Escape Review May 7 - 14 - Meh (But Maybe That's Our Fault.)

Hello all - we are just back from Escape's 7 day cruise to the Eastern Caribbean, leaving from Miami on May 7. This review is nowhere near as extensive nor as awesome as Gambee's review - there aren't even any pictures - but I think every perspective helps when you're making a choice of how to spend your time and money on a cruise.

DH and I are 50 and 46 respectively, and we traveled with my 71 year old Mom who is a wee bit frail these days. We lost my dad a year ago, and May 13 was the first anniversary of his passing; in a fit of margarita-induced euphoria this February, I booked the cruise on my phone because their wedding anniversary was horrible and we were NOT going to be anywhere near home when the other anniversary came around. Mom was similarly euphoric, and announced that THIS time, she wanted EVERYTHING. I said, "You mean Haven?" and she said, "YES." I told her how much it would cost, but since we would be getting not only the four offers but the "Friends & Family Sail Free" promo, it seemed like a good value. We promptly nicknamed it The YOLO Cruise and started daydreaming of white sands, ocean waves, and blue skies. And butlers.

The YOLO theme continued when Mom and DH decided to fly rather than drive as we usually do; then DH booked a limo to the airport. When Mom had me upgrade the flights from coach to first class, I felt the ghost of my father grabbing my shoulders and hollering in my ear and I agreed with him. Undaunted, Mom advised me that she wanted to spend the day at Atlantis in Nassau because she wanted to go on the waterslides and the lazy river, she wanted to go to beaches in every port, and she wanted breakfast in the room every morning without having to order it. I finally figured things out - after 50 years as a nurse married to a police officer, scrimping and scraping to raise 2 kids and put them through college, Mom was alone and had decided to splurge. I couldn't tell her no, but I was nervous; there was a lot riding on the success of this trip.

Meanwhile, life went on; DH and I both have stressful jobs and we resolved that this cruise would be a do-nothing cruise. Usually, I am up at the crack of dawn, dragging him out to the buffet so we can see what the morning brings, and we crawl the ship every day. In the ports, we go someplace fun, and we never stay in the room. I usually crash out early, so we miss all the night time fun - he booked us an inside cabin on our last cruise, thinking that it would keep me from getting up with the sun, but no such luck; apparently, I am a cruise parrot and the minute the blanket comes off the cage, I'm ready to go! I agreed reluctantly that I would not book a bunch of stuff on this trip; that I would go with the flow, and let things happen, rather than scheduling my days around the Sexy Legs contest or picking just the right restaurant to go with the right show time and Dress Up Or Not Night.

So, I scheduled the minimum. I knew we wanted to go to Moderno and Cagney's, but by the time I went online to do it, they were full. Oh, well! I got us in at La Cucina at our preferred time one night (we like to eat between 6 and 7:30 - 9 pm is too late!) and figured we'd eat in the Haven Restaurant, since I had read wonderful things about the food. I booked The Brat Pack and I booked After Midnight, and talked up the hypnotist, and wondered how the boat drill would go. I booked the Jost Van Dyke excursion in Tortola because I read that it would sell out (it did), but I waited on Atlantis because I knew it wouldn't. None of the St. Thomas ship's tours appealed so I waited until a week before we left to book Godfrey's Tours, with a little shopping, a trip to the banana daquiri joint, and an afternoon at Coki Beach because there would be snorkeling and Mom likes to snorkel. I booked Larry's Limo from airport to hotel to port, and that was it. (In retrospect, it seems like a lot, but trust me - that's just a tiny, tiny bit of my usual planning.)

So, what have we got here? An expensive vacation booked at a highly emotional time by 1 tired man, 1 excited woman, and a widow with high expectations and not a lot of physical stamina. There was handwriting on this wall, but I wasn't reading any of it. I just wanted to cruise, to hear the ship cutting through the waves and to see sunrises and sunsets and blue, blue seas. The rest would come.

I love your storytelling style.

Can't wait to hear all about it!

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Love this so far - hope you had at least a somewhat fun and restful vacation!

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Bring it on!

The plotting and planning and reading of multiple Cruise Critic threads came to an end; the loose ends were kind of tied up at work, the kids were sorted out (they are 20 and 19 and 15, so not so much worry), and Mom's doggie was boarded at the vet. We did our pre-cruise planning with the Concierge, which was rather disappointing. You get a letter which says that you can indicate if you'd like coffee or tea, or what sort of extra pillows, or if you have any special requests. Since I didn't care about what was going in the Nespresso machine, I made special requests, in writing and on the phone; none of them happened. Since I didn't really NEED that bowl of M&Ms that other folks got, I let it go. Fortunately, I never told Mom. She would not have been amused.

The limo to the airport was fun, and much, much better than driving ourselves. First class was on my bucket list, and unfortunately, it's so much better than flying coach that I may never fly again. You board first, you get free booze, and the seats, oh, the seats! They are leather, with padded headrests, and you can actually BREATHE in them. In first class, you don't feel like a sardine smushed up against the window and you don't spend the flight having to constantly tuck in some body part lest it be crushed in the aisle, and you don't feel like the person in front of you is putting their head in your lap if they recline their seat. But you PAY for first class, through the nose - one first class ticket was slightly less than what all 3 coach seats would have cost. YOLO, eh? I shuddered and felt wicked, even as I stretched luxuriously in my lovely leather seat.

We flew Delta from Hartsfield to MIA. Mom mourned the loss of her $25 bottle of hairspray, because she didn't LISTEN TO ME and put it in her carryon, but she got back at the TSA by not arguing with them when they thought she was 75 and didn't make her take off her shoes. I must say that everywhere we went, the TSA staff were courteous and careful with our belongings. Arriving in MIA was our first indication that the "old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be" - the walk from the gate to baggage claim in Miami was too much for Mom and we had to get her a chair. No biggie - with a short wait, Miami's staff accommodated us and pushed Mom the half mile to the claim area. Once there, it was maybe 10 minutes to get the bags and meet Larry's driver outside - they call or text you, and you coordinate getting together. The car was a lovely SUV with plenty of room and the driver made short, short work of getting us to the hotel. We stayed at the Marriott Biscayne Bay, where we have stayed before - the rooms are always clean and adequate, although the bathrooms are kind of old and need updating. You can't beat the view, though - if you get the right room, you can see downtown Miami on your right, and the port on your left. In my pre-YOLO haze, I had booked all 3 of us into one room on the Concierge Level (because why did we need separate rooms?). When the YOLO kicked in about 3 weeks before we left, I tried to book Mom her own room but the place was full.

We dropped the bags and headed downstairs to find some food; the restaurant was open late enough that we grabbed some sandwiches (a yummy Cuban for me!) and then we headed to bed. Beds were comfortable, although it turns out that 2 full-sized adults who are accustomed to a king cannot sleep comfortably together in a full sized bed. Whatever - I'd sleep on the ship!

Concierge level rooms come with free buffet breakfast the next morning, which was enjoyable and fast; Larry's met us at 10:45 and made short, short work of getting us to the port - we were inside with our bags by 11. I had read already one review which suggested to keep your eyes out for the Haven area, so I was on the lookout. Immediately after you pass through the security scanners in Terminal C, the checkin for the Haven is in a room on the left, with a small banner above the door that says "Haven" on a gold background. The room is small but adequate; there were 2 attendants performing the standard check in (health questionnaire, passports and cruise docs, take the picture and get your card.) There are snacks, small open-faced sammies and danishes, plus coffee, tea and juice, with comfortable couches/tables to sit on. Once two or three groups are checked in, a separate attendant with a sign like a tour guide that says "Haven" will lead the group around the regular check in stations (we literally walked behind the counter and through an alcove while other folks were getting checked in), down some halls, and into the waiting area. The Haven has a separate waiting area carved out from the regular seating, but it wasn't big enough for all the Haven guests who had assembled. We were asked to wait close to the section, and we had more snacks (juice, water, coffee, tea and pound cake slices). We took our seats, and waited.

Now, usually, there is a scrum of folks who have gotten their boarding numbers; most folks are talking and laughing, some are sleeping, and you can see the Vibe runners getting ready to take off. Not in the Haven section. The excitement was there, but it was quiet except for one youngster who burned off energy by chasing his dad around the waiting area (until the poor thing ran headfirst into a pole - but he bounced off and kept going.) Usually, there is a Norwegian employee on a loudspeaker which no one can understand, and eventually you hear something that sounds like it's time to board Group 1, at which point the entire crowd converges near a door and the Group 1 folks push up to the front. At some point, the starting gun goes off, and everybody in Group 1 dashes to the picture area, takes their pre-boarding pic, and then floods the gangway in a happy hullabaloo, past the welcoming committee of crew members and pow - on the ship!! Not in the Haven section. In the Haven section, there is an announcement by a crew member who gathers a group of passengers and starts walking. Before we realized we hadn't gotten our ceremonial pre-boarding pic, we were on the gangway. In the midst of this our designated crew member was having to sort through the Haven folks and the regular passengers, because apparently the starting gun went off at the same time that the Haven started boarding. We were on board before I realized the gangway was done, and then we were standing in the elevator lobby on deck 7 without going through the customary "Welcome Aboard!" crew gauntlet. Where was my party? Where was the fun? No balloons? No smiling faces? Just a slim dude with an accent cramming as many Haven passengers as possible into an elevator to deck 17?

That was . . . fast. And very unexciting.

Enjoying your review!

Can't wait to hear more.

Thanks for taking the time to post.:)

We were surprised to find ourselves aboard Escape and in the elevator before we could say "Haven!" We had a very, very brief look at Escape herself - she's a big, beautiful thing and we love the artwork on the hull. The elevator lobby made no impression on us, so getting on board was kind of blah.

Haven guests were taken straight to deck 17 forward, which has the entrance to the Haven. Imagine a crowded elevator lobby, passengers streaming through the decks in that same happy hullabaloo that propelled them up the gangway like salmon swimming upstream. Noise, commotion, VACATION, where's the bar??!!! After you card into the Haven, however, the noise fades as the door closes. Scented, cool air wafts against your face as you walk down a short, carpeted hallway with curtains and crystal light fixtures on the walls; at the end, you slip past a concierge desk with 2 attendants (one of whom is Adrian, the Concierge and I mean to give him a capital C - he was The Boss.) Just past the concierge desk, the lobby opens up with low couches and coffee tables for seating, and the Haven bar is on the back wall; in front there is a glass-walled elevator flanked by 2 sets of doors which open up into a beautifully-appointed private pool deck, where white-cushioned recliners, daybeds, rattan furniture, glass topped tables, 2 jacuzzis and a water/light feature at the far end of the pool wait for your pleasure. The colors are silver and cream, aqua and green, with gold and brown highlights and everything cool and soothing. I can't do it justice; look for posts or videos on CC or on YouTube by a man named Jim Zimmerman (JimZim on CC, I think) because he has made a video which tracks from the main pool deck into the Haven and it is absolutely spot on.

Once in the Haven lobby, we sat for a few minutes before we were escorted to our cabin; we were informed that the room wasn't ready for us, but we were welcome to drop off our bags and explore the Haven and the ship. Our cabin was 18104, a 2 room family villa, and it was beautiful. Truly beautiful. Once more, there were soothing colors and luxurious fabrics and room touches. As you walked into the room, there was a table with three chairs, then a cushy silver couch and another silver side chair surrounding what turned out to be a coffee table with an ottoman pushed through it - it made for a long coffee table. The television was enormous - as big as mine at home, with a desk to the side next to the balcony. The balcony had 2 large wicker/rattan chairs with thick cream cushions - it might have been big enough for one lounger, but we kept the two chairs. Back in the main room, there was a butler's pantry/cabinet thing across from the table, which held the Nespresso machine plus the ice bucket and a set of coffee service; behind glass fronted doors above was a set of wine and cocktail glasses plus espresso cups. The only pre-cruise request honored was the emptying of the mini-fridge, which was anticlimactic since I had forgotten to buy my usual Cokes and Waters. Next to the cabinet was a champagne stand with champagne (which we don't drink - i had requested some other beverage be substituted, but I guess that didn't make it through, either. I had a glass, just because, but it was not enjoyable.)

Mom had it in mind to just crawl right into her bed - her bed being the only disappointment of the cabin. The master is a huge room, with a huge bed, makeup table, and two closets with a set of drawers between; the master bath is easily as big as mine at home, with two vanities, a walled off toilet area, a tile shower big enough to fit two full sized folks (ahem) which has a rain shower, massaging jets, and a hand-held faucet, plus a full sized bathtub complete with salts. The tub and shower are on the wall, with full-wall windows with screens. I admit that on sea days, I got the window fogged up really good and then lifted up the screen and bathed as close to the great outdoors as I have ever been where a determined person with binoculars could see me. At some point, I might have rinsed off the windows so I could see the ocean while I showered. Maybe.

The second bedroom, however, is cruise cabin standard - the bath is standard, the fold out bed is on what appears to be a platform, and the tv is normal sized. The bed platform ends up being about 12 inches off the floor; if you are 71 (pretending to be 75 for the TSA) and not the most spry chicken on the ranch, it's a struggle to get up and down off the bed. I'm not complaining, exactly, but we paid pretty pennies for the cabin and it made no sense to me that every other part of it was beautiful and well-appointed except for the second bedroom, which felt like an afterthought. Mom insisted on staying there - she likes her privacy, - but I felt kind of guilty that we got this beautiful area and hers was just normal.

Since the room wasn't quite ready, we decided to go eat at the Haven restaurant. We sat. And we sat. And we sat. Now, me, I'll sit a while. I'm on vacation, not in a rush, not going anywhere, and it's disembarkation/embarkation day for the crew - they work their tails off and I figure they deserve a break. Mom, not so much. She sat for 15 minutes, pronounced the wait excessive, and we left. We went to the buffet, where we ate. . . something. We toured the ship a bit, but Mom was tired so we took her back to the room - before we left to eat, she had corralled Maribeth our room steward (a lovely lady) and asked Maribeth to go ahead and make the bed up. They never unmade that bed, although Maribeth straightened it every morning and evening that Mom wasn't in it. Back in the room, we were delighted to find our luggage already; Mom went to bed, and DH and I went exploring.

We found that to us, Escape was pretty much a carbon copy of the last ship we cruised on, Getaway. The venues were different - for example, the Illusionarium on Getaway is the Supper Club on Escape - but the layout was similar enough that we didn't need to explore because we already knew where everything was. It was a bit disappointing. The only truly new thing we saw was the District, which at first glance was a very cool place - nice vibe, cool furniture, happy patrons. I'd read Drew's review about the District and music by Beau Tahana, and informed DH that we would be coming there. We took chairs, and sat down. And we sat, and we sat, and we sat. It was too loud to talk, but I like to watch people - but not for 20 minutes with no frosty beverage in my hand. Now, I could have gone to the bar and gotten a drink; I'm a big girl and I had the UBP. But I was kind of stunned. I've never been on a cruise ship before where someone hasn't noticed me, smiled at me and put a drink in my hand within 10 minutes or less; this time, it became a contest to see when the server would notice we were there. She didn't. We gave each other the nod, and we left. Sadly, we never made it back - no Beau for us.

We kept wandering the ship until we ended up at the Mixx Bar, where Jazz the bartender hooked us up with our first cruise beverage - about 3 hours after we got on the ship, which has to be some sort of record for us. Usually we are happy campers within the first hour. The Mixx Bar is between Taste and Savor and was a pleasant place; we chatted with our fellow cruisers and enjoyed ourselves. I noticed that in terms of alcohol consumption, we were lagging far, far behind the crowd. We were lagging so far behind, in fact, that I enjoyed exactly 1 frosty adult beverage before it was 4 pm, and all the bars shut down in preparation for the muster drill. Or the boat drill. Or whatever you call it.

We went to the room and scraped Mom out of the bed, and then started the odyssey to our muster station. We ran a gauntlet from one side of the ship to the other, and ended up gathered between the bowling alley and the skeeball machines - which worked out well, because a kind crew member invited Mom to sit on the skeeball machine rather than stand up the whole time. Drunk folks were EVERYWHERE. . . the pleasantly drunk (all yall!) mingled with the unpleasantly drunk (one passenger got tired of standing at his muster station and announced he was going to find his wife; a crew member argued with him and finally yelled that the passenger was free to go but he'd have to do it again anyway with someone else. It was impressive.) Apparently, the level of not-caring among the passengers was audible; Silas the CD came on the PA asking for quiet, then came on again advising us that the muster drill couldn't begin until everyone was quiet and he didn't care how long that took because "I'm here until August." Eventually it passed; the minute it was over, a giant rush of pax flew like a wave across the ship, the bars opened back up and . . . . well, now what? Because we should have been departing, but instead, we were hanging out until 7.

DH and I took Mom back to the room for a bit; I booked us at Cagney's for an early dinner, so we missed sailaway except for the barest sliver of a view through Cagney's dark curtains. Mom was unimpressed with Cagney's - she had the filet and it was actually not seasoned much at all, although it was tender. She did not enjoy her Oysters Rockefeller either, although DH and I wolfed our shrimp cocktails. DH had the Porterhouse, which he dismantled with surgical precision after announcing his scalloped potatoes to be delicious; I enjoyed my ribeye but not with the usual gusto of a meal at Cagney's. I chalked it up to something being off with my tastebuds because, really - CAGNEY'S. I didn't even finish my raspberry creme brulee!

After that, we hit the casino, where I had an all time slot machine best - I won $51.01 on a penny machine. (I am a horrible gambler. DH likes craps and Mom likes this little machine where you put tokens in until they mound up and fall into a bin, and sometimes you get treats like dice or wads of cash. I figure if I'm going to spend money, I'd like to take something home with me and my luck ain't that good.) The casino was smoky, and I can't sugarcoat that. There weren't THAT many smokers, really, but it's a confined space and . . . well, maybe I'm just sensitive to smoke since it's the smell I hate most in the world, and you can't get away from it. And you have to breathe. DH had planned to gamble every night, but didn't because a) smoke, and b) rowdy young kids (that would be kids in their 20's, apparently - he's not that old but he prefers a little dignity with his craps.)

So, Saturday ended. Everybody was drunker than me by a long shot, and if you are out with intoxicated folks and not intoxicated yourself, everything seems more irritating than it probably would be if you were on the same level. We went back to the peace and sweet smelling serenity of the Haven, where we crawled into our fluffy, clean bed and . . . immediately noticed that the ship rocked constantly, in this annoying little shimmy that was not so much a lullaby as an irritant. Jeez, I thought - get with it! YOLO!!! VACATION!!! Tomorrow, we will do things!

Great honest, observant review. We also have Larry's booked for airport pickup from Ft. Lauderdale in August and return the following Sunday. Also staying at the Marriott Biscayne Bay same floor. Actually thought about a taxi to the Port. Not really that far. Was going to take a cab to Smith & Wollensky Friday night for dinner anyways. Any advantage to using Larry's to the Port Saturday morning ? Same dropoff point ? We're in an H6 aft on deck 11 so I suppose our terminal is the other one, being you were on deck 18. Waiting on the rest of this wonderfully humorous review. :) Gerry

We flew Delta from Hartsfield to MIA. Mom mourned the loss of her $25 bottle of hairspray, because she didn't LISTEN TO ME and put it in her carryon, but she got back at the TSA by not arguing with them when they thought she was 75 and didn't make her take off her shoes. I must say that everywhere we went, the TSA staff were courteous and careful with our belongings. Arriving in MIA was our first indication that the "old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be" - the walk from the gate to baggage claim in Miami was too much for Mom and we had to get her a chair. No biggie - with a short wait, Miami's staff accommodated us and pushed Mom the half mile to the claim area. Once there, it was maybe 10 minutes to get the bags and meet Larry's driver outside - they call or text you, and you coordinate getting together. The car was a lovely SUV with plenty of room and the driver made short, short work of getting us to the hotel. We stayed at the Marriott Biscayne Bay, where we have stayed before - the rooms are always clean and adequate, although the bathrooms are kind of old and need updating. You can't beat the view, though - if you get the right room, you can see downtown Miami on your right, and the port on your left. In my pre-YOLO haze, I had booked all 3 of us into one room on the Concierge Level (because why did we need separate rooms?). When the YOLO kicked in about 3 weeks before we left, I tried to book Mom her own room but the place was full.

We dropped the bags and headed downstairs to find some food; the restaurant was open late enough that we grabbed some sandwiches (a yummy Cuban for me!) and then we headed to bed. Beds were comfortable, although it turns out that 2 full-sized adults who are accustomed to a king cannot sleep comfortably together in a full sized bed. Whatever - I'd sleep on the ship!

Concierge level rooms come with free buffet breakfast the next morning, which was enjoyable and fast; Larry's met us at 10:45 and made short, short work of getting us to the port - we were inside with our bags by 11. I had read already one review which suggested to keep your eyes out for the Haven area, so I was on the lookout. Immediately after you pass through the security scanners in Terminal C, the checkin for the Haven is in a room on the left, with a small banner above the door that says "Haven" on a gold background. The room is small but adequate; there were 2 attendants performing the standard check in (health questionnaire, passports and cruise docs, take the picture and get your card.) There are snacks, small open-faced sammies and danishes, plus coffee, tea and juice, with comfortable couches/tables to sit on.

More.....more I need more. I love your voice and honest opinion.

Can I ask did you mom say if the bed was comfortable in the 2nd room?

Enjoying this, looking forward to more.:)

Enjoying!

Keep it coming.

Thank you again for your review.:)

DH likes craps and Mom likes this little machine where you put tokens in until they mound up and fall into a bin, ...

I love this game! Family and friends don't get my interest in it, but I could sit there all day. Loving your review - thanks for taking the time to post.

Loving your review. Thank you!

Laughing and crying at the same time! I have a cabin booked for Sept on Escape but was leaning toward cancelling so your honest review is just what the doctor ordered.

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Really enjoying your review and story telling style. Looking forward to the rest.

Enjoying your report.

Keith

Hi everyone - thank you for liking the review so far! I'm planning to post more tonight, and I will answer the questions about Larry's and Mom's bed. And fix my first night review - DH reminded me that I completely forgot to tell you about Marc, Branko and the Best Bar Ever.

Thanks for such an entertaining and informative review!

Great honest, observant review. We also have Larry's booked for airport pickup from Ft. Lauderdale in August and return the following Sunday. Also staying at the Marriott Biscayne Bay same floor. Actually thought about a taxi to the Port. Not really that far. Was going to take a cab to Smith & Wollensky Friday night for dinner anyways. Any advantage to using Larry's to the Port Saturday morning ? Same dropoff point ? We're in an H6 aft on deck 11 so I suppose our terminal is the other one, being you were on deck 18. Waiting on the rest of this wonderfully humorous review. :) Gerry

 

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Hi Gerry - Usually, we are driving, so I've never had the experience of a taxi or car before now. I will say that Larry's driver was waiting for us in front of the hotel when we walked out, and dropped us off right in front of where we needed to be - we had no wait and almost no walk whatsoever. I probably could have cabbed it and paid much less, but I felt better knowing that my ride was there. It was a no-stress situation. That said, I think it was maybe 10 minutes from the hotel to the port, so a cab would have been less expensive.

More.....more I need more. I love your voice and honest opinion.

 

Can I ask did you mom say if the bed was comfortable in the 2nd room?

Hi Jenjer! Mom's bed was verrry comfortable and the bedding was lovely - half the time, the only thing that got her out of it was food or a beach. Her only complaint really was that it was so low to the floor, and the bedding might have been musty when we first arrived - there was a whiff of "cruise ship funk", but it was gone in just a few minutes. The bedding is kept on the floor of the closet when it's not being used, and there were extra pillows and blankets that Mom didn't need.

Keeping the bed open all week meant that we couldn't open the bathroom door all the way - a very minimal gripe, but it was an issue for Mom because she's not very spry.

I love this game! Family and friends don't get my interest in it, but I could sit there all day. Loving your review - thanks for taking the time to post.

Jo - the last time we cruised with my folks in 2014, I think my parents and I spent about 6 hours playing that game - it's addictive!!!

DH, who finds this reviewing stuff interesting but would never write one of his own, reminded me that I completely forgot about our time in the Haven bar on Saturday. I remember thinking at the time that Saturday was probably the longest day ever, so maybe you will overlook the gaps in my memory and blame it on the Adult Beverage Package.

We are social drinkers, but on our cruises we cut loose. This is mainly because we leave our children at home when we cruise - we've only taken them on 1 cruise, and no, I don't feel guilty. We love the kids better than chocolate or Chinese food, but not better than we love each other - my theory is that if I do my job right, the kids are going to grow up and leave us, so if DH and I don't take time to stay connected we're going to be living like strangers eventually and that's no fun. So although we consume alcohol at home, it's always with the caveat that there are young minds at work and I'd better model responsible drinking if I want them to be responsible about it later.

DH, being a Southern gentleman, can hold his liquor such that you wouldn't even know he'd had a bunch (except for one unfortunate trip to Senor Frog's in St. Thomas, after which he left wearing a Very Decorative Balloon Hat, which he did not remove - we have cruise studio pics of him in it.) Me, I giggle and talk a little bit too loud. That's the extent of our revelry. We have always been slightly constrained before by the knowledge that every drink had a price tag, for which we would be responsible at the end of the cruise. But this time, we had the Unlimited Drinking Package or Adult Beverage Package, or whatever the heck Norwegian called it this week - all I know is that drinks under $15 were covered.

How does it work? You order a drink, you give over your card, the bartender swipes it and you don't get a receipt - you just roll on. If you want to tip the bartender, you'd better have some cash because you're not going to get an opportunity to write a tip in on the receipt. I noticed that there were some very minimal bar charges on my account and I was never sure what they were - and when I say minimal, I mean $1.85 or less. Frankly, I didn't bother finding out.

For DH, the UBP meant that he planned to drink. Apparently, that translated to "I'm going to see how MUCH I can drink." I think a lot of folks on the ship had the same plan - late in the cruise, I encountered one frustrated employee in a shop who advised me that ours was one of the drunkest ships he'd ever been on because so many people had the UBP. I can believe it - all the bars did rip roaring business and there were a lot of happy folks on board. For me, the UBP meant I was going to experiment with drinks. I hate the thought of paying for something I'm not going to like, so I stick to things I know. UBP meant if I didn't like it, I wouldn't drink it.

So when Jazz at the Mixx bar took our order, he made DH a Crown & Coke*, and I got a Rebellious Fish. And while I sipped on my Rebellious Fish, DH had a second Crown & Coke*. This was our tone for the ship - 2 to 1 ratio, DH tried-and-true, me experimental. (*For the Coke lovers, beware - this is a Pepsi ship. We just couldn't bring ourselves to call it a Crown & Pepsi. Ever.) Does DH make it a practice to out drink me on a daily basis? No. I think he thought that there was an Olympic Drinking Event this summer in Rio and Escape was the training venue . . .

At some point on Saturday - and I really can't remember when, in the Longest Day Ever - we went to the bar in the Haven. It's a small bar - there are maybe 8 bar stools for seating - but there were 2 bartenders back there. When I looked at their name tags, one was named Branko and I had an "aha!" moment. One of the reviews I read mentioned him specifically, and in glowing terms. So I told Branko he was famous on the Internetz, and Branko told me he would make me something better than the Rebellious Fish. And he was right.

Branko and Marc, his partner in mixology, became one of the high points of the cruise for us. Branko is from Serbia, with a slow smile, a dry, ready wit and a calm, unruffled manner. Marc is from South Africa and is more of a live wire act, always chatting and bringing the fun. I don't know when they sleep - they are always at the bar working, although they tag team out for long breaks and someone else opens the bar in the morning. I quit calling them bartenders after the first day - they are mixologists. Your average bartender doesn't make his own blackberry liqueur, or help a peer work on creating a new drink for a beverage competition. They take their work seriously, but they have fun, too.

The Haven bar is a more intimate space than the rest of the ship's bars, so it's more quiet. There is a TV for the sports lovers, and for the rest of us, there is conversation, laughter and fun. The Haven bar also provides the beverages for poolside and the upper sun decks, so they are always busy and I was frequently in awe of Marc and Branko's ability to keep track of which bar patron was first in line.

We spent a lot of time at the Haven bar, partly because it was close to the room, partly because it was quiet, and partly because we enjoyed Marc and Branko and our fellow pax. (And Kurt, who was one of the bar runners and who also brought the snacks. Kurt gave me ice cream! You must love anyone who brings you unsolicited ice cream.) You can stop by for a cocktail on your way out, or as DH did, you can sit there for most of a day and see how big of a dent you can put into their Crown Royal inventory. (Marc tested DH very subtly on a couple of occasions, to make sure he was ok to keep drinking - I could have told Marc that the man has an Olympic liver, but he never asked me. Another patron had over imbibed and was quietly escorted to sobriety by a couple of unobtrusive ship's officers. If you are loud, obnoxious, and making other guests uncomfortable, you will get that sort of personal attention. If you are kind, personable and self-contained, they'll leave you alone and not cut you off. Just keep in mind that on the ship, they're not drinking like you are - it's business and if you drink more than most folks, your bartender is going to be paying attention. It's all fun and games until somebody beats up their wife and ends up in the medical center sleeping off a drunk while wearing handcuffs. True story, but not on this cruise that I know of. And not anybody I know - just something I saw.)

I had big fun playing "Stump the Mixologist." Basically, I would sashay up to the bar, describe my state of mind or mood, and demand a drink to match. Marc and Branko never let me down. I don't know half of what I drank, although they turned me on to a Gin Old Fashioned (by Branko - I hate gin, but I loved that - don't let anyone make you one but him.) I also drank Adult Lemonade, something that tasted like cheesecake, some icy blackberry concoction of Marc's that came with a metal straw, a champagne something, things that tasted better than the Rebellious Fish (it became the Envious Fish in my mind) and on one occasion in which I advised Marc that I had a headache but didn't want to take aspirin and what could he do for me . . . I don't know what it was called, but it fixed my headache right up and tasted divine.

The Haven really has the Best Bar Ever, and its patrons and mixologists provided some of the best times I had on the cruise.

CruzinMel. I am following this review but OMG you and apparently your husband are SO MUCH like my husband and I right down to the crown and coke! I believe our kids are the same ages we are cruising in the 2 br haven this august except a different ship, also a Southern Gentleman looking forward to the rest of the review

Thanks for the info. Now I really am looking forward to the Haven Bar. You guys seem like the perfect drinking partners. :). Waiting for more. Appreciate your husbands proofreading. Gerry.

Hi Gerry - Usually, we are driving, so I've never had the experience of a taxi or car before now. I will say that Larry's driver was waiting for us in front of the hotel when we walked out, and dropped us off right in front of where we needed to be - we had no wait and almost no walk whatsoever. I probably could have cabbed it and paid much less, but I felt better knowing that my ride was there. It was a no-stress situation. That said, I think it was maybe 10 minutes from the hotel to the port, so a cab would have been less expensive.