Without kids... or without kids... which is best...?

[BooBoos]

My husband and I have 3 kid's. 2 still at home, one getting ready to move back home. We took all 3 of them on a Carnival cruise to Mexico in Jan. 2004. They did not have a very good time. We didn't know it at the time, but my son's girlfriend broke up with him the night before we left. That explained why he didn't have a good time! We decided then and there that if we cruised again, it would be with friends, or by ourselves! We are currently scheduled to go on the Conquest Aug.5th.. By ourselves! I think our kid's would have more fun now that they are a little older, and would have more fun if they had some of their friends with them.!

[VentureMan_2000]

Ventureman, this sounds more like some type of power struggle BTW you and the Mrs. to me. You guys need to sit down and figure out what's really going on here.

 

 

I don't think you have read all my posts on this thread. If you had, you would not have tried to read so much into something I did not say.

 

I was only asking a question. And nearly everyone understood that and answered with their experiences. And I thank those that have.

 

 

Here's my answer to my own question:

 

My wife and I are great friends and I have been so for nearly 28 years. We constantly dote around our 3 kids (12, 14, 15)... supporting and participating in all the usual activities, sports, and school. Our family is very close. We have always vacationed together every year since they were newborns. Our two week annual camping trips is still their favorite.

 

It wasn't until about 2 years ago that we felt our kids are old enough and responsible enough to properly manage their time, get all their school work completed on their own, and make it to their sports practices, etc. And because of this, my wife and I felt comfortable having a relative stay with them while we went on a 7 day cruise.

 

I have mentioned this in other threads, but my wife and I have a strong feeling regarding taking kids... and not taking kids... on any trip. Simply put, if you bring kids on a trip with you, then the trip is all about the kids, hands down. If you bring kids and try to make the trip about you, then the kids will be miserable and you will be miserable.

 

If you go on a trip without the kids... then the trip is all about you and your wants and desires, be-it staying up late, drinking more than you normally would, having time alone, and just plain relaxing without the additional responsibilities that exist when you have a child to keep an eye on.

 

So... I and my wife's desire to cruise without the kids is purely based on our desire take a week off of our normal responsibilities as parents and make the week all about us.:)

[dkbear2003]

We only have one DD(10) and neither DH or I see any reason not to take her with us on vacation. DD has traveled the world with us and enjoys it every bit as much as we do, why wouldn't we take her? DH and I have plenty of time together and will have many more years together, however in 8 or so years DD will be spread her wings and that will be the time for vacation with out her.

I totally agree with you my kids are 16, 14 and 11 and we have never takedn a vacation without them and never will until they are older and out on their own, even then they can come and pay their own way. I love my kids and want them around all the time. When I was a kid we never went on vacations so of course I want to do all of that with mine

[vfb2girls]

For us it is not about leaving the adult children at home, we have no problem with that, it is our dog that we are most worried about. He is going to be devastated when we leave him for three weeks this summer for our Alaskan trip. It is a good thing we have a dependable person to take care of him otherwise we probably wouldn't go on vacation.

[Quilting_Cruiser]

Venture:

 

I'm glad you and your DW have figured out what works for your family. Good for you!

 

But, I don't agree with the following comment:

Simply put, if you bring kids on a trip with you, then the trip is all about the kids, hands down. If you bring kids and try to make the trip about you, then the kids will be miserable and you will be miserable.

Simply put, it may be that way for you and your DW, but it doesn't necessarily make it truth for others. For us it's neither "all about her" nor "all about us." It's all about going on a vacation where every person in the family can have a great vacation. When we cruise, DD spends a lot of time at Camp Carnival and DH and I get time to spend as a couple. For our family, it's the perfect vacation. :D

 

Cheers!

Jayne

[VentureMan_2000]

 

But, I don't agree with the following comment:

Simply put, if you bring kids on a trip with you, then the trip is all about the kids, hands down. If you bring kids and try to make the trip about you, then the kids will be miserable and you will be miserable.

Simply put, it may be that way for you and your DW, but it doesn't necessarily make it truth for others.

 

 

Not sure why you are making a dig at this... I clearly stated that my wife and I have a strong feeling regarding this. I don't see anywhere that I stated anything about this being the truth. :confused:

 

I was only sharing...

[Jared19]

Carnival is more of a family run cruise line. if you are going on carnival, go with kids if you have them and are old enough that you dont have to keep an eye on them 24/7 such as 8-17

 

If you are looking to go without kids, choose a more adult run line, such as Norweigion, or Princess

[Sirwinston]

I really have enjoyed hearing from all of you. :)

I enjoy cruising with the spouse and kid, with just the spouse, with just the kid, and I enjoy cruising with friends.

That said, bringing the kid (s) does change the dynamic of the cruise. Yes there is camp Carnival and it is great. But sometimes it is good to be away. It is good to send your kids to summer camp also. When I was a kid I enjoyed when my parents sent me to stay with relatives so they could have alone time.

Anyway I will be taking a trip with just friends at the end of August. The spouse did not want to put in for the time off until someone else had already snagged that time. The kid was going to go, But then the grades were bad so we decided that he was not going. The grades have started to come up but I think I have decided that this trip which includes a long haul flight is going to be a friends trip. My buddies I am going with enjoy fine dining and nice wine, museums and cultural things. Though my kid (11yrs) would enjoy it on some level, I think he would get just as much from a less $$$ trip. So I will be taking him camping and if he is good on a 4 day Elation trip next Jan.... The spouse is free to join us if time allows.

I also think this will on some level keep my kid from taking too much for granted.

[truecruiser]

the only 2 cruises we ever did w/o the kids were done b/4 they were born. they've been w/ us on every one since then. i say they shld consider themselves very lucky. they go by default (not every time, but sometimes, yes). ;) the older they get though, the more freedom we have (and yes, they are still young, but they like to do things in camp carnival w/ their CC friends. this gives us quite a few breathers).

 

we have taken a couple of 3 day trips w/o them (quickies to Bermuda and San Juan), but it is a lot to ask someone to watch your kids for days on end, especially if they have school. no other option but to have our parents fly in to NY from Fla (so, not practical), or have the others drive 4 hours to our house, and have them stay at our house so the kids can go to school.

 

it's a bigger burden than you make it seem, venture. it's huge. and i don't feel comfortable imposing on people all of the time. have done it a couple of times for those quickie land trips, but don't think i'd do it for longer, and i certainly wldn't do it annually. it's not right.

 

so, now can ya tell me...how much do ya charge?:D :p

[Quilting_Cruiser]

Not sure why you are making a dig at this... I clearly stated that my wife and I have a strong feeling regarding this. I don't see anywhere that I stated anything about this being the truth. :confused:

 

I was only sharing...

 

It's a shame that tone doesn't come through in the typed word. I certainly didn't mean it as a dig (encouraging comment, happy face, "Cheers!" at the end, etc.). Your comment was:

Simply put, if

you

bring kids on a trip with you, then the trip is all about the kids,

hands down

. If

you

bring kids and try to make the trip about you, then the kids will be miserable and

you

will be miserable.

To me, "simply put" means this is the way it is and "hands down" is emphatic, as in, there are no other options. I was only offering a differing opinion. Since you said "you" instead of "we" I inferred that you were saying that's the way it is for others as well.

 

You indicated earlier in the thread that those who vacation with their children keep them "attached to the nipple" and asked me if my DH "dares to question me" about whether DD should come along. Personally, I think those are more digs than my simply offering another perspective to your sharing.

 

My apologies that I offended you. I thought we were having a friendly debate.

 

Regards,

Jayne

[BND]

There are mothers (and a few fathers) who cannot let go of their children long enough to have adult time. My boys are 21 and 23 now and we took most of our vacations with them, but we took a couple alone.

 

I left my oldest son at 7 months old for 15 days with my parents while I went to Europe to see my husband who was in the middle of a 7 month deployment with the Navy. He is 23 years old now and it didnt' ruin him for life and it was great for our marriage. They are two well adjusted, independent, loving children and not taking children with you will not hurt them. I really don't care if parents do or don't take their children. I just care that those that do, actually parent them while onboard and not leave them to their own devices. I think this is the real crux of the issue for most who cruise without children. I know how I would expect my children to behave and you see too many parents who take their children on vacation expecting to have a vacation themselves and not have to watch their kids. There are always a few kids on each cruise who obviously have been "abandoned" in favor of mom and dad playing. Obviously not everyone, but there are always a few.

 

Our boys have never been on a cruise, and we've been on two. They'll go someday if they decide they want to and maybe we'll take them and their families once they have them. I know my boys would have been very bored on a cruise especially since I wouldn't have let them roam around alone, but also because there isn't as much for them to do and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to pay for a cruise for them to play video games.

[VentureMan_2000]

but it is a lot to ask someone to watch your kids for days on end, especially if they have school.

 

it's a bigger burden than you make it seem, venture. it's huge. and i don't feel comfortable imposing on people all of the time. have done it a couple of times for those quickie land trips, but don't think i'd do it for longer, and i certainly wldn't do it annually. it's not right.

 

 

 

Funny that you mention this. Yes... it's asking a lot. And come next year, I fear we may not be able to cut it as we have used the last of our chits. We have never before asked family to even so much as babysit our kids in the past. My mother made it clear before we had children... she would not be taking care of them... at all.

 

Our cruise from two years ago, it was not a big imposition as my SIL had been living with us for 3 months and knew the routine of my kids. We worked out the car pool so she wouldn't have to deal with any of that. That's one chit used.

 

Second chit was when I asked my mother to stay with the kids for the week. She is very close with her grandchildren and didn't mind. Also, she did not feel taken advantage of because this was the first time we have ever asked her to watch the kids. Again, arranged the car pool to make it easy.

 

Now we have engaged my wife's mother to stay the week.

 

Everyone is from my hometown, so they have plenty to do, and friends and family to visit while staying with our kids.

 

But next year, I fear we will not be able to cruise since we would never take advantage and ask a family member twice. Once in a lifetime is more than enough. As you said... that wouldn't be right.

 

Hey... maybe the kids can stay with our neighbors next year...:D

[truecruiser]

you still never posted your rates, LOL!:D :p okay...that's the last time i'll post that joke, i promise. :D

[boom op]

We have taken our kids with us and one is a picky eater. They post the menu early enough so if there is nothing on there the kids want to eat they do the buffet. On the ship we had alot of alone time but in ports we had to chose excursions the kids would like.

When our daughter turned 19 we took our first adult only cruise and she watched her 15 and 16 y/o brothers. Its less stressful when you dont have to rely on friends or extended family to come kid sit. The first time was the hardest but once we came home and everyone and everything was ok we were glad we went. Now we go at least once a year and once a year we take the kids.

[S.S.Oceanlover]

We vacation three weeks each year without the kids... and one week just the wife and I together on a cruise... but I keep reading about how awful it is to lose a whole week without the kids... like it's a tragety.

 

Just wondering how many parents fall into this category... and if it is a two way street where both parents can't bare to go on a week's cruise without the children... or if it's just one half of the relationship that feels this great need to keep the child attached to the nipple...

 

so that gives you 4 weeks alone time right? :D

 

I'll be in your shoes after college. I'll report back in 3 years.

 

Bill

[halos]

Carnival is more of a family run cruise line. if you are going on carnival, go with kids if you have them and are old enough that you dont have to keep an eye on them 24/7 such as 8-17

 

If you are looking to go without kids, choose a more adult run line, such as Norweigion, or Princess

 

I go without kids now (mine are grown) and I still cruise Carnival. I do avoid summer sailings though.

I like Carnival. Didn't realize how much I liked it til I tried Celebrity.

[halos]

Who's married to a spouse that can't let go of their kids for a week to go on a cruise...?

 

What have you tried to rectify this... so that you can have 7 whole days of quality time with your spouse...?

 

Is it especially bothersome when the kids are adults... and they still won't let go...?

 

In my experience, when the kids were little, and we had those very few small vacations by ourselves (couldn't afford to vacation more than once a year most of the time back in those years), it was always the anticipation of leaving the kids that killed me. Once they were safely at their grandparents house and my DH and I were on our way, the 'dread' I would feel about leaving them would disappear and we'd have a fabulous time together.

 

If these parents that say they could never leave thir kids would just try it once..and just get past that anticipation dread, they'd see that it can be done, you can have a wondeful experience at being a 'couple again' as opposed to 'a family' or 'parents' AND you'd come home to see that your kids can survive without you for a few days or even a whole week.

 

Keeping your relationship healthy aside from the kids is the best thing you can do for your kids IMO.

 

One day they leave, and they need to know they can survive without you and you need to know how to have a life without them. Having a week here and there separated while they grow up is practice for when the real separation happens FOR BOTH PARTIES.

[truecruiser]

you still never posted your rates, LOL!:D :p okay...that's the last time i'll post that joke, i promise. :D

 

but, halos is here now. and, i didn't promise that she wldn't repeat my joke.:p Just Kidding venture ;) ...and evenin' Halos.

[VentureMan_2000]

but, halos is here now. and, i didn't promise that she wldn't repeat my joke.:p Just Kidding venture ;) ...and evenin' Halos.

 

 

My resume only includes carrying your bags on board for you and mixing you up a fantastic Long Island Iced Tea... and my price is only curling up on the couch in your cabin during the week... :D

 

Seems I must be a pro at kids, however... as half the neighborhood is at my house any given day of the week... we must be the considered the "fun" house to hang out in. We only have 3 kids... but there always seems to be about 8 kids here at any given time... :eek:

[truecruiser]

My resume only includes carrying your bags on board for you and mixing you up a fantastic Long Island Iced Tea... and my price is only curling up on the couch in your cabin during the week... :D

 

LOL...cld work?:eek:

 

Seems I must be a pro at kids, however... as half the neighborhood is at my house any given day of the week... we must be the considered the "fun" house to hang out in. We only have 3 kids... but there always seems to be about 8 kids here at any given time... :eek:

 

your house sounds EXACTLY like mine!

 

and halos, all joking aside, i agree with your post. it was well said, so to speak, w/ a lot of food for thought. i was nervous the first time too. once i got there, spoke to them, and realized they were fine, i relaxed and had a great time.

[Cozzette2]

Sometimes, I just want to be the girlfriend, not the Mom, or the wife. I want to feel young and special and I love my kids but it so changes the dynamics of who I need to be on a cruise. I want to be a little lazy and irresponsible if only for a week:) Kris

[kimmimom]

we went on a cruise for our honeymoon May 1990. Along came child 1994, second child 1999, third in 2003. We went on a weeklong family cruise in Jan 2006 and we remembered how much we loved cruising! The kids loved it too. However, our cabin was aft and camp carnival was forward and we spent a LOT of time walking back and forth on Miracle dropping off and picking up (seems like they were open 2 hours at a time, then closed a couple hours, etc). Anyway, we had a little down time, but not as much as I had hoped for on sea days.

 

We had never left our kids for more than 1 night at grandmas since the kids had been born (and my oldest was 12 in 2006), so we decided to go on a 5-night wtih some friends without the kids in Sept 2006! I was worried about leaving the kids and we were gone for 6 nights. They stayed with aunt/uncle for 2 nights, one set of grandparents stayed at our house for 2 nights and another set for 2 nights. They had a blast and we had a blast! We got to stay up late without worrying about the kids waking us up at 6:30 am, got to nap if we wanted, got to drink if we wanted, have a quiet dinner uninterrupted by kids (Camp Carnival had called us on the previous cruise during dinner), played volleyball at 1 am, and just be people instead of mom and dad, something we had not done in 12 years. We had such a blast, we are going on Glory Sept 2007. We go during Sept b/c they don't have any extracuricular activities at that time of year and are in school all day (the youngest was not, but will be this fall) to make it easier on the family who watches them. We split it among several realatives so no one has to do it more than 2-3 days.

 

In doing this, we do not leave the kids out "in the cold". Last year, we did the Miracle with kids Jan 2006 and we did Celebration without kids Sept 2006. This year we did Orlando (Disney) wtih kids for a week Jan 2007, will do NC beach for a week Aug 2007 with kids, and then Glory without kids Sept 2007, so we still have family vacations.

 

I don't think having 1 week a year to totally relax my mind and body and focusing on my husband/myself is a bad thing. My other vacations are fun, but definitely not relaxing like the cruise without kids is. :)

 

We are thinking about a family cruise next year and will be going to Disney in Jan 2008 as a family again.

[halos]

but, halos is here now. and, i didn't promise that she wldn't repeat my joke.:p Just Kidding venture ;) ...and evenin' Halos.

 

Ummm good morning :D

what joke am I supposed to (or not supposed to) repeat?? :confused: I'm lost (??)

[halos]

Sometimes, I just want to be the girlfriend, not the Mom, or the wife. I want to feel young and special and I love my kids but it so changes the dynamics of who I need to be on a cruise. I want to be a little lazy and irresponsible if only for a week:) Kris

 

Cozzette, you hit the nail right on the head!

[truecruiser]

Ummm good morning :D

what joke am I supposed to (or not supposed to) repeat?? :confused: I'm lost (??)

 

his babysitting rates...but, he answered it. he is unwilling to babysit (for me that's a :(, just kidding), but he is willing to take over the role of porter and mix up some fabulous LI iced teas for the nominal fee of stowaway passage.:D