9 year old alone on ship

[Lerin]

your mother couldn't walk or drive her young children to school?

 

Maybe she wasn't a helicopter parent. I walked to school alone from first grade onward. Times were different fifty years ago. I rode the city bus to middle school, age twelve.

Amen! And talk about a waste of time and resources.

That would be crazy to drive a 9 year old 3 measly blocks.

 

I don't have an issue with 9 year olds wandering by themselves. Not certain I'd allow it as it depends on the child's maturity. Mine has a few years to go.

 

I'd trust many 9 year olds to walk safely back to the cabin more than some 14-17 year olds.

 

Agreed with the poster who said there are more dangers in a child's own home than in public. The majority of child abuse and accidents are at the hands of someone the child knows.

[dsrdsrdsr]

Mentally, there's no reason a child of 9 can't manage being alone on a ship. I walked to school (three quarters of a mile) from age 4. So did my brothers and sister. Not together, either.

 

As for child molesters, I've never really believed in all these hundreds of people hanging around the buffet waiting to snatch a child and take him back to the cabin. So far as I am aware, though I haven't any personal experience, child molesters prefer (a) a getaway car handy, and (b) their own home where the sreams can't be heard. Thin walls, thousands of people within earshot, cameras everywhere, and no place to call your own, are NOT what they're after. (Anyone got any links to news of children being abducted by strangers on ships? I've never heard of any.)

 

Incidentally, the number of children killed by strangers in Britain in the sixties (when I walked to school) was higher than it is now. FWIW.

[boulders]

We just got off a 21 night cruise. The kids club offered me to allow my 8 year old to sign himself out. No way was I allowing that. However - this also prevented my 15 year old from picking her younger brother up OR dropping him off. It had to be someone over 18. So while I would not allow my 8 year old to be his on his own, I would certainly allow him to be with his 15 year old sister.

 

The child who drowned 3 months ago was with both his mother and father who were just feet away.

[mjkacmom]

My kids start walking to school in the second grade, and by 10, can go many blocks away without adult supervision (ds15 had the free run of the town, with friends, but I think I gave him more freedom because he was really tall - lol). My youngest just turned 11, but they were allowed a lot of freedom on our last cruise, in certain places, provided I knew where they were.

 

Statistically, the world is a MUCH safer place than it was when I was a kid. I have no fears of anyone abducting my children, or even assaulting them on a crowded cruise ship, with tons of security, cameras, and people around. They have a better chance of getting struck by lightening a dozen times.

 

Statistically, my kids are much more likely to be harmed by neighbor Jim, uncle Steve, coach Bill, camp counselor Frank, or bff's dad/brother. Almost all abductions are by family members - the media today just shouts out every single incident of non-family abduction (which, considering how many people are in this world, is a really, really, really small number). I think the benefits my kids gain from learning to be independent are definitely worth the (really really really miniscule) risk of "stranger danger."

 

My 12 year old has been to the mall (where there are bars - oh my!), and the movies, with just her friends. She walks more that 2 miles back and forth to school. She's smart, cautious, and has a good head on her shoulders. Dd17 has flown many times alone, taken the train, and public buses, with friends, and alone.

 

Nine year olds should be riding their bikes to baseball practice, going to the park with friends, allowed to stay home alone. Now we have moms bringing them into the ladies rooms!

[mjkacmom]

I guess I grew up in a more trusting time.

 

My siblings and I walked 3 blocks to school along with a lot of the other kids in the neighborhood starting in kindergarten. Sometimes there were 2 or 3 of us together and sometimes I was alone.

 

 

quote]

 

Your mother couldn't walk or drive her young children to school?

 

Why should she? Many kids walk in my town without parents. And it's really pathetic to drive your child three blocks to school (although I know parents who do it). No wonder why kids are so fat.

[katyjeka]

We would never allow our dd's to check themselves out of the kids club. Our girls have traveled for years and are comfortable in strange places, but it still is not something we allow. I think of the long hallways and all the doors with "who knows who behind them." Someone could open the door, pull them in, and it could be awhile before we realized something was up. Not a chance we are willing to take. I'm amazed at the amount of parents who board a ship, get drunk(sorry) and forget they are parents. We've seen little kids, five and up, on the pool deck, buffet lines, and wondering the ship alone. One reason we don't love some of the buffets. Too many little fingers in the food, and no adults around, I guess that's for a totally different thread!!! Cruising with kids is a totally different experience and parents should plan accordingly. Allowing them to roam a ship in the middle of a huge ocean, with thousands of strangers, alone, it not responsible parenting. Sorry.

[jlindemer]

My kids start walking to school in the second grade, and by 10, can go many blocks away without adult supervision (ds15 had the free run of the town, with friends, but I think I gave him more freedom because he was really tall - lol). My youngest just turned 11, but they were allowed a lot of freedom on our last cruise, in certain places, provided I knew where they were.

 

Statistically, the world is a MUCH safer place than it was when I was a kid. I have no fears of anyone abducting my children, or even assaulting them on a crowded cruise ship, with tons of security, cameras, and people around. They have a better chance of getting struck by lightening a dozen times.

 

Statistically, my kids are much more likely to be harmed by neighbor Jim, uncle Steve, coach Bill, camp counselor Frank, or bff's dad/brother. Almost all abductions are by family members - the media today just shouts out every single incident of non-family abduction (which, considering how many people are in this world, is a really, really, really small number). I think the benefits my kids gain from learning to be independent are definitely worth the (really really really miniscule) risk of "stranger danger."

 

My 12 year old has been to the mall (where there are bars - oh my!), and the movies, with just her friends. She walks more that 2 miles back and forth to school. She's smart, cautious, and has a good head on her shoulders. Dd17 has flown many times alone, taken the train, and public buses, with friends, and alone.

 

Nine year olds should be riding their bikes to baseball practice, going to the park with friends, allowed to stay home alone. Now we have moms bringing them into the ladies rooms!

 

:):p:p:D:D:)

[jlindemer]

We would never allow our dd's to check themselves out of the kids club. Our girls have traveled for years and are comfortable in strange places, but it still is not something we allow. I think of the long hallways and all the doors with "who knows who behind them." Someone could open the door, pull them in, and it could be awhile before we realized something was up. Not a chance we are willing to take. I'm amazed at the amount of parents who board a ship, get drunk(sorry) and forget they are parents. We've seen little kids, five and up, on the pool deck, buffet lines, and wondering the ship alone. One reason we don't love some of the buffets. Too many little fingers in the food, and no adults around, I guess that's for a totally different thread!!! Cruising with kids is a totally different experience and parents should plan accordingly. Allowing them to roam a ship in the middle of a huge ocean, with thousands of strangers, alone, it not responsible parenting. Sorry.

 

I had no idea Jesus Christ was here on CC. Because as far as I'm concerned only He can judge whether someone is a responsible parent or not.

 

Everyone is quick to judge. It's terrible. I'm saddened to even cruise with many of you knowing that my every move is being watched and judged.

[katyjeka]

Wow!!!!! That was a little mean. We do allow our kids to walk to friends, lessons, etc......they are given freedom. I've seen too many staff member trying to correct children who are left to roam a ship alone. They enter adult only areas, finger buffets, run up and down hallways..... This may not be a problem to some, but it does take them away from the job they are assigned, which is taking care of guests needs, not babysitting their children.

[Lovely169]

Okay, I admit, I didn't read all the comments. Here's mine:

 

I am very protective. It always amazed me when my kids were growing up sitting there in the pizza place and there is a table of 10 YOs (at least that's what they looked) alone in the place for over an hour. Made me crazy. Where were the parents!

 

On a cruise my kids were given some freedom. They were good kids and had their own cabins. I trusted them. Not so much everyone else. My rules were simple. If you said you were going to be somewhere you better be there or all he*ll would break loose.

 

Would I let a 9 YO wander alone? NO! They simply don't have the world experience or knowledge to know how to handle situations. My grandson is out and about a lot. He does theater, karate, goes to Disneyland about 3 time a month and spends tons of time with the LA Fire Department. He's active. He meets tons of different people. He likes them all - and THAT is why I can't allow him to wander on a ship. He thinks people are great and trusts them.

 

What is the expression? Trust, but verify! It's not that I don't trust my kids - it's that I don't trust the people they come in contact with.

 

 

 

What is the expression? Trust, but verify! It's not that I don't trust my kids - it's that I don't trust the people they come in contact with.

 

I agree with you. That's the point right there. You can trust your kids. Your kids can be mature for their age. But that has nothing to do with the grown man/woman that may want to cause some form of harm to your kid/child.

[Kerry's Girls]

Where on a cruise ship is there no one around? There are always people around. If your child started doing what they were taught to do if a monster grabbed them then I would say it is a safe bet that someone would jump in and help that child. There are way more good people in the world than the monsters.

 

Exactly.

[mjkacmom]

You're right. I agree. These pedophiles can be within your family or close friends as well. However, if you're prtective of your kids in public, at home, in your city etc. Why let them roam free on a ship around a bunch of people you don't know. There's no screening for criminals on a cruise ship. No background checks. I worry if I tell my daughter go run to the cabin to grab your towel that some guy can come out of his cabin and touch her inappropriately or try flirting with her or even worse. That doesn't make me paranoid. I'm a protective mother. Everyone isn't trustworthy. I guess my radar is always on due to me having daughters.

 

I have three daughters (and two sons), and my job is to raise 5 adults, who are able to go out into the world, confident, with street smarts, and to trust their instincts. At some point, they need to be on their own - it's important to start small, and then give them more and more freedom.

 

My oldest is going off to college next year - I won't be there. Hopefully, every experience she has had over the years has prepared her to make smart decisions. Even if she is no longer a child, she is my child, and I don't want anything to happen to her, even now.

[rebeccalouiseagain]

I am a very protective mother but I have no qualms about kids roaming around the ships (as long as they aren't being nuisances). Both my kids roamed freely by age 8.

 

Cruises are probably THE safest places on earth.

[sherryf]

At the end of the day you have to give your kids room to grow, teach them respect, give them room to make mistakes and learn from them and keep them safe at the same time. They have to be given opportunity to earn trust and that there are consequences when they break that trust.

 

You have to teach them that the world is generally a good place but that there are bad people and how to respond when faced with those situations. You can't keep them in a bubble.

 

Kids need parents to be parents, not friends. Nobody else will be that for them. They will have plenty of friends but only 2 parents. It's hard sometimes but that's our job.

 

Those are just my thoughts and I respect if they are not yours.

 

Best response yet! I totally agree.

 

Of course, we all know our own kids best, and can judge what responsibility is appropriate at what age. Others should not criticize our choices just because they wouldn't do the same with their child.

 

The first time I cruised with my kids, they were 2, 5 and 8, so most of this was not an issue. However, we did allow our 5 year old to leave the dining room at dinner to go to the restroom. I swear, he had to go in the middle of dinner every single night. The first 2-3 nights, his dad took him, but after that, we just let him go alone. I'm sure that some here would say that was irresponsible, that bad things can happen to a little boy in the men's room, but we felt it was okay. There were always TONS of people around and it was a short walk to the restroom.

 

The kids' second cruise was 10 years later. My boys were 15 and 18 and I gave them complete freedom. My 12 year old daughter had sign out privileges, and she was almost always with friends. I walked her to and from the kids club the first night, and walked her there the next morning, but after that, she was on her own, with limits and check ins, etc. One of her new friends was in the cabin next door, so she often met up with her there and they went up to the club together. I was a little nervous about giving her so much freedom, but felt much better that she was always in a group of 2-5 kids. I probably would not have given my middle child the same freedom at that age.

 

My oldest is now almost 21 and in college. He lives with a roommate off campus and drives 300 miles across state alone for breaks. He is mature and responsible. I would not feel nearly as comfortable with his current situation if I hadn't started giving him freedom as a pre-teen and gradually increasing it as he got older. If I had kept him in a bubble all through high school, how could I ever have sent him off to college alone?

 

We all have to do what we think is best for our own kids, but we do have to give them the freedom to grow up and learn responsibility eventually!

[blitznbobs]

This thing about child molesters is barking mad... Most (almost all ) child abuse is carried out by a relative of the child -(statistically maternal grandfathers are the most common paedophiles) and if not by a relative then someone known to the child . Grooming is a *long * process months and months go by before the abuse starts - unless you are on a world cruise this is unlikely to happen... Whether or not a child should wander the ship is one thing but really this worry needs to be put into some kind of prospective.

[blitznbobs]

Sorry tried to edit but couldn't on my phone that should be perspective...

[UtCruisinFamily]

This is not always the case and a post such as this may lead to a false sense of safety.

 

Unfortunately there are people out there who will pray upon random young kids anywhere. Strangers or not. Keep your kids safe. It doesn't take long for something to happen to them that can be life changing.

[ginadc]

I have three daughters (and two sons), and my job is to raise 5 adults, who are able to go out into the world, confident, with street smarts, and to trust their instincts. At some point, they need to be on their own - it's important to start small, and then give them more and more freedom.

 

Yeah, pretty much this and everything mjkacmom has said (except I have 2 daughters and 1 son).

 

When we sail in February, our kids will be 8, almost 6, and 3.5. The two younger ones will either be in Adventure Ocean or close to us at all times, but we are going to start giving our older daughter a few small freedoms so that she can start to exercise her own maturity in controlled doses.

 

Here at home, that's going to mean that she can walk the 3.5 blocks to her piano teacher's house on her own (no stoplighted streets to cross) as soon as it's not so dark at lesson time. (For what it's worth, I grew up in Nebraska in the 1970s. I rode my bike ten blocks to my grandmother's house every weekend from the time I was 7 or 8, and walked five blocks to school from first grade on. Nothing ever happened to me then. On the other hand, I was felt up by the late-teenage son of my parents' friends in our basement when I was 8. Go figure.)

 

On the cruise, that will mean letting her take brief "excursions" on her own. For example, she loves rock climbing and is a competitive climber here at home. If the rest of us are at the pool and she wants to go climb, we will permit her to go to the rock wall on her own and only to the rock wall. She'll either have to wait there for us, or come directly back to where we are on the pool deck. Or she could go to the smoothie bar on her own and use her Royal Replenish pass and come back to where we are playing mini golf. She's too young to "have the run of the ship," but I think we're at the point where she can learn a bit about being responsible on her own in limited amounts.

 

Somewhere on this subforum there's a "contract" that one cruiser asked her kids to sign when on their own on the ship. That one was more for teens and addressed much more liberal freedoms, but we've adapted it for our own use, and we're talking with her a month ahead of time about what's expected of her. I'm not particularly freaked out about her getting grabbed by a pedophile on a busy pool or sports deck or on the stairway, but she knows she is never allowed in anyone's cabin, to go off anywhere with someone other than one of us, or to go in the elevator without one of us.

 

Could *something* horrible happen? Sure. But something horrible could happen every day when I send her and her younger siblings off to school and day care, too. I still do that. At some point we have to start teaching our kids to do a few things on their own, little by little.

[notentirelynormal]

I was always over protective - but they didn't know. I gave them the freedom but didn't let them know that I was showing up to see if they were doing what they said they were doing and that they were okay. That's the trust but verify thing.

 

My kids had their own cabin when my daughter was 14 and my son was 8. I trusted them. We ended up on a different deck and opposite ends of the ship. My kids are good kids and were responsible. The part I thought was really funny was that the room steward kept track of them. I didn't ask him too, but he did. He'd see me coming and would run and open the door for their cabin and tell me what they did (ordered food or wandered). It was very funny. I had a firm rule and we lived by it. I don't care where they went but if I went looking for them, they better be there. No exceptions.

 

Kids need to grow and be free. It's the way they learn BUT that doesn't mean I don't keep track. We took a cruise with my very naive 17 YO niece. She had never been out of her very small town. Didn't even own a suitcase. I told her my first rule, I don't care where you go, but if you say you are going to be somewhere you better be there. Night number one - she wanders off with some boys she met. I ask my daughter where she is but she doesn't know. I find her up on deck with 5 boys. Sure, they were just chatting but that wasn't the point. I was responsible for her, paying for her and she was naive. I pulled her aside and read her the riot act. I don't care she was talking to these guys but she sure as sh*t should have told someone in our group of 25 where she was going.

 

There is a huge difference between growing up in a small town environment and a big city. There is a big difference in growing up in the '70s and now. My grandson knows to yell if a stranger bothers him and he has. But that only works if there is someone there to hear him. My granddaughter is autistic and she wouldn't make a sound no matter how many times we told her. My other two, they trust everyone.

 

I have to say the worst experience was when my daughter was in her late 20's cruising with a friend of the same age. This creepy guy approached the friend and asked if he could take pictures of her in his cabin because she was so pretty. Freaked her out. Keep in mind the friend was a longshoremen. The next day the guy approaches my daughter with the same story. Ship's personnel became involved and (long story short) it was resolved.

 

The bottom line here is YOU know your kids. How they will react, how they will handle a situation etc. It is an individual decision.

[Cruisin' Chick]

When my daughter was 8, I did not allow her to sign herself out. I don't know about the other parents, but IMO, it's too young. The next time we went on a cruise, she was 13, and the teen program allowed the kids to sign themselves out. She met a couple of girls her age on the first night and spent much of the sea days on the two week cruise with them (she did introduce her new friends to us). Two years later, we were going on the same ship/same itinerary/same time of year and one of those girls (she'd stayed in touch via FB) was going,too. So they arranged to meet up and they met some other kids their age.

[Onessa]

I guess I grew up in a more trusting time.

 

My siblings and I walked 3 blocks to school along with a lot of the other kids in the neighborhood starting in kindergarten. Sometimes there were 2 or 3 of us together and sometimes I was alone.

 

 

 

Your mother couldn't walk or drive her young children to school?

Really?

 

Starting when I was in Kindergarten, my BF and I walked to and from school -- it was exactly one mile from our driveway to the school's front sidewalk. Beginning in first grade we walked to school, home for lunch, back to school and home. She was the oldest of what turned out to be a family of six. I was the younger of two, but my mother (shock and surprise for the mid sixties) worked outside the home. My dad worked 20 miles away and drove our only car to and from work each day. My BF's dad worked night shifts and was generally sleeping when we went to school. Other than my mother, NONE of the ladies in the neighborhood drove.

 

So no my mother could not walk me as a young child to school - she was working. And no my BF's mother could not bundle up a passel of kids (including infants) to walk us to and from school in the frigid Wisconsin winters.

 

And no, my mother would not have had a car to drive us to school. And if BF's mother had access to a car, she did not know how to drive.

 

This is not a "oh poor me" story -- it was the reality for the 78 kids I went to school with. No one had a ride to school. It was 2 miles before the school district would provide a bus and none of us lived more than 2 miles away. No one had the luxury of two or three cars.

 

SAH moms did not have the luxury of walking their kids to and from school -- herding multiple toddlers and pre-schoolers was not practical and subjecting a newborn to the elements was not done.

 

There was some safety in numbers, but yah there was the weirdo who exposed himself to some of us on the playground. But we pretty much lived in terror - with reports of razor blades in apples, LSD in candy, and I still remember the name of Lisa French (a 9YO girl from a community 30-some miles away who disappeared and was found assulted and murdered) from 1973.

 

My DD is now 18YO and has slowly earned her independence. But even now, she has to tell me where she is going, who she is with and when she'll be home!

Edited January 20, 2014 by Onessa

[notentirelynormal]

Really?

 

Starting when I was in Kindergarten, my BF and I walked to and from school -- it was exactly one mile from our driveway to the school's front sidewalk. Beginning in first grade we walked to school, home for lunch, back to school and home. She was the oldest of what turned out to be a family of six. I was the younger of two, but my mother (shock and surprise for the mid sixties) worked outside the home. My dad worked 20 miles away and drove our only car to and from work each day. My BF's dad worked night shifts and was generally sleeping when we went to school. Other than my mother, NONE of the ladies in the neighborhood drove.

 

So no my mother could not walk me as a young child to school - she was working. And no my BF's mother could not bundle up a passel of kids (including infants) to walk us to and from school in the frigid Wisconsin winters.

 

And no, my mother would not have had a car to drive us to school. And if BF's mother had access to a car, she did not know how to drive.

 

This is not a "oh poor me" story -- it was the reality for the 78 kids I went to school with. No one had a ride to school. It was 2 miles before the school district would provide a bus and none of us lived more than 2 miles away. No one had the luxury of two or three cars.

 

SAH moms did not have the luxury of walking their kids to and from school -- herding multiple toddlers and pre-schoolers was not practical and subjecting a newborn to the elements was not done.

 

There was some safety in numbers, but yah there was the weirdo who exposed himself to some of us on the playground. But we pretty much lived in terror - with reports of razor blades in apples, LSD in candy, and I still remember the name of Lisa French (a 9YO girl from a community 30-some miles away who disappeared and was found assulted and murdered) from 1973.

 

My DD is now 18YO and has slowly earned her independence. But even now, she has to tell me where she is going, who she is with and when she'll be home!

 

Everyone I know my age walked to school. Rain, sun, snow.... it made no difference. My kids walked to school too.

[chikkityRN]

Personally, I would not sign anything permitting my daughters (5 and 7) to leave the youth areas without being signed out by my husband or myself. Too many creeps out there. I will probably worry about them wandering the ship as teenagers too. I trust my kids, but kids are kids. I hear too many stories to trust my children would be safe wandering a cruise ship, walking to school alone etc. Calling me over protective would not bother me at all. :)

[mickev99]

I got to the second page and stopped reading because I honestly don't care how anyone else raises their children, I just wanted to respond to the original poster.

 

My girls are 9, 9, and 11, and NO WAY will I be letting them be anywhere except for the kid's club without me or my husband next to them. It's not that I don't trust them, but I don't trust the other thousands of people on that ship. It's not only a matter of maturity for kids...remember Jaycee Dugard? The scumbag who kidnapped her jumped out of a car with a stun gun...she was knocked out and in his car in a matter of seconds, and she couldn't scream, kick, anything. It can happen so quickly and it's not always that the child is intimidated, doesn't know what to do, believes someone who tells them that their mom is right in the next room and sent him out to get them....they could be doing all the right things, but you just never know. My kids know what to do if someone approaches them, but they might not always get the chance. Heck, my 16 year old niece is going with us and she knows she won't get the same freedoms to wander the ship if her dad was with us since I'm the one responsible.

 

I'm 44, and things were a lot different when I was younger. When I was in high school, I rode my bike across highways, we met in the woods behind my house and walked to school....but like many have said on here, things were different.

 

I certainly believe in giving kids freedom, but there's a limit. I would never be able to live with myself if anything happened to my kids because I wasn't doing everything I can to keep them safe, and I'm not willing to take that chance, because I want to be "the cool mom". Of course, I'm not naive enough to know that I can't keep them safe all the time, but I will do what I can, as long as I can.

 

Just my two cents...and meant as a reply to the poster, not to stir up negativity and fights about the "right" or "wrong" way to parent. We're all just doing what we believe in.

[chikkityRN]

Reading this story and watching the video at the bottom of this link is just a confirmation of my parenting choices.

 

http://m.nydailynews.com/1.1351027