Would you cruise without your significant other?

[babyher]

Although not on a cruise , DW and I and taken several trips without eachother. With the girls, guys whatever. I don't know if I would go ona trip without her if it was with other couples and I would be the 3rd , 5th wheel. But with my kids and other family members , I certainly would , and she would too.

 

I have worked a swing shift for many years and there were many times I couldn't go to a lot of functions . DW would always go. I am the one stuck working, why should she miss out?

[Liltx31]

Your DH is a competitive vacationer? Where can I get that job? :D

 

This will probably open up another conversation which has nothing to do with the topic but my husband is a competitive longboarder. He is 42 so he ALWAYS wins due to the lack of competition in his age group ;). It usually almost covers the cost of travel. He loves it and yes he has great insurance. He also rides road bikes which has been the cause of most of his accidents.

[Cruisegirl6]

I personally can't understand "going with the girls"..."going with friends", "going alone with my kids" etc. why can't everybody just go together and enjoy the cruise together. You can have girls/friends night out doing other things without the men etc. and still be all together....a grandparent can do things alone with their grandchildren on a cruise with the entire family there.... I just not get it. Its just me, we all different I guess.

[kuddles14]

lyndmar, you and I are more alike then different. That Hawaii business trip was 28 years ago!!! We were married 32 years this past July and neither one of us have taken a vacation by ourselves. I don't due girls night out, girls weekend etc. Don't know why, just not interested in them I guess. Yes, my DH has had the opportunity to do a lot of "nice business trips" but like he says it's not as much fun as people make it out to be. Would have rather been home with the family. I lucked out, I got very much a "family man". Like you we have gone on vacation with my in-laws. We actually took them on their one and only cruise. They were just talking about it last night. They are very grateful that they had that chance. They said they would never have done it by themselves, and now that my FIL is in declining health it means that much more.

I didn't realize (because I didn't read the thread all the way through, I responded when I saw your post) that the final payment was not due until the end of August. Knowing that I definately would have to have a family meeting and rebook.

[rjm1cc]

I was really looking forward to my first ever cruise in Nov. On FOS. Now DH can't go because of work issues. He told me I should still go and take our 7y/o. My parents are also going. I just don't know what to do now. My parents and ds are really looking forward to it but now I'm not. So would you go without your significant other????

This is easy, go. Especially since your parents are going.

[mediator]

I personally can't understand "going with the girls"..."going with friends", "going alone with my kids" etc. why can't everybody just go together and enjoy the cruise together. You can have girls/friends night out doing other things without the men etc. and still be all together....a grandparent can do things alone with their grandchildren on a cruise with the entire family there.... I just not get it. Its just me, we all different I guess.

 

I think she said her husband couldn't get off. Stuff happens. As someone else said not always easy to change multiple plans, but keep the one you have and make the best of the situation. You are lucky that you have had your entire trips go as planned. We currently have 5 cabins booked on the Allure in December for a family cruise. So far my son's wife left him since booking... so stuff happens. My son will go w/o her and so on and so on.

So best intentions you don't always get the entire family there.

[Cruisegirl6]

Kuddles glad Im not the only one. My honey also has to attend business tirps says the same thing they not fun, the hassle of getting to the airport (45 min away and planning being there at least hour before the flight) being in the airport hoping the flight is not delayed or rescheduled then to arrive at his destination then to get his car rental then check into the hotel....then doing his business the next or same day (sometimes he flies 6am to make it to his meetings by 9am) and sometimes his trip is up to three days at a time and then he says many times they go out for dinner after a much longer work day then normal and they just sit there chatting about other things other than work for over two hours long sometimes longer and he just wants to be back to his hotel room and finish the trip and get back home. Sometimes if he is in a remote place he not mind going out for dinner but he really doesn't care for it because they sit there drinking (he never drinks in front of workers/business partners) for over an hour then its time to order appetizers, he says about time he gets his dinner its nearly 9pm then to go back to the hotel shower again after a long day, check his work emails and do more work before sleeping... and then its time for bed to have another long day lol We do have wonderful "family guys". :)

 

I would do the very same thing final payment was not made I am sure they can come up with another mutual time to all go together.

 

Mediator- Im sorry to hear that your sons wife left but thats an entirely different story, she is not with him she left so why should he not go with the rest of the family its a total different situation. I also think under the circumstances since she left him that he really needs this cruise and time with the family to try to help him get past what has happened or what he will be facing in the near future. He does need this trip badly, again, a totally different situation.

[TerriDHair]

Of course, it's a personal family decision that the OP and her DH have to make, and as long as they both agree with it, so be it. To answer the original question "Would you....", no way would I. DH and I have not spent a night apart in 23 years for business or pleasure and that's they way we like it. We travel together, socialize together with other couples (no girls/boys nights), and we even work together. Since we work together we of course have the same vacation schedule so no issues there, but if we didn't, we would work trip dates around times we could both go.

[Cruisegirl6]

Terri nice hearing you have that type of special marraige too. I not putting others down just not believe in what they do.

You are correct and we are the same way as I seen others on this board have the same type of marriage, if our other half not able to go we all choose another date.

 

The OP needs to decide which is best for her. As for me in her shoes I won't go, my family would not want to go without him so we would all choose another week. :)

[xpcdoojk]

I would not go on a cruise without her. I have gone snow skiing, fishing and golfing on vacation without her. She has gone to the beach without me, but to me a cruise is a couples thing. That said to the OP, you have a child that makes it different.

 

jc

[kyriecat]

My husband switched jobs so he only has 2 weeks of vacation but I have 4 weeks. Since he isn't as big of a cruise fan as I am, I've been on a couple of cruises with my mom without him. My husband understands that I enjoy traveling and doesn't expect me to spend my extra two weeks of vacation sitting at home. This year I went with my parents to Colorado for a week without my husband. Next year I'm taking a week long cruise with my parents and aunt.

 

I don't see anything wrong with traveling without your spouse, provided your spouse doesn't have a problem with it. It sounds like the OP's husband will not be upset if she dges without him. The cruise will be a different experience without him, but I think she'll still have a good time.

[tampabrat22]

I personally can't understand "going with the girls"..."going with friends", "going alone with my kids" etc. why can't everybody just go together and enjoy the cruise together. You can have girls/friends night out doing other things without the men etc. and still be all together....a grandparent can do things alone with their grandchildren on a cruise with the entire family there.... I just not get it. Its just me, we all different I guess.[/Quote]

 

I can't understand why some people choose to loose their own identity, or give up their own hobbies and interests when they get married. Some people are independent and secure in their marriage so trips without their spouse works for them. You can vacation together or just with the girls, the guys can have their trips, trips with extended family or just the grandparents and still have a healthy, loving, perfect marriage.

[Clancy14]

Terri nice hearing you have that type of special marraige too. I not putting others down just not believe in what they do.

You are correct and we are the same way as I seen others on this board have the same type of marriage, if our other half not able to go we all choose another date.

 

The OP needs to decide which is best for her. As for me in her shoes I won't go, my family would not want to go without him so we would all choose another week. :)

 

I think you are full of it to suggest that YOU have a "special kind of marriage" and the rest of us who like to have an occasional girl's night out or take a vacation without our spouse (in my case of 21 years) means that we do not "have what you have". The idea that you or that OP can't be apart, and are therefore somehow closer to your spouse is sheer arrogance!!! Perhaps your favority movie is "The Stepford Wives"?!?!??

 

Stating that you would not go without your spouse is certainly your decision and you have the right to state that. To suggest that makes you "better partners" than the majority of us, is not only ignorantly condescending but smug and self-centered! Get over yourself! - Miriam

[TexCruise371]

Of course, it's a personal family decision that the OP and her DH have to make, and as long as they both agree with it, so be it. To answer the original question "Would you....", no way would I. DH and I have not spent a night apart in 23 years for business or pleasure and that's they way we like it. We travel together, socialize together with other couples (no girls/boys nights), and we even work together. Since we work together we of course have the same vacation schedule so no issues there, but if we didn't, we would work trip dates around times we could both go.

 

Hi T......that's us too! ;)

 

When the kids were growing up, we had to split up just to get things done with them. Not now though. Now is our time and we just don't do things without the other....and I don't want to. I have no desire to travel without my DW. Occasionally, I have to travel on business for a day or two and it drives me nuts to be without her.

[Cruisegirl6]

Who ever said that my honey and I gave up our interests and hobbies. He plays in a band for charities/fairs/private parties, church groups for fun....he has practice every thursday he goes I not go but on his gigs he always wants me there and I gladly want to be there to show my support and interest. As for me I love to cook and take cooking classes for different cuisine types, I also love to shop in the malls and I go there without him, but if I have a huge shopping in groceries to do he will go with me to help push the cart and help me bring the items inside the house and unpack. We not loosing our hobbies and interests we do them fine but to take a vacation without one another well I want to be with him and visa versa there is no need for a marriage to go on seperate vacations without the other half. Unless...somebody just needs to get away from their spouse or get some peace and quiet thats the only reason I see leaving your spouse. I not knocking anybody here its just the way I am..we all different. I not need girls night out nor does he need guys night out we have friends and do things together all together as friends leaving nobody out. When I used to live in south Florida had hockey season tickets for 7 years he went with me, and I went with him to football games, again, we are married for a reason to be together experience life together especially the happy moments which includes vacations. We not want or need seperate vacations we do it together that is why we married to experience life together. My parents married over 52 years never once did one of them end up taking a seperate vacation even till this day they are happily married. I not want a marriage where my honey go off on a vacation without me nor do I want him to want that and same goes with me.

 

We very secure in our marriage he has to take business trips often which not want to go to (he always wants to buy me a plane ticket after all hotel is paid for) but I not want to go to those..and he hates business trips but its his job it is what pays the bills his work....

 

Its not that my marriage is not insecure in fact its more solid because he and I want to do things together as a couple should. We have taken cruises where family has joined us and taken cruises with friends combined just the past two LOS cruises we were a group of 20 family and friends together each cruise....it was very nice. Nobody left their spouses...we all made a time where we can all go and it worked out perfectly both times, in fact we thinking of taking another week cruise together in the near future.

You know, all can go and the guys can do one thing and the girls could do one thing but still be on the same ship! But again my honey and I have that type of marriage we do things together. He doesn't give up a thing for me nor I for him....we work together as a marriage should.

 

Clancy well if I am full of it its full of having my other half who wants to be with me all the time especially when it comes to vacations! I said it that way because I see in these posts there are too many that do go off on their own and leave their spouses...I was raised by parents who always did things together, meaning vacations, surely my dad had his hobbies and mom had hers...but when it came to doing fun things they did it together so perhaps it was the way I was brought up and I think its perfect for me. I not need or want to be away from him and visa versa...

 

Sorry never seen the stepford wives, was it about wives that got away from their husbands because of certain reasons lol lol who knows I never

seen the movie and never will.

 

If you read some of my posts I said that everybody is different and everybody has a different type of marriage and does different things to each their own I say!

 

I am happy I am in my marriage and glad you have your type of marriage to...again to each their own.

[ckrobyn]

I absolutely have not read through this whole thread, so I have no idea what the general concensus is.....?

I cruise every year with my family - in February or March, and usually on a B2B.

I cruise with my best friend, and sometimes other friends pretty much every November. This tradition started the year I turned 40 and has continued ever since - with my DH's blessing. We have been together for 25 years, married for 16 and while we adore eachother and spending time together, he doesn't have the urge to cruise as much as I do! :)

I think whatever works for you both in your marriage is the right thing to do !

[Texmike]

My wife would never let me cruise without her and I doubt I would let her cruise without me

 

We do everything together even though we don't take many vacations

 

We are both unemployed now after getting laid off and won't be able to afford a cruise in the near future.

[kpatrick74]

I think you are full of it to suggest that YOU have a "special kind of marriage" and the rest of us who like to have an occasional girl's night out or take a vacation without our spouse (in my case of 21 years) means that we do not "have what you have". The idea that you or that OP can't be apart, and are therefore somehow closer to your spouse is sheer arrogance!!! Perhaps your favority movie is "The Stepford Wives"?!?!??

 

Stating that you would not go without your spouse is certainly your decision and you have the right to state that. To suggest that makes you "better partners" than the majority of us, is not only ignorantly condescending but smug and self-centered! Get over yourself! - Miriam

 

Woohoo!!!

 

There are many other reasons why one may travel without their spouse besides wanting time away from their spouse and can still have solid marriages. I for one have a cruise booked with my mother in November. I am a stay at home mom to two children (they are both in school) and my DH works quite a bit. We take family vacays together and the girls and I take vacays together. If we didn't, they would never see my parents as much as they do. We booked our cruise for a myriad of reasons.

 

1. My mom is not getting any younger, her health is starting to deteriorate and we needed to do it before we couldn't do it anymore. She has never been on a cruise and it is on her "bucket list" and

2. My dad doesn't want to be "stuck" on a ship, so he won't take her.

3. We just took a family vacay on Oasis in April and that was enough cruising for my DH this year.

4. The great price we got for taking the cruise in Nov. couldn't be passed up.

5. My girls would be in school most of the day so my DH doesn't have to worry about finding care for them.

 

All the OP was asking was should she still go (she never asked if it was the right or wrong thing to do when married). I say based on the circumstances, yes. Her DH has to work, has said it is ok with him, she has a 7 yo who is looking forward to this cruise, and her parents will be there to help. (plus, not knowing how old her parents are or their health every day is precious---I pretty much want my kids around my parents as much as possible so they will have wonderful memories of their grandparents.)

 

Beachgirl (OP) - I really liked the suggestion another made about booking a cruise for just the two of you. If you can swing it, I say go for it. Good luck with your decision. Only you really know what the right decison is.......

[Cruisegirl6]

Your right OP didn't ask if its right or wrong just asked what we would do....

 

My opinion is since the cruise is not in final payment to come up with another week so the entire family can cruise together.

[Not Persephone]

My first cruise is set for December with my best friend. My husband is out of vacation time, and I have 4 weeks to use... so I'm using some of it to take an awesome trip with my friend. If I like cruising as much as I think I will, I expect the husband and I will take a cruise together sometime next year and that I will also go on one with just my sisters.

 

If I was in to OP's situation and had family going on the trip who would help me wrangle kids (mine are young!), I absolutely would go--especially if he was telling me to go ahead without him. I'd prefer that he be there, but would have a great time on vacation with the rest of my family.

[temple1]

To the OP - only you and your DH know your family dynamic. If he truly is on board with you taking a trip with your parents - then you should do it.

 

Lynda, Many of us are very secure in our relationships and have no concerns about taking separate trips. With DH's work - if I were to wait for him I would never travel, cruise, dine out, etc. When he can travel we go together. Until then - if I can swing the time and money - I will go.

 

We recognize that we are separate people. As several have mentioned about separate interests - he has a love affair with tennis and would spend every spare moment this summer at tournaments if he could. I will agree to spend Labor Day weekend at a tournament in NY and he is free to attend any others he wants.

 

Do I prefer to travel with DH, you betcha. Am I going to sit home and wait for him to retire before I do anything or go anywhere - no.

[klingoncruiser]

Go for it!:D

[Cruisegirl6]

Temple1- why is it you take it as if I not have any trust/secure marriage? My other half must travel for business, its pleasure trips, vacations/cruises that we choose to do together. You have a different situation, you state if you wait for him to travel it never happen, cruise or dine out...I guess my marriage is different we make it a point to go out for dinner friday and saturday evenings, and one of the evenings go out and listen to live bands together and dance. Its just what we do.... we devote our time to being together because its what we want, everybody is different I understand and people are all different, maybe I just have somebody that has more of the same likes as I do? I understand your situation you do need to go and live life and travel while you can and in the meantime like you said when he retires then things be different you go together. Your situation is different and I agree you need to take trips if he doesn't want to. Enjoy!

[temple1]

As we keep saying - each marriage is a different dynamic. DH works out of state during the week and he wants to be home on the weekends. Because of that - I do not like to go out to dinner on the weekends because he rarely gets home cooked meals; we don't do day trips on the weekends because so many little projects that are shoved aside during the week must be done. So we work around the yard, play in the pool and go to the beach for a few hours. He would love to travel more like we used to before he entered the field he is now in; but he can't so we don't.

 

I was also older when I married and I cannot imagine some of the relationships described on this topic.

 

i do hope the folks who posted things about changed locks etc are having a little fun with the topic. :eek:

[TerriDHair]

Hi T......that's us too! ;)

 

When the kids were growing up, we had to split up just to get things done with them. Not now though. Now is our time and we just don't do things without the other....and I don't want to. I have no desire to travel without my DW. Occasionally, I have to travel on business for a day or two and it drives me nuts to be without her.

 

Aww, that is sweet, B. :D And our observation of you two, as I imagine is yours of us, is that we truly enjoy each other's company and have the most fun when we're with each other.

 

To the OP - only you and your DH know your family dynamic. If he truly is on board with you taking a trip with your parents - then you should do it.

 

Lynda, Many of us are very secure in our relationships and have no concerns about taking separate trips. With DH's work - if I were to wait for him I would never travel, cruise, dine out, etc. When he can travel we go together. Until then - if I can swing the time and money - I will go.

 

We recognize that we are separate people. As several have mentioned about separate interests - he has a love affair with tennis and would spend every spare moment this summer at tournaments if he could. I will agree to spend Labor Day weekend at a tournament in NY and he is free to attend any others he wants.

 

Do I prefer to travel with DH, you betcha. Am I going to sit home and wait for him to retire before I do anything or go anywhere - no.

 

I am surprised that more than once here it has been implied that those couples who prefer to spend their time together have "given up their identities" or "are not secure in their relationships" or "give up their interests or hobbies". Over the years we have heard people comment, "OMG, HOW can you WORK together, I would not be able to STAND being around him/her that much!". Jeff will say, "We actually LIKE each other and being together, otherwise we wouldn't be married". :D And over the years we have learned to love some of each others' hobbies and interests, so they've become our own sources of enjoyment, further enriching our lives.

And to the OP, I am not in any way saying this is relevant to your situation, but I have continuously observed that we encounter by far more long term married couples via cruising than in "normal" life. I truly believe there is a connection.