How do you honestly feel about this...

[picklebongo]

I am considering assisting next year with taking two women on a four day cruise who are developemental disabled. Both of them are very messy eaters. By this I mean one has to wear a bib and she dribbles food and beverages, chews with her mouth open, etc. The other is slightly better but has to be fed because her hands are contorted and she is not verbal. If you found yourself with these two women as tablemates, would you most likely ask for a change or just stop coming to dinner?

 

My thought is that we could explain the situation and ask for our own special table, but I was talking to a friend of mine and she said if she just sat next to them or even saw them eating from across the room it would gross her out. This cruise is being planned for a year away and I'm just curious what veteran cruisers think or have any of you ever encountered this type of situation?

[BambiRumsey]

Are you going to travel with them alone? Sounds like a handful for just one person!

 

I would request a small table for 4 or less. I would also check in with the Maitre'd as soon as you get on board to ensure your request was honored or make a change as necessary.

 

I think it is a wonderful thing you want to do for them but I also worry it may be biting off more than you can chew (pun definitely NOT intended).

 

Also - you can almost always find a secluded table in the buffet/alternative dining area if you would feel there would be too many unkind eyes in the main dining room.

[julianne74]

I don't know the answer to your questions, but I think you are lovely for caring about people who have challenges. :)

 

p.s. It wouldn't gross me out.

[picklebongo]

Actually I would be "assisting" with their care on the cruise, I would not be alone. There are several others going in our small group, though not necessarily in a caretaking role.

 

I don't want to make myself seem to have a bigger role than I do. I don't care for these women in my regular life or job, but I was just asked to help out and I said yes. It does concern me how others will react and I would prefer not being relagated to the Lido deck because that is not where I typically eat my meals.

[Jenna1983]

It would not bother me. I pretty much look at it this way...we're fortunate enough to be enjoying ourselves on a cruise without the assistance of others/how fortunate we are to lead normal lives. Because anything could happen to anyone that could put them in a situation where they may not be able to take care of themselves like they always have/had.

[wantsavacanow]

I work in the healthcare field, and think it is very noble of you to take on this undertaking. The question is not how they would be viewed during dining, but what would they gain from going on a cruise?

If their level of function is such that they must use a wheelchair for mobility, that limits them from most of the shore excursions.

Speaking from the perspective of a medical professional, not being able to fully interact or enjoy the environment would not be beneficial to them.

[ala-kat]

As much as I would like to say that sharing a table with them wouldn't bother me, I'm ashamed to say that it probably would, but it certainly wouldn't gross me out. It would not bother me them being in the dining room, but maybe in considering everyones feelings (ours, yours & theirs) a private table would be more in order?

 

How wonderful of you to consider this, and I wish ya'll a wonderful cruise.:)

[Muumuu]

Honestly I think you are wonderful for doing this for those less fortunate.

But, as another poster asked, how much would they get from this trip.

I do not know their level of understanding so I cannot say.

I have compassion as I have been a nurse for over 35 yrs. And to be honest, and please do not flame me but, I am unable to tolerate less than good table manners. I know if it were a close person to me I could.

Two years ago a woman joined our all female table for 10 one night and she had such poor manners and it just made me ill. I could not have tolerated a second night with her. Sorry, but that is just something that does bother me.

You are still wonderful to do this.

[bonnys]

I think that what you are considering is great. I personally would not mind sitting with the two individuals you are talking about. I do not mean to demean them in any way, but it is no different than having to help a child eat. Eating is a necessity and just because someone has a difficulty they should not be excluded from a great experience. As a side note, I have seen grown adults, with no disabilities, with table manners worse than you mentioned.

 

Best of luck with your decision.

[CaribnCruzr]

Speaking from the perspective of a medical professional, not being able to fully interact or enjoy the environment would not be beneficial to them.

 

Forgive me but that seems to be a very limited view of the world, especially from a "medical professional". Should Deaf people not go to symphonies, Blind people not go to movies? People with bad manners not allowed in a dining room? Who are we to limit or define what it means to these cruisers to "fully interact or enjoy the environment" ?

Maybe they don't want to do shore excursions? Maybe being on board is the goal, or will be beneficial to them. I don't know, I am just thinking out loud. Even so, wheelchairs can get on and off the ship...should they wish to. I wish them a fabulous trip!

 

As for dinner, Were you and your party my tablemates, I would do what I do with any tablemates and engage in conversation when possible. It is my feeling that they have as much right to see the dancing waiters, singing maitre d's and flaming baked Alaska as anyone. As another poster suggested, speak with the maitre d' as soon as you can. Perhaps a table that is not as full and center mainstream, (should that be your table assignment) maybe something a little off the main circuit would be more comfortable for all involved. Although ultimately, I still believe anyone can go anywhere, I do understand your concern as well. It is a very delicate topic.

 

Whatever happens ~ I hope you all enjoy the cruise!!! ...:)

[GoGirl517]

In response to your question regarding would I continue to sit with them my answer would be no. I am also in the "medical profession" and I deal with them off and on. Do I have to sit with them on my vacation, no. They are perfectly welcome on the ship wherever they want to be, but I would prefer not to be in their presence, honestly. And I believe that was what you wanted, honesty??

 

Sally

[angel_grll]

I think that is a wonderful thing for you to do. I worked at a summer camp as well as a group home for disabled adults and children and children and adults with autism. So I may be more tolerant than your typical person, but I would not skip dinner or ask to move tables if they were at my table.

[Adeena62]

I would ask to be moved if I were seated with your group.

 

My brother works at an assisted living community for people with developmental disabilities. They often take these people on day trips; the museum, the aquarium, the zoo, etc. I volunteered and went along on such an occasion to help out when they were short staffed. While eating in the food court, it was extremely uncomfortable.

 

The dribbling and chewing with the mouth open would not bother me. What did bother me were the drinks that were constantly being spilled, food being tossed around the table, and people reaching out to touch others around them with sticky, dirty hands. The worst part? The older gentleman sitting across from me had just taken a bite of food at one point, and then started coughing without covering his mouth. I had to excuse myself to go wash my face in the restroom and pick bits of food out of my hair. It truly was disgusting.

 

It’s great that they are having this wonderful opportunity. Honestly though, I would request a private table(s) for your group. Not to sound uncompassionate, but others who pay for their vacations shouldn’t have to be subjected to this. (Not the open mouth food chewing, but worse scenarios that could happen, KWIM?)

 

That should be enough though. I don't think you need to be banned entirely from the dining room. :-)

[Goldryder]

Having spent a week cruising with two ladies at my table...one a carer and one wonderful lady with severe cerebral palsy & muscular dystrophy...I definately think your group should cruise and enjoy it too.

 

The two ladies I met were on their very first cruise, the lady with disabilities was permanently in a wheelchair and could not do anything for herself...and I mean anything. Both were completely smitten with cruising and have since gone on many more. Yes there were problems but certainly nothing that couldn't be overcome with a little inginuity and help from the crew (who were absolutely fantastic).

 

Although the disabled lady didn't have great speech, we did manage to communicate very well and the look on her face was enough to know that she was loving the experience...her eyes literally lit up when asked if she was enjoying herself on the ship.

 

So I think the two disabled people in your group will thoroughly enjoy themselves and they will enjoy the experience far more than you realise. You don't need speech to communicate the sheer joy of experiencing new things in life.

 

Good on you for taking them with you. I wish you & your companions a fantastic and memorable cruise :)

[ramjet]

Honestly, it may bother me a little but you know what? That shouldn't stop you from allowing these ladies a chance of a cruise. I was on a disney cruise several years ago and their was a severly disabled young man that I kept noticing on the ship. As fate would have it I happened to be at the airport after the cruise and saw the young man and his family. He went into a caridac arrest, as a firefighter I had the opportunity to try and do cpr on him but he had I belive not being a doctor a cardiac infarction and their was nothing I could do. Anyway long story short, I thought what a great way to exit the world then after a wonderful cruise.Yea take them...

[wcurry66]

I am considering assisting next year with taking two women on a four day cruise who are developemental disabled. Both of them are very messy eaters. By this I mean one has to wear a bib and she dribbles food and beverages, chews with her mouth open, etc. The other is slightly better but has to be fed because her hands are contorted and she is not verbal. If you found yourself with these two women as tablemates, would you most likely ask for a change or just stop coming to dinner?

 

My thought is that we could explain the situation and ask for our own special table, but I was talking to a friend of mine and she said if she just sat next to them or even saw them eating from across the room it would gross her out. This cruise is being planned for a year away and I'm just curious what veteran cruisers think or have any of you ever encountered this type of situation?

 

We would love to sit by you. My brother in law was a developmentally disabled handful. He died a couple months ago after a pretty painful (for us - he seemd to take it with stride until the end) battle with lou gehrigs disease. I booked our cruise initially to help my FIL and DH get through this tough time. (FIL has decided not to come - something about never wanting to be on a boat again after the Korean war)

 

Seeing a DD person at our table would make us feel like Rusty's with us.

[grest]

Good for you!

I have a niece who is similarly handicapped, and when we have been out in a restaurant together I am worried about embarrassing her, generally because many people stare and some just gawk. On a cruise ship, I would definitely see the maitre d' as soon as possible, and request a discreet table in a tucked away part of the dining room.

A couple of years ago, we were on a cruise aboard the Veendam along with a group of 150 or so special olympians. One of the service organizations in their county had sponsored all these folks. It was delightful and the crew got in on this, even having a volleyball tournament with them. They were in the dining room with everyone else, and it was quite enriching.

Having said all that, and partly because I frequently work with this population, I would not have wanted to share a dinner table, though it would be fine for casual lunch or breakfast. I would say the same for young children and teens. I work with kids all day long, and if this cruise is my vacation, then I need to vacate without them at dinner.

[Jolimont]

It's great what you are doing, you should definitely cruise with the ladies. But at my table every night for dinner, that would be too much. I like to be seated with "peers", a family with children in our case. At breakfast time or lunch time I would have no problem seating with you in the dining room because it's a one time thing. I've met lots of different people at lunch time and it's always been very pleasant, even with folks I had nothing in common with. But dinner being a fun time to rejoin your tablemates, share events of the day, I would ask to be with peers then.

[trock]

I think that you dedicating your vacation week to these to ladies is so admirable. I wish I could be like you. I am serious.

Could I sit with you and the ladies? No. I am sorry and ashamed to say, that I could not. It would upset me so, that I would probably cry each night at dinner, that someone has to go through life like this.

 

I could not do it.. And if we are all being honest here, considering their conditions I dont think you should expect other cruisers to share their table.

These girls have special-special needs.. If you are traveling with a group perhaps they can give you your own table.

 

Again, I am ashamed of not having the strength to even sit with a group such as yours but you are very honorable.. and I applaud you

T

[tershall]

You will always find someone who will stare, make comments, complain, etc. but you and your travel companions have every right to travel and enjoy cruising just as much as a smoker, someone confined to a wheelchair, someone who is obese, etc.

 

You cannot control other people, but you can ignore them and that is what I would do.

[pungo3]

I think this is a very noble thing you are doing and I absolutely agree that cruises should be available to all people. Would it gross me out to eat with these girls, no. Truthfully, I'd prefer to have tablemates that could engage in conversation but I'd never asked to be moved because I was seated with someone who had a disability. Since the cruiseline wants everyone to have the best experience possible, I'd guess you would have a table for everyone in your group.

[Al's_gal]

I am considering assisting next year with taking two women on a four day cruise who are developemental disabled. Both of them are very messy eaters. By this I mean one has to wear a bib and she dribbles food and beverages, chews with her mouth open, etc. The other is slightly better but has to be fed because her hands are contorted and she is not verbal. If you found yourself with these two women as tablemates, would you most likely ask for a change or just stop coming to dinner?

 

My thought is that we could explain the situation and ask for our own special table, but I was talking to a friend of mine and she said if she just sat next to them or even saw them eating from across the room it would gross her out. This cruise is being planned for a year away and I'm just curious what veteran cruisers think or have any of you ever encountered this type of situation?

 

I think what you are doing is very admirable. We wouldn't switch tables or stop coming to dinner if you and the ladies were seated with us, nor would we be grossed out. I think if you are worried about what other people might say, you may want to ask for a private table, but I don't think you are required to do so. It just may make you and your companions more comfortable. I hope you all have a wonderful cruise!

[Al's_gal]

We would love to sit by you. My brother in law was a developmentally disabled handful. He died a couple months ago after a pretty painful (for us - he seemd to take it with stride until the end) battle with lou gehrigs disease. I booked our cruise initially to help my FIL and DH get through this tough time. (FIL has decided not to come - something about never wanting to be on a boat again after the Korean war)

 

Seeing a DD person at our table would make us feel like Rusty's with us.

 

sorry to hear about your BIL

[PaulMedik]

.................If you found yourself with these two women as tablemates, would you most likely ask for a change or just stop coming to dinner?

 

............

 

 

picklebongo,

 

I would request a different table and not return if alternate tables were not available.

 

If I were cruising alone, I would enjoy my meal at their table and not be bothered at all by sharing a table with them. I must also mention that I have been in the emergency health care field for 21 years, so my personal feelings as an individual are likely to be different than the general cruising population.

 

Several RNs have replied in this thread and one was flamed somewhat for suggesting that they may not be getting the 'cruise experience.' One must understand that RNs are advocates for their patients and, in this case, would be advocating for what's in the interests of the patients and not what may be perceived to be in their 'best interest.' I think it is correct to consider whether they are experiencing a cruise or simply on a ship at sea. If they are only on a ship at sea, then I would think that a cruise may not be best for them.

 

There are many typs of disabilities that exhibit eating habits that were mentioned. I think the decision on whether to go on a cruise should be based on the overall cruise experience intead of focusing on eating in a formal dinner setting. If the individuals are actually experiencing a formal dinner on a cruise ship and not simply eating to maintain life, then I'd say go for it. I would also caution you to expect a lot of intolerance by your fellow passengers. You can read any number of different complaint sites and soon realize that people will pick anything to complain about. I'm sure there will be complaints filed, but again I would urge you to weigh the personal benefits against those who would perceive harm and make your decision based on the whole picture and not just the individuals in question.

[Magic City Cruiser]

Whoa, tough question. I work for an organization that serves people with disabilities. I would be honored to share a table with you and your friends but, honestly, I think I am in the minority. Therefore, I would suggest a private table in the dining room. And, I think that your friends with disabilities might not enjoy the "formal" dining experience anymore than they would enjoy dining on the Lido, perhaps in the moonlight with a warm breeze? So, as a compromise, maybe your typical friends could take turns with some of you going to the dining room and some eating on the Lido deck or in the Lido dining room? I'd certainly give your disabled friends an opportunity to enjoy the formal dining room but think they wouldn't mind other dining options, as well.

Frankly, the formal dining experience wouldn't be fun for anybody with disapproving stares and people leaving your table. People can be cruel without meaning to be. I don't think it's "fair" and I wish the world was more inclusive but, it's not. I hope your cruise is full of fun, laughter and precious memories!

Donna