Travelling with a complainer...

[Happyladi]

I honestly think most complainers don't realize how much they do it!

 

I work with a woman who was telling me about her mother. She told me her mother complains all the time and she hates to be around her. I bit my tongue, but this woman is one of the biggest complainers I know and she doesn't realize it.

 

She and another coworker went to a fair. The other coworker was telling me how much fun they had and that it was a great day. When I asked Ms. Complainer she told me that it was so hot and crowded and her feet hurt. :rolleyes:

[berly369]

This all comes back to being a pessimist or optimist--Is the glass half full or half empty??

 

I appreciate everyones feedback, and I have lots of ideas now on how to deal with the situation. I will make sure to check back after the cruise and give a report on how things went. Best of luck to everyone else who has to deal with negative people either on cruise or in "everyday" life.

[AMommyof2]

For every complaint she has to pay everyone in earshot a buck. If she hears one she can collect a dollar from the complainer.

 

 

I like this idea. If the person complains as much as the OP says, then maybe they can at least get their setsail tab paid.

[soletread]

Hi unfortunately you get the Complainers every where in life and I have experience of a few on cruise's.

 

Just one funny story to share While sat on the pool deck on board the Millennium in Feb 07 One senior couple in there late 70's I would say sat next to My wife and I.

 

The Old dear sat for 40 minutes running off a massive list of everything that had been wrong so far with the cruise, The music was too loud the pool was too deep the food was poor the drinks to expensive the trips all badly organized ( All untrue I hasten to add )

 

Any way after the 40 minutes of sitting in total silence her husband kindly patted her on the knee and said never mind honey we'll both be dead soon.

 

My wife and I couldn't help having a little giggle

[cruise_lover]

For every negative action there is also a positive reaction.

 

Complainter - I don't like this food.

What you shoud say. You do know you are on a cruise and can order something else from the main menu without paying extra for it. When your waiter comes back ask him to see the menu again.

What you would like to say: Hey waiter bring this lady a cup of coffee sweetened with a couple of sleeping pills. We need to send her back to her room so we can enjoy the rest of the evening.

 

Complainter - My room wasn't cleaned until 8:30

What you should say: - Yes but wasn't it nice that you did not have to make your own bed this morning like you would have had you been home.

What you would like to say: Oh boo hoo - Quite complainting. At least you have someone to clean up after you.

 

Complainter - It's too hot

What you should say - Why don't you get out of the sun awhile and try sitting in the library. You can read a book or look at a magazine. The library is so cool, quiet and air-conditioned.

What you would like to say: You know, you can always take a flying leap into the swimming pool and cool off.

 

Complainter - There's nothing to do

What you should say- I tell you what, let's find you a quiet cool place to sit where you can people watch. Try and make up funny stories to yourself about them. We'll come back and check on you in a couple of hours. (yeah right)

What you would like to say - Go to the atrium and watch how normal people who are glad to be on a cruise looks. And while you at it, hold your breath until we come back for you. We'll be back in about 3 or 4 hours.

 

Complainter - I don't want to take that tour.

What you should say - You know you on vacation too and if you don't want to take a tour, you don't have to. Just stay on the boat and we'll tell you all about the tour when we get back.

 

While we are on this tour why don't you go down to the photo gallery and see how many funny photographs you can find. We were down there last night and we were laughing so hard we were crying. (just cross your fingers behind your back when telling her this. Sometime a little white lie is necessary). Do you want us to tell you how to get lost (opps sorry). I mean do you want us to give you directions to the gallery without getting lost.

What you would like to say - Guess what lady, and I am using this term lightly - with that attitude of yours we don't want you on this tour either. So stay on the ship and make the workers miserable. We are going on this tour and without you and we plan on enjoying ourselves.

 

:p :p GET THE PICTURE :p :p :p

[notentirelynormal]

Cruise Cat, those were great ideas and worth trying.

 

My mother is an excellent complainer too. She's 78 and says "I'm only giving my opinion". The problem really is, if you call her on it, it just hurts her feelings and while I don't want to listen to the complaining, I also don't want to hurt her and see her cry. We've done the spreading her around part, sitting her at different tables etc. but once her feelings are hurt that's it. She notices us avoiding her and that hurts her feelings more... and brings on more complaining. Of course its negative attention, but on the otherhand, we all get self involved wanting to do what pleases us because it IS our vacation and putting aside those that interfere. Its also important not to forget that older people's feelings tend to be more fragile then we think. If you think you're intolerant now of a situation, just add 30 more years to your life and imagine what you're going to be like. Patience. You give it to your kids, you need to give it to your parents/older relatives. Remember, some day that's gonna be you and you're gonna wish that people listened to you. I just suck it in and deal with it - well most of the time anyway LOL. Its amazing how including her in things, even just taking her to Bingo with me stops the complaining. Your time is what they mostly want. To be important....

[eh2zed]

berly, something we tried once in the lunchroom at work was a complaint jar. Anytime someone complained about anything someone could invoke the complaint jar $1 fine. It was light hearted and fun. So it would depend on whether your complainer could be a good sport about it. Your group could have a draw for the proceeds at the end of the cruise.

[lisiamc]

Here's what I would do. Since it's not YOUR mother (and believe me, mine's about as bad as your friend's, which is why we haven't and won't vacation together since I was 14 years old!) quit worrying about your friend's mom, whom you can't control or change.

 

Put your good energy and happy thoughts into your friend -- pick either a sea day for a facial at the spa, or a fun excursion you both are interested in, and give your friend a treat AWAY from her mom. Tell her it's a late or early birthday or Christmas present, so she can relay that to her mom. As part of the "present," give her a couple of magazines on topics of interest to her mom -- needlepoint, gardening, whatever -- so your friend can hand them to mom to keep her busy during the treat. What's the worst that can happen? Mom will complain more (like that's a change?), and your friend will get a few hours of peace and quiet with you!

 

Note this assumes she's a pretty good friend! ;) It won't be cheap but if it lets you avoid the mom and spend some time with your friend, it might be worth it.

 

MichellP, that's a really nice idea. You sound like a very kind and thoughtful person. I bet your friends and family appreciate you!

 

Lisa

[rebeljohn]

A couple of years ago, we had a complainer at our table. Whenever she complained, a teenage boy, sitting with his parents,also at our table, said.....'COOL!' She would usually stop whenever he would say it.

Later, when we heard her complaining about the lack of 'perfect' towels in the rack by the pool, we overheard her husband.......say.........'COOL!'

[cruise_lover]

NOTENTIRELYNORMAL:

I know what you are going through with your mother because my elderly neighbor who lived by herself depended upon me for everything. I even gave up my Saturday mornings to bring her grocery shopping. She complainted because that is how she got sympathy and attention. And I did not helping her out. Her daughter lived over 80 miles away and never thought of her.

 

I do however have a lack of sympanthy for complainters like friends of mine who are younger than I am (I'm 58). This couple constantly complaint about everything. If a store clerk doesn't make a fuss over them because they spent $20.00 in the store they complaint about the service. No restaurant cooks food as good as they do. They complaint about everything and everyone. The more we do for people like this the more they complaint. I feel so sorry for their children growing up thinking that the only way to enjoy life is to complaint about the littlest of things.

 

So keep taking care of your mother the way you say you are. You sound like a wonderful and caring person. And still having your mother around, even if she is a little moody, is a wonder gift to have.

 

When I was a teenager in the 60's

"cruising" meant driving up and down

Main Street in our cars before heading

for the local Dairy Freeze.

Then I grew up and found

out the true meaning of Cruising :p

[Annieeee]

I did not read all the responses so I apologize if this has already been suggested.

 

When I travel with a large group of friends. we generally have a list of no-no's. One of our rules is that because we are traveing with a large group, that everyone is free to go and do whatever excursions they want, and no one is to be upset if no one wants to do what they want to do. Another rule on the list is no complaining. You decided to come on this cruise of your own free will. So take it like an adult, if thre is something you do not like, get over it! The list changes of course. but the no complaining rule stays on it. Surely your friend knows that her mother is a chronic complainer. I would very gently and diplomatically tell her that you and others in your traveling group would appreciate it if she would ask her mom to try and keep from #itching all the time.

 

Annieeee

[notentirelynormal]

Cruiser_lover... LOL I wouldn't say I'm wonderful... but I do find it an exchange, her company - as trying as that can be at times - and not having her company ever again. The younger couple however, I have NO patience for. They clearly think they're "special" and better than others and those people I would say something to, and probably not very politely. As my DD would say when I get that look in my eyes, "Mom, be quiet!". Oops, too late.

[cruisinchuckeee]

I feel for you. I ...very hesitantly...booked my mom a room to go with us in 09. I want her to go because I know she'll never get a chance if I do'tpay for it. But then I'm thinking...OMG, she's going to complain about everything. The musics too loud, kids are misbehaving, someones eating with their mouth open within earshot...blah, blah, blah...

This trip is for her birthday, but I already told her about it, I couldn't help it. So I decided I'm going to put something in her card that says the only condition on her going is if she doesn't complain. Just breahe, relax, ignore, take a walk..whatever, just DO NOT COMPLAIN! I paid too much money for this trip for her to complain.

 

 

Dawn

[notentirelynormal]

Wow, what a slap in the face! So you're telling your mom I love you so I'm taking you on this dream vacation, but shut up, just shut up! Why bother? Seriously, who wants a present with such a rude comment attached. Would you? Why don’t you try the advise that Cruise Cat gave and try to involve her so she’s part of the vacation, and not the big mouth you’re telling her she is. If your husband said, “honey, I really want you to come to the office party, but you can only come under these conditions…” would you really be in the mood to go and be pleasant?

[guerita219]

Wow, what a slap in the face! So you're telling your mom I love you so I'm taking you on this dream vacation, but shut up, just shut up! Why bother? Seriously, who wants a present with such a rude comment attached. Would you? Why don’t you try the advise that Cruise Cat gave and try to involve her so she’s part of the vacation, and not the big mouth you’re telling her she is. If your husband said, “honey, I really want you to come to the office party, but you can only come under these conditions…” would you really be in the mood to go and be pleasant?

 

 

Well, since you're not anyone that knows me, you don't know the situation. First off, who said anything about shutting up??? Thats not what I meant at all. My mom is very stressed and deserves this. I love my mom, and I really want her to have a good time, not worry about everything else. When I put this in her birthday card, she will know it's not meant to be mean and I'm not going to make it sound mean in any way. I will make a joke of it and she'll completely understand what it means....that I want her to have fun and not worry and not let anything get to her because she knows she worries too much. Of course I will involve her, I didn't intend to walk on the ship, and say, bye! you're on your own! Thats 1 problem with talking on the boards, things are always misunderstood...so pretty much ...to sum it up..I know what I'm doing and she'll know what it all means. Thats all that matters.

 

Dawn (posted on husbands name...cruisinchuckee, earlier)

[notentirelynormal]

Sorry to offend you but read what you wrote again, from an outsiders view. First you state “OMG, she's going to complain about everything. The musics too loud, kids are misbehaving, someones eating with their mouth open within earshot...blah, blah, blah...”

 

Then you state, you said you’re going to tell her ‘DO NOT COMPLAIN” and that you paid too much money for this trip for her to complain. You also said you’re giving her the gift with a “condition” that she doesn’t complain.

 

No where do you say that you want her to not to complain because you want her to leave her worries behind and have fun, that it’ll be said jokingly and she’ll understand that’s what you mean.

[guerita219]

Well, I didn't think I would get "reamed a new one" so I didn't think it necessary to include every single little detail. I'm not going to tell her that I paid too much for it to have her complain, I was just stating that fact. All that really matters is I knew what I was talking about and I know how it will al play out, it's all been done before. And you didn't offend me, not in the least. I just wanted to try to explain a little better. But guess that didn't work out. So let's just end it all here.

 

 

Dawn

[basketsuze]

To the OP:

 

You might be pleasantly surprised with your friend's griping mother. Read on!

 

Last year DH and I went on a cruise with a friend of mine who is constantly *itching about every little thing. For example, prior to the cruise, she said that her "g-- d--n shore excursion is scheduled too g-- d--n early." I looked at her and mildly said, "Well, then cancel it." She looked startled and said, "Oh, no. We really want to go on it."

 

I was wondering if my friend was going to be a pain in the posterior, but amazingly, she had NO gripes or complaints whatsoever once on the ship. She and her husband had a great time and really enjoyed themselves. We went our separate ways during the day and met up for dinner.

 

Once back on shore, though, she reverted back to her old self!

 

Good luck and let us know how it turns out!

[Linda VH]

My friends and I play alot of golf and when the game is going badly for someone they (and I mean we all do it) will have a tendency to whine (complain). All we say is "would you like some cheese with that?" and 'nuff said. The first time it was said to me it was a bit startling as they used the whole phrase "would you like some cheese with that whine?" but then I "heard" myself and ........................

[anifaniks]

Several of you have graciously shared your situations w/ your own mothers, aunts or OP - w/ friend's mother. There are others of us out here to deal w/ complainers.

 

My own mother has created big scenes while traveling. I mean - very big scenes. She starts out by complaining and it doesn't matter how anyone around her responds (joking, minimizing, agreeing, distracting, etc) - when she gets on a roll - she gets out of hand. We (meaning the whole family)had to just quit traveling with her, wh/ is sad b/c my father enjoys traveling and they are elderly now and need someone else to travel with them.

 

I thought you may get at least a rueful giggle out of my situation. My DH and I enjoy cruising. My mother has refused to go on a cruise, even when we offered to pay for it.

 

However, even tho she has never been on a cruise, if anyone mentions that WE (or someone else) like to cruise, my mother starts a diatribe (this has been going on for years) about how cruising is a lousy way to take a vacation and nothing anyone can say or do will stop her ranting. Too crowded. Too touristy at ports. Too expensive. Pax are "held captive." Boring days at sea. Too many kidsl. Too many "old people" (strangely, she doesn't seem to get that she is in the category herself). Fattening food. And on and on. This can go on for 20 to 30 minutes. You can talk over her, around her, try to change the subject, etc. but she will NOT CEASE til she has had her own fill of expressing her opinion.

 

So you dont' even have to take someone ON A CRUISE to hear how horrible the cruise is!!!!!

 

If a person's personality is that of a chronic complainer, they will ignore your attempts to quell their complaints. It is THEIR RIGHT to state their opinion (and they are always right!) and no distraction will stop them!

 

So the poster who gave the tips to the OP about getting her friend off to herself . . . planning some things . . . magazines, books, etc (even a complainer can accept that he/she needs to hush when someone is reading a book) . . . those ideas are WONDERFUL.

 

Sadly, the only way we have discovered to quieten mother down (not just while traveling) is to hand her a frou frou drink (or two) and hope that makes her sleepy. I know. Lame, but . . . it works.

 

Good luck to all who have to deal with people who find it their life's mission to complain!!!!

 

Ani

[Seago2]

LOL,:D anifaniks!

[Amlee]

My mother invited my then 77 year old grandmother on our mother/daughter cruise last Nov. My grandmother had never flown or been outside the country. I must say I learned ALOT about her. Not all of it was good! It was a 7 day E. Caribbean on the Mariner.

 

By the time we hit St. Thomas on the 3rd day, I was ready to fly home. Nothing suited my grandmother. She didn't want the room steward in the room at all. Nothing tasted good. Everything tasted bitter. She couldn't understand why they kept showing the same honeymoon game on the t.v. She refused to smile in any of the pictures we had taken.

 

But the best was when she "lovingly" felt it was her duty as my grandmother to tell me how fat all my clothes made me look. I finally told my mother to keep her away from me.

 

To sum it all up It was like having a 2 year old, but not being able to control said 2 year old.

[Seago2]

Nothing like when an older relative calls you fat- overtly or subtly. On a cruise. Where all you do is eat and wear a bathing suit. OUCH!

[missygirl]

I just talked with a client about this last week. She and her husband went with his (complainer aunt) and uncle a few months ago...this was their first cruise. Here they were a young couple ready to have fun and all the complainers wanted to do was eat, stay together in the cabin and go to art auctions. Sounds like fun to me. She said they never got off at any port, no pool, casino, shows...nothing. I suggested next time leave them home and she readily agreed.

 

Myself... if I am going pay, I will be getting as much cruise fun as possible.

 

Missygirl

[banderboo]

My general response to complaining on a cruise (mostly from my 20 somethings) was " I'm sorry you are having such a miserable time would you like to go back to the cabin while we _____________" Worked everytime and let them know very quickly that I didn't want to hear petty complaints nor were they going to impact my vacation.