Ideas for a Quiet Memorial?

[Karaoke_Nadine]

April 4th, I will be on a cruise with family. My sister and her boyfriend will be in the cabin next to us. During the cruise, it will be the first anniversary of her 19 yr old sons unexpected passing. It has been a very hard year for us all.

Does anyone have any ideas for a memorial the evening of his one year? I would love to throw flowers overboard but I know that is a big No No!

She is not a religious person, and I have zero ideas on how to acknowledge this first year of his death.

Any suggestions???

[SadieN]

Was he cremated?

 

The ships' do a very nice job of spreading ashes at sea. You can throw flowers but everything has to be biodegradable.

 

On the Princess board there are several recent threads about how this works.

[Karaoke_Nadine]

No he was not cremated. I will check out the Princess board. Thanks!

[nydney1]

Sunrise or about 6:00 on a sea day is usually a very quite time on deck. If you are looking for the group to meet outside. You might also ask Carnival about meeting in the Chapel.

Edited March 17, 2015 by nydney1
Spelling

[bridgie04]

I liked the idea of gathering early. Maybe do a small gathering of your family, taking turns to share a few favorite memories and words about him. A favorite song could be played (well, quietly LOL) close with a poem or other inspirational text. A toast would be good with juice or something stronger. I am sorry for your family's lost. You are a kind sister to think of this.

[chengkp75]

April 4th, I will be on a cruise with family. My sister and her boyfriend will be in the cabin next to us. During the cruise, it will be the first anniversary of her 19 yr old sons unexpected passing. It has been a very hard year for us all.

Does anyone have any ideas for a memorial the evening of his one year? I would love to throw flowers overboard but I know that is a big No No!

She is not a religious person, and I have zero ideas on how to acknowledge this first year of his death.

Any suggestions???

 

Yes, generally, any flower arrangement you get from shore will have either metal or plastic on it, and the cruise lines are adamant about not allowing this overboard. However, if you contact the line, they usually will arrange with the vendor who provides their floral arrangements to make a biodegradable arrangement, and can usually arrange for either a private ceremony, or one accompanied by an officer, and it is sometimes done on the aft mooring deck (crew area), where there will be no one while at sea.

[Karaoke_Nadine]

Great ideas....thanks. I like the early morning idea. I will contact the ship and see if I can get some flowers to throw over.

Thanks everyone!

[K.T.B.]

Just another thought, but have you considered a "place setting" at the table that evening? Having him "on the cruise" with you in that way.

 

I have seen this done once. An older gentlemen and his children celebrating his late wife's life by having a place setting and them toasting her. I found out later that it would have been their wedding anniversary and they always cruised. The family used the cruise to remember and not to mourn.

[mykeb14]

Just another thought, but have you considered a "place setting" at the table that evening? Having him "on the cruise" with you in that way.

 

I have seen this done once. An older gentlemen and his children celebrating his late wife's life by having a place setting and them toasting her. I found out later that it would have been their wedding anniversary and they always cruised. The family used the cruise to remember and not to mourn.

 

 

That sends chills through me. What an amazing idea.

[Crusin Karen]

Just another thought, but have you considered a "place setting" at the table that evening? Having him "on the cruise" with you in that way.

 

I have seen this done once. An older gentlemen and his children celebrating his late wife's life by having a place setting and them toasting her. I found out later that it would have been their wedding anniversary and they always cruised. The family used the cruise to remember and not to mourn.

Oh, how beautiful. I have heard of the "empty chair." You place an empty chair at your table in rememberance of the loss of your loved one.

I have a favorite saying that I want at my own funeral. I believe it was Bobby Kennedy who put this in his eulogy of his brother JFK:

"And when he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the heavens so fine that all the world will be in love with night."

You could find a quiet place on a clear night and look at the stars and share some special things you remember of your nephew, then recite this after. God bless you and sorry for your family's loss.

[Debbie7452]

I never read JFK's eulogy, but I've read that quote. It is Shakespeare from Romeo and Juliet. It is a very nice quote.

[jpegg0]

I don't have any advice for the memorial, but I just wanted to pop in and say that I think the trip will provide some comfort to your sister.

 

My son died in August, and my in-laws paid for us to go on a cruise right after because my husband and I really needed to get away from everything. I remember specifically sitting out on the quiet lanai one evening at sunset and holding a picture of my son while looking out into the water and the beautiful sky. The experience was well, not healing because that's pretty much impossible, but just very comforting.

 

Peace to your family. <3

[GreytRacer]

We cruise with a group of friends that we met here on CC. Sadly, we lost a friend to cancer last year, right before our annual group cruise. One in the group ordered a dozen yellow roses to be delivered to her cabin. She took the petals off the roses. On one of the sea days, we all gathered outside on Deck 5, forward. We all took turns speaking and sharing memories and than we threw the yellow rose petals (yellow for friendship) over the side.

 

There was no one else in the area, as everyone else was at lunch or on Lido. It was a nice and appropriate way for us all to say goodbye to our Peep Betty.

 

I'm sorry for your loss. :'(

Edited March 17, 2015 by GreytRacer

[Crusin Karen]

I don't have any advice for the memorial, but I just wanted to pop in and say that I think the trip will provide some comfort to your sister.

 

My son died in August, and my in-laws paid for us to go on a cruise right after because my husband and I really needed to get away from everything. I remember specifically sitting out on the quiet lanai one evening at sunset and holding a picture of my son while looking out into the water and the beautiful sky. The experience was well, not healing because that's pretty much impossible, but just very comforting.

 

Peace to your family. <3

 

We cruise with a group of friends that we met here on CC. Sadly, we lost a friend to cancer last year, right before our annual group cruise. One in the group ordered a dozen yellow roses to be delivered to her cabin. She took the petals off the roses. On one of the sea days, we all gathered outside on Deck 5, forward. We all took turns speaking and sharing memories and than we threw the yellow rose petals (yellow for friendship) over the side.

 

There was no one else in the area, as everyone else was at lunch or on Lido. It was a nice and appropriate way for us all to say goodbye to our Peep Betty.

 

I'm sorry for your loss. :'(

jpegg0, my deepest sympathies and glad you had some comfort on your cruise.

GreytRacer, that is a beautiful memorial to your friend. My DB died unexpectedly at the age of 20 many years ago. He was never able to cruise, but I sometimes look up at the stars and share my day with him while I am on the ship! I had a BFF. We went all thru school together and she died of lupus. She LOVED to cruise and did many of them and tho we never cruised together, we always shared all our stories and experiences. Every cruise I order a drink with an umbrella in it, save the umbrella and put it on her grave when we get home.

[GreytRacer]

jpegg0, my deepest sympathies and glad you had some comfort on your cruise.

 

GreytRacer, that is a beautiful memorial to your friend. My DB died unexpectedly at the age of 20 many years ago. He was never able to cruise, but I sometimes look up at the stars and share my day with him while I am on the ship! I had a BFF. We went all thru school together and she died of lupus. She LOVED to cruise and did many of them and tho we never cruised together, we always shared all our stories and experiences. Every cruise I order a drink with an umbrella in it, save the umbrella and put it on her grave when we get home.

 

I love the idea of the umbrella drink umbrella on your friend's grave! I'm sure she loves it! My Peep Betty would too. :-)

[Crusin Karen]

I love the idea of the umbrella drink umbrella on your friend's grave! I'm sure she loves it! My Peep Betty would too. :-)

:);)

[Karaoke_Nadine]

Wow! I'm so glad I posted this. You all are sharing such great ideas and are making my eyes leak. Thank you so much to all of you for the comfort. I agree that this cruise for my sister will bring her some comfort and peace on his first anniversary. He traumatically took his own life and we have no reasons why he would do this. A total shock and surprise to us all. So many questions unanswered. I will be bring his photo, along with a battery operated candle to have some private time on your balconies.

Again, thanks for all your input.

[luckycruzer]

let us know what everyone did, as the ideas were great.....Best..judi

[riffatsea]

I think you are very sweet to be thinking about this but to me this is a very personal thing and I wouldn't plan anything without asking your sister what she would like to do!!

I would not just plan a memorial for someone else's child without discussing it with them.

[Crusin Karen]

Wow! I'm so glad I posted this. You all are sharing such great ideas and are making my eyes leak. Thank you so much to all of you for the comfort. I agree that this cruise for my sister will bring her some comfort and peace on his first anniversary. He traumatically took his own life and we have no reasons why he would do this. A total shock and surprise to us all. So many questions unanswered. I will be bring his photo, along with a battery operated candle to have some private time on your balconies.

Again, thanks for all your input.

I have VERY PERSONAL experience with this EXACT SAME THING of what happened to your nephew. I send my sympathies (again) and prayers of comfort. It is a VERY VERY hard thing to get your arms around and grasp. Life will never ever be the same, but may you all find peace someday. BON VOYAGE.

[Karaoke_Nadine]

I think you are very sweet to be thinking about this but to me this is a very personal thing and I wouldn't plan anything without asking your sister what she would like to do!!

I would not just plan a memorial for someone else's child without discussing it with them.

 

I am not worried about over stepping my boundaries. She would be elated. Many people try not discussing her son and avoid mentioning his name. She enjoys talking about his and all his memories. She would love the surprise.

[Karaoke_Nadine]

I have VERY PERSONAL experience with this EXACT SAME THING of what happened to your nephew. I send my sympathies (again) and prayers of comfort. It is a VERY VERY hard thing to get your arms around and grasp. Life will never ever be the same, but may you all find peace someday. BON VOYAGE.

 

Thank you Karen...warm hugs to you as well.

[luckycruzer]

TA as sent rules/regs for burial @ sea..we are compliant..thus far, and have all certs. I will contact GS closer to the Oct cruze date.

Edited March 29, 2015 by luckycruzer

[4boysnana]

These are all wonderful ideas to help with the healing. Isn't it amazing how the ocean can soothe a broken heart. Nothing will take away all the anguish but sharing with this group might bring a little peace.

We lost my DIL and we did a balloon release with notes attached. She left small children and it seemed to help us all. I know you couldn't do the balloons but even writing the notes helped us and the boys talked about the notes going to heaven.

 

I hope the calming breeze and blue waves carry away some of the sadness.

 

Good luck with your plans

 

4boysnana

 

PS The 4 boys are my sons and after years of being a single father he remarried someone with two sons. 6 boys.

[Karaoke_Nadine]

These are all wonderful ideas to help with the healing. Isn't it amazing how the ocean can soothe a broken heart. Nothing will take away all the anguish but sharing with this group might bring a little peace.

We lost my DIL and we did a balloon release with notes attached. She left small children and it seemed to help us all. I know you couldn't do the balloons but even writing the notes helped us and the boys talked about the notes going to heaven.

 

I hope the calming breeze and blue waves carry away some of the sadness.

 

 

 

PS The 4 boys are my sons and after years of being a single father he remarried someone with two sons. 6 boys.

 

Oh my goodness..... Your story is sad yet beautiful. I agree that sharing is all part of the healing process. I did discuss with my sister and she was happy to hear that we would not let his one year pass without a "quiet memorial." She also agreed that the calming seas would help the day pass without being at home alone grieving. I have his pictures packed, battery candles, and notes.

"Time is not measured by the minutes we are here on earth, but by the moments."