Is this tacky?

[alw1977]

Alright, I have an etiquette question (kind of) and I'd like to get some opinions. My husband and I are considering a cruise for my 30th birthday. We are really close to my in-laws and would love for them to go with us on the cruise. They have done a lot for us in the past and we are considering buying them the cruise fare (they know nothing about any of this yet). Here's the etiquette question: would it be completely rude to purchase the cruise for them if the cabin is an inside? We would actually like a balcony for a variety of reasons, but I'd feel sort of weird getting a balcony and having them in an inside. They are over 55, so is it possible they would qualify for cheaper rates, thus allowing us to afford a better cabin for them? Any opinions would be appreciated.

[warrior planner]

My parents have never traveled and we really wanted them to come with us on our next cruise so we bought them an inside cabin without any thoughts about it. They do not care, they are just so excited to go.

I am sure they will just be happy to be coming with you. After all they can come in and enjoy your balcony with you. All they need their cabin for is to sleep. Do not let it worry you. Go for it!

[phantom728]

First of all - I think that's great what you are considering doing:) I don't think it would be tacky because cost is always a factor and you wanting a balcony room for a special event is understandable.

I would check the rates on the various rooms just to see what is in your price range. Then when you surprise them with the type of room you've chosen, they can always upgrade and pay the difference if they would prefer a different type of room.

I'm sure they'll just be thrilled to be invited along:)

[HurricaneSally]

I would tell them about the cruise and ask if they want to upgrade on their own to a balcony. They would probably prefer this to an inside and it won't really cost them that much more.

[jckvpa0]

I think they will be thrilled. You could let them know they can always upgrade. What a great gift!

[woodman]

We have cruised in inside cabins ocean view and balcony cabins. Had a great time in all of them. They would be on a crusie ship how could they not have a good time. As for proper etiquette I don't think it enters into this gift. Go for it and have a great cruise.

[KelJ]

If someone were giving me a free cruise, I wouldn't care where I was staying. I wouldn't even need a cabin! I think what you're doing is great.:)

[mkringen]

They are over 55, so is it possible they would qualify for cheaper rates.

 

I do not believe that there are any senior discounts. I have never heard of any. I know there is not any discounts for children unless they are the 3rd or 4th in a room.

 

Michelle in SoCal

Vision 4/9/06

[48is24is1]

I don't think it is tacky of you at all! I think your in-laws will hail you in high regards for such thoughtfulness.

[Michuck]

I do not believe that there are any senior discounts. I have never heard of any. I know there is not any discounts for children unless they are the 3rd or 4th in a room.

 

Michelle in SoCal

Vision 4/9/06

 

 

There DEFINITELY are senior discounts, but only some cruises qualify. Not all have the discount availalbe. Sometimes the discount doesn't come out until closer to the date of the cruise, and is only for new bookings. DH and I are seniors (I, of course, am just barely a senior!), and often cruise with senior discounts.

 

Michele

[Crackerjack]

I definately agree with everyone else up above, and if for some reason they decide they want a better cabin, they can always upgrade and pay the difference. With that said, anyone is going to be thrilled to have a cruise bought for them.

[NYDee]

We purchased a cruise for my SIL, and inside cabin. We were already paying the single supplement so we were actually paying for 2. We had a balcony accross the hall and told her we would share the balcony.

[Crackerjack]

Duplicate.

[Crackerjack]

duplicate

[logan1_2000]

I'll be the voice of dissent--devil's advocate, just for comparison--and not meant as a flame. Indeed, just the opposite--good of you to consider this issue on the front end, it shows you DO care.

 

Have they cruised before? Are they Ritz Carlton folks or is the Hampton Inn just fine by them? Could they afford this trip on their own if you were not making the lovely gesture to bring them along? Some of the Q's to ask yourself. It is just a little too individual to extend the sentiment, "any room is a great room if it is on a great ship", or "you don't spend much time in your room anyway" to someone else who has not made that comment about their own viewpoint. My own DW insists on a window. And she is not a fancy gal, either (I can tell that every time I look in the mirror and see who she married). A fellow attorney here in my office insists on a balcony when she cruises--yet is price conscious enough that she loves crusing but does so seldomly (is that a word?) because she'd rather fo not too often but w/ a balcony than more frequently in a stateroom w/o a balcony.

 

Assuming your game plan has them across the hall from your balcony stateroom, and it sounds like you have a good relationship with your in-laws, I'm going to stick my neck out and leave the Emily Post and Amy Vanderbilt books up on DW's bookshelf (yes, we really truly have these and she references them often; why she married me I still don't know) and say that so long as to your knowledge it is not an offer they will consider "beneath" their standards, and when accompanied with something to the effect of "we wanted you to join us and our budget was able to get you the room across from us", it is a wonderful gesture, and if they have the means to afford the price of an upgrade if they so desire, I think you're in the clear.

 

I assume you are looking to book them in the inside because that's what your budget allows, and you mention the over 55 issue--have you checked w/ your TA about that matter, to see if there is an available discounted rate on a line that is desireable for all y'all (I just love "all y'all" as the plural form of "y'all")? But let's talk turkey (especially since tomorrow is thanksgiving)--what a mother in law wants from her daughter in law is grandchildren (everyone laugh now, and no angry rebukes from those who have made other family and lifestyle choices, its a joke people, and a funny one, too!), so in case you don't have any children at this time, if you say "we'll all enjoy the balcony, and having it to ourselves at certain times might make the trip special enough to bring home a souvenir you can bounce on your lap about 9 mos. after we get back" is hopefully enough to make everything perfect. Now, if children is either not your choice, not possible, or just not now...substitute "make your son happy" for the baby schtick. For most mothers in law, that will either please them or shock them into silence.

 

Or was that too crude? Maybe I DO need to take those books off the shelf one of these days? (My DS, age 9 1/2, got his "start" on a vacation to Quebec, so I am always on the lookout for "souvenir" children)

[goneclear]

There is a very simple answer to the OP's question.

There is no such thing as a tacky FREE cruise.:)

What you are doing is great, especially for in-laws;)

[LetsGoCruisN]

I agree with the other posters and think it is wonderful that you would even consider offering to take your in-laws on a cruise with you. Because let me tell you, there isn't a cruise ship big enough that I would even consider being on with my in-laws for 7 days!

 

And no, I don't think it is "tacky" to book them an inside stateroom. Like the OP have said... if they would like to upgrade, they have the option to themselves. I'm sure they will more than appreciate the cruise and inside cabin. If they are unappreciative, then in all honesty, you probably don't want them going with you anyways. ;)

[Barbee524]

Because let me tell you, there isn't a cruise ship big enough that I would even consider being on with my in-laws for 7 days!

RFLMAO

[alw1977]

Thanks to everyone for your replies. My in-laws are not "Ritz-Carlton" type people at all. They've only been on two big trips in their lifetimes. One was to Hawaii for their 20th wedding anniversary (a good 15 years ago now) and the other was earlier this year - 2 weeks in Europe, moderate priced hotels. They have never cruised before. Considering a S. Carib itinerary, which means we will all have to get airfare that is around $400pp.

 

I realize I am very lucky that I have such great in-laws. I cannot say the same about my own parents, sadly. In my case, there wouldn't be a cruise ship large enough to fit both me and my mother (my father is now deceased). But, as my in-laws start to get older (early to mid 60s) we want to go somewhere with them while they are still very active and can enjoy the Caribbean.

[blanca]

As I am an "over 55" MIL, and I have done several cruises, I will add my hugh "OK! Great thoughtfulness" to all the others. My husband and I have been on several cruises with inside cabin and several with window (no balxony yet) and I concur that the inside cabin would not be tacky or anything negative.

 

Go for it, girl, and have a happy happy time.

[Silvery Seas Cruiser]

Don't know exactly why but the arrangement of having a balcony room then saying to parents, "You are invited as our guests, but, oh, by the way, your cabin will be an inside cabin because we could only afford a balcony for us," just seems a trifle awkward. And my guess is that the OP may sense this too or would not have asked.

 

You wouldn't invite them to a very elegant restaurant and say, "We are having prime rib and champagne to celebrate my birthday. We want you to join us, but we can afford only chopped steak and a soft drink for each of you."

 

I have another question, too. You mention the free cruise is for in laws. What about your own family? I mean is just one set of parents being invited? How would the other set feel about NOT being invited? That presents an awkward situation too. Of course, there could be many reasons why that may not be an issue.

 

I'm uneasy about the proposition of having different classes of staterooms, but you know your in laws far better than I do, so maybe you have a better sense of how well they would accept the idea of taking a gift cruise. Would they would "look a gift horse in the mouth" by feeling slighted that you chose to give yourselves a special gift, but do somewhat less for them? Or would they take no notice of the different cabins and just be grateful to be going along. Do they even want to go on a cruise? Not everybody does.

 

Maybe to avoid this puzzle, just say to them, we would love to do something special for you in return for all you have done for us. What would you really enjoy doing? Offer them a menu of several different choices you can afford. I say this because I would have done just about anything to prevent my in laws from feeling slighted when they were alive.

[DonLou]

Another thing that you may want to consider is getting an INSIDE CABIN GUARANTEE. The bad thing about that is that they may end up with a cabin far away from you. The good thing is that the Upgrade Fairy may appear and turn that inside cabin into an oceanview one.

[dlhamlten]

You should feel great about giving that cruise gift to your in-laws. I wish we were on the receiving end of such a gesture, but since we just bought our kids a cruise for their Honeymoon , it is not likely to happen soon.

 

I also share your potential dis-comfort of booking a different class cabin for them. Like others have suggested, it would be like our kids telling us they have bought us airline tickets on the same flight as theirs, but that they were going First Class !

 

So here is a thought ---- consider telling just one or the other of them about your plan and see if they would like to pay for an upgrade to a Balcony as a surprise Christmas gift for their spouse. That way, you could be sure a cruise is a good idea in the first place. You could have a good gift suggestion which is always hard for people who have been married so long. Finally, if the thought of an Inside Cabin is not appealing to somebody who has never cruised but thinks they may be prone to claustrophobia, it could be avoided up front.

 

Have a great cruise and be sure to tell this thread what you decided to do.

[trish1c]

I was thinking about getting my own parents a cruise but had to postpone because I couldn't afford all the extras.

 

To the OP -- you didn't say what you were doing but your post raised some Qs for me & when you mentioned the airfare it really hit home.

 

A free cruise is nice & the cabin style doesn't matter. My Qs / issues are:

• Who's paying the airfare?
  
• Who's paying the sign & sail card for on board expenses?
  
• Who's paying for excursions?

To me it is sort of tacky to buy somebody a cruise without doing all of that. :o

 

It remains nice that you want to get them a cruise or take them on one with you but I'd like to know if people on this board think the gift must include all the extras.

[alw1977]

Good points everyone. Thanks for the input. Despite my pleas otherwise, my husband called his parents today to gauge their interest in going on a cruise with us. They said "sure, we'd love to go!" and seem up for the trip. Since they will use FF miles for airfare to SJU, that's not really a factor. Now, they think THEY are paying their whole way, and our gift to them will be an amount usable towards the cruise... so they will get a "cruise discount" from us.

 

Now, the only decision left... the Serenade or the Crown Princess?