Matthew 14:13-21

[little britain]

14 hours ago, Jetdriver787 said:

You will be pleased to learn that tonight’s tin actually contained 5 pats as evidenced below. They used to use “El-Presidente” but now have switched to something called “Echte Boter,” which I think may be German for “I can’t believe it’s not margarine?” In any event the back of the pat says “Kaptein” which I am sure is a serious step down from “President!”

I received one solitary butter bat in the tin last night.

I dine alone so I shouldn’t be greedy.

[Jetdriver787]

Quite a successful mornings shopping off the ship in the port of Palma Mallorca, Spain. Firstly, my rapidly growing fruit fetish was satiated by a quick visit to the food hall of “El Corte Inglés” department store. Now I know this stuff doesn’t grow on trees, although………🤷‍♂️

 

Surrounded by a plethora of limes, Lemons, healthy bananas, and, of course, strawberries! I was salivating at the potential arbitrage opportunities for converting 10 Euro worth of fruit into $5000 worth of on-board cocktail decorations! This, until I remembered that the blue shirted fruit police were never going to let me onboard with it! They were suspicious enough over my bottle of listerine, and that was only mint flavoured! 

still, all wasn’t lost! My wife had shown an unhealthy interest in a ludicrously expensive handbag in the “Louis Vuitton” store. While she went off on her own, I managed to procure one almost exactly the same from an entrepreneurial young man just down the street, and for a mere fraction of the price! He assured me it came with a full warranty and guarantee of authenticity, and if I wasn’t fully satisfied, he could be found there most Sundays when there wasn’t a large police presence? 🤷‍♂️ I think someone is going to be happy in our house this Christmas!

 

Now I don’t want to seem like a serial complainer (although my wife says “that ship sailed long ago? 🤷‍♂️) but on the subject of “cereal,” I’m also curious how those things called “fruit loops” manage to acquire those vivid colours without the use of radioactive ingredients?

 

Finally, the restaurant “Orange juice” has this last week been anything but! It’s either been “cut” more times than would embarrass a Colombian drug lord, or at best been watered down to a level rarely found outside of a Dominican Republic “All inclusive” resort? Also a shade of Orange seldom seen other than on the pillowcases of the inbound laundry at Mar-a-Lago? In the UK, I think they have to call this “Orange drink” in order to stay just inside the consumer law regulations?

 

It wouldn’t hurt the waiter to crack a smile either? The look he has been giving me is very much the same one my wife does all of the time! In fairness, I haven’t woken up to find him holding a pillow a few inches from my face, although it was only once, and  she did say that she was worried my snoring might make me more vulnerable to Covid and that she was just selflessly trying to protect me! 

[AC Stew]

Jetdriver787:

 

Where have you been all these years?! Brilliant humour and even better writing. Cruise Critic should be paying you!

[bavrail18]

16 hours ago, Jetdriver787 said:

You will be pleased to learn that tonight’s tin actually contained 5 pats as evidenced below. They used to use “El-Presidente” but now have switched to something called “Echte Boter,” which I think may be German for “I can’t believe it’s not margarine?” In any event the back of the pat says “Kaptein” which I am sure is a serious step down from “President

 

"Echte Boter" is dutch for "Real Butter". 

[little britain]

My entry to the LV emporium was blocked by the protestors… but being Spanish they had all packed up by 1pm to go for a lie down or a cana ( small beer).

 

DH calls them my plastic bags ( I admit to owning quite a few 🤭) … but please do come back and tell us how thrilled Mrs @Jetdriver787 is on Christmas 🎄 Day with her gift… !! 🎁 

 

Nothing strawberry related on the menu tonight but there is vegan asparagus… can’t wait for your deconstruction of that one! 

Edited November 12, 2023 by little britain

[Jetdriver787]

30 minutes ago, little britain said:

My entry to the LV emporium was blocked by the protestors… but being Spanish they had all packed up by 1pm to go for a lie down or a cana ( small beer).

 

DH calls them my plastic bags ( I admit to owning quite a few 🤭) … but please do come back and tell us how thrilled Mrs @Jetdriver787 is on Christmas 🎄 Day with her gift… !! 🎁 

 

Nothing strawberry related on the menu tonight but there is vegan asparagus… can’t wait for your deconstruction of that one! 

🤣 I think they were all protesting the EU? Obviously not something we British would do! 🤷‍♂️🤣

 

I was very impressed with the fact that everybody clearly possessed a beautifully uniform and well laundered flag. The street bag sellers were visibly relieved that the police were otherwise occupied! 
 

looking forward to Dinner as all I can taste is glue from licking those envelopes! 🤷‍♂️

Edited November 12, 2023 by Jetdriver787

[Jetdriver787]

“Nothing strawberry related on the menu tonight but there is vegan asparagus… can’t wait for your deconstruction of that one!”

 

Hmmm! In fairness they hadn’t bisected the asparagus, but it was carefully hidden behind a veritable  forest of Rocket! (Arugula for our friends from the New world!) Unlike Sir Elton John, I’m  not much of a Rocket man! 
 

Anyway, fruit and veg’ aside, the staff have all been lovely. You can only imagine my surprise when, after dinner, they all presented me with an envelope completely stuffed with cash! It seems, the waiters, chefs, bar staff, housekeeping and somebody called the “purchasing manager” had all  pooled a months worth of tips so that I could cruise on another ship! Any other ship!  I mean how sweet is that? Even my wife had chipped in! 
 

I didn’t  have the heart to tell them that we were already booked on the continuation of this cruise to the New World! I can’t wait to see their faces light up tonight at dinner! 

[LEMJMcC]

On 11/11/2023 at 7:53 PM, BND said:

Our asparagus on Jewel 20 Oct-9 Nov (b2b) was the skinniest little limp asparagus I've ever seen. 

You sure it wasn't a green toothpick?

[gmachar]

We are so enjoying this laugh out loud review! Thank you!

Gerry & Char

[Jetdriver787]

Folks…..Thank you for tolerating me thus far. I promise this will be my last post on this thread.

 

As I was coming out of the “My Fair lady” restaurant this evening, I found myself humming the tune to “On the Street where you live!” 

 

🎼 I have often sailed,

On these seas before,

But the fruit  and veg’

Included strawberries before!

All at once am I,

Eating Key Lime pie,

Knowing that’s all the fruit

That there is!

 

There are lilac stripes,

And some grey I’m told.

On my undies which were white

Before the “Wash & Fold!”

Now it seems to me,

Even though it’s free,

That is not from the “fruit” of the loom!

 

And oh… the powerful feeling,

When I see some veg’ that is fresh.

And so… Bananas are peeling,

Looks like they hiked from Bangladesh!

 

People stop and stare,

They don’t bother me!

Wearing pants is oft forgot

When you are Sixty Three!

Still I may be old,

And the steaks gone cold,

But I’m still on a ship on the sea! 🎼

 

(With apologies to Jay Lerner & Fred Lowe!)

 

Edited November 13, 2023 by Jetdriver787

[HicksRA]

I feel your pain re: the wash and fold. Three weeks ago on a 16 day cruise, I crammed all my white briefs and socks in the plastic bag along with my wife’s panties. One pair of hers just happened to be dark blue cotton. 
 

After boiling the entire batch for probably an hour (as they do), everything came back baby blue. 
 

[Bailey & Sophie]

7 hours ago, HicksRA said:

I feel your pain re: the wash and fold. Three weeks ago on a 16 day cruise, I crammed all my white briefs and socks in the plastic bag along with my wife’s panties. One pair of hers just happened to be dark blue cotton. 
 

After boiling the entire batch for probably an hour (as they do), everything came back baby blue. 
 

 

I once ended up with 14 pink work shirts (that were supposed to be white) because I threw in a red t-shirt.

[RedJessi]

On 11/10/2023 at 5:53 PM, Jetdriver787 said:

 

The anticipation was quickly puréed into crushing disappointment as laid before me was an epicurean dessert atop which was not many, not one, but NONE Strawberries! Instead was a sad and lonely Raspberry! (I present exhibit “B” your honour!)

 

 

That Panna Cotta looks like red jell-o! 🫣