Rules for conversation in the dining room!

[cello56]

 

I don't want to get into it on vacation. Nor, do I want to feel angry, intimidated, insulted or stuck at a table with people who make feel that way. I want to have fun!:)

But, that's me. If two people want to engage in serious controversial topic discussions , have at it. But, leave me out.

 

Exactly! We go on vacation to relax and unwind. Neither DH or I have any interest in getting into a heavy duty philosophical discussions with perfect strangers over dinner! We have friends and family to serve that roll at home! This is especially true at a larger table where one or two people might be thoroughly enjoying their spirited discussion, but the rest of their tablemates might be very uncomfortable. This is why we now choose tables sized for the group of us travelling - whether that be just DH and I or with another couple. We have plenty of chances to talk to strangers when we are out and about the ship throughout the day, no need to bring that to the dinner table where we are for all intensive purposes a captive market!

[secret1122]

This is especially true at a larger table where one or two people might be thoroughly enjoying their spirited discussion, but the rest of their tablemates might be very uncomfortable.

This is not directed towards you, but to anyone who's made similar comments. We are not children. We are adults who are in control over our thoughts. Why are you letting something like words coming out of someone's mouth make you uncomfortable? Every child had heard the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Yet we get older and some people feel the need to be insulted, offended, or made uncomfortable by someone else's words. It's baffling that your comfort level can be affected by conversation. Now if someone is getting verbally berated, yelled at, or any other aggressive or mean comments directed to them I suppose that could be a different story. But to be bothered by conversation? I don't get it.

[Don P]

Hypothetical opening comments at dinner:

 

"Hi everyone, I'm on the sex offenders list. I hate having to tell the authorities every time we change ports. anyone else in my boat?"

 

"Hi everyone, I just got a text message from my unmarried eighteen year old daughter asking me if I thought $1,000 for a late term abortion was a lot of money. I told her I'd ask at dinner tonight and get back to her."

 

Lighten up folks......find safe enjoyable subjects to put you in the right frame of mind for dinner. It won't be a reflection on your intellectual capabilities and no one will think less of you.

 

This is not directed towards you, but to anyone who's made similar comments. We are not children. We are adults who are in control over our thoughts. Why are you letting something like words coming out of someone's mouth make you uncomfortable? Every child had heard the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Yet we get older and some people feel the need to be insulted, offended, or made uncomfortable by someone else's words. It's baffling that your comfort level can be affected by conversation. Now if someone is getting verbally berated, yelled at, or any other aggressive or mean comments directed to them I suppose that could be a different story. But to be bothered by conversation? I don't get it.

[boogs]

I hope that communion consists of a glass of red wine with a plate of nice linguini with marinara sauce. :D

 

I'd prefer some fava beans and nice chianti. :D

[Warmer Climes]

This is not directed towards you, but to anyone who's made similar comments. We are not children. We are adults who are in control over our thoughts. Why are you letting something like words coming out of someone's mouth make you uncomfortable? Every child had heard the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Yet we get older and some people feel the need to be insulted, offended, or made uncomfortable by someone else's words. It's baffling that your comfort level can be affected by conversation. Now if someone is getting verbally berated, yelled at, or any other aggressive or mean comments directed to them I suppose that could be a different story. But to be bothered by conversation? I don't get it.

 

And conversely, I find some people entirely oblivious to what constitutes polite dinner conversation among strangers. How hard is it to understand that MANY people on vacation do not want to get into political, religious or any other philosophical discussion with strangers? For example, the party we were seated with a few years ago spent most of our dinners together demanding that I defend U.S. policies around the world. I was insulted, offended AND made to feel uncomfortable, because I was brought up to have better manners than to argue those points with strangers.

[cruisemom42]

And conversely, I find some people entirely oblivious to what constitutes polite dinner conversation among strangers. How hard is it to understand that MANY people on vacation do not want to get into political, religious or any other philosophical discussion with strangers? For example, the party we were seated with a few years ago spent most of our dinners together demanding that I defend U.S. policies around the world. I was insulted, offended AND made to feel uncomfortable, because I was brought up to have better manners than to argue those points with strangers.

 

Demanding? Arguing? Well of course that would make anyone uncomfortable. I think, though, that we are talking about discussing.

 

I suppose one person's discussion may be another's argument, however...

[Warmer Climes]

Demanding? Arguing? Well of course that would make anyone uncomfortable. I think, though, that we are talking about discussing.

 

I suppose one person's discussion may be another's argument, however...

 

Yes, they certainly seemed to be enjoying their "discussion" with us.

[cruisemom42]

Hypothetical opening comments at dinner:

 

"Hi everyone, I'm on the sex offenders list. I hate having to tell the authorities every time we change ports. anyone else in my boat?"

 

"Hi everyone, I just got a text message from my unmarried eighteen year old daughter asking me if I thought $1,000 for a late term abortion was a lot of money. I told her I'd ask at dinner tonight and get back to her."

 

Lighten up folks......find safe enjoyable subjects to put you in the right frame of mind for dinner. It won't be a reflection on your intellectual capabilities and no one will think less of you.

 

 

Sure......as if this is what is under discussion here. :rolleyes: You can't seriously think this is what's being advocated.

 

"Safe" subjects put me to sleep. A lively discussion where I can hopefully learn something new is what puts me in the right frame of mind for dinner. Not everyone is the same.

[dread_pirate]

If the subject were brought up and I admitted my lack of religious faith, how many of you "faithful" would resist the opportunity to try to straighten me out.

I would. But then again, my faith does not advocate prostelytising.

 

Lighten up folks......find safe enjoyable subjects to put you in the right frame of mind for dinner.

And those are?

 

We've already been told on this thread that where you're from, what you do for a living, your kids, your grandchildren, your pets are off-limits.

 

I'm sure people can argue about whether the entertainment is any good - that could divisive at the dinner table.

 

Are we left only with the weather?

 

And people wonder why folks seem much less "friendly" nowadays - perhaps because it's easier to say nothing than to remember all these "rules."

[BillsMafiaBabe]

I would also add that I do not want to hear how wonderful your grand kids or pets are and I do not want to see pictures of either.

 

DON

 

And for that matter, please don't assume I have children at home and when I tell you I don't, please don't look at me like I have a genetic defect.

I chose not to have children.

 

OP-great topic! Thanks

[johneeo]

... For example, the party we were seated with a few years ago spent most of our dinners together demanding that I defend U.S. policies around the world.

 

OOOH! Would I have had a good time with them, responding with:

 

"As the most powerful nation on planet earth I have always been an advocate of totally annihilating every country on the planet. Then we would not have to justify anything, especially this ridiculous conversation."

They would have loved me.:eek:

[sail7seas]

Demanding? Arguing? Well of course that would make anyone uncomfortable. I think, though, that we are talking about discussing.

 

 

 

I suppose one person's discussion may be another's argument, however...

 

 

And, THAT is the point.

 

[sail7seas]

I would. But then again, my faith does not advocate prostelytising.

 

 

And those are?

 

We've already been told on this thread that where you're from, what you do for a living, your kids, your grandchildren, your pets are off-limits.

 

I'm sure people can argue about whether the entertainment is any good - that could divisive at the dinner table.

 

Are we left only with the weather?

 

And people wonder why folks seem much less "friendly" nowadays - perhaps because it's easier to say nothing than to remember all these "rules."

 

 

You might consider raising subjects about which you have things in common:

 

The ship you are sailing

The ports you are visiting

The entertainment on the ship

The good or bad weather you've enjoyed or not during the trip

The menu/dinner you are at that moment eating

My fish is delicious, how is your prime rib - probably will bring you to conversation about foods you/they like or not

Ships and travel in general

 

Those topics are bound to bring you to 'safe ports' to continue the conversation in a comfortable direction.

If your table 'clicks', it's great and your conversation will evolve. If the table does not 'click', you have offended no one.

 

 

[secret1122]

Hypothetical opening comments at dinner:

 

"Hi everyone, I'm on the sex offenders list. I hate having to tell the authorities every time we change ports. anyone else in my boat?"

 

"Hi everyone, I just got a text message from my unmarried eighteen year old daughter asking me if I thought $1,000 for a late term abortion was a lot of money. I told her I'd ask at dinner tonight and get back to her."

 

Lighten up folks......find safe enjoyable subjects to put you in the right frame of mind for dinner. It won't be a reflection on your intellectual capabilities and no one will think less of you.

As extreme as those examples are, I can see you not wanting to discuss them or finding them inappropriate for dinner. That would be your choice. My comment was not about what you find appropriate, but more along the lines of how as an adult, that would cause you to feel offended or uncomfortable. Those are extreme feelings that shouldn't be brought on by simple dinner conversation. Again, it's seems all part of the "panzification" of America. At times, it seems we're becoming a country of little girls.

[Warmer Climes]

As extreme as those examples are, I can see you not wanting to discuss them or finding them inappropriate for dinner. That would be your choice. My comment was not about what you find appropriate, but more along the lines of how as an adult, that would cause you to feel offended or uncomfortable. Those are extreme feelings that shouldn't be brought on by simple dinner conversation. Again, it's seems all part of the "panzification" of America. At times, it seems we're becoming a country of little girls.

 

Emily Post (1922): "Talk about things you think will be agreeable to your hearer."

 

"Try to do and say those things only which will be agreeable to others."

[Don P]

It seems to me a person has multiple choices if at this table. Contribute to the discussion is one choice. Another would be to ignore the question, and yet another would be to ask the Maitre dei for another table. In other words do whatever you want. A lot of these posts are trying to make fine points. They remind me of my kids. Oh waiter! Table change please.

 

UOTE=secret1122;33606484]As extreme as those examples are, I can see you not wanting to discuss them or finding them inappropriate for dinner. That would be your choice. My comment was not about what you find appropriate, but more along the lines of how as an adult, that would cause you to feel offended or uncomfortable. Those are extreme feelings that shouldn't be brought on by simple dinner conversation. Again, it's seems all part of the "panzification" of America. At times, it seems we're becoming a country of little girls.

[dread_pirate]

You might consider raising subjects about which you have things in common:

 

The ship you are sailing

The ports you are visiting

The entertainment on the ship

The good or bad weather you've enjoyed or not during the trip

The menu/dinner you are at that moment eating

My fish is delicious, how is your prime rib - probably will bring you to conversation about foods you/they like or not

Ships and travel in general

 

Those topics are bound to bring you to 'safe ports' to continue the conversation in a comfortable direction.

If your table 'clicks', it's great and your conversation will evolve. If the table does not 'click', you have offended no one.

 

 

Just as you find discussions of children and pets offensive (or at least disagreeable), I can virtually guarantee that there will be people who believe that the topics you listed above will also be disagreeable. Particularly if one of the guests at your table is the complaining type.

 

Just look at all the "hot button" topics on these boards!

[sail7seas]

Just as you find discussions of children and pets offensive (or at least disagreeable), I can virtually guarantee that there will be people who believe that the topics you listed above will also be disagreeable. Particularly if one of the guests at your table is the complaining type.

 

Just look at all the "hot button" topics on these boards!

 

 

They may find the subjects boring but they will not find them offensive. ;)

 

And therein lies the difference.

 

 

[cruisemom42]

It seems to me that a lot of Americans, in particular, are overly sensitive to what in most other cultures would simply be considered a discussion. I keep reading over and over in this thread about folks feeling "attacked" or that others "demanded" that they "defend" positions, etc. I work with French colleagues daily and also have traveled quite a bit for business reasons and I find many times that discussions with Europeans tend to be much more direct and in-depth and range over many of these topics -- even with business associates I barely know. Same with Australians and (perhaps to a lesser extent) Canadians.

 

I've sat at many different tables on many cruises (I prefer open seating to fixed and so will sit with different folks most nights) and only once can I say that someone at one of those tables attacked or even heatedly discussed a "hot button" topic in an insensitive way.

 

Why must conversation devolve to the lowest common denominator? Can't we all get out of our comfort zone just a little for the happiness of all? I'm willing to hear how delicious your fish is or how precious your grandchildren are if you'll reciprocate by indulging in some more substantial conversation as well.

[Don P]

I don't need to defend it and I don't want to discuss it. I have no problem wanting to think relaxing and beautiful thoughts for a week.

[boogs]

Again, it's seems all part of the "panzification" of America. At times, it seems we're becoming a country of little girls.

 

In my America, good manners, discretion, and respect for others has ALWAYS been appropriate behavior. Nothing "panzification" about it. It takes an adult to know when to practice those traits. "Little girls" and little boys are the ones who don't know when or how to practice good manners.

[johneeo]

Why must conversation devolve to the lowest common denominator?

 

Have you ever had a conversation with a complete moron?:rolleyes:

[Amberle3]

And for that matter, please don't assume I have children at home and when I tell you I don't, please don't look at me like I have a genetic defect.

I chose not to have children.

 

OP-great topic! Thanks

 

If I can add, if someone says they don't have children please don't make any assumptions about it. Just accept the fact and move on. If you decide that you absolutely HAVE to know then perhaps wait until you know them a little better before asking it. For some people not having children is a choice, others are desperately trying to children, and some can't have children either due to genetic or medical problems. If this is your first or second meal with them, they might not feel comfortable giving you their medical history.

[Amberle3]

You might consider raising subjects about which you have things in common:

 

The ship you are sailing

The ports you are visiting

The entertainment on the ship

The good or bad weather you've enjoyed or not during the trip

The menu/dinner you are at that moment eating

My fish is delicious, how is your prime rib - probably will bring you to conversation about foods you/they like or not

Ships and travel in general

 

Those topics are bound to bring you to 'safe ports' to continue the conversation in a comfortable direction.

If your table 'clicks', it's great and your conversation will evolve. If the table does not 'click', you have offended no one.

 

My inlaws have cruised a few times, always with family which I think is a fantatic thing because the thought of someone having to share a table with them depresses me. They are the kind where nothing is EVER right, or good enough. So dinner conversation with them is something like this:

 

"What do you think of the ship?" - it's too large/small/pointy, things are too cheaply made/too expensive, and it's too hot/cold/wet/dry/bright/dim.

"What did you think of this port?" - too expensive, all the sellers are just there to take advantage of tourists, the locals are too pushy/quiet/foreign, it was too hot/cold/wet/dry/sandy/rocky.

"Have you seen any of the shows?" - they're too boring/loud/busy, the performer is too weak/loud/short/fat, the theatre was too cold/hot, the seats were too hard/soft.

 

You get the idea.

 

Of all of their vacations over the last decade+, I've never heard them say a positive thing about any of them. I really pity anyone who has to sit with them at dinner.

[electro]

My inlaws have cruised a few times, always with family which I think is a fantatic thing because the thought of someone having to share a table with them depresses me. They are the kind where nothing is EVER right, or good enough. So dinner conversation with them is something like this:

 

"What do you think of the ship?" - it's too large/small/pointy, things are too cheaply made/too expensive, and it's too hot/cold/wet/dry/bright/dim.

"What did you think of this port?" - too expensive, all the sellers are just there to take advantage of tourists, the locals are too pushy/quiet/foreign, it was too hot/cold/wet/dry/sandy/rocky.

"Have you seen any of the shows?" - they're too boring/loud/busy, the performer is too weak/loud/short/fat, the theatre was too cold/hot, the seats were too hard/soft.

 

You get the idea.

 

Of all of their vacations over the last decade+, I've never heard them say a positive thing about any of them. I really pity anyone who has to sit with them at dinner.

 

I travelled with a couple like that once. Never again!

 

I'd take a discussion about religion or politics over that any day.

 

Lois