Selfish or Sensible...Saying no to a tagalong

[navybankerteacher]

Your primary obligation is to your own children. To risk ruining their trip to accommodate a nephew who can be reasonably expected to not enjoy going along is simply irresponsible.

[momofmeg]

You are correct. Many,many 5 year olds do not do well with sleepovers away from home. As many mistakes as my sister has made, and continues to make, she did not intend to move out without him. She meant for him to leave with her. But that 1st night he pitched a fit and rather than working through it and making him stay, she took him back to my parents for the night. So he never moved out with her. She was upset he did not come, my point of view is that parents make decisions not children. But as I said, he gets his way, even in that matter. But honestly I don't blame him, my parents are the ones who cared for him most of the time. Kids know who is their source of safety and security. In his case, its his grandparents, not his mom.

 

That said thanks to all for the advice and encouragement. Yes, my parents are the heroes in this situation. It's not easy and all involved have made mistakes.

 

When I spoke to my mom, I was honest about why we could not take him. It took a moment of convincing that despite what she thought he would not "be okay". So the ball is in their court on if they decide to join us.

 

It's all resolved now.

 

So his grandparents are his " security parents" in this situation and still -he would miss them and not want to be away from them. I see no reason to blame your sister. No one can easily raise a child on their own. I had a good friend who lost her husband in a car wreck. she had 4 little boys and yes Grandma helped her tremendously and yes her sons thought of Grandma as another "mom." It's okay, kids really do need 2 parents, and if they don't have 2 they usually to look find someone else to be the other "parent".

 

I do imagine he is a handful, but my heart goes out to him. I know you and you sister both are glad your parents are willing to step in and make up the slack.

[Cruisin' Chick]

So his grandparents are his " security parents" in this situation and still -he would miss them and not want to be away from them. I see no reason to blame your sister. No one can easily raise a child on their own. I had a good friend who lost her husband in a car wreck. she had 4 little boys and yes Grandma helped her tremendously and yes her sons thought of Grandma as another "mom." It's okay, kids really do need 2 parents, and if they don't have 2 they usually to look find someone else to be the other "parent".

 

I do imagine he is a handful, but my heart goes out to him. I know you and you sister both are glad your parents are willing to step in and make up the slack.

 

When I was living with my sister, she got a call from her bestie who had just gotten home from work. Her husband was in the shower when she got home, but at some point, she realized that shower was lasting a long time, so she went to check on him and found her husband unconscious. He was only in his 30s, but had suffered a stroke. He survived, but was basically unable to take care of himself so his parents moved him across the country near them and into a full time care facility. So the woman raised their young son without him. Less than ten years later, she had lymphoma so both of them moved in with her mom. After her death, the grandmother had a tough time with the now 12-year-old. A couple in her temple offered to adopt the boy. I think he went on to college and become a stand up comic (when his mother was first sick, she got him into a kids' comedy program).

 

If the grands decide to come on the cruise with the boy, I would advise the OP to bring up the notarization from the mother (and father -- or else, whatever legal papers were drawn up, which hopefully there were) as well as a medical release (that the grandmother could sign for his care, which she should have anyway).

 

And definitely emphasize that once on board, the ship won't let the boy off in the middle of the ocean if he freaks out. My suggestion of having him stay away from their house overnight will help test if he can stay elsewhere -- it could be the security of the house that he wants.

[wassup4565]

I believe our obligation is always to try to make the next generation as healthy and strong as we can. This thread has not really been about a kid going on a cruise. It's been about a little boy who apparently has no father present, and who doesn't trust his mother to take care of him. I wish the very best to your family, and hope the family finds a way to safeguard him. He didn't ask to be born.

[NMLady]

Don't do it....just DON'T do it. WWIII will break out if you come back from a ruined cruise with a sobbing kid in tow too. Whatever you do, don't get guilted into taking a child that would likely have a meltdown.

 

If you read through this thread you would know that she has already told her mother No and explained why.

[momofmeg]

I believe our obligation is always to try to make the next generation as healthy and strong as we can. This thread has not really been about a kid going on a cruise. It's been about a little boy who apparently has no father present, and who doesn't trust his mother to take care of him. I wish the very best to your family, and hope the family finds a way to safeguard him. He didn't ask to be born.

 

Yes, and the OP made the right decision. Now the ball is in Grandmom's court as to whether they take the cruise. What would really be nice is if Grandmom took her grandson AND his mother. He needs bonding time with his mother.

[Beachdude]

I believe our obligation is always to try to make the next generation as healthy and strong as we can. This thread has not really been about a kid going on a cruise. It's been about a little boy who apparently has no father present, and who doesn't trust his mother to take care of him. .

 

Interesting how we all have different perspectives. I saw the thread as a mother wanting to bond with her family so that her kids didn't end up in the same situation as the little boy.

 

We are all responsible for the health of future generations. There are appropriate times for charity and appropriate times for family. Our experiences of life tend to dictate how we balance our responsibilities.

 

Burt

[RCmommy]

I think we may be related because our families sound eerily similar! :eek: