The news from Queen Victoria

[fantasy51]

This is Diane, reporting live from Starbucks in Kusadasi, where the barrista, on hearing that she was happy to pay for a cup of coffee without drinking it, in order to use the free wifi, simply gave her the password without charging her. (The equivalent went in the tips box, of course.)

 

The Dancing Wars continue. So far there have been five complaints to Jessica, the Social Hostess, about the Hosts. One of the Handbags, who seems to dance more than anyone else, complained about not getting enough dances. She once complained to your Reporter, in one breath saying that she was scared of one of the Hosts (a superlative dancer) and in the next complaining that he had only danced with her once. :confused: Your Reporter has decided that in her case the Hosts are like London buses. She arrives for the 9:15 session and may sit without dancing for 45 minutes, then two Hosts come at once, followed five minutes later by the other two! It all works out in the end. After 11pm most of the single ladies leave and it's only the dedicated dancers left. What complaints would have ensued if the others had seen your Reporter dancing three dances in a row with the best dancer (ex-competition, part-time teacher)!!! What a Masterclass. Throwaway oversways, same-foot lunges and steps she heard of 25 years ago but never danced!

 

As for the Laundry Wars, your Reporter thought of starting one last night. She went to the laundry to quickly iron a top before dinner. The second laundry she tried only had one person ironing, halfway through the first shirt and only another one to iron after that. This won't be long. However, it was a man! Ten minutes later and still going ... Note to wives: unless your husband is an engineer (and therefore can work out a system for everything), don't send him to the laundry at peak time. The good news is that while there she spoke to one woman waiting for the dryer who was sharing it with someone else - two half-loads of laundry in one dryer to ease the congestion.

 

A new story to add to the Laundry Wars is of the lady who smacked the face of another. The Captain told her to go off the ship for three hours and walk around in order to cool down. (I hope the Captain knew the time and didn't send her off two hours before the ship left!)

 

This wifi has so far cut me out at least six times while writing this report so I must close before I have to do another copy and paste. Next stop Istanbul in two days.

[capnpugwash]

This is Diane, reporting live from Starbucks in Kusadasi, where the barrista, on hearing that she was happy to pay for a cup of coffee without drinking it, in order to use the free wifi, simply gave her the password without charging her. (The equivalent went in the tips box, of course.)

 

The Dancing Wars continue. So far there have been five complaints to Jessica, the Social Hostess, about the Hosts. One of the Handbags, who seems to dance more than anyone else, complained about not getting enough dances. She once complained to your Reporter, in one breath saying that she was scared of one of the Hosts (a superlative dancer) and in the next complaining that he had only danced with her once. :confused: Your Reporter has decided that in her case the Hosts are like London buses. She arrives for the 9:15 session and may sit without dancing for 45 minutes, then two Hosts come at once, followed five minutes later by the other two! It all works out in the end. After 11pm most of the single ladies leave and it's only the dedicated dancers left. What complaints would have ensued if the others had seen your Reporter dancing three dances in a row with the best dancer (ex-competition, part-time teacher)!!! What a Masterclass. Throwaway oversways, same-foot lunges and steps she heard of 25 years ago but never danced!

 

As for the Laundry Wars, your Reporter thought of starting one last night. She went to the laundry to quickly iron a top before dinner. The second laundry she tried only had one person ironing, halfway through the first shirt and only another one to iron after that. This won't be long. However, it was a man! Ten minutes later and still going ... Note to wives: unless your husband is an engineer (and therefore can work out a system for everything), don't send him to the laundry at peak time. The good news is that while there she spoke to one woman waiting for the dryer who was sharing it with someone else - two half-loads of laundry in one dryer to ease the congestion.

 

A new story to add to the Laundry Wars is of the lady who smacked the face of another. The Captain told her to go off the ship for three hours and walk around in order to cool down. (I hope the Captain knew the time and didn't send her off two hours before the ship left!)

 

This wifi has so far cut me out at least six times while writing this report so I must close before I have to do another copy and paste. Next stop Istanbul in two days.

 

It is a common complaint :)

[James.34]

Loving the report!! "The handbags" sound hilarious!!

 

When I was on the QV last year I didn't see handbags reserving tables in the Queens Room. Instead I saw a number of walking sticks over empty tables in the Lido!!

 

So how is the vocalist and band in the Queens Room? Any good?

[Scrapnana]

fantasy51,

 

Special commendation for embedding yourself in not one but two war zones. Stay safe!

[Cruise Liner Fan]

When we sailed on QV on June Baltic cruise, we could not get water served to us in the Queen's Room while dancing, in spite of twice asking for it. On a third attempt, we were pointed towards a front corner of the room and told if we wanted just water, we needed to get it ourselves. That was new to me, as that hadn't happened on QM2. And we ask for things nicely!

Franky, I was a bit put off, but it was a minor infraction.

As to the ladies who reserve a spot with their purse, they are in the ranks of the towels/books on chairs and I see a fight ensuing sometime in the future.

Funniest things I saw in Queen's Room was the lady who fought with her husband whenever they danced together, and she wanted to dance with the hosts more than with him. As they would not ask her to dance if she was with her husband, she ordered him to sit at the table behind her. If I were him, I'd dance with the other ladies and maybe find a new wife in the process, because this one appeared to be very unappreciative of having a husband who dances.

Maybe this particular husband & wife will be on the next episode of Divorce Court :eek: When I'm aboard the QM2 next week I'll have to go to the Queens Room a few times during the evening to see if there will be ladies slugging it out with each other :D Regards,Jerry

[seasidegal]

fantasy51,

 

Special commendation for embedding yourself in not one but two war zones. Stay safe!

 

 

:D:D:D

 

Very well put!

 

best regards.

seasidegal

[Cruise Liner Fan]

This is Diane, reporting live from Queen Victoria on the Ancient Wonders and Turkish Splendours cruise.

 

Here is the headline news.

 

Priority embarkation still works – but the queue through security takes half an hour.

 

The photographers are indeed waiting just before security, but the only photo taken was of the photographers themselves. Your roving reporter can produce it on demand. All photographers on board smile nicely when passengers indicate disinterest. No cajoling or threats have been in evidence. It is even possible to walk briskly past the photographers and smile at them without being hijacked.

 

One passenger tried to break the ship before it had even left Southampton. She plugged in a power bank (set of four power boards), flash of light and the power points in the cabin no longer worked. Said passenger calmly reported the loss of power to the room steward, with no mention of the power bank hurriedly stashed back into her suitcase.

 

On the first evening a long queue was to be seen at the Purser’s Desk. One of the staff walked along the line asking who was there to remove gratuities. Seven people flocked to her clipboard in the five minutes that your reporter watched.

 

So far only two serious dress infractions have been seen. The first was a woman in floral cotton shirt and casual trousers standing in the Chart Room on a Formal Night. The second was similar. Unfortunately there was no one on hand to impose on-the-spot fines.

 

Puddles of water on board ship are not a myth. One puddle was noticed in a stateroom on Night 4. Could it have had anything to do with the ice bucket overturned next to it? Two hand towels later and the puddle was dry by morning.

 

Cruise Critic members may be sparse on the ship but five of them meet daily for Afternoon Tea – to the disgruntlement of the waiters who do not like having a fifth chair at the table. They will adapt.

 

The night time chocolates are indeed smaller than of yore. This was first reported on Cruise Critic but it has been confirmed by a passenger met in the lift who measured a chocolate from an earlier cruise and compared it with the current ones. The chocolates are currently 34 mm square. Could passengers on later cruises please take note and report any further shrinkage.

 

Cost-cutting is further evident in the size of the bath robes, to the consternation of one male passenger who jumped out of bed to get his room service breakfast, pulled on the bath robe and discovered it did not cover him. He found that standing side on to the door and holding out one hand for the tray helped to preserve his dignity.

 

The new band is under the direction of Kerry Maule and features vocalist Claudine Carle. The strict ballroom dancers will find that her emphasis is on performance and she changes timing of the words. The band’s tempo also changes unpredictably at times. However, a dedicated dancer can survive such vicissitudes.

 

A bottle of wine has gone missing. It was bought as part of a package of three in an onboard sale, but the sommelier has reported that only two of the bottles can be found. More worrying is that he told the diner that her Chenin Blanc has gone missing, when she actually ordered Chinon.

 

The bar staff in the ballroom are as efficient as ever. Your reporter’s favourite waitress is back, delivering regular glasses of water without even being asked.

 

Your reporter has not yet braved the Sunbed Wars to report on the use of towels on beds (though a reliable informant has told her of the books left on Deck 10 sunbeds). However, a similar practice is alive and flourishing in the ballroom. One trio puts out their handbags before going to dinner, ready for the 7:45 dancing session, in order to grab pride of place in ‘Barracuda Alley’ (the front row opposite the stage, from which it’s easiest to grab the Dance Hosts). As their favoured position is right in the centre, there is no room left for groups. One clever dancer sends her Aged Aunt to sit for 45 minutes, saving seats on the side for her, your Roving Reporter and others. The 45 minutes between dance sessions is spent by this group saving seats in rotation. They dare not disturb the handbags! Handbag Wars – you heard it first on this site.

 

The mystery of the towels has been investigated further. Your reporter has noticed that when she uses a towel and leaves it on the rack with just one fold, she comes back to find a neatly folded towel. Is this a clean towel or the same dirty towel refolded? The application of a discreet smudge of blusher on the corner reveals that it is indeed the same towel refolded. (Hmm, so for how many weeks did she use the same towel on her last cruise, thinking her steward was replacing it for her?) This same smudge of blusher reveals that dirty towels on the floor were indeed replaced, and not folded and put back on the rack.

 

Again, there are no personal reports of the Laundry Wars, but one of the Hosts left his washing in the machine for well over an hour and returned to an empty laundry and his clothes still in the machine where he had left them. Peace prevailed. However, the same old rumours are circulating the ship, of the dress that was taken from the Laundry and worn by someone else.

 

Those famous words ‘We cannot help you at this time’ have not yet been heard. The closest was from the staff member in charge of the internet: ‘I cannot understand why my computer can access your Yahoo emails but your laptop cannot. I am sorry. You may just have to persevere. I am crediting you with 30 extra minutes on the internet for your trouble.’

The woman passenger who caused the electrical problem aboard Queen Victoria, I wonder if she is as stupid as the woman in this youtube video who caused an electrical problem

:D Regards,Jerry

[brigittetom]

Jerry, I think you might have missed a bit of humor there. :D

[Cruise Liner Fan]

Jerry, I think you might have missed a bit of humor there. :D

What do you mean? Regards,Jerry

[brigittetom]

The way I read it...Diane is the one who plugged in the power bank. I could be wrong. :)

[pepperrn]

The way I read it...Diane is the one who plugged in the power bank. I could be wrong. :)

That's how I read it also :) .

[Cruise Liner Fan]

Well that is what I mean that she turned the circuit breaker back on after the electrician turned it off. And because she turned it back on she caused the electrician to get electrocuted. I did know that it was all an act. Regards,Jerry

[seasidegal]

Well that is what I mean that she turned the circuit breaker back on after the electrician turned it off. And because she turned it back on she caused the electrician to get electrocuted. I did know that it was all an act. Regards,Jerry

 

Good afternoon, Jerry,

 

I don't think Diane turned it back on she just reported the loss of power to the room steward.

 

One passenger tried to break the ship before it had even left Southampton. She plugged in a power bank (set of four power boards), flash of light and the power points in the cabin no longer worked. Said passenger calmly reported the loss of power to the room steward, with no mention of the power bank hurriedly stashed back into her suitcase.

 

I'm still smiling over the 'breaking the ship' comment as I could just picture the headlines in newspapers worldwide - "Women Breaks QM2!" Stormy raging seas couldn't do it! Hurricane winds couldn't dent it!...but a small woman with a plug broke it! :D

 

Very thankful the QM2 is not broke! :-)

 

best regards,

seasidegal

[pepperrn]

I'm still smiling over the 'breaking the ship' comment as I could just picture the headlines in newspapers worldwide - "Women Breaks QM2!" Stormy raging seas couldn't do it! Hurricane winds couldn't dent it!...but a small woman with a plug broke it! :D seasidegal

Hi seasidegal, never underestimate the power of one person.

The father of a friend at school was very keen on telling us youngsters (many years ago :eek: ) how he beat Italy single-handed during WWII...

"I got my call-up papers in the morning, Italy "surrendered" in the afternoon" :D .

[seasidegal]

Hi seasidegal, never underestimate the power of one person.

The father of a friend at school was very keen on telling us youngsters how he beat Italy single-handed during WWII.

"I got my call-up papers in the morning, Italy "surrendered" in the afternoon" :D .

 

:D:D:D Thanks for the laugh. Now come clean off my computer screen, please, I was drinking coffee when I read this.;)

 

best regards,

seasidegal

[Cruise Liner Fan]

Good afternoon, Jerry,

 

I don't think Diane turned it back on she just reported the loss of power to the room steward.

 

 

 

I'm still smiling over the 'breaking the ship' comment as I could just picture the headlines in newspapers worldwide - "Women Breaks QM2!" Stormy raging seas couldn't do it! Hurricane winds couldn't dent it!...but a small woman with a plug broke it! :D

 

Very thankful the QM2 is not broke! :-)

 

best regards,

seasidegal

I am referring to the youtube video and Diane still caused the electrical problem aboard Queen Victoria by plugging in whatever it is she was plugging in. Regards,Jerry

[gentlemancruiser]

The way I read it...Diane is the one who plugged in the power bank. I could be wrong. :)

 

I thought it was Colonel Mustard with a candle stick in the Ballroom???

[brigittetom]

"I got my call-up papers in the morning, Italy "surrendered" in the afternoon" :D .

 

 

Sometimes good things do happen to good people. :)

 

 

Gentlemancruiser........that's what I would have claimed. Why admit something you don't have to. I'll spare you my toilet story. :eek:

[Cruise Liner Fan]

I thought it was Colonel Mustard with a candle stick in the Ballroom???

Or maybe a stowaway aboard Queen Victoria who was a dumb American woman who very stupidly plugged her hair dryer that runs on the American voltage system into a British electrical outlet that caused the electrical problems aboard Queen Victoria :D Regards,Jerry

[sfb]

Or maybe a stowaway aboard Queen Victoria who was a dumb American woman who very stupidly plugged her hair dryer that runs on the American voltage system into a British electrical outlet that caused the electrical problems aboard Queen Victoria :D Regards,Jerry

When was that? I missed the news. Have you a link?

Cheers.

[Cruise Liner Fan]

When was that? I missed the news. Have you a link?

Cheers.

It was just a joke I made up. Diane who started this thread wrote that aboard Queen Victoria a woman passenger plugged something into the outlets that caused the electricity in this woman's cabin to go off. Regards.Jerry

[fantasy51]

Breaking news again, from Queen Victoria’s Black Sea and Turkish Splendours cruise.

 

Heard in Kusadasi when going through security: There was a beep as the man ahead of your Reporter went through the screening doorway.

Security agent: Sir, take off everything metal.

Sir’s wife: He has an artificial hip.

Security agent: Take it off.

 

A nasty accident (caused by wardrobe malfunction) was averted on the dance floor on Wednesday night. Your Reporter was dancing the Viennese Waltz with a skilled Dance Host (ex-competitor, dance teacher). It is such a demanding dance that many couples stop halfway, but Diane and the Marvellous Martin kept going until the last bar where the heel of Diane’s right shoe caught in the toe of her left shoe and caused her to tumble. Martin could not stop her falling but managed to ease her down gently so that she almost bounced. Within five minutes she was able to dance again. All praise must go to the skill of her partner! He could have damaged his back severely but did it so well that no one was injured.

 

The shopkeepers in Kusadasi are as much fun as ever: ‘Lovely lady with the bright smile and shining eyes, you really need X. I will give you an extra discount for your sparkling eyes.’ Your Reporter found that she did indeed need new sandals (‘See how the stitching is coming undone on yours and they will fall apart soon’), new handbag (bargained down from $135 – the supposed price to an arrogant customer the week before - to $25) and a ring (half an hour of bargaining later and it was under a sixth of the original price, and both parties were happy and had enjoyed themselves). When your Reporter decided to pay for the ring with cash from her stateroom and offered to meet the shopkeeper at the port (knowing her geographical limitations she would never have found the shop again), where they would exchange cash for ring, he put his hand to his heart and said ‘Lovely lady, I am offended that you would think I do not trust you. You will keep wearing the ring and you will return to me with the cash.’ Trust!

 

Certain ladies are still complaining about not getting enough dances. It’s amazing the way pleasant faces can soon turn ugly and sour-looking when the subject of dance fairness comes up! Your Reporter and her friends are joking about taking along the laptop and starting a spreadsheet to prove them wrong! After a complaint to the Purser’s desk, the Hosts were told to wear their jackets at all times when dancing, as it makes them look too sexy when they dance in their shirts! In practice, this will mean that the Hosts will need more breaks to cool down, so there will be more complaints about people not dancing often enough.

 

The rumour trail: X told Handbag One, who told Y, who told your Reporter, that someone was put off the ship at Malta a few days ago after a fight in the laundry. Your Reporter, ever keen to pursue the truth for her audience, asked at the Purser’s desk, to be told in strict confidence that no passengers have been put off the ship in port; the usual practice is to throw them overboard. You heard it here first!

 

The kindness of staff: Shortly after your Reporter danced a Slow Foxtrot with the superlative Host, she walked off the floor to find the professional couple waiting to pounce! They took her off to the section opposite the Queen’s Room in order to correct her head and shoulder posture – all from friendship.

 

The kindness of shopkeepers: Walking down a Kusadasi street, the men started pointing at your Reporter and then pointing behind her, to where a shopkeeper was chasing her with the camera she had left behind in the handbag shop.

 

The kindness of strangers: In Istanbul a student walked your Reporter to the tram, bought her a token, travelled with her (going to the same place), showed her where to change money and where to find the entrance to the Basilica Cisterns, and then refused repayment for the tram tickets. We compromised with her accepting money to give to charity. On the way home a man in the tram confirmed that it was the correct one and made sure your Reporter got off at the correct stop.

[fantasy51]

So how is the vocalist and band in the Queens Room? Any good?

 

Hi James. I am still missing Paul Ritchie! The new vocalist, Claudine, is a lovely woman and very friendly. She has a deep voice so it's hilarious when she asks us to sing along with her. I don't know if I should be singing down in my boots or try it falsetto in a higher octave. The band is good but they don't keep to strict tempo. Because Paul is a dancer, he knows what is needed and he sings accordingly. This band is more of an entertainment than an aid to dancing. I'm sure that the many people sitting around enjoy this. The dancers adapt. Enjoyment is in your attitude.

[brigittetom]

After a complaint to the Purser’s desk, the Hosts were told to wear their jackets at all times when dancing, as it makes them look too sexy when they dance in their shirts!

 

I used to think that the dance Hosts had it made but being at the mercy of a bunch of eager ladies doesn't exactly sound like the Love Boat experience. :eek:

[brigittetom]

This band is more of an entertainment than an aid to dancing. The dancers adapt. Enjoyment is in your attitude.

 

From reading the dancing threads, I have a feeling that may vary from cruise to cruise. ;)