land daily drinking is a normal occurance and condoned. To turn your head when Princess staff buys or gives drinks to your underage kid, or giving them the drinks yourself is unacceptable. I wonder what would happen to a Princess employee if a responsible parent would complain that his underage son/daughter was constantly being served drinks. Bet that employee would be removed from his/her position and sent home. If you allow rowdy behavior on land, do you think it will cease at sea?

 

"Don't do anything that would require me to talk to security or identify your body" Kinda like the Military don't ask, don't tell policy.. In the kids mind, I guess it means as long as the parent does not find out what they are doing it is all right..

 

"Dinner is at:_______" (We always dine together) This I agree.. A perfect time to discuss the day's events.. However I would like to spend more time together, just not at dinner.

 

I'd try to get them to buy into the concept of being responsibile cruise passengers. It is really difficult to monitor their every move even if you wanted to. And you shouldn't want to. You're on vacation too. I knew exactly how my kids acted on land and I expected them to act the same way during the cruise.. To be responsible is something that our kids knew from the get go.

 

There's a big difference between the above and the parents who simply cut their kids loose for a week. Agree.. Most of the "Kiddie" problems can be quickly resolved if parents became more involved.

 

Good for you for asking about this up front!

To the OP... If you feel your daughter is responsible on land, don't worry she will be just as responsible at sea..

[Nrknits]

We have 2 kids, 3 years apart, this year 17 and 14, going on their 4th cruise.

Thye are not to go anywhere without each other, unless we know first. They keep a walkie talkie and when they go somewhere diffeerent than what was prearranged they are to check in first. NO One Else's Cabin!!! crew or passanger. We also eat dinner together and do shore excursions together. Perfect vacation - together and alone time. We also bump into each other throughout the day and evening a lot, so we keep in touch alot. When you're together - ask lots of questions. Have fun!!

[CruisinChris]

Facts:

• Underage drinking does occur on cruise ships, this is no myth or story blown out of proportion. I've seen it on every cruise we've been on, some more than others.
  
• Teens of any age can and do buy drugs in any Caribbean port then sneak them back on the ship successfully.
  
• A lot of kids are indeed "cut loose" for the week, only seeing their parents if there is trouble or at some pre-determined time, like dinner.
  
• Kids do wander into crew-only areas of the ship. You'll be warned not to do this "even if a crew member invites you" but it will happen anyway and no good will
  
• There is a pack of "bad" kiids, trouble makers, on every sailing. The vast majority of kids are well-behaved, the idiots get the attention.
  

.

Ok, I have a hard time with most of these statements. Maybe because I've been almost solely sailing on Princess. Chris, maybe your pre-Princess days are coloring your perspective on this. In 15 Princess cruises (since 96) I've only seen underage drinking once. The vast majority of my Princess cruises have had very FEW kids or teens aboard (I think this has been fairly typical of the passenger make-up on most Princess cruises). I disagree that there's a pack of bad kids on every sailing. (There aren't packs of kids on every sailing, let alone bad ones). I think most of the behavior described above is the exception, not the rule.

[hstrybuf]

For a 16 year-old, set limits and discuss expected behavior. Also discuss the fact that a ship is a small community and that anything can happen. Don't let your guard down just because you're on a ship. Curfew and check in times should be adhered to and dinner together most evenings. Do your shore excursions together or the kid doesn't go off the ship. In fact, I wouldn't be leaving them alone on the ship so they should go on something that you all agree on.

 

Many parents are under that impression that their kids would never do some of the things we hear about on this board. Not always true. I've seen some of the most "perfect" kids on land turn into the "wild child" on a cruise. As long as you have limits and expectations clearly discussed with your child, and consequences that you can stick to if necessary, you should have a great cruise!

[zurmoly]

Wow, I never expected all the reply's. Most of what is suggested is what we do. She is a good kid and always seems to find "the right" friends to hang with. This is the largest ship we have ever been on to date. And yes we do the walkie talkie thing..Thanks!

[jimbug]

As probably one of the "younger" cruisers on this board (22), I would like to provide a slightly different angle. Granted, I am married and didn't start cruising until my honeymoon, but I'm fresh enough out of the teen years to remember what stuck with me.

 

99% of the time, I was a responsible kid, and I believe that one of the reasons I was is because I knew WITHOUT A DOUBT that if I did screw up, there would be severe consequences to pay. We never cruised as a family vacation, but we did go on other outings. I knew that if I acted up in any way (and this includes unruly, obnoxious behavior towards others, putting myself in danger, hanging out with people I wasn't supposed to, underage drinking, or anything like that), that my parents had NO qualms about turning around and going home, regardless of how much money they had spent on the vacation. They would have marched our butts off the ship at the next port and we would be going home. I probably would have had to work off the cruise and airfare that was lost due to my misbehavior. In addition, I would be grounded for a VERY long time and probably have other privileges removed.

 

Luckily, I behaved and nothing ever came to that. And, I must add that it wasn't only the fear of consequences that kept me in line--it was wanting to prove my responsibility and maturity and enjoy a nice vacation or a nice outing that kept me doing what I should.

 

So, what my post boils down to is that as long as the kids have at least half a brain--if they know the boundaries and the consequences that follow with breaking those boundaries, you shouldn't have a problem.

[bearette]

Jimbug I totally agree with you. As a younger cruiser (23) as well I know what teens are thinking sometimes. (It also helps that I am a teacher so I get a refresher all the time.) I was a teen once on a ship and I have seen things that would frighten and shock. I have also seen angel teens who had perfectly fun vactions while spending half the time with their parents.

As for the post at hand. Parents know their children. If you need to talk to your teen about not smuggling drugs onboard and underage drinking then you'll know it and talk to them. The only guildline may be when and where is dinner. There are well behaved people and badly behaved people. The parents know what their teens are like and what limits need to be set.

 

Have fun on your cruise and don't worry too much!

[busybusybusy]

My daughter (15) cruised with us on the Golden and had a great time. We set basic guidelines, such as the ones you spoke of, and had no problems. I always knew where she was, and she knew that I might "pop in" or "by" at any time. I didn't worry about her behavior because I know that she is a responsible young lady. I trust her to behave when we are on vacation as she would at home. I know that some cruisers have experienced wild teens on cruises, but I can honestly say that on ours, we saw none of it. All of the kids were fine. They mostly hung out by the pool or hot tub at night.

 

As for Skywalkers, they are asked to leave after a certain time (I believe it's ten). One evening they had their own party up there, but it ended relatively early. They are also asked to leave the lounges and shows that are "adults only" on certain nights.

You know your daughter best, but if she's basically a good kid, I don't think you'll have any problems at all. Have a great time!:D

[gaa2]

We have a 16 year old daughter and will be taking her and a friend on a cruise in March. We have cruised with her several times before. These are the express "guidelines" we have already discussed with her (and the parents of the other teen, who is 17):

 

Dinner together

No one in her cabin

Can't go in anyone else's cabin

Can't go ashore in foreign port without a parent

In cabin at 1:00 after teen club closes

 

 

Any other guidelines need not be expressed for our daughter (such as those that deal with respect for other passengers, appropriate behavior, etc) since they always apply and she always adheres to them without being reminded.

 

This is a much later "curfew" than she has at home, but we give her alot of leeway on a cruise because it is such a special time, and she can handle the responsibility. She is a great kid and we want her to have a great time and lots of wonderful memories.

[Corym]

I think "cutting your kids lose" is not necessarily a bad idea. If you have say, a 14 year old, then maybe you'd think twice, but I was 17 when I went on a cruise to Alaska with my mother, father, and 14 year old brother.

 

Pretty much the only times we saw each other were dinner, shore excursions, maybe a show or two, and occasionally breakfast if I didn't sleep way past when they wanted to get up. Neither myself nor my parents had a problem with this. I was happy to get away from them, and I'm sure they were happy to have time to themselves since they knew they didn't need to worry about me.

 

Parents should know before hand if their teens are capable of being left alone and not causing problems. My parents trusted me not to screw up, and I didn't. Obviously not everyone is going to make the right decisions, so some line needs to be drawn.

 

I didn't go running around at all hours screaming my head off since I was unsupervised. I was up late (usually around 3 am), but I was with a group of other teens that were also well behaved, and we would just hang out at the pool until they closed it, or out on deck, not causing any problems.

 

If it wasn't for a real small group of troublemakers that exist, odds are this discussion isn't even taking place.

[Ziggy7]

Wow, 1:00 am would not work for me, I would require my kids to be in the cabin and in bed by midnight, especially if we have shore excursions early. But mostly because I would want them in bed before I go to sleep. Been that way all their life, we did make exceptions for special times but they were rare and I always stayed awake till they were home. I'm not saying it should be this way for everyone, just how I would do it :) My 2 daughters were very responsible and were home many times before their curfew was up because they knew they had to be up early the next morning and enjoyed their sleep hehehehe. :)

I'm sure as long as you work out your guidlines with your daughter, everything will work out fine :) Have a great cruise!

[Crowsie]

I really think the walkie talkie thing is a good idea.

 

They can use it for an emergency if they find themselves in a situation in which they are not comfortable and they can use it for regularly scheduled check-ins!

[bplazo]

My daughter who I thought was very responsible was a brat on the ship and will not be going on our next cruise.

 

She was sixteen and so was her friend. They would stay at the teen club late and then not want to get up early the next day for the ports. Cried in the evenings before dinner because her hair was not just right for formal night.

 

And to top it off on one of the ports her and her friend snuck off the ship not realizing that I always checked on them several times during the day to make sure that they were where they were suppose to be. One day when we couldnt find them we checked with Guest Relations and they said that the girls were off the ship. I was pretty upset knowing that anything could happen to them and went searching for them. I found them walking back to the ship (you should have seen their faces) they thought that I would never know. Mom made the biggest scene and dragged them back to the ship.

 

She was grounded for several months from driving and will not cruise with us on our next cruise. The trust issue is also not there. I double check on every story I hear from her.

 

Like I said, my daughter has good grades, doesnt go partying on the weekends and holds a part time job so I never thought she would do something so reckless.

[calikak]

When I went on vacation with my parents as a teenager, I didn't get to wander around by myself. We did pretty much everything together, I mean, they might have sat on the beach while I went in the water, but I didn't get out of sight of one of them. The idea of going on vacation with my family was to spend time with my family. But, we never cruised when I was a teenager.

[Melissa at Mohair Meadows]

It is easy to get lulled into a sense of security on a cruise. You've got to keep in mind that there could be preditors anywhere. Also, the ship is full of drunks whose better judgement could be impaired or crewmembers who have been raised in a culture that doesn't respect girls as we do. Unfortunately, there is a double standard when it comes to setting boundaries for girls.

 

My daughter is only 14 now, but she already thinks she can handle most situations. I know that isn't so and it's up to us to provide the boundaries that will allow her to experience new things but still be safe.

[sports family]

We have a 17 yr. old boy. The rules for him are much like everyone else. NEVER go into anyone else's cabin. We always have dinner together and he is expected to go on shore excursions with the family. I know there is underage drinking onboard. This is something each parent has to deal with individually. Some kids would never THINK of drinking, others it's just the challenge of actually getting drink, and still others, think it's an opportunity to get drunk every night. If your daughter is a good kid, it doesn't necessarily mean that she falls into the group that would NEVER think of drinking. Cover what is expected up front before you go on your cruise.

[sunnyv]

Facts:

• Underage drinking does occur on cruise ships, this is no myth or story blown out of proportion. I've seen it on every cruise we've been on, some more than others.
  
• Teens of any age can and do buy drugs in any Caribbean port then sneak them back on the ship successfully.
  
• A lot of kids are indeed "cut loose" for the week, only seeing their parents if there is trouble or at some pre-determined time, like dinner.
  
• Kids do wander into crew-only areas of the ship. You'll be warned not to do this "even if a crew member invites you" but it will happen anyway and no good will
  
• There is a pack of "bad" kiids, trouble makers, on every sailing. The vast majority of kids are well-behaved, the idiots get the attention.
  

 

My 16 yr old daughter has been on 3 of our 5 cruises. I just asked her, if on any of our cruises, she knew of teens who were drinking. She said, "All of them". I'm not shocked but agree with Chris that we can't stick our heads in the sand. These things go on in our own schools, neighborhoods and towns, a cruise is no exception to the behavior by either teens or the adults who set the standard for them.