How do I convince him?

[jkeivel11]

I would like to book a cruise for myself (27), my sister (24), my mom (49), and my grandma (73) as a girl's trip. We are all at a great place in life right now, and I think it would be a good time to do this. However, when I brought it up to my husband, he comes up with all sorts of excuses as to why this is a bad idea. Money, time, work, are the first to come to mind. Funny how when he wants to do something (*clears throat* restore vintage motorcycles), that money is never really an issue. :mad: Mainly b/c I don't make it one b/c I know it's something that he really loves. But anyways, tangent.

 

What are my best arguments for convincing him this is a good idea? What I think it REALLY comes down to is that he doesn't want to feel left out. He loves when we spend time together, and I just think he doesn't want me off having fun while he's stuck at home alone working. :(

 

Any advice?

[mom2girls]

You ought to tell him that this is a great opportunity for 3 generations of women to get together. This opportunity may not present itself again. You want to be able to spend some quality, fun time with the women you love.

[jkeivel11]

I forgot to mention that he's not against the idea of us getting together, he just thinks we should do something closer to home. We live in Ohio, so there's not much to do that we all haven't already done on our own. I just thought a cruise would be a great chance to go somewhere and do something together...other than shop.

[earlethepearl]

It wouldn't be that he is jealous of his wife being out on the high seas around other men without him would it??? ;)

[stthomaslover]

Use reverse phsycoligy (spell check not working).

 

You have planted the idea, now you say never mind, you are right, I shouldn't go, tell him the others are going anyway, just keep up the pity act, works all the time for me. Actually works too well, even when I really don't want to do something, he pushes me to go.

 

Good Luck!!

[Pegs222]

I would like to book a cruise for myself (27), my sister (24), my mom (49), and my grandma (73) as a girl's trip. We are all at a great place in life right now, and I think it would be a good time to do this. However, when I brought it up to my husband, he comes up with all sorts of excuses as to why this is a bad idea. Money, time, work, are the first to come to mind. Funny how when he wants to do something (*clears throat* restore vintage motorcycles), that money is never really an issue. :mad: Mainly b/c I don't make it one b/c I know it's something that he really loves. But anyways, tangent.

 

What are my best arguments for convincing him this is a good idea? What I think it REALLY comes down to is that he doesn't want to feel left out. He loves when we spend time together, and I just think he doesn't want me off having fun while he's stuck at home alone working. :(

 

Any advice?

 

Since he was not invited he does not get a say. :D Go and have a good time, that is what I do. My DH and I go on seperate vacations and we do not have to convince the other why we should or should not go.

[G'ma]

I would like to book a cruise for myself (27), my sister (24), my mom (49), and my grandma (73) as a girl's trip. We are all at a great place in life right now, and I think it would be a good time to do this. However, when I brought it up to my husband, he comes up with all sorts of excuses as to why this is a bad idea. Money, time, work, are the first to come to mind. Funny how when he wants to do something (*clears throat* restore vintage motorcycles), that money is never really an issue. :mad: Mainly b/c I don't make it one b/c I know it's something that he really loves. But anyways, tangent.

 

What are my best arguments for convincing him this is a good idea? What I think it REALLY comes down to is that he doesn't want to feel left out. He loves when we spend time together, and I just think he doesn't want me off having fun while he's stuck at home alone working. :(

 

Any advice?

 

Marriage counseling??

 

He doesn't own you and you don't own him. You are both adults with separate interests, likes and dislikes. He needs to learn that. As long as you wouldn't be destroying your budget or putting your marriage in financial trouble, he shouldn't have any objections. He's all grown up now and doesn't need a "mommy". You don't need a grown up child either.

[Rockportgirl]

Well, I have to say, I wouldn't want my husband going on a cruise without me. Not because I don't trust him, but because it's a CRUISE. If he's cruising, I'm cruising. Period.

 

Besides, he wouldn't want to go without me, and I wouldn't want to go without him. Is there any way your husband could go with ya'll, with the understanding that the majority of your time would be spent with the girls? At least he would still get to be there?

[RatherBFishin]

However, when I brought it up to my husband, he comes up with all sorts of excuses as to why this is a bad idea. Money, time, work, are the first to come to mind.

 

Why not just put in some overtime where you work, with the understanding that you're doing it specifically to pay for this trip? Or cut back on something that will save some money, and put the difference in a "cruise fund". I find it hard to believe that he would have any issues with that.

 

You ought to tell him that this is a great opportunity for 3 generations of women to get together. This opportunity may not present itself again. You want to be able to spend some quality, fun time with the women you love.

 

That and $1.50 gets you a coffee at Dunkin Donuts.

[Ms. Fun Bunch]

I would like to book a cruise for myself (27), my sister (24), my mom (49), and my grandma (73) as a girl's trip. We are all at a great place in life right now, and I think it would be a good time to do this. However, when I brought it up to my husband, he comes up with all sorts of excuses as to why this is a bad idea. Money, time, work, are the first to come to mind. Funny how when he wants to do something (*clears throat* restore vintage motorcycles), that money is never really an issue. :mad: Mainly b/c I don't make it one b/c I know it's something that he really loves. But anyways, tangent.

 

What are my best arguments for convincing him this is a good idea? What I think it REALLY comes down to is that he doesn't want to feel left out. He loves when we spend time together, and I just think he doesn't want me off having fun while he's stuck at home alone working. :(

 

Any advice?

 

I would remind him that life is so short and that tomorrow is not promised. I think you should really go. I wish that while my mother and grandmother were alive that the women in my family had all done a cruise together.

[hubofhockey]

Well, I have to say, I wouldn't want my husband going on a cruise without me. Not because I don't trust him, but because it's a CRUISE. If he's cruising, I'm cruising. Period.

 

Besides, he wouldn't want to go without me, and I wouldn't want to go without him. Is there any way your husband could go with ya'll, with the understanding that the majority of your time would be spent with the girls? At least he would still get to be there?

 

My parents have been married for 50 years and have never taken a major vacation away from each other. I've been married for only 14 years and haven't and probably wouldn't either. But OP may have a different frame of reference than you or me. My wife would be livid if I even took a long weekend cruise with friends that didn't include her. I don't think anyone needs any marriage counseling. This is just a decision that both spouses should make together.

[walkswife]

I booked my girls cruise and am paying for it by saving change from waitressing..... ok it adds up quick.... more than $300 since January.... and I'm not going until Feb 2010.... I tell him its my reward for waitressing all the cash goes towards bills and life but the change is mine..... mine mine mine to do with as I please..... So cruising it is....

[stargate fan]

Marriage counseling??

 

He doesn't own you and you don't own him. You are both adults with separate interests' date=' likes and dislikes. He needs to learn that. As long as you wouldn't be destroying your budget or putting your marriage in financial trouble, he shouldn't have any objections. He's all grown up now and doesn't need a "mommy". You don't need a grown up child either.[/quote']

 

I have to agree.

My husband would never object to me spending time with my family, even if it was on a cruise ship, because we have a marriage, not an ownership.

I don't know you or your husband and only you can predict how this will affect your marriage.

[poobears]

I don't think you should dismiss his feelings and say well I'm a grown up and will go if I want too. Being in a marriage means compromise, that's what it's about. It's not longer me or him, it's us making the decision.

 

Sit down and have a long heart to heart to get to the bottom of the REAL reason he doesn't want you to go. Not all the fluff excuses but the real heart of the reason. My guess is he probably feels left out if you've always vacationed together.

 

Maybe compromise and plan a romantic weekend away with just the 2 of you on your return. Just sit down and calmly explain why this is so important to you and that you would really appreciate his support and leave him to think about it.

[kgerkin]

In May, my friend and her daughter and me and my daughter went on a 4 day cruise without our husbands. We had talked about it for some time and finally decided to do it.

 

When we picked the date, we looked at the dates for bike week in Mrytle Beach since both of our spouses love their bikes. While we were on the cruise, they went to bike week. My neighbors teased me that he got the better deal since the men got to go with "no kids" but it ended up being a win win.

 

I got to spend time with my best friend (since childhood) and her daugher and with my daughter. It was a good trip...different but good. Worked out so well that we'll probably do it again in the future.....after we do our "family" cruise at the end of the month.

 

I think it's all about compromise. Maybe you can come up with something "fun" for your husband to do while you gone???

 

Karen

[dlbutler5]

My wife and I would never think of doing something like that apart. When the kids were home we did everything with them included. You don't seperate for a guys or girls function when you are married in our opinion.

[Toddcan]

Marriage counseling??

 

He doesn't own you and you don't own him. You are both adults with separate interests' date=' likes and dislikes. He needs to learn that. As long as you wouldn't be destroying your budget or putting your marriage in financial trouble, he shouldn't have any objections. He's all grown up now and doesn't need a "mommy". You don't need a grown up child either.[/quote']

 

A spouse having objections may not be about ownership. If my wife wanted to do something, and I felt left out, or I didn't think it was a good idea, we would discuss it until we came to a comprimise.

 

IMO the "you don't own me" and "you don't need a mommy" and "you need to learn that" arguements will lead to marriage counseling. Marriage is about compromise BECAUSE of the differences of opinions and likes and dislikes.

 

Sorry if I read too much into your response, but it seemed a little harsh to me, so I had to respond as I read it.

[bonnys]

Not wanting a spouse to go on a cruise without the other is not ownership. DH and I have a great marriage and we have no problem with taking weekend trips with friends so long as it doesn"t interfere with family - time or money. That being said, I would have a problem if he wanted to go on a cruise without me. And the same goes for him. We take our big vacations together. Regardless of length, a cruise is big type of vacation because it involves going out of the country. JMO.

[walkswife]

My wife and I would never think of doing something like that apart. When the kids were home we did everything with them included. You don't seperate for a guys or girls function when you are married in our opinion.

 

Disagree completely.....just because you are married doesn't mean you stop being an individual....

[Toddcan]

My wife and I would never think of doing something like that apart. When the kids were home we did everything with them included. You don't seperate for a guys or girls function when you are married in our opinion.

 

Everyone has there own opinions, and I respect that. However, knowing that the two people in a marriage are individuals, the odds are you are not exactly like your spouse, and may have different interests.

 

My wife attends all the craft shows, beading shows, scrapbooking shows, etc without me. I have no problem with that. :) She also has girls nights out. I watch all my war flicks since she doesn't like those. No biggie.

 

But, it's all about whatever works for you and your marriage.

 

Now, if my wife wanted to cruise without me... I might have an issue, only because I LOVE cruising. I would almost certainly comprimise in this situation because I know it would be a trip of a lifetime for them. Plus, it would set me up for one with the boys :)

[Kurbanfan]

This is just a decision that both spouses should make together.

 

Exactly!

[candigirl41]

My husband will never cruise again. Can't stand feeling confined on the ship and ends up drinking too much beer. My friend has the same problem. We leave the men at home and go together. We have been married nearly 23 years and have known each other 26 years. I am glad he is so nice about it. My dad wouldn't even let my mom take us to the mall without tagging along and then wondering why it's taking so long to buy clothes for two teenage girls. Duh! Talk to him and explain he has his restoration project and this is your project. My husband has a Nova he is restoring. He gets that I get to cruise.

 

Candi

[cjkumbaya]

Well, I have to say, I wouldn't want my husband going on a cruise without me. Not because I don't trust him, but because it's a CRUISE. If he's cruising, I'm cruising. Period.

 

Besides, he wouldn't want to go without me, and I wouldn't want to go without him. Is there any way your husband could go with ya'll, with the understanding that the majority of your time would be spent with the girls? At least he would still get to be there?

 

I agree with Rockportgirl - My husband and I do everything together and although I do understand you wanting to spend time with your female family members - I couldn't do it without my hubby, JMO!:o

[bankerbabe]

I think that a little time apart can actually be quite good for a relationship. As I type this, my husband is off in Panama fishing with his dad - he's been gone for over a week now, but coming home tonight. I've never appreciated him and all that he does for our family as much as I do right now.

 

Was I jealous that he got to go on a trip without me (I love to fish too)? Heck yes!! Did I try to talk his dad into leaving him home and taking me instead? Yes :)

 

I've gone on one trip with my mom to Las Vegas, and when I came home he was very happy to see me and he certainly appreciated me more. I'm now researching options for another trip with my mom since it's been 9 years since our last trip. We still have vacations together, we spend almost every weekend together, and we have a very strong 15-year marriage with two kids.

 

My husband has been on three trips without me now, and everytime he comes home saying that he wished I had been with him. These trips make him appreciate and enjoy traveling with me that much more. There is nothing wrong with spending time apart, and I think that it's important to remember that you aren't just half of a couple, but that you are an individual as well. Otherwise, especially us women, we tend to get so wrapped up in what everyone around us needs or wants that we forget to take care of ourselves and our own emotional needs.

 

That's my 2 pennies worth.

[momwith2boys]

Disagree completely.....just because you are married doesn't mean you stop being an individual....

 

Totally with you on this one, Renee!