Tween cruising...

Any good advice for cruising with a tween girl? Especially one who is 12 but regularly gets mistaken for 18?

She's well behaved, but quite frankly, it's not her I'm worried about. She's at that age where she looks a lot more mature than she is, and while I want her to have fun, I can see a million ways a cruise could be a bit disastrous.

Any tips besides manacleing her to my side?

Get her involved in the youth program. I believe that on Carnival she will be with the teens and you have to trust your kids sometime. I think a cruise ship is one of the safest places for teens. 12 is still young and I seriously doubt she will be drinking or foolish things like that.

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?p=24398916#post24398916

This thread is older, but I bookmarked it a couple of years ago when I was researching a cruise with our then 9 and 11 year olds. They had limited freedom that cruise - we were with my sister's family and my parents, so the 4 cousins (7, 9, 9 and 11) tended to all be in the kids club or with one or more of the 6 adults. But I knew we'd need it someday (I'm a digital pack rat, I bookmark everything!). Someday is now here...we're cruising in November and the kids are now 11 and soon-to-be 14.

The thread kind of turns into a debate about how much freedom they should be allowed, but there are some good suggestions for things to talk to the kids about.

Thank you so much!

The rules linked to are great - things I didn't even think of. She's definitely a joiner, so I'd think she would have fun with the circle c part of things, which is good. I just worry I'm going to come across her in a hot tub with older teens or something. 12 is such a hard age!

At 12, I wouldn't let my daughter have full run of the ship. I would allow her to go to and from specific places for specific reasons...but no "roaming"....I wouldn't allow that at home, and certainly not away from home!

And, you give her your rules...and being the "good kid" that she is, she will abide by them!

It depends on your child as far as roaming goes. My son is 13 and even at age 12 I had no problem with him wandering around the ship. He wasn't going to get into trouble- he just isn't that sort of child. He is poised, polite and just an all around good kid. Back in my day, we roamed freely around the neighborhood from a very young age and parents weren't so concerned. On a cruise ship, there is little chance of something happening to a child. It is probably the safest place on Earth.

I had a curfew of midnight for my sons. They have both traveled extensively on ships and it gave them a certain amount of freedom that they enjoyed without becoming a nuisance. One thing I never allowed is for my kids to swim alone at any age. I always went with them. It's just a good rule, since there are no life guards.

Look at Royals big ships ..

On Princess, 12 year olds are still in the children's Shockwaves group, rather than with the teens. We cruised when my daughter was 12 and I was a bit relieved that she wasn't with the teens.

At 12 (no matter how old the child looks) I'd allow limited freedom, but not roaming privileges, especially if she gets in with a bunch of teens. If she is too young for the teen area, that's good, in my book.

We have one granddaughter who has looked at least 16 since 11, possibly even 10. But, although she physically looked much older, psychologically and mentally she was just a typical 11-year-old.

It's tough; I think you have to be more vigilant when a child looks much older than their age just because others may assume they are 16 or 18 and treat them accordingly. It can be tough to handle.

Another problem is when adults expect much more mature behavior based on looks. My MIL, at 88, still resents that when she was 10 or 11, but was tall and well developed, everyone expected her to act like an adult and gave her adult chores and responsibilities. She feels as if her childhood was cut short. (She was also pushed ahead two grades and was teaching at 16).

That's exactly it - the female side of my family all has this problem... I remember in Spain at my DD's age (12) being slipped free drinks by the poolside bartender, and even worse,having some older guy buy me drinks as a thank you for watching his kids. I didn't understand what was going on then, and my DD certainly wouldn't understand now.

We've gone over the contract linked to here, and I think it's going to be a useful set of rules. We even managed to have a non awkward conversation about how we don't leave drinks unattended, and why. I'm confident that she can have a little leeway but we can also know where she is and what she's doing and who she's with.

She's smart and polite, but all the smart and polite in the world doesn't take away from the fact that one moment of not knowing what to do in a situation (like the bartender example above - I thought it would be rude not to say thank you and drink the drink) could mean trouble.

That's exactly it - the female side of my family all has this problem... I remember in Spain at my DD's age (12) being slipped free drinks by the poolside bartender, and even worse,having some older guy buy me drinks as a thank you for watching his kids. I didn't understand what was going on then, and my DD certainly wouldn't understand now.

Then tell her! At her age, I'm sure she's aware of boys, sex, feelings, etc., and how to watch out. My teens were well-schooled about alcohol and drugs (and not leaving drinks unattended) at 12. My oldest had an hour-glass figure at that age, and knew she could be perceived to be older than she was. My now 13 year old has the figure of an 8 year old boy (thank goodness - lol), and I doubt mens' eyes would follower her as she walked.

Let your dd know that older teens might hit on her, not realizing her age (ds16 would be mortified if he found out the girl he was taking a romantic interest in was only 12). If and when she meets new friends on the ship, make sure she discloses her age (this will also help the other 12 year olds warm up to her, and she can hang with kids with similar interests).