How do I convince him?

[MeadMkr]

Find out when Sturgis or Daytona bike week is and schedule your trip then. He gets to go for bikes and the gals go on their cruise....

 

Find a happy medium where both parties are happy....

 

Cheers

Chris in VA

[snoodel]

I hope you can convince him. I am the Husband and married 20+years.

My wife and her sister are close as they can be but live in 2 different states. When they can get together for a small vacation, I am more than happy to see her have a great time. They just did a girls 3night in February and are going again next February and taking their mom and my 16 yr old daughter.. YEAH for them..:D

We do our family vacations when time/money afford us too. But these "Girl Bonding" trips she takes are a blessing to us all.

I hope your husband can understand that it's not a "I'm off to party like a college kid" type trip..

Good luck..

[West Tx Desert Rat]

Find out when Sturgis or Daytona bike week is and schedule your trip then. He gets to go for bikes and the gals go on their cruise....

 

Find a happy medium where both parties are happy....

 

This is what i was thinking if he has not been to Sturgis yet, he would have a blast becuase of his hobby and you get to enjoy the cruise. I also agree that a marrige is a partnership between the couple, not just one should make a choice it should be done between both of them. Even more so when you are looking at what a lot of poeple will consider a high cost item. My DW and myself do take small trips apart I go on hunting and fishing trips and she goes on weekend concert get aways with her girlfriends.

[Lib0007]

My wife and I would never think of doing something like that apart. When the kids were home we did everything with them included. You don't seperate for a guys or girls function when you are married in our opinion.

 

I couldn't disagree more . . . although my husband and I have never cruised without each other, we have taken many trips apart. I wished I could have convinced my mom to take a cruise with me before she died . . . . and my husband probably wouldn't have wanted to go anyway - he would want me to have had quality time with her.

 

OP, hope you can work it out - I'm sure your mother and grandmother would be thrilled.

[runcassrun_07]

First I like many of the suggestions other cruisers gave you.:)

Ask him how much he loves you and trust's you? If he answers yes then he should understand how it will benefit you both going on a women's cruise. He will have more time to himself enjoying what he loves doing along with you fullfilling your women cruise. If he say's no then discuss why. If communication with your spouse get's to difficult see a councelor.

Let him know when you come back from the cruise you'll be more intimate, trustworthy, and closer together. I've cruised for many years and my mother came up with the ladies cruise which we have done every year since 2003. I was afraid to ask my DH what he thought about me leaving him for a ladies cruise but he even thought it's a good idea. It was really hard the first couple years we did the ladies cruise without him but I'm OK today and so glad we do it. My DH always goes fishing with friends while I'm gone.

If he loves you there should be no problem letting the women go on a cruise. If an arguement comes about just try to do what you really want which may be a great idea. I tried to boss my DH around to much when we got married but he was smart and did'nt let that happen. Over our 13 years of marriage we have had a few fights but today hardly any because we are always honest with no jealousy. So you should go no matter what.

I'm from Ohio too and let us all know what you decide. Hope this helped some more.:)

[Handsome58]

been on a cruise with out me. So be it. I am secure in my marriage......why not you both sit down....and you plan a nice getaway weekend before or after the cruise with your husband......time on this earth is not promised to any of us and if 3 generations of ladies in your family can cruise together you should do it but make sure that your husband understands why it means so much to you and you understand that maybe you have spend some special time before or after the cruise with him.

[Pegs222]

My wife and I would never think of doing something like that apart. When the kids were home we did everything with them included. You don't seperate for a guys or girls function when you are married in our opinion.

 

 

It has nothing to do with being apart. My DH and I have different ideas on just what a vacation is. His idea, going fishing and golfing. Mine, traveling to places I want to see. I would never not go on a trip by myself or with friends because we are married. Being married does not mean you have to be shackled to them. We are retired and I refuse to limit my traveling just because my DH will not go. He does not want to go? Fine, I go alone or with friends. We have our time together every winter. We go to the Texas Gulf Coast for three months.

 

We are celebrating our 45th anniversary in September. We are going to Europe. Fishing and golfing is not on the schedule. He will have a good time, maybe not as much as I will, but we will be together.

[bankerbabe]

My DH is a salesman, and he's very good at what he does. He always manages to talk me into anything, and here is one of the ways that he does it:

 

Aim higher at first. Start researching, planning, budgeting, etc. for a huge, very expensive, long trip to Europe. Go all out and act really excited, buy a couple of books, rent some DVD's, whatever it takes to really make him nervous. Start saving some money, calling it your Europe Fund. Then, when he's had enough and becomes absolutely dead set against you going to Europe, tell him you'll "settle" for a cruise with the girls. Try not to act too happy when he agrees to the cruise as a scaled-down version :) and bring him back some nice souveniers (i.e. his favorite booze).

 

BTW: This works on me everytime. I never realize what just happened until MUCH later.

[G'ma]

A spouse having objections may not be about ownership. If my wife wanted to do something, and I felt left out, or I didn't think it was a good idea, we would discuss it until we came to a comprimise.

 

IMO the "you don't own me" and "you don't need a mommy" and "you need to learn that" arguements will lead to marriage counseling. Marriage is about compromise BECAUSE of the differences of opinions and likes and dislikes.

 

Sorry if I read too much into your response, but it seemed a little harsh to me, so I had to respond as I read it.

 

I respect your response...no problem. The fact is, if the marriage is a tight one, with mutual respect for each others ideas, desires, wishes, plans, there is no reason why "he" can't have time away with the guys and "she" can't have time away with her friends or relatives. While marriage is always about compromise, it is still the union of two totally separate people. Life plans, raising children, making large purchases, etc.; those are compromising situations. Whether to take a vacation without your spouse, with your relatives isn't.

 

Marriage counseling - or counseling of any kind - is to help you accept and adjust to the situations that are causing problems in your marriage/life.....not to learn how to compromise. It is to reach a state of understanding the other person and recognizing that the other person has sometimes a totally different, yet valid, opinion...and a right to that opinion without the spouse boo-hooing like a baby.

[MomofBoyz]

I go on a girls cruise once a year, cheapest afloat, 5 to a cabin.

 

Reciprocate, help him arrange a guys bike night at your house or away with beverages and such.

 

2 way streets always work are usually traffic free!

[Nuttycruisegirl]

My spouse and I have always taken occasional trips alone as well as trips together. I have no desire to go to a Racing parts show and he has no desire to cruise. There are a few couples that share almost all the same interests, and for them I guess separate vacations don't make sense. In this case though it's more a family thing....Would hubby think it was wrong to go on a fishing trip with his dad and brother? Hunting, or to a Nascar race? Or something along that line? To me it is much the same. I hope it works out for you. If my Husband flat out told me I couldn't do something, I'm afraid it would lead to resentment.

[onceagain]

IMO the "you don't own me" and "you don't need a mommy" and "you need to learn that" arguements will lead to marriage counseling. Marriage is about compromise BECAUSE of the differences of opinions and likes and dislikes.

 

I totally agree with you Toddcan. Personally there is nobody I'd rather go on a cruise with (or any other trip) than my husband! I can't imagine using some of my vacation time to do something with someone else. Hope you can work it out!

[KLLund]

To quote my very wise husband "HAPPY WIFE HAPPY LIFE"

[zqvol]

deleted

[madamcruisequeen]

You need to leave him now and find a good Lawyer to help you.

[ivycruise]

You didn't say if you have children at home so I'm assuming that you don't and not even sure if that should matter but that could add some challenges. My wife and I have been married almost 18 years and we've done some smaller trips without each other. They didn't really happen until latter on, the last 8 years or so, think that was just by luck and not design. I never had an issue taking over household/children while she did a short trip.

 

She has gone on a few girls long weekends over the years of 4/5 days and even discussed longer trips. This with girls she's known since she was in elementary school and has a very special bond. As we moved away from all them after we married I would not feel comfortable nor would I be, in my opinion, contributing fully to the relationship by not encouraging her to take these rare trips and to sustain the long term bonding. I would feel the same way if it were relatives.

 

All Relationships are important and not just that between spouses. As many have pointed out, this should not in any way detract from your relationship and the most critical point is communication. Talk about it openingly, how important it is to you and how it will be funded if that's his concern, etc. As my wife always tells me "validate my feelings" by understanding and listening to the concern. Then make the case why you think it will work. I thought the point about the special bond and the opportunity for 3 generations to get together to do something special (not shopping close to home) while all are healthy is one great reason to pursue. So many of us, as we age, look back and regret not taking advantage of opportunities such as you outline due to life's unpredicability.

 

My wife was very supportive of me taking our daughter on 2 father/daughter bonding trips to disneyworld as she preferred to stay home. Now, we were doing 4 vacations a year as a family and had been there 12 times so it's not as if she was missing anything. We've been fortunate to do both family vacations and also consider doing other shorter items separately. Guess that's the main point, don't let him think that by you doing this it will take away anything that you two can do together. I for one would not want to be part of an all girls getaway, talk about being a third wheel! I would much rather stay home with the dog!

 

Bottom line is, if he's mature enough, he should understand how important this is to you as his self interests are to him, he should compromise and be positive. I believe this is the way relationships prosper and grow over time. Certainly the type trip you outline witht the girls is one that is more common and certainly not rare. If he's going to sulk or be vindicative or angry when you return, well, then they're other issues. He should be excited about your adventure and be positive.

[babyher]

Disagree completely.....just because you are married doesn't mean you stop being an individual....

 

 

I could not agree more

 

 

My wife and I always say "We are husband and wife, not Siamese twins " *LOL*

 

 

We have a million things we love to do together and just as many we enjoy as individuals.

 

We do a lot of things "with the guys/girls".

 

Nothing makes me appreciate my wife more than some guy who has to be home by 11, or says "Don't tell my wife we went here or there, tell her we went here instead"

 

I couldn't live like that for a million dollars .

 

To the OP :

 

As long as you can afford it, GO and have a great time with your family.

 

I promise you if you didn't , you would be really pissed the next time he spent money on some car part or whatever.

[isabellmybell]

Take him with you, get two rooms, he'll be happy & so will you. I sure wouldn't let my hubby go without me:eek: It's a cruise, not a shopping trip. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want him to go without you.

[babyher]

Take him with you, get two rooms, he'll be happy & so will you. I sure wouldn't let my hubby go without me:eek: It's a cruise, not a shopping trip. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want him to go without you.

 

 

I don't know the Op or her family or her situation , but being on a cruise wth my DWs sisters and mother would not be my idea of fun. At least staying home, I could enjoy the quiet *LOL*

[As You Wish]

I would suggest having an honest conversation explaining how much this cruise would mean to you and your family and how much you'll miss DH when you are away. Then plan a little weekend together both pre and post cruise for the two of you doing something that DH will enjoy and make a point of showing him how much he means to you and how much you love him ;) .

[Nuttycruisegirl]

You didn't say if you have children at home so I'm assuming that you don't and not even sure if that should matter but that could add some challenges. My wife and I have been married almost 18 years and we've done some smaller trips without each other. They didn't really happen until latter on, the last 8 years or so, think that was just by luck and not design. I never had an issue taking over household/children while she did a short trip.

 

She has gone on a few girls long weekends over the years of 4/5 days and even discussed longer trips. This with girls she's known since she was in elementary school and has a very special bond. As we moved away from all them after we married I would not feel comfortable nor would I be, in my opinion, contributing fully to the relationship by not encouraging her to take these rare trips and to sustain the long term bonding. I would feel the same way if it were relatives.

 

All Relationships are important and not just that between spouses. As many have pointed out, this should not in any way detract from your relationship and the most critical point is communication. Talk about it openingly, how important it is to you and how it will be funded if that's his concern, etc. As my wife always tells me "validate my feelings" by understanding and listening to the concern. Then make the case why you think it will work. I thought the point about the special bond and the opportunity for 3 generations to get together to do something special (not shopping close to home) while all are healthy is one great reason to pursue. So many of us, as we age, look back and regret not taking advantage of opportunities such as you outline due to life's unpredicability.

 

My wife was very supportive of me taking our daughter on 2 father/daughter bonding trips to disneyworld as she preferred to stay home. Now, we were doing 4 vacations a year as a family and had been there 12 times so it's not as if she was missing anything. We've been fortunate to do both family vacations and also consider doing other shorter items separately. Guess that's the main point, don't let him think that by you doing this it will take away anything that you two can do together. I for one would not want to be part of an all girls getaway, talk about being a third wheel! I would much rather stay home with the dog!

 

Bottom line is, if he's mature enough, he should understand how important this is to you as his self interests are to him, he should compromise and be positive. I believe this is the way relationships prosper and grow over time. Certainly the type trip you outline witht the girls is one that is more common and certainly not rare. If he's going to sulk or be vindicative or angry when you return, well, then they're other issues. He should be excited about your adventure and be positive.

I totally agree. Well said!

[oceanseagle12]

Well, I've been in the shoes of the OP's husband before, so I thought I'd share my perspective.

 

First, Im guessing the two of you have cruised together before. And, if that is the case, was it a special time for you two? Perhaps he doesn't want to miss that. Perhaps it bothers him that he could be there having a great time with your family, and has basically been told to stay put.

Maybe thats why the thought of you doing other things doesn't bother him so much- they aren't things that are special to the two of you. Make sense?

 

Is there anyway for a compromise here? Perhaps a back to back of 2 shorter cruises, him on one, girls on the other? OR Perhaps he has a friend, brother, or father that would like to go. And you can be intentional about having girl time. I'd imagine there'd be some excursions that would appeal to the guys, but not the ladies as much and vice versa.

 

Thats just my 2 cents. Rather than trying to convince him, try to understand whats going on and see if there is a way that both your wants/needs can be addressed.

[afcj1]

Very interesting responses...

 

If I was fortunate enough to have several generations still alive and able to go on a trip together, there wouldn't be a whole lot to think about. Life isn't forever. Enjoy the moment, because through it all, you only have 1 family. Sure the spouse should be considered, but as another poster mentioned, as long as the trip wouldn't be a financial burden or other hardships, then go.

 

My neighbor's mother was in a car accident and died and the cruise that she went on with her mom and sisters brings her more joy then imaginable.

 

I agree with being an individual and the "caring" thing to do would be to wish her well and send a bon voyage gift to the cabin.

[poobears]

We also have to consider that we only know a small part of the whole picture. We don't know any of the background. DH may have legit reasons he doesn't want wife to take off and go. I just don't want to see a guy flamed for being insecure or controlling when you have no idea if that is true or not.

 

Dh's get a bad rap on a lot of the boards. No one here can say wether the OPs DH should support her or should step in. You can't tell that from her post. Only the OP and her DH can decide what to do in this case. It's just too personal of a situation to give advice on from the outside.

[lady_cruiser]

It is very simply done.

"Honey, I love you but I am taking "a family girls only cruise." You will be the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing on my mind right before I fall asleep. But this is just as important to me as your motorcycles are to you. Now what would like like me to bring you back from.....???"