Another Legend(ary) Review 1/13/13...Now with Full Frontal Nudity

[headhurt]

Just an FYI for anyone looking for transportation to the turtle farm, ask where the busses are. They are only a couple of blocks from the port and are only a couple of dollars each. They are the island busses and the locals get on and off at stops all along the way. You can go to the farm, wander over to the rum cake factory and catch another bus back. They drive a loop around and back all day.

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I'm sure transportation would have been a lot less hassle if we would have docked at the usual spot, but due to inclement weather, and nasty waves, the GC Port Authority had the ships dock on the other side of the island, which turned procuring transportation into a clusterfark.

[Momma1980]

I tried to explain to Log why I wasn't whoopie about GC, and then after our visit, he could better articulate my feelings than I could. The island is completely Americanized and touristy. Burger Kings and KFC. Everything is overpriced. It just felt like some of the more touristy parts of Florida and zero island charm...which is what I like about the Caribbean islands.

 

Log is Colombian, and speaks fluent Spanish (I'm learning). Traveling with him is like having a special backstage pass. People in Coz and Roatan definitely warmed up to him (except for a douchey New Jersey guy in Roatan). It seemed that when he started speaking to them, locals really opened up and were completely honest with how tourism affected their island(s). We even had some eye-opening insight relayed to us by a couple workers on the ship...which I will post about later.

 

Thank you for taking the time to post your review. I really enjoyed it and could relate to much of it. Nice job! I think you offered up a realistic and humorous overview... Which should help many folks to make some informed decisions.

[travlngrl1996]

Loved your review!

[CrimsonQueen]

Having been to Cozumel plenty, I've done the shopping thing, and the Chakanaab Park (or however you spell it) thing. Log isn't certified to dive yet, and neither of us cared to feel like being on an island with at least 5 ships in port. A nice beach break sounded good, but we didn't wanted to be crowded with a gazillion other people, all jockying for prime beach seats. On the Cozumel boards, someone mentioned Nachi Cocom. I did some research, including reading reviews on Trip Advisor, we decided to spend the day here. It surpassed all my expectations, and amounted to the most perfect port day ever, in all the history of port days.

 

We caught a taxi at the port, paid $8 each for a ride, which may have taken 15 minutes or so. When we told her that we wanted to go to Nachi, she made sure we had a reservation there, because if you don't have one, they are not allowed to take you to the resort. A lot of places take walk-ins. Nachi apparently doesn't. Book in advance (it's $11 deposit per person), and print off your confirmation letter to expedite things.

 

After arriving, we posed for an obligatory sombrero souvenir pic (which we opted not to buy). Some folks complain about having to do the pic, but it takes less than a minute to do, and it's easier to just do it. A worker met us at the entrance, confirmed our reservation. We paid the balance of our day (which amounted to $55 per person). They walked us to the cabana area, where we picked out our own little spot. They set up two chairs under a thatched roof cabana, took our drink orders, and then we proceeded to chill for the rest of the day.

 

Nachi has a cap of 100 people per day, and I don't even think we had that many people there. The beach was clean, the water a perfect temperature for swimming. Vendors did no harass you. Only a couple Nachi workers stopped by to tell you about the other amenities you could utilize (for a nominal fee)....wave runners, snorkel tour, floatie mats, and an open-air massage table.

 

Included with the $55 fee is unlimited beverages, four-course meal (and I don't even think we ordered a fourth course because the food was plentiful. The ceviche was the best I've ever had), your own cabana and chair, use of the fresh water pool, the facilities, and best yet, the peace and quiet of the resort. If you are looking for a spring break party atmosphere, this place is not for you in. In fact, the openly discourage it. Children are welcome.

 

The staff was more than accommodating, our glasses never stayed empty for long. They checked on us on a regular basis (without being intrusive). The food was outstanding, and we met an awesome couple from Canada that we ended up having dinner with in the Supper Club at the end of the week.

 

This was our best and most favorite port day, bar none. And we are looking forward to a return visit to Nachi.

 

Absolutely the BEST excursion ever!! LOVE Nachi!!

[deedle7544]

Loving this review, did I miss the nudity? I was looking forward to that part :D

[tracyvansmith]

thanks for the review. Can't wait to be on it in Oct.:)

[LibratPDX]

Hey man, full frontal nudity was mentioned, was this a bait and switch?

 

For the record, the stingrays are forced into prostitution because of their love of free fish, it's not their fault. I'm sure they would not choose to "massage" the backs of a bunch of tourists on their own :D

 

I DO love the food porn, thank you very much :cool:

[headhurt]

Full frontal nudity! Well, it's taken me almost all year and lots of therapy to get over. Now, I can talk about it. /inhales big breath

 

So, a few days before we get home, we get a letter in our cabin talking about how the balcony dudes are going to come along and do balcony stuff: cleaning windows, painting, pondering the meaning of life. And please don't be alarmed. We were in and out of our cabins during the week, and we just figured that when the letter said "the next day", we figured that the balcony antics would take place, quite literally, the next day.

 

Fast forward a couple days, and the cruise is over. Log and I get up. Shower (not together). So, I am standing there in the middle of the cabin, drying off and getting ready to dress, when suddenly a strange man pops up on my balcony. Yeah, our curtains were open, but it's not like anyone could see inside, unless you count the guy with the squeegie who has magically appeared outside my balcony door.

 

Now, I have issues about being naked. In front of other people. I don't even like my own doctor staring at the goods. So, Balcony Bob gets a big eyeful of my cash and prizes. I scream and hit the floor on the other side of the bed. Bob may have fallen overboard, who can say? Log hastily pulled the curtain closed while I lay on the floor, sucking my thumb. Naked.

 

So, I quickly dressed. Traumatized. I still stay awake at night, terrorized with the knowledge that Bob still probably rehashes his tale of seeing big, pasty, hooters. I imagine he sits on his lunch break, getting high-fives and fist-bumps. I shudder to think of what he may do, in the dark, alone with his memories.:eek:

[SmogMonster]

Headhurt, You are an excellent writer! Enjoyed your review and the way you word things. great Job!

[Boozebabe]

Sittin here on my couch about to pee my pants from laughing soooo hard. LOVE LOVE LOVE your TR.

[KTRuby]

Just............awesome.

[rskater59]

Love your review we are going on the Legend in December. I having second thoughts on Belize though.

[welshcorgie]

Out of all the ports, I would have to say that this was my least favorite...which is kinda hard considering I didn't even get off the ship in Belize. But it's true. And at the end of the day, I know there were plenty on Legend that echoed my sentiments.

 

It was a windy day, and the sea was raging, so it was announced that we would be tendering from a different location that day. We never heard this announcement because for whatever reason, announcements were not piped into our room. I don't know if this was just an issue with our cabin, or if this is something CCL doesn't do anymore. But, if you want to hear the announcements, you had to be out of your room to do it. So, the tender chance was a nice, port-day surprise.

 

Itinerary said we would be in Cayman from 10am to 6pm. All the water activities were cancelled by the Cayman Port Authority, so no one got to see stingrays that day. CCL still had some excursions available, but they all seemed so overpriced...which is what they should call the island...Overpriced Island.

 

Anyway, by the time we got our tender stickers, and were herded off the ship, we set food on land at 12:15pm. We had tender sticker 24. We talked with people who had earlier ones, they didn't get to the island not much earlier than us. I don't know if this was because of the choppy water, or if it had to do with two other ships visiting, and tender boats had to be divvied up between the three. To their credit, a HAL ship seemed to use their own tender boats.

 

 

Back to the island...

 

We set foot on ol' terra firma, and what greeted us nothing short of chaos. There were shuttles and taxis there. Tour operators waving signs around and asking if you wanted to go "kiss a stingray". (Slutty stingrays!) Log and I just wanted to go visit the Turtle Farm and stop downtown. We were passed off to at least five different drivers, each one giving us different quotes on how much they would charge us that day. Another family (with two cute twin girls) were also having a frustrating time as they wanted to charge the same rate per little kid as they did grownups...which was $15 per person. So, for a family of four, it cost them $60 just for a cab right. Not including the $10 per person to get into the Turtle Farm (I hope they charged a reduced rate for kids).

 

 

 

So, the cab driver packed his van tighter than grandma's colon, and we were whisked away to the Turtle Farm...we we were allowed 30 minutes because the driver was not willing to wait any longer than that for us. We were not able to join a guided tour. Instead, we raced around, snapping pictures, touching turtles, and doing a fly by the gift shop. I would have enjoyed staying there longer, but Dale the Sullen Van Driver would not have allowed it.

 

 

We inquired if there was a restaurant that served plantains (Log loves them). Dale recommended a place called Breezes. Oh, they had plantains, but it was only served with only one particular dish (they were not willing to budge on this) and you could not order them as a side. The drinks cost just as much as the food, which wasn't that stellar to begin with. Between Log and myself, we each had an average lunch, and one drink each. Total cost $70. I understand that the Cayman dollar is stronger than the American one. And I understand that they have to import pretty much everything on the island. But $70 for a subpar lunch seems a bit ridiculous to me.

 

 

By this time, we were completely turned off of the whole island, so we decided to forgo the shopping, and just go back to the ship. We found a really nice shuttle driver this time, and she gave us a ride back to the tender loading area, where they proceeded to overload the tender boat and chug back to the ship. Just as we got back on the ship, the skies opened up and rain came down like the angry fist of God. Which sort of summed up our feelings about Cayman nicely.

 

In Cayman you can take the city bus, which is a van, and it only costs $0.75pp if my memory serves me right. We were in Cayman and took the bus back from the Turtle Farm and it took us right to the port with 2 or 3 stops along the way. Just go to the bus stop signs on the main drag and they will be by every 15-30 min.

[DCT61]

The best review EVER. HYSTERICAL. Please write another one...even if you haven't been anywhere...make one up!

[dane225]

Full frontal nudity! Well, it's taken me almost all year and lots of therapy to get over. Now, I can talk about it. /inhales big breath

 

So, a few days before we get home, we get a letter in our cabin talking about how the balcony dudes are going to come along and do balcony stuff: cleaning windows, painting, pondering the meaning of life. And please don't be alarmed. We were in and out of our cabins during the week, and we just figured that when the letter said "the next day", we figured that the balcony antics would take place, quite literally, the next day.

 

Fast forward a couple days, and the cruise is over. Log and I get up. Shower (not together). So, I am standing there in the middle of the cabin, drying off and getting ready to dress, when suddenly a strange man pops up on my balcony. Yeah, our curtains were open, but it's not like anyone could see inside, unless you count the guy with the squeegie who has magically appeared outside my balcony door.

 

Now, I have issues about being naked. In front of other people. I don't even like my own doctor staring at the goods. So, Balcony Bob gets a big eyeful of my cash and prizes. I scream and hit the floor on the other side of the bed. Bob may have fallen overboard, who can say? Log hastily pulled the curtain closed while I lay on the floor, sucking my thumb. Naked.

 

So, I quickly dressed. Traumatized. I still stay awake at night, terrorized with the knowledge that Bob still probably rehashes his tale of seeing big, pasty, hooters. I imagine he sits on his lunch break, getting high-fives and fist-bumps. I shudder to think of what he may do, in the dark, alone with his memories.:eek:

 

OMG! This is hilarious!!!:D

[Mikesa1721]

Well, I have to reply to the comment that Grand Cayman is like Naples, Florida. I've lived in Naples most of my life and I can guarantee our beaches are a far cry from Cayman. If they were I would spend a lot more time at the beach! I do agree with the overpriced restaurants being similar. The cocktails are overpriced in both places, as well!

 

Loving your review! You do have a way with words that has me cracking up! Can't wait to read more.

 

I have to agree with you Neuro,,,I live in Naples as well and haven't sniffed the beach here in over two years. Just trying to find parking anywhere near the pier is a nightmare. When we do go to the beach,,we will drive up to Lovers Key or take a weekend trip to Fort Lauderdale Beach.

[smrn]

So funny! I want to read more of your writing!