Confessions of an unfaithful cruiser

Hello Fellow HALsters,

Well, I’ve really done it this time. After four years of wedded bliss, I cheated on Hal. I don’t know what made me do it – I can only say that he (sic) is blameless, having treated me like a queen since our first date when he wined and dined me from Valparaiso to Rio.

Since then, we’ve explored the Mexican Riviera and enjoyed a second honeymoon cruising the Hawaiian isles. He’s even surprised me with several last minute romantic Pacific coastal getaways. Truly, a woman couldn’t ask for more from a cruise line: refined, smart, elegant, receptive to my every need, and quite easy on the eyes.

So why did I do it? Perhaps because I was an innocent when we met. I’d never been with another cruise line and shamefully wondered if I was missing out on not having played the field.

So, I slipped. And while I’m not completely sorry I did (I needed to get it out of my system), I know now that, if Hal will take me back, I will be faithful from here on out.

Maybe my story will help another avoid the temptation to take a walk on the wild side. Here’s how it happened.

My younger and prettier twin, her long-suffering hubby and I needed to be in London for our aunt’s 90th birthday party. You know what they say, “if you don’t go to people’s 90th birthday parties -- they won’t come to yours.” Family would be coming in from New York, Los Angeles, Ireland and points in between. So, we set about trying to figure out how to make this more of a vacation and less of a family obligation.

“Maybe we could go over on a ship“, I said. (Oh, if there were ever words I could take back….) The only ship that worked with the timing of our family party was the QM2. My bro-in-law (BIL) responded instantly with “you and your *dam* cruises.” The next thing I know, he’s decided it was his idea – that’s the only way we’re going; he’s down at the travel agent’s booking passage; done deal.

So, while I intended to float a concept (pardon the pun), I soon found myself planning a rendezvous with a ship whose name did not end in “dam.”

Oh, the guilt was there but it was exciting just the same. Hal and I had recently celebrated an anniversary, for which he gifted me with a beautiful red enamel pin. It was sweet, and I loved it but perhaps our relationship had gotten a little too comfortable; a little too predictable.

I knew exactly how many steps from the Ocean Bar on the Amsterdam to the dining room; sang along with every word of the crew’s farewell serenade; could locate each and every smoking section in my sleep (boo, hiss – smokers!) and could predict with unfailing accuracy just when each “one-day only” sale would reappear.

I hadn’t intended to cheat – I really thought there would be a dam ship going my way. But now that it was done, I was determined not to chicken out. I’ve never seen Sex and the City but I know that other women juggle multiple cruise lines and still hold their heads up high. I’d gone too far to back out now.

So, after dealing with a travel agent who I’m convinced was put on this earth to turn my hair completely grey, I was booked into an inside cabin on deck 11 for considerably more money than I could have paid for a balcony on deck 8. (She explained that she didn’t follow my directive to book the balcony because a higher deck is more desirable. I understand this when it comes to a room with a view but in an inside it only means that if the ship goes down, you stay dry longer.) By the time I explained this to her, the ship was full and I was committed.

Hal had become comfortable, like a favorite pair of frayed old slippers, but my cheating heart craved something dangerous and mysterious. Now that my duplicity was official (read - somewhat nonrefundable), I set out to make it count. I boldly entered the Cunard boards, my scarlet letter proudly upon my chest. It was then that I knew I was out of my league.

Let me be clear, there are some lovely, helpful people on the Cunard boards, probably the majority, in fact, fall into this category. However, there are also some who seem to feel that if you have (1) ever owned a pair of jeans, (2) ever tasted a beer, (3) ever used public transportation; (4) not been invited to share cigars and brandy with the Commodore or (5) booked anything lower than Queen’s Grill category, you should just open a vein now and be done with it.

I learned that it is a cardinal sin to wear a white dinner jacket in certain climes, that knowing the difference between black tie and white tie attire is definitely on the heaven entrance exam and that the number of inches between the top of a ladies shoe and the bottom of her hem determines just how much public scorn it is acceptable to heap upon her.

Now I was getting seriously nervous. Hal had watched me stagger home after closing the Crow’s Nest and never said an unkind word the next morning; he’d turned a blind eye when I wore knee highs under long dresses; he pretended not to notice that my formal black skirt was held together with safety pins. Hell, he’d even seen me in the morning and still loved me. He was the George Burns to my Gracie Allen, the Desi to my Lucy, the Billy Crystal to my Meg Ryan.

This new guy was Sean Connery, Cary Grant; he wanted arm candy and I didn’t measure up. I’m just a regular girl from Flushing who managed to do reasonable well, in terms of indulging my travel bug. With Hal, I could relax, enjoy, and leave the stress of my daily life behind. Now I was terrified of not finding the right clothes, using the wrong fork, pairing the right bling with the perfect purse.

All to impress a cruise line that I can’t possibly keep up with. Oh, it was heady and I relished in my treachery but at the same time, my heart broke whenever I opened my email or my mailbox and found a note from Hal. I knew it would break his heart to know I was disloyal but I was too far gone, too committed.

I spent several months and four figures shopping for dresses I will never wear again, to impress people I will never see again. I was better groomed than I’d ever been in my life. Hair, nails, taffeta, velvet, gold lame, rhinestones, beads, sequins, sparkles, undergarments of doom, hair products I’ll never use again, bling. I stopped just short of the tiara.

And then, it happened. I officially cheated. I boarded the QM2. And the most amazing thing happened. I missed Hal.

Absolutely delightful read. :D

Oh the tangled web we weave! Very well written though!! I am sure Hal is very forgiving and you will soon be romanced by him again.:D

Love it!

We disembarked from the Oosterdam on Sat. 25th, after our first cruise with HAL. My wife and I were both very taken with this ship. I owe HAL a debt of gratitude. Up to now my wife had always to be bribed and cajoled, in order to get her on a cruise. Thanks to the charm of the Oosterdam, and the wonderful service we experienced over the last week, she is now hooked. I think we will be sticking to HAL for a long while to come.

Hello Fellow HALsters,

 

Well, I’ve really done it this time. After four years of wedded bliss, I cheated on Hal. I don’t know what made me do it – I can only say that he (sic) is blameless, having treated me like a queen since our first date when he wined and dined me from Valparaiso to Rio.

 

Since then, we’ve explored the Mexican Riviera and enjoyed a second honeymoon cruising the Hawaiian isles. He’s even surprised me with several last minute romantic Pacific coastal getaways. Truly, a woman couldn’t ask for more from a cruise line: refined, smart, elegant, receptive to my every need, and quite easy on the eyes.

 

So why did I do it? Perhaps because I was an innocent when we met. I’d never been with another cruise line and shamefully wondered if I was missing out on not having played the field.

 

So, I slipped. And while I’m not completely sorry I did (I needed to get it out of my system), I know now that, if Hal will take me back, I will be faithful from here on out.

 

Maybe my story will help another avoid the temptation to take a walk on the wild side. Here’s how it happened.

 

My younger and prettier twin, her long-suffering hubby and I needed to be in London for our aunt’s 90th birthday party. You know what they say, “if you don’t go to people’s 90th birthday parties -- they won’t come to yours.” Family would be coming in from New York, Los Angeles, Ireland and points in between. So, we set about trying to figure out how to make this more of a vacation and less of a family obligation.

 

“Maybe we could go over on a ship“, I said. (Oh, if there were ever words I could take back….) The only ship that worked with the timing of our family party was the QM2. My bro-in-law (BIL) responded instantly with “you and your *dam* cruises.” The next thing I know, he’s decided it was his idea – that’s the only way we’re going; he’s down at the travel agent’s booking passage; done deal.

 

So, while I intended to float a concept (pardon the pun), I soon found myself planning a rendezvous with a ship whose name did not end in “dam.”

 

Oh, the guilt was there but it was exciting just the same. Hal and I had recently celebrated an anniversary, for which he gifted me with a beautiful red enamel pin. It was sweet, and I loved it but perhaps our relationship had gotten a little too comfortable; a little too predictable.

 

I knew exactly how many steps from the Ocean Bar on the Amsterdam to the dining room; sang along with every word of the crew’s farewell serenade; could locate each and every smoking section in my sleep (boo, hiss – smokers!) and could predict with unfailing accuracy just when each “one-day only” sale would reappear.

 

I hadn’t intended to cheat – I really thought there would be a dam ship going my way. But now that it was done, I was determined not to chicken out. I’ve never seen Sex and the City but I know that other women juggle multiple cruise lines and still hold their heads up high. I’d gone too far to back out now.

 

So, after dealing with a travel agent who I’m convinced was put on this earth to turn my hair completely grey, I was booked into an inside cabin on deck 11 for considerably more money than I could have paid for a balcony on deck 8. (She explained that she didn’t follow my directive to book the balcony because a higher deck is more desirable. I understand this when it comes to a room with a view but in an inside it only means that if the ship goes down, you stay dry longer.) By the time I explained this to her, the ship was full and I was committed.

 

Hal had become comfortable, like a favorite pair of frayed old slippers, but my cheating heart craved something dangerous and mysterious. Now that my duplicity was official (read - somewhat nonrefundable), I set out to make it count. I boldly entered the Cunard boards, my scarlet letter proudly upon my chest. It was then that I knew I was out of my league.

 

Let me be clear, there are some lovely, helpful people on the Cunard boards, probably the majority, in fact, fall into this category. However, there are also some who seem to feel that if you have (1) ever owned a pair of jeans, (2) ever tasted a beer, (3) ever used public transportation; (4) not been invited to share cigars and brandy with the Commodore or (5) booked anything lower than Queen’s Grill category, you should just open a vein now and be done with it.

 

I learned that it is a cardinal sin to wear a white dinner jacket in certain climes, that knowing the difference between black tie and white tie attire is definitely on the heaven entrance exam and that the number of inches between the top of a ladies shoe and the bottom of her hem determines just how much public scorn it is acceptable to heap upon her.

 

Now I was getting seriously nervous. Hal had watched me stagger home after closing the Crow’s Nest and never said an unkind word the next morning; he’d turned a blind eye when I wore knee highs under long dresses; he pretended not to notice that my formal black skirt was held together with safety pins. Hell, he’d even seen me in the morning and still loved me. He was the George Burns to my Gracie Allen, the Desi to my Lucy, the Billy Crystal to my Meg Ryan.

 

This new guy was Sean Connery, Cary Grant; he wanted arm candy and I didn’t measure up. I’m just a regular girl from Flushing who managed to do reasonable well, in terms of indulging my travel bug. With Hal, I could relax, enjoy, and leave the stress of my daily life behind. Now I was terrified of not finding the right clothes, using the wrong fork, pairing the right bling with the perfect purse.

 

All to impress a cruise line that I can’t possibly keep up with. Oh, it was heady and I relished in my treachery but at the same time, my heart broke whenever I opened my email or my mailbox and found a note from Hal. I knew it would break his heart to know I was disloyal but I was too far gone, too committed.

 

I spent several months and four figures shopping for dresses I will never wear again, to impress people I will never see again. I was better groomed than I’d ever been in my life. Hair, nails, taffeta, velvet, gold lame, rhinestones, beads, sequins, sparkles, undergarments of doom, hair products I’ll never use again, bling. I stopped just short of the tiara.

 

And then, it happened. I officially cheated. I boarded the QM2. And the most amazing thing happened. I missed Hal.

You are a great writer.

This was wonderful! My first cruise was years ago on Disney. My upcoming cruise with HAL will be my second cruise ever. I'll admit. I'm slightly nervous about how formal is formal and heaven forbid if I wear jeans or shorts in a public room. Thank you for showing me that it would be even more nerve wracking on another cruise line.

Quite an enjoyable read!

I sincerely hope that you have learned your lesson!

We'll make sure that Hal has the wet noodles when you go crawling back...50 lashes ought to do it!

I must say I absolutely loved reading this. Your writing style certainly captured my attention. You have left we wondering about the sequel.....will you share more of the story? I sure hope so.

Rochelle

I love your post Diann744! Please tell us more about your trip and why you missed Hal!

Great post. I hope there are more stories to come.

Love this post!!!

One thing for sure -- you should never use that TA again for giving you such bad advice as to a cabin on the QM2.

Great post! Thanks for starting my day with a giggle!

Claudia

Say five "Hail Marys" and repent!! We will forgive you. There is a good deal for the Noordam on Dec. 7. Repent now!!!

This is a wonderful post - you have an incredible way with words! Loved it!

Oh, thank you for the giggles! :D Made my day, what a delightful post. You have an incredible writing style.

I've thought of cheating on HAL, God knows my eyes have strayed. I've peered at other cruise lines naughty prices and sexy itineraries but it just never got physical. Sometimes after HAL upset me, like instituting AYWD, changing show times or when my "Personal Cruise Consultant" was unresponsive to my "needs", I have gone as far as "printing out" some other lines itinerary and circulating them to the DW and freinds.

At the "end of the day" I have remained monogamous with HAL, the first and only cruise line I ever sailed with. I was a "cruise virgin" was I boarded the Volendam in 2004. I didn't like the idea of "dressing up" for dinner, or "going to shows" and being confined to a small cabin but the Volendam won my heart to the joys of cruising. I'll probably be with HAL forever because I'm totally resistant to change, unless HAL does something unthinkable that violates the very core of our relationship, like doing away with the breadpudding :eek: .

I hope this is not the end of the story I want more... What happened once you got on the QM2???

'Such a delightful post! Thank you.

Please tell us more of your experiences once onboard the ship. With some of the changes, and future changes, that HAL is instituting, I must admit that I've been looking at other lines (Celebrity and Princess), but I don't really want to leave HAL.

Oh that was FANTASTIC!!!!!! I am LMAO!!!!!!!!

I loved it! Please tell more of the story.

I thoroughly enjoyed your hysterical story.......and appreciate the comparisons and feelings aboard the "snob" ship vs the classic elegance of HAL. Thanks for the entertainment!

Hello Fellow HALsters,

 

Well, I’ve really done it this time. After four years of wedded bliss, I cheated on Hal. I don’t know what made me do it – I can only say that he (sic) is blameless, having treated me like a queen since our first date when he wined and dined me from Valparaiso to Rio.

 

Since then, we’ve explored the Mexican Riviera and enjoyed a second honeymoon cruising the Hawaiian isles. He’s even surprised me with several last minute romantic Pacific coastal getaways. Truly, a woman couldn’t ask for more from a cruise line: refined, smart, elegant, receptive to my every need, and quite easy on the eyes.

 

So why did I do it? Perhaps because I was an innocent when we met. I’d never been with another cruise line and shamefully wondered if I was missing out on not having played the field.

 

So, I slipped. And while I’m not completely sorry I did (I needed to get it out of my system), I know now that, if Hal will take me back, I will be faithful from here on out.

 

Maybe my story will help another avoid the temptation to take a walk on the wild side. Here’s how it happened.

 

My younger and prettier twin, her long-suffering hubby and I needed to be in London for our aunt’s 90th birthday party. You know what they say, “if you don’t go to people’s 90th birthday parties -- they won’t come to yours.” Family would be coming in from New York, Los Angeles, Ireland and points in between. So, we set about trying to figure out how to make this more of a vacation and less of a family obligation.

 

“Maybe we could go over on a ship“, I said. (Oh, if there were ever words I could take back….) The only ship that worked with the timing of our family party was the QM2. My bro-in-law (BIL) responded instantly with “you and your *dam* cruises.” The next thing I know, he’s decided it was his idea – that’s the only way we’re going; he’s down at the travel agent’s booking passage; done deal.

 

So, while I intended to float a concept (pardon the pun), I soon found myself planning a rendezvous with a ship whose name did not end in “dam.”

 

Oh, the guilt was there but it was exciting just the same. Hal and I had recently celebrated an anniversary, for which he gifted me with a beautiful red enamel pin. It was sweet, and I loved it but perhaps our relationship had gotten a little too comfortable; a little too predictable.

 

I knew exactly how many steps from the Ocean Bar on the Amsterdam to the dining room; sang along with every word of the crew’s farewell serenade; could locate each and every smoking section in my sleep (boo, hiss – smokers!) and could predict with unfailing accuracy just when each “one-day only” sale would reappear.

 

I hadn’t intended to cheat – I really thought there would be a dam ship going my way. But now that it was done, I was determined not to chicken out. I’ve never seen Sex and the City but I know that other women juggle multiple cruise lines and still hold their heads up high. I’d gone too far to back out now.

 

So, after dealing with a travel agent who I’m convinced was put on this earth to turn my hair completely grey, I was booked into an inside cabin on deck 11 for considerably more money than I could have paid for a balcony on deck 8. (She explained that she didn’t follow my directive to book the balcony because a higher deck is more desirable. I understand this when it comes to a room with a view but in an inside it only means that if the ship goes down, you stay dry longer.) By the time I explained this to her, the ship was full and I was committed.

 

Hal had become comfortable, like a favorite pair of frayed old slippers, but my cheating heart craved something dangerous and mysterious. Now that my duplicity was official (read - somewhat nonrefundable), I set out to make it count. I boldly entered the Cunard boards, my scarlet letter proudly upon my chest. It was then that I knew I was out of my league.

 

Let me be clear, there are some lovely, helpful people on the Cunard boards, probably the majority, in fact, fall into this category. However, there are also some who seem to feel that if you have (1) ever owned a pair of jeans, (2) ever tasted a beer, (3) ever used public transportation; (4) not been invited to share cigars and brandy with the Commodore or (5) booked anything lower than Queen’s Grill category, you should just open a vein now and be done with it.

 

I learned that it is a cardinal sin to wear a white dinner jacket in certain climes, that knowing the difference between black tie and white tie attire is definitely on the heaven entrance exam and that the number of inches between the top of a ladies shoe and the bottom of her hem determines just how much public scorn it is acceptable to heap upon her.

 

Now I was getting seriously nervous. Hal had watched me stagger home after closing the Crow’s Nest and never said an unkind word the next morning; he’d turned a blind eye when I wore knee highs under long dresses; he pretended not to notice that my formal black skirt was held together with safety pins. Hell, he’d even seen me in the morning and still loved me. He was the George Burns to my Gracie Allen, the Desi to my Lucy, the Billy Crystal to my Meg Ryan.

 

This new guy was Sean Connery, Cary Grant; he wanted arm candy and I didn’t measure up. I’m just a regular girl from Flushing who managed to do reasonable well, in terms of indulging my travel bug. With Hal, I could relax, enjoy, and leave the stress of my daily life behind. Now I was terrified of not finding the right clothes, using the wrong fork, pairing the right bling with the perfect purse.

 

All to impress a cruise line that I can’t possibly keep up with. Oh, it was heady and I relished in my treachery but at the same time, my heart broke whenever I opened my email or my mailbox and found a note from Hal. I knew it would break his heart to know I was disloyal but I was too far gone, too committed.

 

I spent several months and four figures shopping for dresses I will never wear again, to impress people I will never see again. I was better groomed than I’d ever been in my life. Hair, nails, taffeta, velvet, gold lame, rhinestones, beads, sequins, sparkles, undergarments of doom, hair products I’ll never use again, bling. I stopped just short of the tiara.

 

And then, it happened. I officially cheated. I boarded the QM2. And the most amazing thing happened. I missed Hal.

Love it - you are a gifted writer. Please give us the juicy details of your affair!

What an entertaining post! Loved it! Diann744 you have a wonderful gift for writing! Please post again.

Wow! That was a great bit of writing. I'm waiting for chapter 2, diann744! ----Penny