Everything you need to know about Oz, well....maybe not

[newfarmers]

These questions about Australia were apparently asked by potential visitors on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are reportedly the responses by the website officials.

 

The opinions following are those of whoever actually wrote them. Please don't keep reading if you are offended by us taking the mickey out of the rest of the world!

 

Q. Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,

how do the plants grow? (UK)

A. We import all our plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

 

Q. Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A. Depends on how much you've been drinking.

 

Q. I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad

tracks? (Sweden)

A. Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

 

Q. Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a

list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A. What did your last slave die of?

 

Q. Can you give me some info about Hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.

Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does

not.... oh forget it. Sure the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in

Kings Cross. Come naked.

 

Q. Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)

A. Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here

and we'll give you the rest of the directions.

 

Q. Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A. Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

 

Q. Can you send me the 'Vienna Boys' Choir Schedule? (USA)

A. Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which

is.... oh forget it. Sure the Vienna Boys choir plays every Tuesday

night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

 

Q. Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A. You are a British politician, right?

 

Q. Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all-year

round? (Germany)

A. No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is

illegal.

 

Q. Please send a list of all doctors in Australia that can dispense

rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A. Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is were YOU come from. All

Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make

good pets.

 

Q. I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget

its name. Its a kind of bear, and lives in trees. (USA)

A. It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of

gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

 

Q. Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population

is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A. Yes, gay night clubs.

 

Q. Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A. Only at Christmas.

 

Q. I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl I

dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A. Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

 

Q. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A. Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

[margord]

These questions about Australia were apparently asked by potential visitors on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are reportedly the responses by the website officials.

 

The opinions following are those of whoever actually wrote them. Please don't keep reading if you are offended by us taking the mickey out of the rest of the world!

 

Q. Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,

how do the plants grow? (UK)

A. We import all our plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

 

Q. Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A. Depends on how much you've been drinking.

 

Q. I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad

tracks? (Sweden)

A. Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

 

Q. Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a

list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A. What did your last slave die of?

 

Q. Can you give me some info about Hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.

Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does

not.... oh forget it. Sure the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in

Kings Cross. Come naked.

 

Q. Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)

A. Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here

and we'll give you the rest of the directions.

 

Q. Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A. Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

 

Q. Can you send me the 'Vienna Boys' Choir Schedule? (USA)

A. Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which

is.... oh forget it. Sure the Vienna Boys choir plays every Tuesday

night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

 

Q. Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A. You are a British politician, right?

 

Q. Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all-year

round? (Germany)

A. No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is

illegal.

 

Q. Please send a list of all doctors in Australia that can dispense

rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A. Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is were YOU come from. All

Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make

good pets.

 

Q. I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget

its name. Its a kind of bear, and lives in trees. (USA)

A. It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of

gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

 

Q. Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population

is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A. Yes, gay night clubs.

 

Q. Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A. Only at Christmas.

 

Q. I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl I

dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A. Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

 

Q. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A. Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

 

This is so funny. Thank you so much for sharing.

[mochuck]

Q. I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl I

dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

 

 

I think that was my older sister!

[MLAW]

It is great to start out the morning with a good laugh. Thanks for sharing.

[eh2zed]

Whoo eeeee. That was fun.

Thanks

[TenerifeSharon]

Fantastic! Many thanks for the great laughs!:D

 

It's bad enough when some people don't engage their brains before they speak, even worse when they put such idiotic thoughts and questions on paper - and don't read what they've written BEFORE they hit the "send" button.

[kehlx2]

These questions about Australia were apparently asked by potential visitors on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are reportedly the responses by the website officials.

 

The opinions following are those of whoever actually wrote them. Please don't keep reading if you are offended by us taking the mickey out of the rest of the world!

 

Q. Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,

how do the plants grow? (UK)

A. We import all our plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

 

Q. Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A. Depends on how much you've been drinking.

 

Q. I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad

tracks? (Sweden)

A. Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

 

Q. Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a

list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A. What did your last slave die of?

 

Q. Can you give me some info about Hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.

Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does

not.... oh forget it. Sure the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in

Kings Cross. Come naked.

 

Q. Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)

A. Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here

and we'll give you the rest of the directions.

 

Q. Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A. Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

 

Q. Can you send me the 'Vienna Boys' Choir Schedule? (USA)

A. Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which

is.... oh forget it. Sure the Vienna Boys choir plays every Tuesday

night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

 

Q. Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A. You are a British politician, right?

 

Q. Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all-year

round? (Germany)

A. No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is

illegal.

 

Q. Please send a list of all doctors in Australia that can dispense

rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A. Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is were YOU come from. All

Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make

good pets.

 

Q. I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget

its name. Its a kind of bear, and lives in trees. (USA)

A. It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of

gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

 

Q. Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population

is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A. Yes, gay night clubs.

 

Q. Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A. Only at Christmas.

 

Q. I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl I

dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A. Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

 

Q. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A. Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

 

Oh LOVE it what a HOOT!!!!--Made my day!!:D

[kehlx2]

Fantastic! Many thanks for the great laughs!:D

 

It's bad enough when some people don't engage their brains before they speak, even worse when they put such idiotic thoughts and questions on paper - and don't read what they've written BEFORE they hit the "send" button.

 

Hi there--I'm following you around again....Are you almost thinking about getting ready for your Alaska cruise? I sure wish the time would pass FAST--before a cruise & SLOW during.:D

[mipps]

that was sooo good

thx for the chuckle

 

:)

[arxcards]

LOL - Thanks for the post!

[ArizonaRalphie]

Q. I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl I

dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A. Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

 

I think there is a hidden agenda in the above question. It might be something about his child support payments showing up or he may want to visit the twins he's never met.

[AJ W]

Thanks for sharing. Wonderful humor, what a good laugh!

[Kartgv]

Time to bump this fun thread back up with a few questions. We've been trying to absorb more "OZ" knowledge by following the online news at news.com.au. We're picking up most of the local lingo, but over the last few weeks there have been several terms that we haven't quite figured out.

 

b-double

 

larrikin

 

p-plater

 

hoon

 

bowser blues

 

Any help out there????

[Cahadalu]

B-Double = semi trailer with 2 trailers.

 

Larrikin = cheeky joker, with slight reference to Irish friendliness.

 

P-Plater = driver on provisional plates (1st 2 years of driving before full driver's licence). Associated with risky driving and false confidence.

 

Hoon = someone who drives too fast.

 

Bowser Blues = sadness caused by high prices for petrol when filling the car at the petrol station. Bowser = petrol pump.

 

This is fun :) Any more?

[cjm66]

Time to bump this fun thread back up with a few questions. We've been trying to absorb more "OZ" knowledge by following the online news at news.com.au. We're picking up most of the local lingo, but over the last few weeks there have been several terms that we haven't quite figured out.

 

b-double - New one to me

 

larrikin - A lovable rogue

 

p-plater - A newly licenced driver - drives with restrictions

 

hoon - A wild rude driver (0r person) crude and uneducated is also assumed They can be found hooning around.

 

bowser blues - Assume its despair at rising prices for petrol (pumps = Bowsers)

 

Any help out there????

 

Thank you for resurecting the thread - a good laugh to begin the year!

 

Colleen

[Kartgv]

Thanks for the explanations! We'll keep reading the news and post any new ones we run across. We're about 4 hours away from the New Year here in So. California (already in our jammies, watching the celebrations safe and sound at home!) , which all of you have already celebrated. There's an awsome YouTube video of Sydney fireworks - look for the one that'a about 12 minutes long. Happy New Year Everyone!

[Cahadalu]

Happy New Year!! :D :D :D

 

It's half past 3 new years afternoon here lol.

 

Have a great one, and best wishes for a safe and happy 2012.

[teepee71]

Thanks for the explanations! We'll keep reading the news and post any new ones we run across. We're about 4 hours away from the New Year here in So. California (already in our jammies, watching the celebrations safe and sound at home!) , which all of you have already celebrated. There's an awsome YouTube video of Sydney fireworks - look for the one that'a about 12 minutes long. Happy New Year Everyone!

I was just browsing and thought this website might help you out !!!!!!:D:D:D

 

http://www.koalanet.com.au/australian-slang.html#H

[travelinjudy]

I was just browsing and thought this website might help you out !!!!!!:D:D:D

 

http://www.koalanet.com.au/australian-slang.html#H

 

 

Thanks! That's a great website. I really enjoyed reading through it.:D

[taninaus]

The one thing I laughed hardest at when in the US was a work van with the business name "Master Rooter" - I think he was a plumber but in Australia he would be something very different!

[teepee71]

The one thing I laughed hardest at when in the US was a work van with the business name "Master Rooter" - I think he was a plumber but in Australia he would be something very different!

 

 

Oh :eek: yes indeed.... to funny !!!!:D:D:D:D

[Desert Cruizers]

Those were great loved reading the answers. One thing that I know one thinks about though when in a new city etc and standing around, your not sure of the directions at first. When in your own area, you do, but was still fun to read.:)