Travelling with a complainer...

[berly369]

I have planned and waited for my cruise for over a year now. A friend is bringing her parents, and the mom is a constant complainer about everything. With the cruise a month away, I am already dreading the negative comments that will come from her. We are travelling with 13 others and I have already told my DH that I will purposely keep my distance to avoid saying something I might regret. Has anyone else travelled with someone like this, and how did you handle the situation??:confused:

 

PS It is a 15 night cruise:eek:

[cruzeluver]

My sympathies are with you.

 

People like that seem to like the attention that their complaining gets them. (Guess negative attention is better than none.) So, ignoring the complaints may help. Some people just seem to like an audience.

 

Something that works with my grandmother (love her to death, but she complains about EVERYTHING) is to counter each of her complaints with an overenthusiastic response about how much I love something. As an example:

 

Grandma: This coffe is too weak!

 

Me: This is without question, the finest chocolate cake I have eve eaten!

 

Seems to take the wind righ out of her sails. :p

[RVRCLC]

Give her a "no complaining" bracelet!

[RVRCLC]

This link goes to an article about the no complaining bracelet.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17362505/

 

The bracelets come from Christ Church Unity, in Kansas City, Missouri.

Google "no complaining bracelet"

The msnbc site contains a link to the church's order form :)

[MamaParrotHead]

keeping my distance helped a lot. also, agreeing beforehand to "doing our own thing". #1- don't let her ruin your trip.

[KC_fn]

berly, When I travelled with a large group, it wasn't difficult to "avoid" a given individual. There's so much to do, and everyone kind of drifted off to their preferred activity; just make sure you go in a different direction. ;)

 

I'm not an expert on dining room assignments, but if you can arrange to be seated at the "other" table, that will be even better. I'm sure someone can tell you how to manage this.

 

Another thing: I noticed that people can undergo a slight personality change while onboard. Nothing radical, but maybe just enough that she will look on the bright side, at least some of the time.

 

Good luck, and whatever you do, don't let her spoil YOUR cruise!

[Keith1010]

When we cruise we focus in on all that is good and ignore those things that aren't as good. We take the approach that the glass is half full and rather than half empty. There are some who would not be happy unless they complained. That is a contradiction in itself but that is the way some are.

 

I would just ignore the person and if the person bothers you focus on everyone else in your group who is positive. And, no matter what, have a wonderful cruise.

 

Keith

[berly369]

Thank you everyone for your replys. I agree that during the day-especially sea days, that I will be somewhere else. I have already made arrangements to be at the "other" table in the dining room.:D

I like the idea of a "no complaints" bracelet.

[mikedw]

Personally I think it would be fun if you purposely contradict everything she says when she starts to complain. Two things may happen. 1. She gets tired of you contradicting her and shuts up, or 2. she avoids you completely. Take care.

[phillyf]

I know what it is like. My wife and I asked another couple to join us who are usually great company. We thought it would be nice since the husband had not taken a vacation in 15-20 years.

 

All he did was complain. Complain, complain and complain. Complained about the weather, complained about the food, complained about the service. You name and he complained.

 

My wife and I after the FIRST complaint immediatly starting to turn the negativity into posivity. No one was going to ruin our vacation. I think it rained seven days straight however my wife and I were having a blast drinking and socializing and going to the beach. Showers, storms rough seas who cares. We just enjoyed ourselves.

 

I think the next time someone starts to complain I'll let them know they are with the WRONG group. We are going to make the best of any situation and have a GREAT time even in a storm!

[0ldog]

For every complaint she has to pay everyone in earshot a buck. If she hears one she can collect a dollar from the complainer.

[berly369]

Personally I think it would be fun if you purposely contradict everything she says when she starts to complain. Two things may happen. 1. She gets tired of you contradicting her and shuts up, or 2. she avoids you completely. Take care.

 

I have thought of this, and it really is not my style. I try and avoid any confrontations. But then again, it is hard to say what one may do in the moment:rolleyes:

[munchkin4]

I am not one to mince words so would probably say to her the same thing I used to tell the "complainers" in my youth group (leader for 22 years). Politely, not hateful but firmly--"Let's play a game. If you can't say something nice, then don't speak." or something to that effect. Worked everytime with middle/high school kids. Done in the right tone, it shouldn't offend anyone.

[sail7seas]

Don't worry about. Fretting about it now....in advance of your cruise, is setting yourself up for angyst IMO Keep your upbeat, positive attitude and your natural inclination will be to continue on having a good time no matter what negatives anyone has to say.

 

Only you can let someone ruin your good time.

Your group is large enough for you to put plenty of space between you and her through your entire cruise.

 

If you 'see her coming' toward you and aren't interested in speaking with her, turn and speak with someone else. You can keep your contact with her limited to good morning, good evening....have a nice day.

[urbabie2]

I have planned and waited for my cruise for over a year now. A friend is bringing her parents, and the mom is a constant complainer about everything. With the cruise a month away, I am already dreading the negative comments that will come from her. We are travelling with 13 others and I have already told my DH that I will purposely keep my distance to avoid saying something I might regret. Has anyone else travelled with someone like this, and how did you handle the situation??:confused:

 

PS It is a 15 night cruise:eek:

 

OMG my grandma is like this--- drives me nuts-- you cant take her ANYWHERE without complaining...

 

seriously.. good luck to you...my prayers are with you... hehe

[RHefley228]

Some people just seem to enjoy being unhappy. After over 60 years on this planet, I still don't understand it. During my life I've found several things to complain about--being drafted into the Army in 1971 and put in the infantry comes to mind, and then there were some potentially-fatal medical problems fixed thanks to 20th & 21st-Century medicine--but coffee and stuff like that certainly isn't on the list. I have tried to live my life as though each day was my last, because I know that one day I'll be right. If confrontation isn't your style, especially if it would distress your friend, I think that's wise and kind. I agree with the posters who advise separate tables, etc. Try to pick a shore excursion you know the mother won't like; parasailing or limbo dancing, perhaps. If you're really lucky, she will be incapacitated by motion sickness for the entire voyage. Anyway, I really agree with the people who advise you not to let this ruin your trip. If you're really backed into a corner, I suggest the response "Oh. Really?" And then change the subject...

[urbabie2]

Some people just seem to enjoy being unhappy. After over 60 years on this planet, I still don't understand it. During my life I've found several things to complain about--being drafted into the Army in 1971 and put in the infantry comes to mind, and then there were some potentially-fatal medical problems fixed thanks to 20th & 21st-Century medicine--but coffee and stuff like that certainly isn't on the list. I have tried to live my life as though each day was my last, because I know that one day I'll be right. If confrontation isn't your style, especially if it would distress your friend, I think that's wise and kind. I agree with the posters who advise separate tables, etc. Try to pick a shore excursion you know the mother won't like; parasailing or limbo dancing, perhaps. If you're really lucky, she will be incapacitated by motion sickness for the entire voyage. Anyway, I really agree with the people who advise you not to let this ruin your trip. If you're really backed into a corner, I suggest the response "Oh. Really?" And then change the subject...

 

or just do the simple... smile and nod.. then change the subject lol~

[RHefley228]

or just do the simple... smile and nod.. then change the subject lol~

 

Even better. But perhaps after staring at them like you're...not..quite..sure..that..they're...saying...something...intelligible?

[urbabie2]

Even better. But perhaps after staring at them like you're...not..quite..sure..that..they're...saying...something...intelligible?

 

lol yea the... im sorry....WHAT???? 20 head look:confused:

[RHefley228]

lol yea the... im sorry....WHAT???? 20 head look:confused:

 

Works for me. Considering how lucky we are to be living in this country, with all the opportunities we have to do things like---oh, cruise, instead of fleeing for our lives---I just have very little empathy with the terminally-unhappy.

[Janan]

why not have her research the cruise ;) (as long as she doesn't know your screen name) and hopefully she'll stumble on to this thread:D that way you don't have to confront her, and I'm sure people in the past,(probably but not limited to her husband)has told her that she often rains on peoples parades.

 

Maybe hearing it from other people, will make her think or tell her before hand if there is somthing on the cruise she doesn't like...she can write a review seems we have quite a few people she can commisserate with

 

Andy

[chri1720]

Don't let her bring you down. Everytime she complains, concentrate on something positive and smile. The more you do it, the worst she feels and the better you will feel. Personally, these people are opposites of me, and so i usually make them miserable as i am always thinking positively and enjoying the present.

[urbabie2]

Works for me. Considering how lucky we are to be living in this country, with all the opportunities we have to do things like---oh, cruise, instead of fleeing for our lives---I just have very little empathy with the terminally-unhappy.

 

 

we of all people should no just to be happy and smile compared to whats on the streets of ny ... ickkieess

[eh2zed]

OP berly369 if the complaining gets too bad I would perform an optorectomy on the person. Thats when you sever the cord that connects their eyeball to their rectum. It will improve their crappy outlook on life. Well maybe you can't perform the surgery but you could tell the joke. When I tell the joke I substitute "crappy" with something else. Would they get the point?????:D :D :D :D

[Jeano222]

We were on an Alaskan cruise with friends and family. One of the women brought her boyfriend [older guy] and we were seated at same table for dinner. Every night at dinner he complained about everything. We ran into bad weather and missed Sitka and that night at dinner, he pointed his finger at me and said "This was YOUR bright idea, and the only reason I came on this cruise was for that port" My friend was mortified and I left the table in tears with my husband furious. I did not eat in the dining room for the rest of the cruise, because I didn't want to sit at the same table. Friend broke up with him after that but it ruined my cruise. Avoid the complainer at all costs!